Perceptions Series: 09 Mysteries and Discoveries
by kalinda001
Summary: Fragmentary details from Avon's far past come to the fore and triggers memories important to the backstory of several of the major characters. Avon and Cally's relationship continues to deepen. Vila and Corinne have fun together.
1. Chapter 1

**Mysteries and Discoveries**

Chapter One

Two ships suddenly appeared out of nowhere on the main viewer. The crew's energy level spiked as they all reacted in shock. Even though they had been expecting something, it was still a surprise.

Vila said in amazement, "Where'd those come from?!"

Argus looked down at his nav panel and saw that more ships were ranged behind and to the sides as well. His voice was calm and commanding as always but full of alert energy. "We're surrounded. There are five other ones."

Avon said with significance, "They _know_ we're here." This wouldn't have been much of a statement except that the _Justice_ was in stealth mode. They had Avon's anti-detector screen on and no one should have been able to see them on their scanners.

They all turned their attention to their guest.

Marlena, seated on a couch next to Corinne and opposite Sester, said, "You wished to know our level of technology and how we would respond to conflict?"

**********

There had been many discussions between the crew and Marlena over the last few days. Debates over how a matriarchy and a society dedicated to peace worked in an environment even more hostile than the Federation in some respects. Even though she had explained it, the jaded experience of the crew made it hard for them to envision that such a thing was possible, not unless they employed some of the violent methods of their neighbours. In their opinions, in a hostile atmosphere, the only way to win against an unreasonable aggressor was to beat them at their own game.

Avon had been most cynical of all. He had very little faith in humanity's ability to find a peaceful solution to anything. At least not one that fit within the frame of rationality and not foolish dreams. In his experience, ideals such as peace were little more than empty emotional sentiments but when it came to living it, people always compromised themselves by using the same methods as those they spoke out against. Such hypocrisy didn't surprise him at all; for him it was a fact of humanity and something that made him hate them. Anyone who claimed to be otherwise, he viewed with little confidence; either they fooled others or they fooled themselves. He had never found anyone who could do differently and highly doubted if one existed. Avon was no longer foolish enough to believe in anyone who professed they did. At times, he spoke with cold cynicism and at others, barely controlled anger tightened his throat and his chest seemed to strain with the effort to breathe.

Cally had been watching him carefully. They all had but she was the only one who understood that something was driving him. He seemed obsessed during the talks with Marlena, pushing and questioning her on every point; never satisfied with her calm and undisturbed answers.

The crew's journey to the Tellar Union's region of space had been uneventful except for the normal minor incidents. Normal because shooting first and asking no questions was routine in this Sector of space. Vila had made the comment that having the Federation here might actually be an improvement. Minor because no ships could match the speed, firepower and shield capabilities of the _Justice_. At least none so far. They hadn't even bothered to use the anti-detector screen until they neared Tellar space.

Marlena was not bothered by the crew's inability to believe what she was saying. She always remained reasonable and pleasant, answering all questions to the best of her ability and with great patience. Avon seemed to puzzle her and she took great care in responding to his queries and challenges. Marlena had proposed a practical test.

**********

This was the test. They would come into Tellar space, act aggressively, and wait to see how the people of peace would respond.

Argus hesitated for a moment as everyone turned to him to wait for his decision, then his orders came fast and clear. "Dain, anti-detector screen off and activate the force wall. Zen, bring the navigation and battle computers online."

Dain said, "Screen off. Force wall activated, sir."

Zen reported a moment later, / Navigation and battle computers online. /

"Avon, anything about the ships?"

"Nothing in our database."

Zen said, / Information. Incoming communications from ship bearing two two mark three eight. Audio and visual portion. /

Argus said, "Put it on the main view screen, Zen."

/ Information, hull sensors register scanner beam activity. /

Avon looked sharply at his information panel as his fingers were busy entering commands. He said in warning, "Their sensors have penetrated the hull."

A man in a blue and white uniform appeared on the viewer. He was an older man with greying hair and intelligent eyes. There was no aggression in his manner and his voice was hospitable but there was a definite firmness in his tone when he spoke. "My name is Captain Varro. You have crossed over into the region of space commonly known as the Tellar Union. Do not be alarmed. We mean you no harm. We only wish you to identify yourselves and to state your purpose here."

Avon said in a low tone that only the others could hear, "Very polite, considering they have us surrounded."

Sester said in a quiet voice as well, "They can afford to be." The faint amusement on his face indicated he was enjoying this.

Vila also muttered lowly, "I thought this was a matriarchy. Shouldn't there be a woman in charge?"

Argus asked, "Avon, have they been able to access Zen or any of the onboard computers?"

"Not as yet," replied Avon. He knew that the Federation had unsuccessfully tried to create a computer interceptor but failure had forced them to use Auron technology to access the weaker point of a ship, the human element. "But that doesn't mean that they can't." The Tellarans would definitely interest him even more if they were successful. Without ORAC, they no longer had that capability themselves.

Argus acknowledged, "Point taken. Keep an eye on it. They know more about us now then we do about them. Can you interfere with their efforts if they do try to access the computers?"

Avon thought for a moment. "There is something. A rotating encryption might slow them down. It'll take a few minutes."

"Do it."

Argus looked at Marlena once again.

There was quiet confidence in Marlena's manner as she said, "It is up to you how to proceed with the test. All I can assure you is that you will not be able to hurt them, nor will they hurt you. My people _will_ understand that you needed this test once it's explained to them."

Argus said, "Alright. Zen, open up a communications channel to the lead ship. Let's begin the test."

/ Communications channel open. /

He said curtly and with a distinct lack of friendliness, "This is Argus. Why do you have my ship surrounded? I consider this a hostile act."

Captain Varro's eyes seemed to brighten with momentary amusement but his voice was firm, pleasant and neutral again when he spoke. His words were pronounced carefully, almost slowly, as if he was anticipating speaking to someone who would require much patience. "It was not our intention to appear hostile…Argus is it? But neither are we defenceless. We are very capable of protecting our own region of space. You will not be harmed if you do not make an aggressive move."

Argus seemed to gather himself and he deliberately lowered his voice in a harsh warning, "I recommend that you don't either. None of the ships in this Sector can match us in firepower or shield capabilities."

Captain Varro's manner did not change in response to Argus's increased belligerence. He was still friendly but firm and reasonable. "We are aware of that, Argus."

Avon said quietly, "Their scanners must have told them that."

Argus said, "I would recommend that you get out of our way or we will _make_ you get out of our way."

Varro sighed. "You do not want to do this, Argus. As I said, we will not harm you unless you make an aggressive move. That unfortunately would qualify as one." Varro sounded sadly regretful but resigned.

Argus said with an angry sneer, "We'll see about that! Zen, cut communications. Dain bring up the radiation flare shield. Vila, ready the neutron blasters. I want a third power only."

"A third?" Vila asked with surprise.

"Can you do it?"

"Yes." Vila began working at his panel.

Argus directed, "Cally, switch to manual. Head to…" He looked down at his panel and said, "Two two mark four nine. Stay below standard by seven. Be prepared for evasive action."

Cally took hold of the manual flight controls. "We're trying to go between them?"

Argus sat back in his seat. "That's the idea. Let's see what they do."

Cally said, "Alright. Whenever you're ready."

Avon remarked dryly. "This will be interesting. We are not going to harm them and Marlena swears they will not harm us. What do we plan to do to each other? Speak loudly as we pass by?"

Argus said, "Oh, I expect them to do more than that."

Vila asked, "How do you know?"

Sester said, "Because of what they did to Marlena."

Vila turned to him. "How does that make sense?"

Argus was finding it to be a full time job to stop himself from appearing annoyed whenever Sester said something. The man seemed to think that his help with the Chandar situation entitled him to be part of the ship's activities now. Argus had refrained from barring him from the flight deck because of Reya.

Argus replied before Sester could, causing the other man to smile. "The only way the Chandarans were able to defeat them was through the use of trickery. That means that they have some way of protecting themselves either defensively or offensively."

Vila said, "Then should we be doing this? That way of protecting themselves might not be good for us either. Whatever it is."

Argus grinned. "That's why you're using a third power."

Vila asked, "We're going to _pretend_ to hurt them? But what if they don't _know_ we're pretending? What if they overreact? It's not like its _unknown_ here." He turned to Marlena. "No offense." He hoped that Corinne wouldn't take any either.

Marlena gave him a warm smile, "None taken. After your experience in this Sector, it's a reasonable expectation."

Argus said, "We still have Marlena if things don't go...as we hoped."

Marlena agreed, "Yes, I can always step in to explain."

Vila looked at Corinne's mother and then to Corinne. "I suppose that's alright."

Argus directed, "Alright, Cally. Take us out. Let's see if you can get pass them. Avon, let me know if they power up their weapons."

The ship began to move slowly forwards heading towards one of the gaps. The Tellaran ships responded immediately and moved to block their way.

Cally said, "Hang onto something." The ship suddenly increased in speed and quickly swerved to the left. Everyone grabbed onto various pieces of the flight deck to prevent themselves from becoming flying objects inside the ship.

The Tellaran ships shortly appeared in front of them again, blocking their way before they could get through. Cally made several more quick and unexpected manoeuvres but each time the Tellarans blocked their way before they could escape.

Cally sounded as if she was running a race as she said, "They're good. _And _they are not firing on us." She made a sudden climb with the ship and then a drop to the left.

Argus said, "Not so far. Which is a good sign."

Avon was hanging onto his control panel but he was also trying to program the encryption and keeping an eye on his monitor panel and the view screen. "Not only that, they're fast. You've noticed that they're at the same distance they were when we started moving?"

Argus looked down at his own nav panel. "You're right. We're no closer to them. Cally, increase speed to standard by eleven."

Cally said, "I would recommend holding onto two somethings then." The view screen registered the increase in speed as they rushed towards the ever-elusive gaps, jerking in one direction then another.

Vila remarked, "I think my stomach needs something to hold onto."

Unexpectedly they were in one of the gaps between the Tellaran ships. Everyone held their breaths. Suddenly the _Justice_ began losing speed rapidly.

With confusion on his face, Argus looked down at his panel for information. "What's happening? Cally, why are we slowing down?"

Cally was also looking at her own flight console. She said with equal bewilderment, "I don't understand it. According to our instruments, our engines _are_ at standard by eleven. We're still drawing on power."

Avon was also looking at his own monitors. His was the only face that was not confused and still searching for answers when he looked up again. "We're caught in a tractor beam. Two to be precise. Powerful enough to stop this ship at almost full power. I would recommend a different course of action or reducing speed before we overload our engines."

They could all feel the strain of the ship very noticeably now. The ship seemed to be shaking with the effort of trying to escape its invisible bonds.

Argus said, "Not yet. Can you identify where the tractor beams are originating from? I mean, where on the ships."

Avon entered several commands on his panel. "I have a possible location. Port side."

"Send the location to Vila. Vila, aim close to their tractor array without hitting them."

Vila leaned forwards over his console and set several controls, "Two blank shots as ordered." Two neutron blasts raced towards the ships, passing near them without hitting.

Argus said, "Zen, open two-way communications channel to the lead ship."

/ Communications channel open. /

Argus demanded, "This is Argus, deactivate your tractor beams or we will fire on your ships again and this time you _will_ feel it."

There was no response.

Argus said, "Zen, close communications. Vila, let's see how good you really are. I want you to just clip one of their tractor arrays. Can you do that?"

Vila looked down at his panel. "We're close enough. I suppose it's possible. I've never tried something that specific before."

Argus said encouragingly, "Go ahead, Vila."

Vila set the controls. "Well, here goes nothing." He pressed the button and a neutron blast stream sped towards the lead ship. It was _very_ precise and Argus had opened his mouth to praise the accuracy when the energy disappeared against a shield that wasn't there before.

Avon had been looking down at his console monitor. This time his voice hinted of excitement. "That's remarkable."

Argus asked, "What is it, Avon?"

Avon turned and looked at him, "Their shields." His finger pointed at the readings on his monitor. "They didn't just deflect or dissipate the energy. It absorbed it."

Argus rushed over to look. "That's impossible."

Avon said, "Apparently not. This means that as long as we fire against their shields, it replenishes their shield energy."

Argus grimaced, "But it drains our energy banks?"

"As I said, remarkable."

/ Information, incoming communications from… /

Argus walked back to his flight station as he said, "Put it on the main viewer, Zen. Enable two-way communications."

Captain Varro's voice came over the main speaker. "Argus, let's be reasonable. You are not from this region of space. You do not have to do this."

Argus quickly asked, "Avon, have they gotten into our computers?"

Avon checked. "There is still no indication of outside access or interference." He quickly continued working on the encrypting algorithm again.

Captain Varro said, "We didn't require access to your computers to determine that you're not a native of this Sector."

Argus said, "Our ship. You don't recognize it."

Varro said, "Not that. If you had been from this region, you…"

Sester said at the same time as Varro, "We would have shot first and not tried to miss."

There was a slight smile on Varro's face as he replied, "Yes." He turned his head slightly and seemed to be trying to look to the left edge of his screen at the man who had spoken but was not on his screen. Varro looked towards the front again. He said with formality, "Commander Argus, of the _Justice_."

Several mouths around the flight deck dropped open in shock.

Argus said warily, "You know who I am?"

Varro's manner was guarded but friendly. "Your reputation precedes you as does those of the rest of your crew. Kerr Avon, Cally of Auron, Vila Restal, Reya Reeve and Charles Sester. And of course, your ship is hard to miss."

Argus's jaw tightened at the inclusion of Sester as part of the crew. He said guardedly, "You seem to be well informed." Avon left his station and stood beside Argus.

Varro looked at the new arrival on his screen and said, "Too well informed, Kerr Avon?"

Avon's posture stiffened at being marked by the Tellaran. "You can never have enough information."

Varro said with understanding, "But unfortunately our level of information about you presents a threat, does it not?"

Avon said, "It depends on how the information is used."

Varro responded, "Very true. Rest assured that our information is only used for defensive purposes, never offensive."

Avon said, "Words are only proven by action."

Varro nodded in acknowledgement of the truth behind his words.

Argus directed, "Cally, cut the engines before they overload."

Varro addressed Argus again, "It did surprise us that you made such an aggressive move against our ships without provocation. But our guess is that someone must have told you about us and this is a test of our true nature."

This time Argus said, "Zen, suspend audio channel. Cally, do you sense anything? Are they telepathic?"

Cally closed her eyes and extended her awareness towards the ships.

Avon remarked, "If they were telepathic, cutting communications would be pointless, as it seems this entire exercise is also becoming."

When Cally opened her eyes again, she said, "I sense no hostile intentions and no indication of telepathic abilities. They are guarded but…" There was curiosity in her voice that was reflected in her eyes. "Peaceful."

Argus said, "Good. Zen, open audio channel again."

/ Audio channel open. /

Argus said to Varro, "You are correct that this was a test."

Varro asked, "And did we pass?"

Avon said, "It depends on when you recognized this was a test."

Cally's voice projected to Avon, * _Avon,_ _I sensed they were peaceful. _*

He turned his head slightly towards her when he answered. * _I know, Cally. I do not mean to doubt you. But peace, like neutrality can mask many things. We need to be certain about these people. _*

Cally asked, *_ Why, Avon? Why must you be certain? Why is this important to you? Why have you been pressuring Marlena and now the Tellaran captain? _*

Avon refrained from turning his head fully towards her. She always read him too well.

His tone when speaking to her with his mind was always slightly warmer. *_ I will explain later. Can you trust me? _*

*_ I have always trusted you. _* She reinforced her statement by sending the barest ripple of how she felt.

Avon turned his full attention back to the screen.

Varro smiled. "I had heard that you were a cautious man. You see much farther than others."

Avon said in a voice infected with cynicism, "Not that it ever did much good."

Varro looked at him speculatively. He looked as if he wanted to say something further but decided not too. There was a brief hint of sympathy in his voice as he said, "I know many who would disagree with that but it's not the time to talk about such things."

Varro said to Argus, "Avon is right. Regardless of what we say, there isn't enough of a level of trust built up between us yet. I invite you to come to our central governing Council and you can increase your knowledge of us. Then we can build some trust."

Sester had come up to stand by Argus. He asked, more as a statement in the form of a polite question, "You already trust Argus and the others?"

Varro smiled at the new participant. "Sester, the psychostrategist. Yes, our trust comes from our study and observation of your characters and actions."

Avon's eyes narrowed, "You've been investigating us?"

Varro said, "Information is key to our survival as well as advanced science and technology."

Sester said, "There had to be something, otherwise a society like yours would never have survived. Especially not in the hostile environment of this Sector."

Argus asked, "What if we had been from this Sector and had a ship like the _Justice_? How would you have handled being fired on first?"

Varro said, "You are persistent." He seemed pleased for some reason. "We have analyzed your weapons yield. According to our estimates, you were only using partial power."

Argus said cautiously, "Perhaps."

"Our calculations indicate that even at full power, a full spread from your neutron blasters will have no noticeable effect on our shields."

Avon said, "There will always be someone who can penetrate your shields. Even your advanced energy-absorbing shields. No one is invincible."

"That's true. But we have many other contingencies." Varro paused for a moment to think about something. "Excuse me for a moment." Varro cut the audio link. They could see him turn to the side to talk to someone but they couldn't hear what he was saying.

Argus said, "Zen, mute outgoing audio on our side."

/ Confirmed. /

Argus asked, "What do you think?"

Avon said, "They do appear to have superior technology. Even more advanced in some ways than the _Justice_." His eyes were bright with interest. "I wouldn't mind taking a closer look at their shields. As far as I know, there is no one with this kind of technology."

Vila said, "It's a good thing they're on our side then."

Avon said, "That _still_ remains to be seen. There are many sides."

Vila said, "I think you're just being paranoid. I mean, if they were going to kill us, with their superior technology, wouldn't they have by now? Why go through all this?"

Avon said, "You're…" He glanced at Corinne. "Not paranoid enough."

Sester spoke up, "Did you notice something interesting about their _superior_ technology? So far, it has all been defensive in nature."

Captain Varro's voice spoke over the speakers again. "As a commitment to establishing trust between us, we are prepared to show you our advanced technologies. If you wish, you can even accompany us on one of our missions beyond Tellar space and you can see how we deal with hostile threats. But for now, we invite you to meet with our current governing Council."

Argus directed, "Zen, re-establish communications."

/ Confirmed. /

Avon asked Varro, "Why would you expose yourself like that? Why show us your technology?"

Varro replied, "As Sester has identified, from our own research and observations, we have already determined that we can trust you. It only remains for you to learn to trust us."

Argus said, "My apologies for the test. It is…"

Captain Varro said with sympathy, "Hard to believe? We understand and we take no offence. It is hard to have hope when you live in such dark times. It is hard to believe in anyone."

"Belief is hard but we are open to trying. Before we follow you to your planet, I have someone to show you. You guessed right when you said that someone told us about your people. She's here with us." He held out his hand to Marlena. Sester vacated his space beside Argus and she came over and faced the screen.

Varro's eyes regarded Marlena enquiringly.

Marlena's voice and face was full of emotion as she said, "It is good to see one of my own people again."

Varro's eyes widened. "You are…"

"My name is Marlena Seros. I am from Tellar. I have not been home for twenty-nine years. I was captured by the Chandar Alliance but Argus and his people rescued me."

Suddenly Varro's side of the screen was crowded with many people, male and female in white and blue uniforms, all trying to crane their necks towards the screen to catch a glimpse of her. The joy on their faces was evident. Varro said warmly, "It is good to see a lost daughter of Tellar again, Marlena Seros. We are looking forward to seeing all of you."

Chapter Two

The medical unit was empty of other occupants as Cally helped Avon take his shirt off. It slid down his back revealing the scars that still marked his body; an unpleasant reminder of what he had endured for her and a frustrating sign of her failure to remove them.

It made no sense. The advanced tissue regenerators should have been able to remove any physical marks. Nothing in the medical databases had been able to explain it or provide a solution. It was almost as if these scars had a different source other than a physical one. What was even more disturbing was that Avon was still resistant to her attempts to erase them. Cally was always careful when she came in contact with these scars, either in her role as the ship's medic or in the more intimate setting of their cabin.

No matter how hard Avon tried to suppress his reactions or to mentally convince himself that there was nothing to fear, it always produced an involuntary shudder in his body, at times even repulsion from her touch. Then they would have to stop what they were doing because anything further invoked sensations connected with Servalan; with each moment of pleasure wrapped in pain and a destruction of self.

The shirt was placed on the table next to the bio-bed. Cally noticed his stiffness and his careful movements as he climbed onto the bed and sat on the edge, waiting for her examination.

She picked up a medical scanner, turned it on and pointed the sensor towards him. "Should I bother to ask how you are today? Or have you discovered a new way to say that you're fine?" Despite his protests at her constant monitoring of his condition, they both knew that they enjoyed this game.

A flicker of amusement crinkled the corner of Avon's eyes but he quickly suppressed it and returned to his normal impassive stare. There was a faint tone of petulance as he said, "It doesn't matter what I say. You're only going to believe that machine."

A grin touched Cally's lips and carefully avoiding any scars, she laid her palm lightly on his bared chest. "You mean as opposed to this machine?"

"Perhaps I should reprogram yours?"

Cally lightly placed her hand over his heart. "I would like one to reflect… what is in here."

"I believe the scanner already does that quite adequately. Unless there is a malfunction. Would you like me to take a look at it?" He reached out for it.

She placed the machine behind her back and his arm followed hers. "And have you reprogram it to read that you're fine?"

Avon said mischievously, "Would I do that?" His arm wrapped around her waist, trapping her arm with the scanner behind her.

"I do have other scanners."

Avon grinned and let her go. "So you do."

Cally brought the scanner forward again and proceeded with her examination. "I would like to add something new to your rehabilitation session today."

His eyebrows lifted. "Oh?"

"You've been working too hard. _Despite my medical advice_. The muscles in your back are causing pain and the ones in your neck and shoulders are so tight that you've been getting headaches. I felt a massage would be more helpful than your _continual_ use of drugs to alleviate the symptoms."

"I suppose that any denials to the contrary would be pointless since you've obviously checked the medical inventory?"

She said dryly, "You _could_ deny it. That is your choice."

Avon decided not to say anything. He wondered if she had discovered something else in her check of the inventory.

Cally put the instrument down and said, "The scanner says that there's no change. You're as stubborn as ever."

Avon slid off the bed. It was such a familiar routine that he knew what came next. "You didn't need a scanner to tell you that."

Cally took hold of one of his arms and began to test his range of motion.

Despite his efforts, Avon had an involuntary grimace at one end of the test.

Cally asked, "It's still bothering you?"

He gave her a deliberate smile and said, "No."

"I take it back. You're getting worse," she said with mock exasperation.

After the tests, Cally told him, "Lie down on the bed, faced down."

As he slowly lowered himself onto the bed, an unwanted memory surfaced from the depths of Avon's mind.

A familiar hated voice inside his head. _No questions, just lie down on the bed, faced down. _

_Servalan! _A hot knife of pain accompanied the memory. Avon hissed through clenched teeth and his whole body stiffened in reaction to the agony from his back. He stifled a groan.

"Avon!" Cally exclaimed in alarm as she placed her hand on his back just in time to feel the muscles spasm.

Avon was caught halfway between lying down and trying to lie down, hardly a comfortable or useful position to be in. And it was doing his back no good either.

Cally rushed to get the required medication and injected them into him.

Avon breathed a sigh of relief as the pain faded and his muscles relaxed enough for him to lie down with Cally's help.

She felt gently along his spine as she asked, "Why didn't you tell me that it was this bad?"

"It wasn't."

Avon's continued refusal to acknowledge his physical disabilities until they became too much for him to deny made Cally sigh and say with light sarcasm, "You mean, not with the drugs masking the pain?"

Avon tried to roll over to face her but only managed to turn his head. "No. Not until just now."

He knew they couldn't continue with what Cally wanted to give him. It would bring up too many memories he wanted to remain buried. Avon reached out and grabbed her hand. "Cally. No massage. Not right…" He let go of her hand and said again. "No massage."

There was such tension in Avon's voice that it alarmed her. She asked gently, "Do you want to tell me why?"

There was no response and he was no longer trying to look at her.

Cally put a comforting hand on his back and focused on sending him mental ripples of peace and reassurance. "I know what you've been doing lately. All of the efforts you've made to relate with people. You want to give everyone what you think we need, because you don't think you have much longer. You don't have any confidence that…"

A strangled-sounding voice from the bed said, "Don't…"

"But what about what you need, Avon?" With her hand resting on Avon's back, she could feel him tense again.

His voice was flat but not because it had no emotion, but because it had no hope. "Does it matter anymore? What purpose would it serve?"

Cally placed herself so that he could see her face without having to move. In a voice that sounded almost angry but was really fear spurring her to try to break through his dangerous mood, she said, "It_ matters _to_ me_." She took hold of his hand. "Do you think it would make me feel any better if your fears came true; knowing that your last days were spent denying your own pain so that you can give us some pleasant memories? Avon, what logic possessed you to think this is what we would want?"

Avon's eyes were full of pain, guilt and struggle when his eyes met hers but he managed to keep most of it out of his voice, except for the words, which came haltingly. "I…didn't know what to do. When… I was a prisoner with Reya. In the cell. She thought she was going to die. She asked me to…it was important to her…to leave a message…for Argus. She wanted to give him something."

"So because of her example, you decided that you had to give us something too? So you have been giving Vila the friend you thought he needed and you gave me the Avon you thought I wanted?"

A reluctant admission escaped Avon's lips. "Yes."

"Are you saying that what you've been giving us is not real?"

Avon grabbed onto her arm again. "No! Yes. The sentiments…" The words contained a raw pain, as if someone was deliberately cutting him open, without the benefit of an anaesthetic, in order to reveal the living heart beating inside. "Were real. The words were true. The Avon, is one…I could be. Someday."

"If you choose?" She covered his hand with hers. "Avon, _is_ this something you would want?"

Avon's eyes were still locked on hers; like a drowning man unable to let go of a lifeline. Whenever he needed someone to bring him out of his deep depressions, she was always there. She wanted the truth from him, and he had to give it to her.

Avon pulled her arm towards him and with great effort rolled his body until he could place her hand over the left side of his chest. "I…want it. Here." He touched his fingers to his temple. "It's not as easy, here." His hand dropped and he stared at her for a moment and then his lips curved in a smile. "It requires some reprogramming."

As Cally helped him get up from the bed, Avon asked, "No more massage?"

"Not until you're ready."

With sudden viciousness, Avon said, "Not until Servalan is _dead_."

Cally's voice reflected his. "Shall we do it now?"

He stared at her change in attitude and the fierceness on her face, then his eyes softened and Avon asked with amusement, "You mean go and kill her now? This must be a very special massage."

His unexpectedly lighter tone caused her to say wryly, "I suppose we should wait until you're fully recovered." She picked up his shirt and handed it to him. Her tone changed again and she said softly but with firm belief, "You _will_ recover, Avon."

Avon took the shirt and stared at it without putting it on. If hope could be borrowed from someone else, it might have sounded like the hesitant words that came from his lips, "I will."

**********

Vila looked nervously at Corinne's mother as she stood in his cabin. She had never come to visit him before. He had two choices, well, three but he was too squeamish to kill himself. Either he could invite her to sit down or he could excuse himself and run.

Why was there never an option four when you needed one?

Vila's voice was an octave higher than normal when he asked, "Would you like…" He coughed several times to clear the nervousness from his throat. Fortunately, it worked and he was able to sound more like his normal anxious self, "Would you like to sit down?" He offered her a chair.

Marlena sat and gave him a friendly and reassuring smile. Vila liked these kinds of smiles. There were fewer chances that he was in trouble when someone gave him one of these. Of course, he had been known to be wrong before. Not often but there was that one time on Gitel Major and the glowing hoops dancer... Not to say that Marlena was one of _those_. What on _Earth_ was he thinking? Running seemed good about now. Maybe he should do that before option three started looking good too.

Wait a minute. Why should _he_ be nervous? It wasn't as if he'd done anything. Yet. Suddenly the friendly look in Marlena's eyes didn't seem that friendly. On the other hand, maybe he was just being paranoid or feeling guilt he was sure was going to come into it someday.

Marlena had a warmth to her personality that could reassure almost anyone. Unless you felt guilty about something which was really nothing but you felt guilty anyways. Evidently, warmth couldn't overcome a wildly imaginative and irrational guilt.

Marlena said, "You don't have to be nervous, Vila."

Vila's voice had gone annoyingly above baritone again, which is a nice way of saying he just barely missed sounding like a soprano. "I don't?" He settled down again under Marlena's continued friendly manner. "Of course, I don't. Nothing happened."

All right, maybe he shouldn't have added that _last_ bit.

Marlena's eyes gleamed with amusement. "I believe you."

Vila found that even though he was nervous enough for ten people, he liked Marlena and he respected her a great deal. Anyone who had gone through what she had, tended to come out angry, bitter, and bent on revenge. Not Marlena.

Apart from how Vila felt about Corinne, he didn't want to do anything that would disappoint someone he respected. He swallowed nervously and said, "I like your daughter. Very much."

"I know, Vila. She likes you very much too. That is part of the reason why I asked her to come with us to Tellar so that you could have more time together."

Vila said with surprise, "It is?"

"I appreciate that you've taken your time with Corinne. You must recognize that she isn't experienced in the ways of men like yourself."

"I've noticed." It was very strange talking about _this_ with the mother of someone you're interested in.

"I have taught her to be able to defend herself from unwanted attentions."

Vila's words came out in a rush, "I won't hurt her."

"I know you won't, Vila. I trust you. As does Corinne. And her father." Marlena smiled. "At least he does now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yours is not an unwanted attention. You have proven yourself to be a good man and you have good companions. We support whatever relationship may develop between the two of you. You are both independent adults. I just ask you to be careful with her. She is well equipped with all that I could teach her but she is inexperienced."

Vila didn't know why he had been so nervous. "I'll take care of her. If she wants."

Marlena said, "Thank you, Vila."

**********

"Marlena!" A tall, angular woman with sharp eyes rushed forward to greet her as the crew came into the Council meeting chambers. She hugged her warmly, almost crushing her with the force of her joy. "It's good to see you! We thought you were dead. There are so many people who want to see you."

"Alyse?" Marlena was in tears as she clung onto a friend she thought she would never see again. She waved Corinne towards her, "And this is my daughter, Corinne." No more words were possible as the emotions of coming home overwhelmed her.

Alyse held out her hand and included Corinne as well. "We have much to talk about, my friend." The people in the Council chambers surrounded Marlena and Corinne and there was great joy as they added their greetings, hugs and kisses.

Argus and the others stood by the side almost unnoticed, trying not to interrupt the emotional reunion.

Alyse approached them with a welcoming smile and held out both hands to him. "I did not mean to ignore you and your crew, Drel Argus. It was too much of a shock to see Marlena again after all these years. Welcome to the Tellar Union."

Following what he assumed may be the custom here; Argus held out his as well and said, "We understand. Your name is Alyse?"

The woman lightly grasped his forearms in greeting. "Yes. I am Alyse Vail, the current Coordinator of the Council of Tellar."

Argus grasped hers in return.

Avon asked curiously, "You are the leader of the Tellar Union?"

Alyse let go of Argus, turned her welcoming smile to Avon and said, "You must be Kerr Avon."

It always made Avon nervous when other people seemed to know a lot more about him than he did about them. This disparity of information was a danger that needed to be resolved as soon as possible. Avon answered guardedly. "I am."

Alyse tilted her head slightly and regarded him with curiosity. "To answer your question, I provide leadership when it is required but my main function is to facilitate the work of others and provide coherent direction."

Avon asked, "Hence the name Coordinator?"

"Yes."

"Interesting."

Alyse said to Argus, "I will introduce the others in the Council when they are free. The majority of them are here."

Argus made his own introductions. "You already seem to know who we are but this is Cally, our medical officer, Vila, the access engineer, Sester, and you've met Avon."

Alyse seemed genuinely pleased to meet them. "You are all welcome here. We look forward to getting to know each of you."

Avon asked, "Why?"

Alyce viewed him with interest. "It disturbs you that we know so much about you, Avon?"

Ever the realist, Avon said, "Information is a powerful weapon."

"Or a tool which can be used for both good or bad."

Avon countered, "Intentions are not everything. It is actions which count in the end."

"You speak as one with experience," said Alyce.

"What does _your information_ tell you of me?" asked Avon.

Alyce's face was full of compassion, "It tells me that you have been looking for answers."

This woman's self-assurance and warmth made Avon uneasy. But even more unnerving was the feeling that, like Cally, she understood far more about him than was comfortable. His voice did not allow her any quarter and his manner remained cold, "Does _your information_ tell you if I've found any?"

Alyce's eyes reflected a faint sadness, "Part of you decided long ago that you would never find any except the ones you did not want. Part of you hates yourself because despite your best efforts, you are still susceptible to hope. You consider it a weakness because it has given you nothing but pain and bitterness."

"Hope is irrational."

Alyce glanced at Cally and then Avon. "Many things are irrational but we do them nonetheless."

Cally asked, "Why do you know so much about us?"

Alyce said, "We know what we need to know because we are also looking for hope. It is difficult to face the darkness alone."

Chapter Three

Sester sat back and observed as the central Tellaran Council listened to Marlena and Argus speaking. Observation was barely adequate as a description of what he was doing. Psychostrategists didn't just watch, they delved beneath the surface in order to find truth; objectively studying a myriad of details and nuances such as the Tellaran Council chambers.

The room reflected the character of its designers and to an extent of the people that used it. It was a circular meeting room with tiered levels of seats behind curved tables. As far as he could tell, the Council members sat in loosely functional groupings. There was no real hierarchy that he could discern. There were scattered individuals who seemed to command more respect than the others did. The tiers were for functional purposes rather than any indication of precedence or rank. Argus and the team were seated together near Alyce.

As part of his overall analysis Sester's eyes took in the colours of the room and let them wash over his mind, allowing them to blend and impact him on a visceral level. The blue and green hues of the walls radiated a comfort and peace that would produce a soothing effect if he allowed them to. However, he was an observer, not a participant in the room at the moment so he filed it away.

There were embellishments of yellow in various places, most noticeably making up one of the three intertwining circles in the symbol of the Tellar Union. The brighter colour added a strong splash of energy; conveying an impression of vibrant spirits and friendly cheerfulness.

Peace. Reflection. Caring. Friendliness. Energy. Those were what the colours conveyed to him. Whether it was a true reflection of the Tellar people remained to be seen.

Sester's mind turned from the observation of non-living things to the living as Marlena began speaking. His eyes slowly swept the curved chamber, positioning each Council member by sight. Soon he would be able to close his eyes, envision them in his mind, and begin building each one as a construct of name, face, body, posture, voice, mannerisms and a myriad of other things. All the factors essential for a psychostrategist to be able to understand the human element they were so good at manipulating.

There was hushed silence as Marlena recounted her experiences to the Council, telling them about her capture and treatment by the Chandarans. There was a hint of tension and pain in her voice that was reflected in the looks of sympathy around the room. There were other conflicting looks; a natural propensity for peace disturbed by a rising anger. But layered over that was an overriding desire to understand.

Marlena quickly moved onto her relationship with Brent. Here her tone changed. She lingered over the details of discovery about Brent and his people, his desire to free her, her decision to stay in order to help them and their combined efforts to facilitate Brent's rise to a position where he could make a difference.

Sester studied each face intently as they reacted to Marlena's account. There was compassion and sympathy on their faces as she told them about her ordeals. He noted the way some of them leaned forwards to catch every word, while others leaned back with eyes half-lidded, listening intently or still others whose faces reflected her emotions like a reflecting surface.

They were all active listeners.

It was amazing. In Sester's experience, people generally didn't listen very well. At best, they were preoccupied half-listeners, caught up as much in themselves as they were in the object of their attentions. These Council members were focussed on someone else; it was a room full of empathetic people. Either it was a requirement for leaders of the Tellar Union or they were trained that way. He doubted if all of the Tellarans were like this. They were human.

The circular room radiated the energy of the yellow accents, as each person seemed to be bursting with the desire to ask questions. They were all thinking, processing, and full of the need to understand. There were constant and curious, but friendly, glances at their visitors.

When it came to the arrival of the _Justice_ and the events of the past few weeks, Argus added his voice. In contrast to Marlena, his voice was cool and reflected his military competence and detachment.

After the accounts, they both explained the needs of the Chandar Alliance and the plans to defeat the Andromedans.

Alyce inclined her head in their directions and said, "Thank you, Marlena and Argus."

She turned to face her fellow Council members with an eager but solemn expression on her face. "We have several things to decide, my friends. First, according to the tenets of Tellar, we must help those who are in need regardless of who they are. Unless there are strong reasons why we cannot or should not. Do I hear any objections?"

Alyce watched and waited until a red-haired woman in a red and pink robe broke the serious air and said, "Oh, come on Alyce. Let's do it."

Some of them grinned with amusement and others started laughing. Someone else said, "You know us, Alyce."

Another man in a green studded jacket said, "One of these days one of us _might_ object just to see what you'd do, Alyce."

That brought more good-natured laughter.

The shorthaired man beside him said with a grin, "You'd better get a stretcher just in case she faints."

Alyce's serious face grew a wide smile, "Alright, alright. Let's get on with."

The levity died down and they all returned to business but the light air remained.

Alyce said, "There are two goals here. The first deals with the Andromedans. The second with the Chandar Alliance. Thanks to Argus and his team and the courage of Reya Reeve, the first round has been won on both fronts. Cambrin, your department flagged the arrival of Argus's group at Chandar. What's your assessment of the situation there now?"

**********

Avon leaned his head towards Argus and whispered, "We need to understand these people."

Argus nodded and said, "Yes. But they seem genuine enough and they're not hiding anything."

Avon kept his voice low and flat, "Not as far as we know."

Argus glanced at him. "And what if they're not hiding anything and they are who they say they are?"

Avon didn't answer but his eyes were deep with interest as he tried to find what he was looking for.

**********

Cambrin, a balding man in a dark purple shirt and white slacks stood up. His voice was cultured as he reported, "My department has been looking into some anomalies in Chandaran society lately. We didn't realize it was due to Marlena's influence and that of the Andromedans but now it makes sense.

Cambrin addressed Argus, "We were shocked by the arrival of your team and everything that happened afterwards." There was an appreciative look on his face as he said, "Your team seems to make things happen wherever you go. You've been keeping us quite busy."

Cally asked, "Is that why you've been watching us?"

Cambrin looked at Alyce and she nodded to him. He said, "It's one of the reasons but not the primary reason. We have been following some of you for quite some time. We have an interest in people who make things happen. We may be a people devoted to peace but we are not neutral."

Sester found Cambrin very interesting. The man had a watchfulness he recognized. "Let me guess. You've been tracking Avon and Argus?"

Cambrin turned towards him and said, "Yes. And…" Sester got a strong impression that Cambrin was going to add another name but the other man smiled strangely and said instead, "When we've been able to. It's not easy being this far from Earth Sector but we try to keep up with what's happening."

All eyes turned to Alyce as she said, "I know that you may have concerns. It may be discomforting to discover that we have been watching your activities. But be assured that it was never with any ill intentions. We have been hoping to meet all of you."

Cambrin said, "When you started showing up in the neighbouring Sector, you can imagine our surprise. And then to find you making an appearance on Chandar and seeing what Commander Reeve did…it was beyond our expectations, even for you."

Sester noted the rustle of excitement and the looks of admiration being directed towards the crew. With barely suppressed amusement, he also recognized the looks of discomfort from the crew as they suddenly became the focus of attention.

Argus almost seemed at a loss for words as he said, "We…Reya…all of us did what we had to do."

"That is why we have been interested in your crew," said Alyce. Her eyes seemed to radiate the warmth of her feelings towards them.

Cambrin said, "We have a team calculating the impacts of what you've achieved. The existence of the Champions has always been a focus for us. We knew that if change were ever to come to Chandar, it would most likely be through them. I imagine it was your psychostrategist who identified that?"

Argus replied, "Yes. It was Sester. He came up with a strategy that utilized their influence."

Cambrin inclined his head in Sester's direction, "You are welcome, psychostrategist."

Sester nodded.

Cambrin said, "You may be interested in my department. Perhaps we could talk later?"

Sester's fingers casually traced the curve of the table in front of him as he smiled. The games had begun. "I would like that."

A quip of a grin appeared on Cambrin's face and then he turned to the others again. "From our initial assessments, the Chandar Alliance has a possibility for change now. We believe they will help to fight the Andromedans and defend against any further incursions into this Sector but as for anything else, it will have to be handled carefully."

Hope had many faces, and most of them were currently reflected in the chamber.

The long, red-haired woman who had spoken earlier asked, "Marlena, if we send an action team there, do you think they'll be willing to work with us? The Chandarans will know better how their own people will respond, but we might have expertise that may help them. I know that they want our help. But that help seems to be limited to our role in being able to talk to their women."

Marlena replied, "I know that those who have been working with my bond-mate and I will be willing. Some of the Champions as well. Dannon and Trist in particular. I believe that the other Champions are open to dialogue."

Alyce said, "Tamar, why don't you and Cambrin put a team together? We'll need people from both your areas."

Tamar, who was the red-haired woman, asked, "Do we have a time frame? I think we need more information before deciding on the composition of the team."

Argus said, "I've been keeping in close contact with Brent. I'm sure he'll be willing to provide any information you need. We do have time. At the moment, things are settling down and the Champions are restoring order. I get the impression they'd prefer to be given time to do that before we introduce something new."

Avon remarked, "Not too much time. We'd be giving the Andromedans time as well."

Alyce said, "That will depend on the Chandarans. We will need to have some meetings with them. Argus, can you arrange that?"

"I will speak with Brent."

**********

Avon and Cally sat out in a secluded corner of the gardens surrounding the Tellaran Council chambers. After several hours of discussing the Chandaran situation, Alyce had called for a period of rest and refreshment. Argus and the others had accompanied the Council members on a tour around the building.

Cally knew that Avon needed to spend some time away from people in order to be re-energized. He would start getting irritable if he couldn't have the time alone. At most, he could tolerate her presence, but no one else. They had sought a quiet, undisturbed corner where no one would bother them.

Avon stared out across the beds of beautiful shrubs and flowers. His eyes were deep in thought. Cally shared a companionable silence, knowing it was what he needed. She was aware of his mind as a close and comforting presence.

Alyce had gladly arranged a meeting for them with some of the top medical people of the Tellar Union. They were going to do a comprehensive examination of Avon. A tentative hope lifted Cally's spirits. She found it easy to relax in this garden. Its natural beauty surrounded them with the promise of life and hope. She could tell that it was also affecting Avon's mood. There was more light amidst the darkness that had been dragging him down into depression.

After awhile, Cally heard Avon take in a deep and calming breath and found herself following suit. The sweet scent of many flowers formed a fragrance that tickled the senses and lifted the mind to a place of peace.

Content, she turned and leaned back against Avon. She felt him hesitate and then put an arm around her. She said, "I like these people."

An amused smile played at the corner of Avon's lips. "You would."

Cally said with light humour, "I know you don't like anyone so I won't ask you."

"You're wrong."

Cally turned to look at his side profile and saw that the tension that hardened his face into an unresponsive shell had relaxed somewhat.

He said, "I like you." There was a mischievous spark in his dark eyes. "And Vila."

Cally grinned and said, "But don't tell him?"

A brief smile relaxed Avon's face even further. "Not if you want to keep my reputation intact."

"I think you're reputation deserves a kick once in a while."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

The complex beauty of the garden drew Avon's eyes again. It was interesting that something that intricate could also produce a simple, pleasing effect on the mood. His eyes deepened in thought. "He already knows."

Cally leaned against him again. "Well, he has to know by now."

"I told him."

Cally's turned her head towards him with surprise. "You did?"

"I thought it was something he needed to know."

Cally asked, "What about the others?"

Avon's eyes were still focused on the flower structures. He said absently, "When they need to know, I'll tell them."

Cally leaned against him again and there was a teasing tone in her voice, "If you keep doing that, your reputation will never recover."

**********

As Argus, Marlena, Alyce, and some of the Council members continued talking after lunch. Corinne had suggested that she and Vila explore some more of the grounds on their own before the meeting. Marlena had thought it a good idea.

No one seemed to mind, least of all Vila. All of this political talk wasn't for him. He liked doing things, not talking hours about doing things. Corinne was taking the lead, following corridors that interested her. The whole place seemed to be a maze of corridors. No one stopped them. The people they ran across only smiled or nodded in greeting and walked on.

The walls of the current hallway were lined with paintings. Real, old-style paintings with canvas-like material and paint.

Vila was amazed as he examined the depictions of Tellaran society. He reached out sensitive fingers to touch the texture of the paint. An energy screen flared slightly and tickled his fingers, causing him to withdraw them. "It's protected by an energy barrier. It makes sense. I heard these old paints deteriorate."

Corinne was looking at several of them intently. Her eyes seemed to drink in the details. "They're so colourful and beautiful. I like the clothes here. The ones back home are so bland and functional." She looked down at her unimaginative clothing, a formless dark brown skirt and matching shapeless brown shirt. Only someone with a vivid imagination, or who was blind would find it interesting. Or someone who liked her a lot.

Vila said, "I don't mind. You look beautiful in anything."

"But wouldn't you want to know how I look _in_ something beautiful?"

"I don't know if my eyes could take it. It might be too much."

"Oh, Vila," she said in mock-consternation.

He grinned at her. "It's true."

"I'd like to go shopping."

Vila's mouth dropped. "Shopping?"

Corinne's eyes were hesitant and she touched the collar of her shirt self-consciously. "I think it's called that. I've heard that people do it on some worlds. You go to a market with lots of shops and buy what you want?" She sounded wistful. "I thought it might be nice."

Now he was really shocked. He thought that shopping was a basic fact of life for most people, and especially women. "You mean, you've never gone shopping before?"

Corinne's eyes lowered in embarrassment. "No. On Chandar, the men control all the money and they give us what they want to give us."

"I thought that your father would give you nicer things. He loves you."

Defensiveness crept into Corinne's voice, "He does. He gave us the best that he could but he didn't want people to notice me. He thought it might not be safe. He didn't want anyone asking for me. He didn't want to have to explain why he didn't want to sell me."

"Sell you?" Vila's faced flushed with outrage. He had known the facts about Chandaran society but hearing it connected with Corinne made it too close.

"He would have died before he let anything happen to me."

Vila put his arms around her in a fierce protective hug. "Me too. They'd have to go over my dead body." He let go of her and said, "We're going to go shopping and we'll buy the whole street if you want."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Four

After the discussions had finished for the day, Alyce said to the crew, "I have other duties to attend to now but I would like to invite all of you to dinner tonight."

Two Tellarans entered the chamber and Alyce introduced them, "This is Lentar and Sillay. I've asked them to show you around, to answer any questions you may have and to see to your needs." The two, a man and a woman nodded a friendly greeting towards the visitors.

Lentar was a darkly tanned man who seemed to radiate the joy of being alive. He was a person who lived very much in the moment. The silver buttons on his multi-green jacket accentuated the twinkle in his eyes when he laughed.

His partner, Sillay was a serious young woman in a light grey top and a red skirt that on closer inspection was more like a split dress-pants combination. She always seemed distracted and deep in thought when her attentions weren't required. Sillay spoke with more deliberateness than her partner, giving the impression of a person who wanted to make sure that her words would convey what she wanted before she said them.

Avon asked, "Do I understand that we're not free to wander around on our own?"

Alyce turned to him with a reassuring smile in her eyes, "You are free, Avon. You may go anywhere you wish on Tellar. Alone if you wish. I have instructed that all facilities be open to you and your crew. Lentar and Sillay are only here for your convenience."

She touched a nearby panel on the wall and the monitor lit up. "This is a public information panel. You will see them throughout Tellar. It will tell you any basic information you need and provide directions. I understand from Captain Varro that you have an interest in our military technology?"

The speed at which their needs and questions were being anticipated made Avon even more wary. These people were much too prepared to be caught out this easily. He said guardedly, "Yes. I'd like to start with your shield technology."

Alyce smiled and turned to touch the panel. "I require the location of the research facility specializing in the energy-absorbing shield technology."

The panel now showed a map with the location and address on the screen.

She told them. "The location is on the Klexxen continent. We have moving public walkways that will get you to any near location. You can ask Lentar or Sillay to provide you with a transport vehicle for farther locations. They do not need to accompany you. Will that satisfy you, Avon?"

"You're very good at satisfying needs that you can anticipate ahead of time." There was hardness to Avon's voice that conveyed more than just suspicion.

Alyce said, "You only wish to understand us. The trust does not exist yet for you. I understand."

"_Do_ you?" asked Avon.

Argus stepped in and directed the conversation elsewhere. The group moved off while Cally held Avon back a bit.

Cally projected, *_ Avon? Why are you treating the Tellarans like this? You're not normally rude to people who haven't attacked you first. _*

Avon sent her, *_ I'm rude to everyone. Isn't that what you all believe of me? _* There was no light teasing manner that characterized their interactions the last few months, only an edge of bitterness.

For a split second Cally was hurt that he would say that to her, but it was quickly replaced with concern. Something was increasingly wrong with Avon.

He had always been strong, independent, aloof, not caring what others thought of him. Wanting them to think the worst. Encouraging them even.

This bitterness seemed to indicate something else.

Even in the past, he rarely applied the knife-edge of his words on her unless there was a good reason. There was no cause now. Just as there was no reason for him to be rude to the Tellarans.

You rarely needed to fear Avon's sharp tongue if you didn't make the mistake of verbally attacking him first. It was his primary defense mechanism. But if you did, you had better watch out from then on.

*_ Avon. _* Cally brushed the hard prickly edges of Avon's mind with her own, trying to understand what was behind his attitude. She wanted to reach further inside but it was not the time of intimacy and his walls were firmly up.

Avon's jaw tightened in a grimace as he saw the brief look of hurt in Cally's eyes. He saw the flash of pain quickly change to compassion and a desire to understand. It made him angry with himself. She was important to him. That meant he should not hurt her.

Avon could feel his control slipping away slowly and he was helpless against it. * _That was unfair of me. _*

Cally's eyes were soft with concern. *_ Avon. Your mind. You're starting to lose control again. Let's ask Alyce if we can do the examinations sooner. _*

*_ The shields are important. We could use them. _*

*_**Avon**__. _* Her voice was firm. *_ You are more important than the shields. _*

The thoughts of his mind were also firm. * _The shields can protect you. I can't. _*

*_ Avon, don't do this. _* Her eyes pleaded with him.

A voice interrupted them. "Are you alright?" It was Alyce. She had noticed that they hadn't followed the others.

Avon stared at her. How much of his attitude towards the Tellarans was attributable to his normal suspicious nature and how much was due to the loss of control over his own mind? Had he lost the ability to look at things rationally and objectively? Was the deterioration of his mind enhancing his normal paranoia to the point he could no longer make any kind of useful assessments? Like this, he was of no use to anyone. Cally was right. He needed medical help sooner. Avon still considered the shields more important but if he were to get help, it had to be now.

He felt Cally touch his arm. * _Avon, please. _*

Avon said to Alyce, "I have a suspicious nature. There was no intent to offend earlier."

Alyce said, "I understand. It has kept you alive all these years. No offence was taken."

Her gentleness was like a soothing breeze against Avon's fevered mind. It whispered of healing, kindness and acceptance. She had a natural compassion that made no demands on him. It was there for him if he was willing to take it.

Avon shook himself mentally. He didn't realize he had been staring into her eyes.

Cally said, "We were wondering if you could arrange for the meeting with your medical specialists earlier?"

Alyce looked at the silent man beside Cally and said at once, "Of course. I will arrange it right away. Most of them have to come in from other planets but they can all be here by tomorrow morning. In the meantime it may be beneficial for you to enjoy what Tellar has to offer."

**********

Lentar, one of the assistants Alyce had provided for them suggested that they go for a walk outside. He seemed very enthusiastic and was animated in his movements.

The crew had teleported directly onto the grounds of the Council building and had not left the government complex yet but taking a walk outside didn't sound all that exciting. Vila asked, "What's interesting about a walk outside?"

Sillay said to Lentar, "They probably have other interests."

Lentar was amiable. "It's very beautiful. I thought you might like it since you're cooped up in confined spaces most of the time."

Cally said, "I would like to see something beautiful."

Avon's preference would have been the 'other interests' option but a brief glance at Cally told him that she wanted him to join her. He knew that she would not consider going to a research facility as very relaxing. "We both would."

Vila and Corinne looked at each other. "Actually, we were thinking of going shopping. Corinne wanted some new clothes."

Corinne self-consciously tugged at the ends of her functional brown shirt as everyone turned their attentions to her clothing.

Cally wondered why Vila had never introduced Corinne to the clothing storage rooms on the _Justice_. She smiled and said, "That's an excellent idea." Either Vila had been too blinded by his interest in Corinne to notice what she was wearing or he hadn't wanted to run the risk of hurting her. She had been too preoccupied with Avon herself.

Lentar said with a big smile, "I know _just_ the place. It's an open-air market not far from here. We can take the scenic route. That way we can do both."

Argus stared at him and then the pleased faces of Corinne, Cally and Vila. Like Avon, he would have preferred the 'other interests' option. He was a soldier. His taste in clothes was limited by anything that he could wear into a battle and looked uniform-like.

He had deliberately gotten away from the all black outfits of his Federation days; though a dark grey shirt was his only deviation. Reya had been getting him to branch out into at least one more colour, dark greens but at least she still picked something vaguely military. She knew that anything else made him feel inappropriately dressed.

He was curious about Tellar society and the concept of a matriarchy though. Reya had expressed an interest in it. She wanted to introduce some of the ideas into the planet she had been given by her brother. Argus said, "It might be interesting."

Sester didn't mind the suggestion at all. He thrived in situations where he could study people. An open-air market sounded like a good place to get a better feel for ordinary Tellar society.

**********

Vila remarked, "I feel naked."

They had been walking and taking the moving public walkways for half an hour, traversing through beautiful avenues lined with flowers and green plants. Low-rise residences were naturally blended into the landscape.

Vila felt like he had snuck into one of the elite Alpha grids.

Open spaces with greenery and flowing water; where you could only see the living stacks of human beings squashed together like the layers of a nutri-wafer from a far distance, as if it were on a different continent. Places where you could look up and see the artificial skies reflected on the inner surface of the dome above.

Usually the lower grades only heard of such things as stories told by labourers assigned to serve those grids. Alphas didn't like getting their own hands dirty.

Vila kept looking around nervously, expecting the security people to swoop down on him any minute and deliver him to one of the Rehab Centres for the geographically challenged. Lower grades weren't allowed to walk on the hallowed streets reserved for the elites.

Avon glanced over at him. "You're fully clothed."

"I'm not talking about _that_. It's just that…well, I'm not sure why."

Sester's mind had been very active since arriving on Tellar. He remarked absently, "It's because of the buildings."

Vila turned his head to look at him, "Eh? What buildings?" His eyes swept their surroundings in vain for buildings he couldn't see.

Sester said, "Exactly."

Avon also looked around him curiously. His mind was also very busy. "Of course."

Vila looked at one of them and then the other. His eyes narrowed. If he didn't know these two were mortal enemies, he'd swear that they were both pulling one over on him in their dry, superior-Alpha way. "What do you mean, of course?"

Avon turned expressionless eyes towards him; either that or he was doing a very good imitation of a straight man in a comedy act, which would be exceedingly strange and make Vila wonder if they were about to go through another spate of alien possessions. He remembered a time when there seemed to be one every other week. But usually the victim had been Cally. Maybe Avon's mind thing with Cally was making him more vulnerable. Vila stopped these ideas before his mouth began running away with his random thoughts. It would not do to suggest _that_ to Avon. The man had promised not to call him a fool anymore, but there had to be exceptions.

Avon said in an almost bored tone, "You said, 'what buildings?' and I agreed with you."

"I still don't…wait a minute." Vila eyes swept the landscape again but this time he looked upwards. Shafts of sunlight touched his face with gentle warmth and the rays extended through wisps of clouds like a work of art. The sun! It was beautiful, just like the pictures in old obscure archives on Earth. He took a deep breath and then his face broke out into a huge smile that extended from ear-to-ear. Fresh, clean air! Not the recycled air of the domes or ships. Not the pollution-rich atmosphere of most of the Federated worlds that were lucky enough not to live under domes. Not the harsh climates of the numerous human-unfriendly worlds. There was a crisp, sweet quality to this air.

Vila sounded almost as enthusiastic as Lentar. "This is amazing. I can see why you love it."

Avon and Sester stared at each other. For a moment, they almost shared the look of two amused Alphas but Avon's eyes hardened and he looked away.

Sester didn't say anything but there was a resigned look on his face.

Lentar said, "I hate being cooped up inside. I like any job that takes me out here."

Sillay had noticed Avon's enquiring look. She asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Avon asked, "Where are the populated areas?"

She seemed perplexed by his question. "This _is_ a populated area."

Vila asked, "Where are the tall buildings? Your megaplexes? Where everyone else lives?"

There was an uncomprehending look on Sillay's face. "I don't understand."

Vila could almost feel the cramped air of home as he remembered the Earth domes and the grids where the Delta grades lived.

Sester clarified, "Vila is wondering about your class structure."

Vila turned to him with a question in his eyes. "I am?"

Avon said with amusement, "In your own simple way, you have asked the relevant question."

Argus said, "Yes, one we're all very interested in."

Sillay's eyes brightened with comprehension. "There is no class structure in the Tellar Union. Every person is treated equally and with respect."

Sester said, "But not equal respect."

Sillay regarded Sester carefully, her intelligent eyes measuring him. "That is true but not in the way you're thinking."

Avon asked sceptically, "What other way is there?"

Sillay said, "It is human nature to respect certain things more than others. We appreciate achievement and extraordinary displays of courage and honour. Because of their role, we regard those in authority differently."

Sester said, "That's normal behaviour for any culture, not just human."

Sillay said, "True. In many cultures it forms into a formal or informal privilege structure of some kind with certain groups having more advantages than others do. Usually based on wealth, power, position, the strength of dominating characteristics or where you are born in the social structure. Even luck at times. Some groups are devalued and hold little respect because they lack one or all of these aspects."

Avon was absently rubbing his left wrist. He said, "That is also normal behaviour."

Cally looked at him curiously. She was aware of a shift in Avon's awareness during this conversation.

Sillay turned to Avon, "Only if we allow it to be. We value everyone equally in our society. Everyone's contribution is respected. We do not practice different levels of service. If you need medical attention, you will receive the best care that we are capable of giving."

Vila liked what he was hearing. If it was true. Like Avon, he maintained a healthy scepticism. "You mean you get what you need and you don't have to pay for it?"

Lentar had been quiet so far during this conversation because this was not his area of expertise but now he spoke up. "Yes. It doesn't matter who you are."

"I like that," said Vila. His eyes took on a thoughtful, faraway look. The medical facilities for Deltas were overcrowded and barely adequate. He remembered friends who had suffered or died because they couldn't get the help they needed. Getting sick or injured could be very expensive if you didn't work for someone who took care of you.

Sester asked, "You say that there are no differences in privilege in your society but you also acknowledged that human beings have a tendency to respect some people more than others."

Sillay said, "That's true. But that is on an individual basis, not on a societal one."

The conversation was interrupted as they arrived at the bustling open-air market.

**********

Colourful and busy stalls lined several avenues. It was hard to know where to begin.

Lentar led the way as he said, "The clothing ones are on the next street." Crowds of people made the atmosphere festive and vibrant. Decorative banners stretched high above their heads. Holographic images modelled the wares of each stall.

As they followed Lentar, Corinne leaned towards Vila and with a small anxious voice asked, "Vila, I never thought to ask before. Do you…have any money? I don't have anything."

Vila smiled and took a personal credit marker from his inner vest pocket. It was the one that the Pleasure City people had given to him. With Avon's help, he was even richer now than when he started. Avon had used all kinds of complex algorithms to predict stock market trends. It was amazing what a few credits, a little bit of creativity and a lot of brainpower could achieve.

Vila showed the small rectangular marker to Corinne. The sunlight glinted off the shiny surface and revealed the embedded identification crystals in it. He said expansively, "You've come to the right man. With this I could buy everything on this street." Corinne's eyes crinkled with interest as she looked at it.

Vila said, "They should take Federation Standard Credits. If not, there's probably a place where we could exchange them for local currency."

The next street was a clothes and accessories shopper's paradise. Every type of garment you could think of and a few you couldn't imagine. Corinne was wide-eyed and so was Vila at times. These Tellarans were much more colourful and freer in their expressions of clothing than Federation society and definitely more than Chandaran.

People only dressed stiffly here if that was their current mood. It was not a reflection of their society.

Vila thought it was time to introduce Corinne to another Earth custom. "You can shop until you drop and then we can come back again tomorrow for some more."

Corinne looked puzzled. "That doesn't sound very healthy."

"I mean, you don't literally drop. You just shop until you're too tired to shop anymore."

The puzzled look still had not left Corinne's face. "Why? Is this like exercising?"

"Exercising?" Now Vila looked confused. The idea didn't seem to be getting through.

Cally clarified, "What Vila means is that you can shop as much as you want."

"Oh."

They went into a shop that specialized in blouses that had a slight sheen to the material. Corinne searched through the various displays and found several designs she liked.

The shopkeeper was an elderly woman with a long fingers and expressive hands. She asked with a friendly smile, "Would you like to see what they would look like on you?"

"Yes, I'd love that," said Corinne.

The lady picked up a small oval device, pointed it towards her and directed, "Don't move. I'll make a holographic image of you." She turned it on and soft beams reached out towards Corinne and bathed her in blue light.

They all watched with interest as the woman made a slow circuit around Corinne. When she was done, the woman inserted the oval into a unit on her table. She switched it on and a second Corinne appeared in front of them.

"That's me!" exclaimed Corinne.

"It's like the ones at Pleasure City," said Vila.

They all walked around the second Corinne, looking at the image. All except Avon who was examining the projection unit. "It's similar technology but a more advanced version."

The elderly shopkeeper inserted the first of Corinne's choices into the imager. The holographic Corinne's brown shirt was replaced with a shimmering cream blouse with a faint design of an orange and white feathered bird embossed into the material.

Corinne looked at it critically. "What do you think, Vila?"

After the fifth blouse and similar descriptions of "That's wonderful" Corinne realized that Vila might not be the best person to be asking for fashion advice. Cally lent a hand.

Corinne finally settled on two beautiful blouses, one a simple white hatch-patterned blouse with a rounded collar and another one with understated white and blue flowers. She said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take these two."

The woman went to get her choices while Vila asked, "Are you sure you don't want more?"

"No. Two's enough."

"That's right. There are more shops," said Vila.

The shopkeeper came back with a flat box and handed it to Corinne.

Vila extended the credit marker towards her. "Do you take Federation Standard?"

The woman did not take it from him. "We don't take those."

Vila was prepared. "Is there a place I can exchange some for local currency?"

The woman replied, "No."

"What?" asked a confused Vila. "Then how do I buy something?"

Sillay, who had been talking to Avon, looked up and said, "You don't need to buy it."

Vila was flabbergasted. "You mean its _free_? But…that's unnatural…"

Avon seemed very interested in this. He remarked to Vila, "It puts you out of business."

Vila looked lost. "But…what would people steal?"

Sester asked Sillay, "I imagine this applies to food as well and any essential item required for a basic standard of life?"

Sillay nodded, "Yes, you're correct."

As they continued shopping, Cally was becoming increasingly worried. Avon was restlessly rubbing his palms together and the tension level in his mind had increased. There was something strange going on in his head. She was careful about intruding on his thoughts but she had to make sure. He had started exhibiting signs of mental breakdown earlier and would have to be monitored carefully before the examinations tomorrow. She asked tentatively, * _Avon, are you all right? _*

When he looked at her, Avon's eyes contained an expression she never expected to see here. He said almost in a mental whisper, * _Wealth is not the only reality for these people._ * She recognized the look now as well as the tone in his mental voice. It was wonder and discovery. She had only seen this look in their bedroom and when he was making some kind of scientific or technological breakthrough.

**********

Argus was irritated when he left the others to go back to the ship. It had nothing to do with the Tellarans. Well, in a way it did, but only indirectly. Sester had come with him. As he left the teleport room, he turned on Sester and trying not to sound as annoyed as he was, "Stop following me around."

Sester said amiably, "I'm not."

Argus snapped, "Then why are you here? Following me?" The other man's pleasant attitude always set him on edge.

"I'm going to see how Reya is. I imagine you're doing the same thing. It's just a juxtaposition of purposes. Nothing more."

A low grumble formed deep in Argus's throat but he quashed it down before it turned into an audible growl of displeasure. "See her some other time." He turned his back on his rival and continued walking towards the medical unit. Reya had been put in one of the smaller observation rooms so she could continue the rest of her recovery.

Sester smiled and watched the other man walk away for a moment and then he followed. "You'd like it if I never saw her again, wouldn't you?"

"The thought had crossed my mind." Argus was trying very hard to avoid a snarl from forming or picking Sester up and locking him up somewhere for a while. Just for his own peace of mind. Unfortunately, he wasn't that kind of man. At least, not when he was himself. All he could do was keep walking forward and grind his teeth in frustration.

Sester said with calculation, "I've arranged the meeting with Servalan."

Argus jerked to a stop and stood stock-still. Controlled energy radiated from him as he turned around slowly. "When?"

"Anytime. She was very interested."

Argus's jaw tightened. "Did she say what she wanted?"

"She said that the price could be negotiated. It would depend on you."

Argus had an uneasy feeling that Servalan already had a price in mind and he doubted he would like it one bit. "I'll talk to her _if_ the Tellaran's can't help Avon. Not a moment before."

Sester said with approval, "That's a smart thing to do. It's never wise to give Servalan an advantage over you unless you don't have a choice. And even then, make sure you can escape it."

Argus scowled as he remembered that it was already too late to avoid that.

Chapter Five

Avon was suspended by invisible forces in the medical examination chamber. It was an odd feeling, being firmly supported in midair but not feeling any force against his body. He could move if he wanted to but it felt comfortable lying still. Faintly warmed air blew gently across his nearly naked body. He was relaxed as he waited for the examinations to begin. Cally's mind was not touching his but she was allowing him to feel her as a comforting presence nearby.

It was silent. Peaceful. His restless mind wandered, finding things to think about. He randomly noted that being in this chamber could have triggered unpleasant memories. It could have reminded him of similar states at the Detention Centre, when he was immobilized and helpless, waiting for whatever horrors were about to be visited on his mind and body. But there was no hint of memories surfacing. Only a clinical detachment noting this fact.

*_ Avon. _* Cally's presence brushed his mind gently.

*_ Cally. Are they ready? _* Avon's response was cool and impassive, but with the faint touch of warmth he had adopted in their mental communications.

The 'they' referred to the half dozen medical specialists who were here for his benefit. They operated the various control panels just outside the chamber.

Cally projected to him, * _Yes, they will begin shortly. I wanted you to know that I will be here if you need me. I will not leave you. _*

Avon turned his head to look at her through the clear partition. This was something they already knew without saying. No further words were necessary between them.

Cally felt the need to verbalize it; a redundant act of sentiment but he understood that it was important for her.

A calm and competent female voice spoke and echoed within the chamber. "Avon, this is Dr. Kendric. We are about to begin. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them. You can also request us to stop at any time. Just give us an indication."

Avon's own voice sounded hallow within the chamber; a cool, scientific tone, as if he was also an observer rather than the subject. "I understand."

"To begin with, we will use the genovariance scanners to build a genetic profile."

A genetic profile of him? Avon was not about to let them do anything until he understood what it was they were doing. "For what purpose?"

Dr. Kendric had a professional and reassuring manner, which made this much easier for Avon. "From information provided by you and Sester, you have indicated that there were alterations done to your mind and body using conditioning, microsurgery and the use of drugs. We want to determine if any alterations were also made on a genetic level."

Avon's heart skipped a beat of fear, quickly quashed by his will. He had never considered this. For some reason this idea was even more of a violation than what had already been done to him. He was aware of his heart beating faster and his lungs expanding for more oxygen to meet the needs of this new stress.

He had not been aware of any genetic manipulation being done but of course, there were many times he had been unconscious. There was no knowing what they had really done to him.

He could not discount the possibility. The Federation had the knowledge. He had witnessed firsthand their work and experimentation in this area on many occasions.

Had they done this to him as well? A sickening feeling stirred in his stomach and the unwelcome rise of a panic reaction.

Must not think of it now. There was nothing he could do. Let the medical specialists determine the truth. It was not rational to fear something before there was any proof.

Unfortunately, his mind was no longer capable of convincing the rest of him to react rationally. It could not use logic to dig out the thin shards of fear that had already buried itself in his consciousness.

Dr. Kendric asked with concern, "Avon? Are you all right for us to continue? Do you require further explanations? I know it's a disturbing idea but be assured that we are here to help you. We will do the best that we can for you."

The reactions in Avon's body were betraying him to the cold, unfeeling machines that read every change in his physical condition. "Proceed."

"The scanners will produce a slight sensation but it will not be painful. Do not be alarmed."

Avon stared at the curved surface of the chamber as he waited for the examination to begin. Green beams of light radiated from the surfaces all around him and touched his body. They generated a tingling sensation as they penetrated through him.

There was a momentary stab of alarm at this violation of his body. The idea of it would horrify him if he allowed it to. He had to maintain control.

Focus. What technology was this? Dr. Kendric called it a variance scanner. That indicated that it compared…

**********

Cally eyes closed as the bright green rays bathed Avon's body. She opened up her awareness of him as far as she could.

Familiar Avon-impressions came to her. Control. Momentary panic. Fear. Focus. Thinking.

She read the gamut of emotions without trying to interfere. He was thinking now. She recognized the mental energy. Avon had reduced his experience to a mental exercise. Most likely analyzing the technology of the scanner he was unfamiliar with.

A rush of excited voices made her open her eyes. The Tellaran doctors were gathered around Dr. Kendric's monitor and peering into it intently. Their faces were full of amazement and many questions.

Cally asked, "Is there something wrong?"

They looked up at her as if they had almost forgotten she was there.

Dr. Kendric said, "These readings are…unexpected."

Cally asked, "In what way?" Did they already have evidence of genetic tampering? It had only been a few minutes since the examination had begun.

Kendric's eyes were bright with excitement. "I don't like to say before we've completed the readings. And that won't be for a couple of hours yet. But the indications so far, from the little we've seen, are...unexpected."

Cally was still none the wiser. She wondered if Dr. Kendric was going to make her wait until after the scan was completed before telling her. She wasn't sure she had the patience. "Can you tell me what you've found so far?"

Dr. Kendric asked, "Has Avon ever mentioned being part of a eugenics program?"

"He's never made any reference to one. But that does not mean that he wasn't. He's a very private man."

Dr. Kendric nodded. "I understand. We'll have to wait to ask him when the examination is over."

Cally was full of questions now. "You've found indications that he may have been?"

"At the moment it's merely speculation but early signs are that his cellular tissue and genetic material are of a high calibre."

A vague memory tickled Cally's mind but she couldn't grasp hold of it. She asked, "You don't think it's naturally occurring?"

Dr. Kendric pursed her lips. "It _is_ possible but the likelihood is rare." She looked down at her monitor and the flowing streams of data being reflected on the screen. Her eyes were wide. "It's almost statistically impossible to have this consistent a calibre across so many areas. Unless it was artificially engineered."

Cally remembered. _The Ultras! _

She had been a disembodied consciousness adrift and wandering after the Ultras had liberated her mind from her body. It had been a strange experience. Her brain pattern had been transferred to a memory tube. All her thoughts, memories and emotions filed away like pieces of data. But that part that was her was still free. She wasn't sure if her psi abilities had made it possible or whether this was a normal occurrence. It had been such a disturbing experience that she had never thought to ask Avon what he had felt after his own transference.

She had existed as an unseen shadow, passing through the walls and corridors of Ultraworld in order to find answers and perhaps a way to return to her own body. Her explorations had brought her to Avon as he lay inclined and restrained, trying to fight the power of the Core as it tried to force him to sleep.

Anger had filled her as she saw him struggle. She had tried to project her thoughts to him but his pre-occupied mind had not heard her. Cally had stayed with him, trying with a vain hope that she could help him in some way by sending him strength and encouragement. He had lasted a long time, longer than most in the Ultras experience.

She could hear their conversations as they studied him, marvelling at his ability to resist. They said that he had a strong mind and body.

And something else. The relevant piece of information that had triggered this memory in her mind.

_After his brain has been __cleansed, it will be absorbed. The Core needs new cellular tissue of such high caliber._

That was it. As she listened further to the discussion between the two Ultras, they had been very interested in this specimen they had captured. He was unusual. They were excited that the Core would be able to absorb both him and a telepath.

They had captured Tarrant too. He was an Alpha like Avon, but they didn't seem to think him of any value except as a menial. They weren't interested in him as material for the Core. Something about Avon made him stand out even compared to another Alpha.

Dr. Kendric had said that Avon's cellular tissue and genetic material were of a high calibre. Was he the result of a Terran breeding program? Or was there something more sinister at work?

Cally remembered the times they had run into Federation attempts at genetic manipulation. She had no doubts that the Federation would not have any scruples about how it was used.

To create the perfect soldier? An intelligent drone that would follow any order? Using cybernetics, they already had the mutoids. They already used conditioning on their soldiers.

What would they do if they could create their own geniuses? Ones who would do anything they were ordered to do, without conscience?

Was Avon the result of one of their attempts? If so, they had not been entirely successful. They had created their genius but they couldn't control everything about him. He would not kill unless he had no choice.

Cally had found it strange that Avon had never worked to improve their weaponry systems.

Nothing Avon created had a directly violent or destructive purpose; they were invariably defensive in nature. Even his plans reflected this. They were intelligent attempts at defiance with as little bloodshed as possible.

Avon was perfectly capable of creating things to destroy. He did have that knowledge and he could always have directed ORAC do it. But Avon had never chosen to do that, even though it would have increased his chances of surviving considerably; especially after the crew was stuck with the dilapidated _Scorpio._

Is that what happened to Avon? Had they tried to force him to work on things that were not in his nature to do? Avon had never wanted them to touch him again. What had they done to him? Was that why he turned against them?

As she speculated on these things, and Avon lay oblivious in the chamber, the Tellaran doctors were continuing their examinations. Their faces were creased in concentration and deep interest now as they tried to understand this anomaly before them.

**********

Sester was leaning back in a chair, contemplating what Servalan could have in store for Argus when the buzzer in his cabin sounded informing him of a visitor. He sighed, uncrossed his arms and lowered his legs from the comfortable position he had them on the table.

"Arg…" He began the name of the person he was expecting as the door slid open but his eyebrows raised in surprise. Vila was framed in his doorway. Sester smiled. He had not been aware that Vila was back on the ship. He looked just outside the door to the left and right. No sign of Corinne.

It was ironic; the only people who came to visit him were the ones he did not expect. He could have been annoyed if he didn't enjoy the distractions. Now only if Reya would cooperate.

He said in warm greeting, "Vila, to what do I owe this pleasure? Or have they asked you to watch me again?"

Sester stood aside, hoping that either answer would at least mean that Vila would come in.

"No. Nothing like that," Vila said as he entered. The thief seemed to be full of nervous energy. There was a hesitant look on his face as if he wasn't sure if he had come to the right place. Or it was the right place but he was reconsidering whether he should have come. It was too early to tell without more information.

Sester said conversationally, "I thought you would be with Corinne."

Vila blinked. "Actually, that's why I'm here."

"Oh?" Sester was filled with curiosity. "You've misplaced her?" A light teasing smile lifted the corner of his lips.

"This is serious," said Vila as he began pacing the room.

The casualness slipped away and Sester leaned towards him. "What's the problem?"

If this had been Reya and Argus, he would automatically have guessed some kind of argument had occurred. But as he was the least favourite person with that couple, they would both have died before coming to him for relational assistance of any kind. Although he was certain that Argus could use a few pointers. The man was incredibly dense about some things.

Sester suppressed a self-mocking smile. Rather than being a feared and respected psychostrategist, he was reduced to thinking of himself as a therapist for troubled relationships. It was a big step down. More like a chasm. He really needed a hobby of some type. Something suitably challenging and more suited to his vaunted position. Perhaps he could see if…

Sester suppressed another smile. This time a mischievous one. It would not do to contemplate that sort of idea. He did have principles of a sort and he had promised.

He gave a half-sigh instead and asked the preoccupied Vila, "Is there something I can help you with?"

Vila stopped his pacing and looked at him. He didn't stare with the kind of intensity that Avon did; that half- or fully- challenging way he had that held deep thoughts or unreadable darkness.

Vila's look was harmless, which you really couldn't say for many people these days. Not that Vila's eyes couldn't be filled with suspicion, calculation or even cynicism. He had seen all three. Vila's personality was not one that could hold onto dark thoughts for any length of time. It was not in his nature. In some ways, Vila was a very simple man. He wanted to be liked, he wanted to get along with people and he wanted to survive.

Vila seemed suddenly shy. "It's…about Corinne."

Sester kept the amusement from showing on his face. "You've said that already."

"I did?" Vila seemed unsure.

"I do have a good memory for such things. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Did she say something was wrong?" Vila's voice ended on a higher note.

"I haven't spoken to her." Which was not surprising. Vila had been monopolizing most of her time. He wondered jokingly if Corinne was even aware there were other people on the ship.

"That's good. I mean…"

There was a slight hint of something Sester identified as protectiveness or possessiveness. At times, it was hard to tell with human beings. With males, it tended to blend into each other. This increased Sester's amusement factor but he didn't allow it to show on his face. It was a private thing, not meant for relational interactions. "Vila, why don't you sit down, relax and tell me what's going on between you and Corinne."

Vila plopped down into a chair.

Sester took to the chair he had been sitting in before. "But first, tell me why you've decided to come to me. This sounds like a personal matter and we're not exactly friends. Or have you decided that I could be something other than an enemy you can play chess with?"

Vila's eyes centred on him, seeing him for the first time as himself rather than someone he had come to for help. He answered without thinking, "I've never thought of you as an enemy. I think I wanted to. Because of what you did to Avon. But I couldn't for some reason. I believe that you're sorry for what you did and you want to help him."

Sester smiled wryly. More because he knew that Vila was being honest than anything else. "Don't believe in me, Vila. That's always a mistake. I have my own agenda for everything that I do."

"You see? That's just it. Why tell me something like that?"

"You think it's because I like you?" Sester's head tilted speculatively. "Perhaps I do." A sly grin appeared on his face. "But is it enough?"

Sester's words were like puzzles wrapped inside a bigger mystery, sometimes they threatened to give Vila a headache. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked in frustration.

"I suppose we'll both find out. But in the meantime, you still haven't told me what you wanted from me."

Vila seemed to turn awkward again. "You don't think…I'm trying to avoid the question, do you?"

Sester fixed him with a steady gaze. "You are now."

"Well, it's Corinne."

Sester tried not to sigh as he incremented the number of times Vila had already broached this topic but had gotten sidetracked.

Vila said again, "It's really Corinne and me."

Four. Sester wondered if he should step in with a little prodding.

Vila went on, "I would have asked Cally but she's busy with Avon. And Reya, well, I don't want to bother her."

_Besides which you're still __nervous around her. _Sester thought with definite amusement.

"And well, Avon. I'm not sure what he would suggest. It might be snarky and logical but I'm looking for something…"

"A little more sensitive? Well, that rules out Argus too."

Vila looked him in the eyes and declared, "That's why I'm here. You're good with people. You know them. That's your job."

Vila still hadn't told Sester anything useful in terms of details but he was getting a very good feel for what this might be about. He was extremely good with people after all.

A therapist for troubled relationships. He should be outraged at such an abuse of his talents on something so trivial. What would his fellow elite psychostrategists be saying if they knew? Probably suggest quietly that he get back to something more important or hint at the possibility of being sent to the psych board for reassessment. There was a sudden icy chill along his spine. He had never overstepped the bounds before. He was too good at skirting the edges.

Sester smiled suddenly. He had once. For Avon. It had nearly cost him his life.

Vila looked at him strangely.

Sester said, "You don't have to worry, Vila. Just continue doing what you're currently doing with Corinne. Be gentle and let her take the lead. She'll let you know when she's ready."

Vila said, "You know, people might like to _talk_ about things before you give them the answers."

Sester grinned. "I thought I might give you the reassurance you needed before you found a way to change the topic again. _Now_ we can talk about it."

Vila said, "One of these days, being too smart might get you killed."

"That may be. But I'd rather die due to an excess of intelligence rather than the opposite."

"Well, I'd rather not die at all. If you don't mind."

Sester chuckled. "Now why don't you tell me about this wonderful woman that you seem to have become involved with."

Chapter Six

Vila and Corinne went back down to the open-air market that Lentar had shown them the previous day. It was just as bustling as before and equally as festive. The Tellarans seemed to have a zest for living and enjoyed each other's company.

As they took in the varied modes of dress around them, Corinne wasn't as wide-eyed as the day before. She had been particularly uncomfortable with some of the more revealing outfits some of the women wore. For her shoulders and legs were things to be covered up and not to be revealed in public.

The men she didn't have problems with. Chandaran society idolized their men and going around half-nude wasn't uncommon, especially if they were suitably endowed with appropriately large muscles. Not that the Tellaran men went around that exposed. They also didn't seem to share the obsession with musculature either which was quite a change.

She was more used to the different forms of dress now but her own taste, while tending to much more colourful and decorative clothing than her old ones, was still fairly conservative. Vila called it simple but elegant. She did love the variety of colours and the different textures and sheens of the materials. The creativity of styles was a marvel. Sometimes she would just admire the beauty of it.

The thing that amazed and affected her most was the feeling of being able to walk down a street and visit whatever shops she wanted. Pick up items, feel them in her hands, choose what tickled her fancy and take them away with her. The freedom of it overwhelmed her at times. She was glad that Vila was with her.

As she and Vila walked down a new avenue, Corinne still felt a bit self-conscious in her new white patterned blouse with the rounded collar. She had stared at herself in the reflecting surface that morning, not recognizing who was staring back at her in the beautiful clothes. It would take some getting used to.

She had a new life now. One where she didn't have to constantly be afraid of being found out. Of being branded as a wild woman and be sent to one of the Obedience Centres that her mother had been subjected to when she had first been captured.

Corinne shivered as she remembered her mother telling her about her experiences one day. She didn't often. It was something Marlena had not wanted her exposed to. She didn't want her daughter to learn to hate. But she had asked and her mother had relented one day when she was in a sad and despondent mood. Corinne knew that despite her mother's love for her father; sometimes she missed her own people terribly. She said that it was like being ripped from a place of love and drowned in a sea of hate.

Corinne had always dreamed of being able to go to Tellar and see this place where people were supposed to care about one another and valued each other no matter who they were. It seemed like an impossible paradise. She wanted to believe in it because of her mother.

It was hard to believe that she was really here.

Corinne glanced at Vila out of the corner of her eyes as they walked along and he told her a story from Earth, something about a woman whose primary characteristic seemed to be the buying and hoarding of clothing. It must have been a fanciful story because she couldn't believe that anyone would need a thousand pairs of shoes. He liked to tell her funny things to make her laugh.

She liked Vila a lot. He was very sweet and had said that she looked nice even in her old clothes. She knew that he couldn't have been telling her the truth. He was much too kind to her and she wished she could do something for him in return.

It seemed like all the giving was one way. Her mother had taught her that one should never take advantage of anyone. You must always give more than you receive. That way there would always be a surplus of caring in the world and that's what made it a better place. She had called it one of the Economics of Human Interaction. She said that it was something taught to all children on Tellar. It was what had saved their world from near self-extinction.

Corinne's attention turned back to what Vila was saying. She asked with an incredulous voice, "You mean this was a real woman?"

"She was. I mean she still is, last time I heard. That was a long time ago though. I haven't been back to Earth lately."

Corinne's forehead creased as she thought about this unbelievable woman. "I don't understand. Why would someone need that many shoes? Does footwear on Earth wear out quicker than elsewhere? Do they have a rougher terrain?"

Vila said, "She liked to have a different pair to go with all her clothes."

Corrine's eyes widened in further incredulity," You mean she has a thousand outfits of clothing too?"

"More than that."

Corinne said with a wry smile, "I think you must be joking with me again, Vila."

"No, really. It's the truth," he reassured her in his best serious face. "Some Alphas on Earth are like that. They have so much money that they don't know what to do with it. They have different values than the rest of us."

Corinne was mystified at the kind of values that would produce this kind of behaviour. "They must." She looked intently into his eyes. "Are you going to be like that too?"

Vila moved his head as if he had just been hit by a jolt of energy. "Me?"

Corinne asked, "Didn't you say that you're an Alpha now? And you're very rich?"

"Oh, that. I'd almost forgotten. I'm just an honorary Alpha. Avon made me one."

"I thought he said that you were always one. You seemed very happy about it."

"Well, yes. I'm one of the _good_ Alphas."

The puzzled look on Corinne's face was for him now. "I don't understand. You said that there wasn't such a thing as a good Alpha. That they were all…"

Vila backtracked, "I didn't mean _all_ of them." He realized that he would have to be more careful with his words around her. His prejudices about the higher grades didn't seem right under the atmosphere of the Tellaran sky somehow. He didn't want his attitudes about these things influencing her.

She had seemed quite distressed about his views on the Alphas when he had told her about them. He imagined that they ran counter to those Economics of Human Interaction that her mother had taught her. Those ideas may work in the safe environment of the Tellar Union where everyone seemed to care about and respect each other, but those kinds of values usually meant that you would be used and taken advantage of in the Federation. It was much safer to be like Avon and pretend that you didn't care. Then there would be no one to hold over you when they wanted something.

Corinne was right. This was a dream place. It was almost like it didn't fit in the real universe.

He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but the more he saw of the Tellar Union, the more he liked it. It was the exact opposite reaction he had to the Chandar Alliance.

They entered the first shop. It had a furry four-legged animal on its holographic banner. Corinne looked around her with curiosity but didn't move to check out the merchandise. She seemed to be waiting for him to do something.

Vila asked, "You don't like what's in here? We can go to another shop."

Corinne smiled. "We spent all that time shopping for me yesterday. I thought we could spend today shopping for what you want."

Vila had never expected this. "I don't need anything."

Corinne's face fell in disappointment. She had really wanted to do something for him. "Nothing at all?"

Vila could see that she wasn't happy. "Well, maybe…a new..." He wracked his brain for a suitable item. "Wrist chronometer." He could always use one of those fancy ones that did almost everything.

Corinne's face brightened. She took his hand and said, "Let's go find you a nice one."

**********

Avon was tired but he was not about to say anything. He had endured a lot worse. It was a condition that could be ignored by a strong enough mind. As long as it wasn't debilitating.

Dr. Tain's professional and reassuring voice echoed, "The examination is over now, Avon. We will open the chamber in a few moments."

The green glow of the scanner beams turned off. There was a brief moment of disorientation as his body readjusted to the absence of the faint energies that had bathed the cells of his body for the past…he wasn't sure how many hours.

There had been a time when he could always tell roughly how much time had passed. That was before the Centre interrogators had played havoc with his mind and kept him constantly disoriented.

Now that the exam was finished, it almost felt as if a struggle was over. Tiredness was making his eyes heavy. It was a struggle to stay awake but he couldn't yet. There were things to do first.

He heard light sounds of something moving below him and turned his head to look. A padded platform rose up to contact his body as the positional field was turned off. He could feel the burden of gravity again. There was a swishing sound as the chamber unsealed and the outside air seemed to rush in to greet him.

The first person to enter was the one person he most wanted to see. *_ Cally. _*

Having her as a mental presence had been reassuring but he needed to see her face. The man of the mind still required what only his senses could provide.

Cally placed her hand on his chest in a gesture that was familiar to them both. The warmth of the contact; the heat from the palm of her hand touching his centre in an almost symbolic gesture. She asked, "How are you feeling?"

He placed his hand to cover hers and told her what she must already know. "A bit tired."

"Just a bit?" she asked in a teasing challenge.

"All right. Very tired."

Dr. Kendric and the other medical specialists stood off to the side while they waited to talk to him. Avon acknowledged them by looking in their direction. "Did you find anything?"

They were all looking at him intently, making him feel like a laboratory experiment gone horribly wrong. Of course, it could have been his paranoia or even the discomfort at being nearly naked and being stared at by strangers.

Kendric began carefully, "You will be glad to know that there was no genetic manipulation done at the Federation Detention Centre."

Avon could almost hear the big 'BUT' that was coming. It could have been his suspicious nature again but he didn't think so. He waited for someone to tell him the rest.

Cally surprised him by being the one to break the news. "Avon, I know that you prefer to keep your personal life private but, were you part of a Federation eugenics program?"

Avon stared at her with surprise. His said guardedly, "Not that I'm aware of. Why would you ask that?"

Dr. Kendric said to him, "It is because of the results of the genetic profile that we just completed. Your genetic makeup registers within the top ten percent of all index levels. In almost all areas."

Avon said instantly, "That's not possible. Your readings must be wrong."

"It's not _naturally_ possible," said Kendric. "We've double checked everything and run a diagnostic on the scanner. That's why it took longer than it should have. I'm sorry about that. You must be tired. The readings are accurate though."

This was hard for Avon to digest. "That's why the question about eugenics?"

"Yes. There are only two possible explanations. One is eugenics. The other is…"

"I was genetically created?" This was even harder to accept; the idea that he had been put together like a machine to meet someone's specifications. Avon's heart began to race and his mind rebelled at the thought.

To meet the Federation's requirements. A child of the Federation.

He had vague recollections of a childhood. But the faces had always been indistinct in his memories. It had never bothered him before. Obviously, his mind had not considered anyone from his past worth remembering. Except his brother and he was gone now too, just like his past.

Now he wondered if there was a reason why he didn't have clearer memories.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Seven

Darkness.

"Kerr!" A young boy's concerned voice called him by a name that belonged to a past that he thought was dead. A flicker of recognition at the boy's voice. Part of me says I know this voice but I can't remember.

Why can't I wake up? Pain in my head. Disorientation.

He felt strong and insistent hands press down and shake his shoulders. "Kerr, wake up!"

_Leave me. Alone. _Another voice in my head. Small. Scared. Young. Determined. Strong. Independent. Trying out words.

A familiar mantra but they seem new. Realization.

Here he was young. This was a memory.

Coldness extended from a place deep inside him. He could feel it. It was recognizable to him and at the same time frighteningly unfamiliar to his young mind. The frozenness that numbed all other emotions; taking away fear and pain, along with everything else. His young mind grasped for them both, fear and pain, and the coldness.

Control.

"What did they do to him?" Even through the fog of bare consciousness, he could hear the mask of strength in the boy's voice; a determined bravery. He was aware that the young mind that was him/not him knew that it hid a tremor of fear. There was concern and warmth for him.

Threads of memories seemed to mix. This voice. He knew it. Differently. Deeper. More…

_Ja_… The name eluded him even though his young mind knew it; was very familiar with it.

"I don't know." Another young boy's voice. Worried and considered even at this young age, also producing threads of recognition. But it was instinctive knowledge only. A _feeling_ of knowing. There were no faces to put to the voices. Tantalizing bits of names that would not come to him. Identities contained in his young mind but something was preventing him from knowing them. Just the impressions that they knew each other. They were…

The considered young voice was troubled and sounded small next to him; it was full of anguish and guilt. "It was my fault. He shouldn't have told them it was him."

This voice was disturbingly familiar in its guilt.

The first boy's voice flashed with anger. "It was _your_ fault. He said it wouldn't work but you just _had_ to try it." Guilt and anguish joined the anger, "I should have stopped him. I should've guessed." Then anger again. "You always think it's a game. _It's not a game!_" There was a sudden rustle of movement. The sound of bodies impacting and going down.

_Don't_…

**********

Avon jerked awake. He was panting and his heart was pounding in his ears. This memory. It was the clearest one he had so far but it was already fading away, out of the reach of his conscious mind.

"No!" His eyes closed in desperate concentration, he bent over with the effort, and his hands gripped the sheets tightly.

It was no use.

Avon could feel Cally stir beside him and sit up. He didn't have to feel her mind reaching out to him to know that she was alarmed. Her warm, gentle hands touched his shoulders in support. "Avon, what's wrong?"

Blank eyes turned to her. "I…don't know." The memories were almost gone, leaving only a frustrating impression of something he wanted to remember. Avon forced himself to breathe slower, his mind trying to regain control of a body that was still reacting to memories that were gone.

**********

Avon, Cally and Argus gathered in the medical exam room, discussing the previous day's results with the specialists and Alyce. Sester was present but off to the side, observing and keeping out of the way.

Argus said, "Avon, we should investigate this further. There's no knowing what the Federation did to you."

Avon's flat voice said, "The results, while interesting, do not provide any useful information." With the complete lack of emotion in his tone, he could have been speaking about some idle curiosity and not something life shattering like finding out he may have been the result of a program of eugenics or some scientific experiment.

Cally was watching Avon carefully, trying to gauge an emotional state that was firmly hidden behind a tough defensive barrier today. She couldn't understand this attitude from him. "How can you say that, Avon? This deals with who you are. Don't you want to know?"

"It's of little relevance," said Avon. "The knowledge of my origins does not help correct my current condition. It is merely a curiosity. Nothing more."

Alyce was also watchful, and as always, took great care in speaking to Avon. "From a purely medical standpoint, you're right. It has a relevance that is personal and as such, we should not allow it to interfere with our main focus, which is to heal you. I believe people from Earth have a saying. 'It is none of our business?'"

Avon impassive eyes rested on her friendly ones, "Good advice, if you can follow it."

Alyce smiled warmly, "At the right time, yes. We will continue with the examinations."

There was another person who was watching Avon with great interest. Sester with his trained mind and instincts knew that Avon was lying. To himself.

**********

Sester leaned back comfortably in the pilot's seat of his observer craft. His fingers idly touched various switches in front of him without activating them. A slight smile of anticipation played on his lips as he waited for the response to his request for contact.

An emotionless female voice sharpened his wandering attentions. /_ There is an incoming response signal. _/

He sat up just a little as he focused. His face had his characteristic casual irreverence that charmed but also that polite attentiveness that made you feel as if you were the exclusive centre of his attentions. He had natural warmth that could seep into your very bones if you let it but there was also the hint of excitement that came from the smooth dangerous quality that lay just below the surface. "Put it on the screen, computer."

The main viewscreen flickered on and Servalan's cold smile welcomed him. "Has he agreed?"

_So eager, Servala__n? Why all this sudden interest in Argus? Or is this really still about Avon? Are you missing your playmate and you've decided to take it out on someone else instead?_

A slow smile thinned Sester's lips. "You know that he won't yet. Not until he knows he has no choice." The light of the screen threw moving shadows and flickers of light across his face.

Servalan had a wonderfully imperious manner very few could pull off without sounding too ridiculous. She almost purred. "And you will make sure that happens. Won't you?"

Sester said with silky complicity, "Were there ever any doubts, Madame President? I am _your_ agent on this ship, after all."

Servalan said coolly, "Sometimes, I think you forget that."

"Then I've succeeded in fooling…" His lips twitched in a complex smile. "Everyone. If you have your doubts, then so have they."

Servalan's eyes measured him carefully from across the screen. "You have them convinced that you're helping them?"

Sester assumed the superior smile of a psychostrategist who was in full control of his puppets. "I believe some of them have made that error."

"And Reya Reeve? Where does she fit into all this?" A surprise attack to catch him out.

Unlike Avon, Sester's mind was fully under his own control. He smiled slyly. "She has her uses."

Servalan pressed her attack. "Enjoyable ones?"

Sester's attention skipped a beat. His lips curled in a smile that bared his teeth like a predator. "I would be lying if I said no."

At his answer, a pleased smile appeared on Servalan's face. "I am _glad_ that you didn't lie to me."

He brought his right hand up to touch his chest, "Madame President, rest assured, you will _always_ be the most important woman in my life."

Servalan said dryly, "Only because I have the power of life and death over you."

There was a flush of excitement on Sester's cheeks and he allowed a touch of insinuation to colour his voice, "And so much more." Every sense was focused on this dangerous game and he loved it.

They stared at each other for a moment and then Servalan said, "Now let's talk about Avon." As always, there was deep interest in her eyes and a slight softening of her tone when she turned her attentions to the object of her fascinations. "How is he?"

Sester kept his voice clinical, "As you would expect without the relevant drugs."

"What are they doing about it?"

Sester weighed his words carefully. "They believe they've found people who can help him."

"Oh?"

He asked, "How familiar are you with Sector Nine?"

Servalan's face looked as if she had just smelled something foul. "Don't tell me that they've found something useful in that repugnant Sector?"

Sester chuckled. "You are familiar with it then. Have you heard of the Tellar Union?"

"No, should I have?"

The deadly snake was poised, ready to turn its hooded head towards a new victim. He would have to be very careful here.

"Not particularly," he said with casual indifference. "But they might be able to help Avon to some extent. Enough to prevent him from slipping further."

Servalan's snarl did not touch her lips; it existed solely in her eyes. "You mean enough for him not to have to be brought to me sooner?"

"For now." He leaned towards the screen, all casualness gone. "You know that can't happen yet."

Servalan's eyes narrowed. "I will not wait forever."

_For him, you will._

**********

After signing off, Sester sat back in the moulded seat, his eyes were deep in thought. The fingers of his right hand lightly drew a calculated line along the edge of the flight panel.

There were so many games he could play here. It was very tempting. Conflicting loyalties vied for his attention. He needed a reason not to play all of them.

**********

Vila's arms were full of packages when he and Corinne returned to the ship. His head had to poke out from the side of one of them in order to see her. "Are you sure you don't want anything else? We could always go back down after I've dropped these off."

"No. I have enough for now thanks. The question is…" Corinne eyed the boxes he refused to allow her to carry. "Do _you_ want anything else. I thought you said you didn't need anything?"

Vila looked at the embarrassment of riches he was carrying. It was hard to deny it when the evidence was right in front of his eyes. They arrived at his cabin.

"Well, I didn't when I _said_ it." But then they had discovered the avenue of gadgets on their way to look for his wrist chronometer.

Corinne helpfully activated the door panel and they went inside. Vila unceremoniously dumped everything on the bunk. "All of these are useful."

With a dubious look on her face, Corinne picked up an irregularly shaped package. "This one?"

Vila's face reddened slightly. "That one's for fun."

"Really?" Corinne looked interested and studied the wrapped object more carefully from different angles.

Vila almost grabbed it out of her hand before she got curious enough to open it. "Maybe not." He put the package firmly behind him.

Corinne regarded him enquiringly. He almost looked embarrassed.

Vila said, "Lets…go back down and do more shopping. I want…" Maybe more shopping might not be a good idea. "I want to see how a market works without any money."

**********

Sester stood leaning against the doorway to Reya's recovery room. Thankfully, with most of the soldiers on leave on the planet, Argus was taking an extra shift on the flight deck. Reya appeared to be sleeping. Her chest rose and fell in a steady, reassuring rhythm.

Pleasant memories presented themselves for his attentions. Memories of a time when she had reluctantly allowed him past her guard. And unknowingly, she had done the same to him. His actions had been deliberate, hers had not been. She had surprised him, amazed him and thoroughly captured him in a way that Servalan, with all of her power could not.

There was gentleness in his eyes and he felt at peace. There was no hint of the man he had been with Servalan. He had found the reasons he had come looking for; even though he knew he could never have Reya. Sester's eyes lingered on her sleeping form a moment longer before he turned to leave.

"Sester?"

His breath caught in his throat and he stopped moving.

"Is that you?"

Sester turned around and came back into the room. It was almost too painful to face her when she was awake. What was he thinking coming here?

A friendly smile formed on his lips. It was a good thing he was good at hiding what was going on inside. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you."

"No. I was just dozing. Not much else to do. I can't _wait_ to get out of here," she said with frustration.

Sester came in to stand beside her bed. He teased her, "I'm surprised you're still here."

"Argus promised to do to me what I did to him the last time."

"Ah," he said with a grin. He had heard about the chains. Argus could be a stubborn and proud man who didn't know when to stay down, and so could she.

Reya changed the topic, "Have you been down to the planet?"

"Yes, a number of times."

"What do you think of it?"

"It's a paradise, if you like that sort of thing." Sester tried not to think of how much he missed this easy interaction with her.

"You don't?" asked Reya.

"I would never feel comfortable in it," said Sester. "My work thrives in conflict and the imperfections of humanity."

Reya's voice was caring, persuasive and threatened to slip past barriers that presented no defence to her. "That's your work though, that's not you."

"They're the same thing." Sester felt disturbingly naked and open to her, as if they were back in the bed they had been forced to share together. Except, it was she who had felt this uncomfortable then.

Reya said with a confidence in him, that Sester wished she did not have, "I don't believe that."

"I'm a psychostrategist, Reya. It _is_ the same thing. Don't make the mistake of assigning a humanity to me that isn't there. We see all people as puppets. It facilitates our work."

"Is that how you see me?"

Time seemed to freeze for a second as he stopped in mid-breath. He should have known that she would ask this question but he couldn't always think clearly when he was with her. Unbearable tension warmed Sester's voice as he answered her. "No."

"And Avon?"

Sester became very still at this unexpected question. The ever-present undercurrent of guilt flooded to the surface and was reflected in his eyes. His answer was a bare whisper, "No._"_

The compassion in Reya's eyes was too painful for him. He fled from the room without leaving an explanation.

Chapter Eight

Avon lay on an examination table. He could feel its padded surface moulding to his body. It provided just the right amount of support for his strained back.

He reflected on how this medical facility was unlike most that he had been the fortunate or unfortunate guest of. The atmosphere was no less professional and competent than any he had been in but it appeared to have been designed with the patient in mind as much as anything else. These people saw beyond the physical body to what should be immaterial in the practice of medicine.

Several medical technicians were working quietly around his head, positioning various machines into place.

Dr. Kendric approached and addressed him. "Avon."

Avon turned to look at her.

She said, "We're about to begin. This examination will concentrate on your brain."

Avon asked, "A brain mapping?"

"Yes, in a way. I understand from Cally that you've had one of those done before?"

The technicians finished their calibrations and left the examination area.

Avon recalled the one that Healer Garett had done. "Yes. I doubt if the results will be any different."

Kendric smiled. "Perhaps not. But possibly more detailed. We're able to fine-tune the mapping frequencies to detect a larger range of features."

"What difference does it make if the results will be the same?"

Kendric reached out with her hand. For a moment, Avon thought she was going to rest it on his shoulder. The doctor's hand hovered a second and then she lightly touched the bed beside him. "Don't you believe that all information is useful?"

"Non-redundant information."

Dr. Kendric almost seemed to grin but she maintained her calm, detached manner. "We may surprise you, Avon."

Avon stared at her. He still wasn't finished processing the 'surprises' they had given him the previous day. "Surprises are over-rated."

This time Kendric did place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Of course."

One of the medical specialists behind the panel controlling the mapping machines said, "We're ready."

"Alright." Dr. Kendric looked down at Avon again. "I believe that the mind mapping machines that were used before produced some pain?"

To Avon, the level of discomfort had been of little consequence compared to what he had been used to. "Some. It was negligible."

"I'm sorry. You will find that these ones do not produce pain or discomfort but it may trigger memories and sense impressions. It depends on how receptive your mind is. We will not try to trace memory signatures today. It will be too exhausting for you. Do you have any questions?"

"Not yet."

"Very well. Let's begin."

**********

Avon felt nothing as the various machines centred on his brain. No tingling feelings or sensations of any kind. Just a state of relaxed restfulness.

Without any demands on his attention, his mind was free to wander.

All information was valuable. As long as it was useful and could be put into the proper context. That had always been his belief.

The information they were discovering, was about him. Was it useful to know that he may have been the result of someone else's attempts at bioengineering? Whether he had been a part of a eugenics program or had been put together like a puzzle in a lab, did it really matter? Surely not after all this time.

Avon was determined to view it dispassionately. Anything that did not have any value in bringing him back to a more useful physical or mental state was to be discarded ruthlessly and without any personal considerations. At best, it was a curiosity. It had no impact on his present condition and it could not help.

Just as he had asserted to everyone yesterday, and had kept telling Cally since then. He could tell that she wasn't convinced but was refraining from saying anything further for fear of irritating him.

Then why did a sick feeling begin in the pit of his stomach whenever the topic came up? Why did everyone else seemed obsessed with his origins? Why did they insist on talking about it with him? Cally had been the worst. He cared about her deeply, but he had to draw the line somewhere. Some things were private.

Why should it make a difference? Why did he have problems remembering specific details about his past? Did he really want to find out that he had been nothing more than a puppet all of his life? What he could remember was already bad enough. Did he need this additional knowledge?

**********

Vila and Corinne entered the shop with the furry four-legged animal on its holographic banner and "Cisco Blouses" in light blue letters. This was the place where Corinne had picked up several nice blouses, one of which she was wearing now, the one with the white and blue flowers.

Vila glanced up at the banner as they passed under it. The furry animal reminded him of the pictures of cats back on Earth. It seemed so real that he almost wanted to reach up to pet it.

Vila almost did a double-take when he entered the shop and saw the cat from the banner lying with its back on the counter. The elderly shopkeeper with the long fingers and expressive hands was giving it a tummy rub and speaking to it fondly. The little cat was giving off little rumbling sounds of contentment.

"Oh, that's adorable!" Corinne exclaimed.

The shopkeeper turned her head in their direction with a friendly smile on her face. "Welcome back!"

Corinne approached the counter hesitantly and with a great deal of curiosity. There was a hopeful look on her face. "Can I touch it? I've never seen a creature like this before."

"Cisco would love the attention," said the woman.

Corinne placed her hand gently on the cat's tummy, almost as if she was afraid of hurting it. The cat gave a little encouraging meow and Corinne began to stroke. A low rumble of pleasure emanated from the little creature; the sound almost seemed to go right through them. The cat's happiness was infectious and brought smiles to their faces.

Vila also began petting the cat. "Your shop is named after your cat?"

The shopkeeper said, "Yes. She's the inspiration for some of my best creations. _My_ name is Sienna."

"Mine's Vila and this is Corinne."

The shopkeeper's said warmly, "Welcome Vila and Corinne. I hope your visit to Tellar has been enjoyable."

Vila smiled wryly, "I suppose we stick out as outworlders."

Sienna said, "Some of your questions did tell me that you were strangers. But I already knew who you were."

Vila was very interested in this. "You did?"

"Yes, everyone in the Union knows who you are."

Vila imagined his face being broadcast out on the Tellaran daily newscasts. He'd never been a celebrity before.

"That explains why we've been getting the free things," Vila said in comprehension. In some ways, this made him feel much better. The idea of a place where everything was free was a bit disturbing to his enterprising mind.

Sienna said, "Oh no. That has nothing to do with people knowing who you are. That's just the way things work on Tellar."

Vila said, "You mean, everything is free, for everyone?" The tone in his voice indicated that this was an outrageous idea, or at the very least something incomprehensible to him.

Little Cisco flipped over suddenly and sat looking at him curiously, its head tilted to the side.

Sienna said, "Yes. That's right." For her it was completely natural.

"I don't get how a market could work without any money."

Sienna began scratching the cat behind the ears. "It's not a market in the sense that you're familiar with. We don't work on the concept of currency for value here. The name 'market' is a hold over from ancient days and visitors seem to like it."

"Then how does it work?"

"We work on the concept of mutual sharing and collective responsibility. People contribute the best they are capable of and that best is enjoyed by everyone. So in that sense, it's not free. For example, I try to make everyone's experience in my shop a positive one and I try to create the most beautiful blouses that I can."

Vila was very sceptical about this kind of system. "But don't you have people who take advantage of all the free things? What happens if someone decides to be lazy and not do anything?"

Sienna looked thoughtful. "We don't have many people like that. Usually there's something wrong with them so we try to help them. We're taught from a very young age that each person's participation is important and that we owe each other our best."

"But what if someone really won't cooperate? What if they like taking advantage of people?"

"That would be very sad, for both them and Tellar. If the problem itself is that they insist on reflecting the values of the people outside Tellar then they are given a choice. They can live in the world they have chosen or they can stay in the Union. We give them enough so that they will be comfortably set up wherever they chose but after that, it is their own responsibility. They are free to come back if they wish but only if they are willing to abide by the values of Tellar. It is unfortunate, but it is their own choice. Usually people do come back. The world outside is a very good cure."

Vila said with appreciation, "I suppose most of this Sector would be a good cure for a lot of things."

Sienna chuckled and continued patting the cat.

Corinne said wryly, "Chandar definitely would be."

The little cat purred encouragingly at them. It was a very comforting sound.

Vila asked, "What about strangers like us? We don't contribute the way the regular Tellaran does but you still give us free things."

Sienna said, "You are welcome guests. The hospitality of Tellar is open to you. We find that most visitors get carried away at first and take many things. We understand and we are happy to make your stay here an enjoyable one. But we've found that after awhile, most people settle down once they have all the things they think they need. We do have rules for visitors. If there is an excessive abuse of the system, the shopkeeper's will start charging for items. If the items are being obtained for commercial reasons and not personal ones, then visitors are required to register with the Off-world Commerce Bureau and any items for business purposes will require trade or payment."

Corinne had a thoughtful look on her face. "People on Tellar contribute their best. That's how things work here?"

Vila could see that Corinne was bothered by something.

Sienna said, "Yes."

Corinne said, "I know we're guests here." She looked down at her blouse and touched it with her fingers. "But…"

Vila realized what was worrying her. "You want to do something too?"

Corinne turned troubled eyes towards him. "Yes, but I don't know what. I have nothing to give back. I wish I did." She said to Sienna, "I would gladly give it."

Sienna eyes were kind. "Your mother taught you well, Corinne. It is not required for you to give us anything but your thoughts are very much appreciated."

Vila had an idea. "I know what we could give back!"

Corinne's eyes brightened.

Vila said, "People on Tellar give their best. I'm good at entertaining people with magic tricks. We can give a show together. You can be my assistant."

Sienna asked, "What is this magic?"

Vila smiled. There was a possibility that the people here had never seen magic tricks before. "Yes. Illusions, sleight-of-hand, like this…" Vila held up an open and empty hand. With a flick of his wrist, the oval disk he used for practicing finger dexterity, 'magically' appeared.

The two women gasped in delighted surprise. Sienna exclaimed, "That's an amazing ability. You seem to be able to create something out of nothing."

Vila grinned, "No exactly. It's just sleight-of-hand. Tricks. I know how to move my hands so that it seems to appear out of thin air. Do you think people might enjoy a magic show here?"

Sienna said enthusiastically, "I'm sure they would."

Little Cisco batted Vila's hand, trying to get at the disc.

Sienna said, "I can arrange for you to use the open stage at the end of the square here. When would you like to do it?"

"Well, we'd have to practice a bit. Make it a proper show. How about in three days?"

"That would be wonderful."

**********

Argus was trying not to be amused by the look on Reya's face as she lay on the bed in the recovery room.

Reya asked impatiently, "Well?"

"I'm here to release you. Cally says you've rested enough."

"Finally!" Reya immediately got out of bed and started walking around, stretching her legs.

Argus studied her and said with mock-disapproval, "You've been getting out of bed when I wasn't looking. Haven't you?"

Reya's face reddened, "I…suppose I have. I'm sorry. It's hard staying here while everyone else is doing something."

"Don't do it again." The effect of his serious tone was offset by the big grin that appeared on his face. He hugged her. "I _completely_ understand." He sighed with happiness as he felt her strong body against his. "What would you like to do first?"

Reya smiled. "I want to visit the planet."

Chapter Nine

Alyce came towards Reya with welcoming arms. "Welcome, Reya Reeve." She gave her a warm embrace. "We've been looking forward to meeting you."

Reya face was flustered as Alyce let go of her. She was still uncomfortable with being at the centre of attentions. "I've been looking forward to meeting you as well. Argus has been telling me many good things."

Alyce gave Argus a warm smile, "He's very kind."

For some reason, Argus found his face reddening. Alyce had a quality that made someone feel genuinely appreciated. He cleared his throat. "I just told her what I saw."

Alyce seemed amused by his reaction. She said to Reya, "My Impact Analysis Department is very interested in discussing the events on Chandar. And Cambrin says that your psychostrategist hasn't visited him yet. He was looking forward to talking with both of you."

Argus tried to act neutral, but only succeeded in sounding odd when he said, "I'll send for him."

Alyce didn't seem to notice; or she did but decided that Argus wouldn't want her to pursue it. "That would be much appreciated." She touched Reya on the arm, "How are you feeling? Are you fully recovered from your injuries?"

Reya really wished people would stop treating her like an invalid. It was already bad enough that Argus was very visibly 'hovering' near her in protection and trying not to appear as if he was. Not that she didn't appreciate it but she just wished everyone's attentions would focus somewhere else. She wondered how Avon stood it from all of them. "I'm fine. Thank you for your concern."

Alyce gave her a brief encouraging smile. "You do not like people making a fuss over you. I understand. We shall do something much more pleasant. I hear that you wish to see more of Tellaran society?"

"Yes, I'm very interested in how your society works."

Alyce asked, "What would you like to know?"

Reya said, "Vila has told us a little bit about your economy works. I'm interested in some other areas. Such as how do you deal with things like aggression and crime? What do you do when outsiders commit crimes? Do you have a concept of personal property? If you don't have a class system then how are roles and jobs assigned?"

Alyce smiled, "It looks as if you will have to stay with us for more than a few days, Reya." She led the way, "Come with me. You might both like this."

**********

A free flowing association of memories and ideas. That was how Avon was experiencing what was happening. It was almost as if it was occurring to someone else and he was watching it as a detached observer. This made his mind easier as random memories flowed through his consciousness, like casual visitors that didn't stay long enough to dirty up the furnishings.

He was in control again. It had been a long time since he had been able to have memories intrude into his mind without triggering some kind of panic attack or loss of control. A very unusual feeling. A state he barely remembered. Here in this safe environment he was able to treat feelings dispassionately and relegate them to a place in his mind where they would not threaten him. He was able to maintain an equilibrium. Nothing but a rational mind at work; clear thoughts, not cluttered by irrationality.

He knew that this state must be artificial in nature. The Tellaran machines were inducing it; managing his mind so that he felt in control again. He should have been disturbed that someone else seemed to be able to exert this kind of external influence on him, but he wasn't. Were these machines designed to give him back the control he desperately craved? If so, then could this effect be reproduced outside of the machines?

A face floated into his internal field of vision. A memory of his brother. Calling out his name. _Avon_. There was something wrong with it but he couldn't…

_I have to go to him. _He loved his brother. He would do anything for him. In his mind, he moved closer to the figure that was mouthing his name, repeatedly. Something was wrong. It was…

An unexpected voice spoke to him, *_ It's the past, Avon. _*

The vision faded leaving him with perplexing emotions. A confusion of love and fear. *_ Cally? _*

*_ Yes, Avon. It's me. Dr. Kendric asked me to speak to you. She said that you were caught up in a memory. A very powerful one. _*

* _Just for a moment. _* Avon realized something with shock. This was the memory that had been used by Zen when he first arrived on the _Liberator_. Something shaped by its security system in order to trap him, and drive his mind insane or to kill him. But it came from a real memory. * _I'm fine now, Cally._ *

Calling his name over and over. It was a strange real memory. A piece of recollection that inspired a strong emotional reaction.

There was concern and warmth in her mental voice.* _How are you handling the memories? _*

*_ They're manageable. The machines must be modulating my emotional responses. _*

*_ Yes, Dr. Kendric says that they are using various techniques to prevent negative emotions from gaining precedence in your consciousness. They should be at a level that your current state of mental control can manage. _*

So he was right. It was the Tellarans who were enabling this but they said that he also had control of what was happening. *_ They're only interfering with negative emotions? _*

*_ Yes, they left the other ones because they will help you. But they said that this memory was strange. That was why they asked me to help. _*

The Tellarans were able to identify it as strange as well. But what was strange about it?

*_ Cally, are they able to determine what's unusual about it? _*

* _Alright. I will ask them._ *

There was a moment of silence. He imagined that she was asking the specialists.

Cally's voice returned in his mind, * _they say that your responses are similar to those memories that Servalan used to torture you with. They say that they seem designed to provoke strong emotional reactions._ *

_Designed? _Avon remembered his reaction that day on the _London_. While Blake and Jenna had discussed their own experiences afterward, he had been too overwhelmed to contribute. For what seemed a long time, the only thing he could do was bow his head into his hand in shock.

What did it mean?

**********

Corinne almost seemed to bounce into the relaxation room. The room was empty these days because most people were enjoying themselves on the planet. "Vila, do you like it?" She twirled around for him to see what she was wearing.

Vila's mouth hung open in shocked amazement and he dropped the improvised wand he was holding. It clattered to the floor.

"Vila? Are you alright?" she asked with concern and came over.

Vila tried to keep his eyes on her face, anywhere else was too… He closed his mouth and tried to formulate some coherent words. "Uh…what are you wearing?" Although, not wearing, might be more accurate.

Corinne said disappointedly, "You don't like it? I researched it very carefully." She bent down to pick up the wand. Vila deliberately looked up at the ceiling. He wondered if they needed a cleaning.

Vila nearly jumped back as Corinne came up beside him and looked up at the ceiling with him. She asked, "What are we looking at?"

"Uh, nothing." He directed his eyes to look at her face again. She and the outfit she was barely wearing were much too close to him. He took a discreet step back. "Corinne, where'd you get those clothes from?"

"From the wardrobe room. There's lots of things in there. Argus said to help myself."

"Argus suggested that you wear that?" Vila asked incredulously, wondering what had possessed the man and what had been going through his mind. Plus he didn't know the room contained something like this. Now if one of the… Vila shook off the tempting and inappropriate thoughts. What was he thinking?

Corinne said affectionately, "No, silly. He doesn't know anymore about clothes than you do."

"Then how? Why?"

"Oh, you mean why did I pick these clothes?"

"Yes." Vila wanted to know who the culprit was. Horrifying images of Corinne parading like _that_ (he tried not to think in too many details) through the corridors of the ship filled his mind. Thank the stars that most people were away and the ship was almost deserted except for the duty personnel.

Corinne looked down nervously. Vila had been too shocked to notice before but now he realized that she looked awkward and self-conscious and her eyes were looking at him shyly and uncertainly. It must have been because of the clothes she was wearing.

Vila remembered Corinne's reaction to the more liberal dress of some of the Tellarans and her own conservative tastes. Then what possessed her to wear this?

Corinne said, "I was looking through some of the historical records on your computers. The ones about Earth."

Avon had already assigned classifications to all the categories of materials in the ship's databases. The historical and entertainment sections had been deemed accessible to almost everyone.

Corinne continued, "I found some archive pictures of magical performances. All of the assistants seemed to be wearing very revealing outfits." She looked at him timidly. "I…thought it was what you would want."

Vila wanted to hug her but didn't dare move any closer. Instead, he said affectionately, "You didn't have to do this, Corinne. I'd never ask you to wear anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. Now, how would you like to change?"

**********

The complex that Alyce brought them to was an impressive structure at the outskirts of the city. As they entered through the open entrance, Alyce said, "This is one of our physical recreation facilities. It's used for sports, physical training and aggression therapy."

Reya was very interested in the last one. "Aggression therapy?"

Alyce led the way through the building. Wherever they went, people greeted them warmly, even if it was only a brief smile or nod.

"Yes. All of our people are tested for aggression factors in their personality from a very young age. We realize that while it is a necessary trait, it is also one that can be detrimental to society if not used properly. We provide many avenues to redirect aggressive tendencies towards more beneficial activities. We also have numerous therapies to release the stresses that result in destructive behaviour. Our people are taught to use these services when they identify certain behaviour patterns or feelings. It's part of our normal routine. Most people use them for exercise and to release stresses. Others use them more often. It is considered an important activity in our society. It's also tied to the training of our citizens in order to protect our worlds."

They arrived in a large open gymnasium where various martial arts were occurring. Both Argus and Reya's eyes widened as they took in the activity. Young and old. Male and female. Everyone seemed to be involved.

Argus said, "The level of skill is quite impressive. I imagine these are your advance practitioners?"

Alyce said, "No. These are regular citizens. We all train from a very young age and throughout our lifetimes. We all know the danger and aggressive nature of our neighbours. Even with our defences, we must still be prepared." She smiled wryly. "Not to mention the unpredictable behaviour of some of our outworlder guests. Would you like to test some of them?"

That was exactly what Argus had been hoping for. He was intrigued by some of what he was seeing. He said enthusiastically, "I'd love to."

Alyce waved over one of the women and introduced her. "This is Tamarin. She's a trainer in unarmed combat techniques."

She introduced Argus and Reya.

Tamarin, a slender woman who did not seem like a fighter, greeted them with a bow, "Well met, Argus and Reya. We've heard much about your group. It's a pleasure to see you."

Alyce said, "Argus would like to exercise."

Tamarin became very animated, "We'd love to have you. We hear that you're an exceptional fighter."

Though Argus felt that he would be more of a match for most of these people, he would never say so. "I'm adequate."

Tamarin said jokingly, "Then we'll go easy on you."

"Maybe not too easy."

Tamarin laughed good-naturedly and said, "Come and meet the others."

Argus jumped over the railing and joined her.

Alyce had an amused smile on her face. "He's very enthusiastic."

Reya laughed, "That he is. He likes fighting."

As they watched Argus sparring, Alyce continued sharing about her world with Reya. "We send some of our people off world to learn the fighting techniques of different cultures and civilizations. Once they master them, they come back and they work with specialists who dissect the various methods in order to know how to counter them. The one Argus is fighting with is a specialist in a method that was derived from a clawed animal."

They watched the spirited fight for a moment. Argus's movements were quick and fluid. There wasn't a wasted motion in his actions.

Alyce said with appreciation, "He lives up to his reputation."

Argus defeated his opponent. The two men bowed to each other. They could see Tamarin speak to Argus and he moved to the side while another opponent took his place.

The specialist was again defeated but this time it was different.

Reya remarked, "Your methods are much more defensive in nature."

"Yes. That is the focus of our own fighting methods. Very similar to how you were fighting on Chandar."

Reya asked, "What do you do with people who are inherently violent despite the various facilities you provide or those who refuse to use them? What happens when they repeatedly hurt others?"

"We have various ways to deal with those situations. Of course, our preferred method is to work with them. If nothing succeeds then there are two options. The person may choose to leave the Union or they can be fitted with a limiter device that is similar to ones used by the Federation to regulate violent tendencies in criminals."

"Are there many?" asked Reya.

"In the Union, which consists of eight planets, there are less than a hundred. The majority of these have abnormalities in the brain and were identified when they were younger."

Reya said, "I'm not sure how that would work in my own world but I'd like to try introducing some of these ideas."

Alyce was sympathetic. "That's a wonderful idea but it would only work if your own people want it. My world had a very strong incentive to change. We were faced with the destruction of our society. We had to change or die."

"I'd still like to try some of it," said Reya.

"We would be glad to help you."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Ten

Corinne was dressed in a much more modest, but still a beautiful shimmering burgundy dress with gold accents. It accentuated her figure nicely but in an understated way. With the help of the two friendly military engineers, they had just finished building the last of the props for the magic show, a large black standing cabinet with holes at staggered intervals.

The engineers left and Vila and Corinne stood back to admire their handiwork.

"That looks just like some of the old archive photos," said Corinne.

Standing here staring at the magic props, Vila's voice was wistful and his heart was full of recollections from his past. "Just what I've always wanted." He was eager to try out his new toys.

Vila had always wanted to be able to do a proper magic show. It had been one of his favourite hobbies while growing up. Unfortunately, he never had the chance. He found out all he could about magic and magicians, often sneaking into theatres he could never afford to go to. Being able to go backstage and see how all the props worked after everyone else left was a big thrill for him.

For some people, knowing how a trick worked took all the wonder out of it. However, for him, knowing how illusions worked was fascinating. The ability to transport an audience out of their own worlds and give them a few moments of wonder or laugher away from grim reality was something he loved doing; even if it was just to tell a few funny stories or playing the odd practical joke or bringing magic to people's lives.

When it looked as if he would never have the opportunity and that his dreams were just that, he had turned his nimble magic-practiced fingers to more practical pursuits. Like Avon, he had settled for something he didn't want to because the world worked differently than they wished it did. It had made them both jaded and cynical about people and the world they lived in.

He became the best thief that he could be, pouring his heart into his craft until he was better than anyone else; until a thief wasn't what he was, it was who he was.

Being himself didn't seem to mean much in this galaxy. At least people were interested in him when he was a thief; whether for good or bad.

At heart, he was still that young boy who was entranced by magic and wanted to give people pleasure.

Vila said with an eager smile, "Do you want to try it?"

"I'd love to," said an excited Corinne. "What do you want me to do?"

Vila opened up the box. It was painted as dark on the inside as the outside. "Get in here."

Corinne stepped into the box and Vila closed it up, plunging her into darkness. She immediately poked her head out of the larger hole near the top, her eyes blinking at the light. "What else do I do?"

Vila pointed to another hole part way down. "Stick your hand through here."

A slender hand poked through. "Like this?" She waved her hand.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Now, a foot here."

Corinne looked down and her booted foot tried to stick through the hole at various angles.

Vila bent down to take a look, "Hang on a sec. I don't think that's going to work. Can you take your boot off?

Corinne's extremities disappeared from the holes and he heard her moving around inside the box. As she was doing this Vila said, "I think we're going to have to get you new shoes. Or make the hole bigger."

There was a distracted and muffled, "Hmmm?"

"Are you alright in there?"

"I'm fine. It's just dark in here."

"Oh, sorry." Vila quickly opened the door to the cabinet.

Corinne blinked at the light and put her hand to cover her eyes while the other one was holding the removed boot. "Thanks but I'm done already."

Vila asked, "What do you think? Do you want new shoes or do you want to make the hole bigger?"

"I'd love new shoes. I forgot that last time we went down."

"One shopping trip coming up," said Vila eagerly.

"You just want to go back to the gadgets avenue."

Vila grinned, "Well, it is on the way…"

Corinne chuckled. "Maybe we can go after we finish here?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

**********

It was a good thing that the medical examination room was large otherwise; it would have been standing room only. There was a gathering of the numerous Tellaran medical specialists along with Alyce, Argus, Marlena, Vila, Corinne, Cally, and the reason why they were all here, Avon.

Having this many medical people gathered in one place might be comforting and flattering to some but if there weren't serious problems, there would be no reason for any of them to be here. This was something they were all very aware of.

Argus found it very frustrating only being able to see the backs of people. He couldn't tell how things were going or their reactions to what they were seeing. The only thing that was visible was their busy hands doing things he didn't understand with the control panels. There were streams of data flowing across the various wall screens and terminal monitors. Dizzying arrays of information and two- and three-dimensional graphs. He wondered how anyone could possibly read so fast. He didn't think he was that slow but of course, if they were all like Avon, it was no wonder.

Various diagrams were thrown up on the large screens along the walls. Some of them were recognizable even with his limited knowledge of the subject matter. Numerous scans of Avon's brain with various grids and markings to point out various areas of interest. It didn't helped him much in understanding what was going on though.

He wished someone would say something. Not that they weren't. The specialists were keeping up a constant level of noise as they worked together. Argus just wished they would say something he could understand.

Alyce was trying to keep up a running commentary. He did appreciate that but she only seemed know a bit more than he did about what was going on. He wished they had waited a bit longer and allowed the specialists time to analyze the data but he had been impatient. From the preoccupied look on Avon's face as he stared intently at the torrents of data, so was he. Argus wondered if Avon understood it any more than he did. Medicine and biology were not his areas of expertise.

It was Cally's though. Argus shifted his attentions to Cally. She was also absorbed in what she was seeing and there was a concerned and serious look on her face. From the way she and Avon angled towards each other at times, he guessed that they were 'speaking' with one another.

Avon was seated on a chair and his face was drawn. He had been unsteady on his feet when the exams had finished but he had insisted on waiting while the specialists analyzed the results. He had relented to sitting down when Cally pointed out that if he didn't, he might not be able to hear the entire report.

The level of chattering died down gradually as the specialists concluded their analysis. Dr. Kendric came over to where the crew was waiting expectantly.

She addressed Avon directly. "Healer Garett may have already told you that he found three different types of interference in the working of your brain?"

"He found evidence of conditioning, microsurgery and mind blocks." From Avon's discussions with Cally, he already knew that the Tellarans had found much more than Garett did. He was waiting for the results, not with eagerness, but dread. Not that you could tell from his face. He kept things factual as befitted the clinical setting.

There was something he wanted to know first. "The machines you used, they're able to regulate my emotional state and allow me to maintain control?"

"In a manner of speaking. The right brain is more identified with negative emotions. We were able to interfere with how it perceived them."

Cally remembered something, "You mean like what the Federation did to interfere with Avon's ability to process emotions?"

Dr. Kendric replied, "No. Our methods are less intrusive and are only temporary."

The stress of urgency coarsened Avon's voice and he unconsciously leaned forward as he asked, "Is this effect reproducible outside of your machines?"

Kendric turned kind and sympathetic eyes towards him. "Unfortunately, it's not a solution and it can only be done by the machines. The number of areas in your brain that needed to be regulated required a concerted effort using almost all of them. It would also require specialized knowledge to do what we were able to do."

Avon settled back in his seat. If he were a man who wore his emotions on his face, then his disappointment would have been clear to everyone. Instead, he maintained a passive façade and convinced himself that it was not an unexpected thing to hear.

Dr. Kendric said, "This is not to say that we cannot do anything for you."

The effort of his one attempt at hope, no matter how faint, was all that Avon could spare. There was no pricking up of ears or leaning forward in anticipation. He regarded Kendric with the only part of him that he could not suppress; his dark, expressive eyes that were alive with deep and hidden thoughts.

Argus didn't have the same hang-ups. He asked, "What can you do for him, Doctor?"

Kendric said, "There are various things which you must decide on. First, I want you all to understand what was done. This will give you a better idea of the nature of the problems we face in attempting to correct them."

Avon was still stony-faced as he said, "Go on."

It was so quiet that it seemed the entire room was waiting for what Dr. Kendric was about to say. She leaned back against an edge of one of the control panels, like someone readying herself for something that might take awhile. "We've been able to categorize four periods of tampering with your mind."

Cally asked with surprise, "Four? Healer Garett said there were three."

"He was not wrong given the limited sensitivity of his equipment. We have been able to modify the calibrations to a finer level." She nodded to one of her colleagues who pressed a few buttons in front of him. One of the large wall screens showed a long blue line with various regular numbers at the bottom. There were an angry cluster of red dots near the beginning of the line and at various intervals along it.

Dr. Kendric picked up a small, thin pointer device and turned it on. A moving hand icon pointed along the line as she moved the device. "Avon, this is a timeline representing your life so far. The red dots correspond to incidents of different types of tampering. As you can observe, the most extensive incidence of interference, what we would categorize as bioengineering, occurred during your formative years. I will go into much more detail in a moment." She moved the hand further along. "During this second period, there were staggered instances of interference with your mind. My guess is that this is due to the Federation's practice of rehabilitation for people they determine are important but are difficult to handle?"

Avon's jaw tightened at the recollections this drew up but he kept his voice even and factual, "Yes. I have never been able to suffer fools."

Dr. Kendric did not seem to think so. Her manner was warm and understanding, "You are too honest a man to hide how you feel."

Avon's eyes were like hard stone. "Some would call it something else."

Alyce stepped forward, her face also reflecting her compassion, "There is nothing wrong with your honesty, Avon. There are other ways of expressing it that are not as detrimental to yourself or others."

Kendric said, "Yes. My guess is that this is part of what was done to you as well when you were young. Behaviour patterns, especially in the way we choose to express ourselves and how we cope with high stress situations, are mainly learned during our formative years. My guess is that the primary purpose of those who did this to you was solely on making you more functionally effective. They wanted to focus all of your mind's efforts and abilities on what they wanted you to do. To that end, something like truth would be paramount to a person who was expected to work in the world of science and technology. Other parts of you, like emotions have very little use in the realm of objective realities. In fact, I imagine that any you had were frowned upon and highly discouraged. Perhaps you were even taught to suppress them or view them as irrelevant? Having personal emotions and the expression of these emotions would have been considered a waste and disruption. It's a common characteristic we've observed in many Federation scientists. They have low emotional responses."

Vila and Corinne had been standing quietly watching and listening to everything going on without saying anything. What Dr. Kendric just said sparked a flash of memory for him.

Something that Dayna had said. As Vila tried to remember his dead crewmate, a dull ache of sadness surfaced from the place he kept the grief for lost friends. Dayna had been nasty to him. Even worse than Avon at times. And she never treated him seriously but they had shared many dangers together and saved each other's lives. He was sad she was gone and he missed her, even the insults.

That was it. Dayna had been slightly drunk one day because of the death of Justin. In her sad and melancholic mood, she had said some things about Justin. It was something she said. What was it? It had something to do with what he was.

Vila interrupted Dr. Kendric. "Dayna told me something once. She's a former crewmate of mine. Mine and Cally's." The dull ache got worse as he began talking about Dayna. "She had a tutor named Justin. He was a scientist and he told her something that she thought was odd. He told her that…" Vila's eyes unfocused a bit, as he tried to remember the beautiful young woman and what she had shared with the crew. A vision of Dayna leaning back in her chair on the flight deck, Soolin with her feet up on one of the panels, Tarrant only half paying attention as he fiddled around with the flight controls and Avon staring at Dayna.

"…that scientists were supposed to be short on emotion and that sort of thing. It was something that she thought was strange at the time but Justin was killed before she could ask him to explain it. Do you think that might have something to do with it? I mean, just because you're a scientist shouldn't mean that you don't have much emotions, should it? That would be like saying that you're a bastard just because you were smart. It doesn't make any sense, does it?"

He remembered something else now. While Dayna was still talking, Avon had gotten up and walked away without saying anything. Vila hadn't thought much of it then, just dismissed it as typical insensitive behaviour from Avon. But now he wasn't sure.

Cally had been aware of Avon's increasing stress level as the specialists had been doing their analysis. It was getting worse as Dr. Kendric began telling them the results and now with what Vila was saying.

They had to be very careful. Whatever residual effect the machines had in helping Avon, had obviously worn off. She continued monitoring him carefully while trying to pay attention to what the doctor was saying.

Dr. Kendric looked thoughtful. "It would be a confirmation of what we've suspected about certain segments of Federation society. It would also mean that the scientists themselves are aware of this difference though they may not know why."

Now that they were talking about odd things and people with highly intelligent brains, Vila seeing other coincidences. Could it be?

Vila said, "There's another thing. When we were on the _Liberator_ and the _Scorpio_, we ran into a few geniuses. Professor Ensor, Pinder and Egrorian. They were all a bit eccentric, if you know what I mean. Egrorian was a psychopath if I ever met one. Pinder was…he was very strange. And Ensor…well, he programmed ORAC - that's our defunct super-computer - with his personality and I can tell you, it definitely wasn't normal. Justin, well he knew he didn't have much emotion."

Now that Vila was thinking about the people they had encountered, another thing occurred to him. He continued, "You know, there's another odd thing. I'd never really thought about it before but I suppose it could mean something. All of them, including Dr. Plaxton, who developed the photonic space drive, escaped from the Federation and went into hiding. We didn't run into anyone else who did that. Just people who were very smart. At the top of their fields. That seems strange, doesn't it?" He purposely looked at Avon. The other man had his eyes down and his hands were gripped so tightly around the arms of the chair that they were white with the lack of circulation. Vila said, "It's like they didn't want anyone to be able to touch…."

Before Vila had finished what he was saying, Cally gasped in shock as a blast of emotions hit her through her connection to Avon. Everyone turned to look at her as she instinctively put her hand on Avon's arm. "_Avon!_"

He lifted his eyes to her. They were filled with pain.

Chapter Eleven

Avon could see the ceiling. A corner of his mind that dealt with trivialities, an extremely small corner, casually identified it as the familiar light green one of the examination room. He felt relaxed and in control.

_The machines__ again_.

Avon lifted his head to look around. As he had expected, he was lying on the examination bed again; its surface moulded to fit the contours of his body. Just beyond, he could see the others watching him as if he was some curious exhibit. He exhaled an aggravated breath and lay back down again. The loss of his privacy was a constant irritation. The crew seemed to treat anything dealing with his condition as a group activity.

He knew what Cally would say. It was natural for them to do that since they all cared about him. They were all concerned. He couldn't deny them the sentiment but he wished they would find a more useful way of expressing it; one that didn't make him feel as if he were a lab animal.

Avon tried to block the irritation out of his mind and concentrate on understanding what had brought him back to this examination bed again.

The last thing he remembered was…pain. Avon winced slightly at the phantom sensation. He could feel it vaguely now, like a barely remembered itch.

Scattered memories came back to him.

Dr. Kendric had been saying something about four periods of tampering. Then something about the limitations of the machines they used. The effect was not reproducible outside of them. Then she said…

Each memory was becoming harder to retrieve. He could feel the start of a headache.

…_something about…a greater incidence of tampering when I was a child._

He could feel his lungs expanding at the increase of stress of trying to remember something that seemed intent on eluding him.

_Then Vila__ said something about_… Blank. _There was something… _He couldn't remember anymore.

_A memory block?_

Avon focused his concentration and tried to push past the thickening veil. A hiss of pain escaped his lips as something seemed to pierce his mind. Avon's hand went to his head and he rubbed the side of his temple. It felt as if his head was in a restraining device and the clamp was slowly being tightened.

*_ Avon. Dr. Kendric wants you to stop trying to remember. _*

Avon turned his head in Cally's direction. * _Why? _*

There was a short pause. * _They're saying that what you're trying to do is causing readings they've never encountered before. _*

Dr. Kendric spoke to him. "Avon, there appear to be several dynamic memory blocks in place."

Kendric was standing beside Cally. Without having to shift his head, he said, "Explain."

The lights of the machines around Avon's head turned off. Cally came over to help him up off the bed and into a chair while the others gathered around him in concern.

Kendric asked, "Are you familiar with the idea of post-hypnotic suggestion?"

Avon looked up at her. "I've heard of the concept. It's an altered sense of perception or a behavioral pattern that may be programmed into the person under hypnosis. They resemble conditioned reflexes. Are you saying that's what's happening to me?"

"It's the same idea but it was not done through hypnosis. It's a very sophisticated form of conditioning. Rather than putting blocks into place to prevent access to existing memories, these are dynamically built by your own mind when certain triggering stresses are present. They occur automatically and you're not aware of them on a conscious level. Pain results when you try to break through them, just as would occur with normal mind blocks."

Avon asked, "Can they be broken?"

"The Federation mental blocks are clever. Most are designed so that the healthy human mind will maintain them automatically. They utilize the mind's ability to protect itself when presented with traumas that are too difficult for the conscious mind to handle."

"You mean that it's a type of amnesia?"

"In many ways, yes. I suspect that some of the memories would fall into this category naturally. Whoever did this to you was also able to induce this state for other things they did not want you to remember. However, they went even further in that they have conditioned your mind to activate this psychological defence mechanism for specific stressors. To prevent you from being able to retain ideas that would lead to the breaking of the memory blocks. But your mind has received damage and extraordinary stress, which is why you experience scatterings of these hidden memories now."

"But not enough to know what happened."

"Unfortunately not."

"But the memories are there?"

"Yes, otherwise you would not be able to remember the ones you do. Your subconscious has been trying to find its way back to them. I have already talked about the first two periods of tampering. The third one occurred approximately six years ago."

Vila exclaimed, "Six years? But…that must have been around the time…"

Avon said in a subdued voice, "Terminal."

Vila stared at him, "Yeah. Terminal. Servalan…"

"She did."

The two men stared at each other, each one recalling the fateful events that led up to the destruction of the _Liberator_.

Dr. Kendric continued, "The incidents of tampering in that period occur intermittently over the space of approximately a year."

That caused Avon, Vila and Cally to respond in shock.

Vila exclaimed, "A year?! How could that be? Servalan only had Avon for a few hours."

Dr. Kendric responded, "I cannot explain what happened. I can only tell you that it did."

Vila asked, "But wouldn't I remember? I mean…a whole year!"

Argus pointed out, "Your memories about the shuttle were implanted by Servalan."

Vila said, "I suppose…but that would mean…is anything I remember about that year real? Were we all captured by Servalan? What happened? How did we…"

Avon's face seemed to have lost the ability to express any emotions. He was like a man who only wanted to be a machine; an object that could no longer feel the impact of what was happening to him. He said one word, "Terminal."

Vila felt faint. "Nothing makes sense. How did we all end up where we did?" His eyes suddenly widened, "Avon! What if…"

The machine showed pain in his eyes but his voice was wooden, "Blake is dead, Vila. Nothing can change that. I…killed him." There was a twist of pain in his stomach reminding him of the fact. He could barely suppress a grimace.

Argus said, "Yes. Nothing can change that. But Avon what if what happened wasn't what you remembered? What if…"

Avon's voice became angry and he shouted, "No! I killed him. That is something I am sure of. I might not remember anything else but _I know this_." He nearly got out of his seat but sat back down. He tried to use the breathing techniques to calm himself.

Argus and Vila decided not to press the issue further. They knew Avon was already too stressed. Anymore and they would have to put him back under the machines.

As Avon settled himself, Dr. Kendric continued, "The last period of tampering, you would be most familiar with."

Avon said in a voice taut with remembered tensions. "Yes…you still haven't answered my original question."

"Can the blocks be removed?" She paused as she seemed to ponder something.

Avon wondered what she was trying to decide. So far, Dr. Kendric had been very open and forthright with him. He appreciated that. But had it come to the point where the good of the patient necessitated the telling of lies?

Kendric said slowly, "We can remove the barriers but there is a difficulty. The memories they have blocked off are tied with the ones that your mind could not handle. The removing of the memory blocks means that those memories would also be released to your conscious mind. There is no knowing what that would do to you. It may push your mind to employ even more drastic defence mechanisms or it may be overwhelmed to the point where..."

There was a sick feeling in Avon's stomach. "I might lose my mind?"

"That is a possibility."

This produced many worried faces.

Cally asked, "What if we don't remove the blocks all at once? Would it work if they were broken one at a time?"

"Unfortunately, it doesn't work that discretely. Most memories and their associated blocks tend to be linked together. If we pick the wrong block to remove, it might produce a cascading effect. That would almost guarantee a collapse of Avon's mind. Since we don't know what the original memories were, the possibility of removing the wrong block or releasing the wrong memories is very high."

Cally asked, "I don't understand, Doctor. Using the Federation's mind mapping machines, Healer Garett was able to break through one of the blocked memories to find out what really happened."

"You're referring to the ones dealing with the events on the shuttle? From what you've described to me, the memories were specific ones, easy to isolate and the blocks associated with them had already begun to break down. Unfortunately, the current sets of memories extend from Avon's childhood and are connected over a long period. They are deeply ingrained and despite the scattered fragments he's been able to experience, the entire system of blocks is still very much in place."

Avon could hear the frustration creeping into Cally's voice as she asked, "Then there is no way to break through them now?"

Dr. Kendric said, "Not in the way you're suggesting. Nevertheless, there are various treatments we can try, ones that we use for people who've experienced great trauma."

Marlena, whom they hadn't seen much of since arriving on Tellar, said, "I am undergoing some of those treatments now, to deal with the things that happened to me when I was first captured."

Corinne put her arm around her mother's shoulders and looked at her with concern. Except for the time she was with Vila, she had been spending the rest of her time with her mother while she was not undergoing therapy sessions.

Dr. Kendric said, "There is also an additional complication."

_Another one?_ thought Avon. What he was hearing was already more than enough.

Dr. Kendric said, "Not only were blocks placed to prevent memories from being accessed, new memories were also implanted to reinforce the conditioning you received."

Avon asked, "Let me guess, these are also tied to the original memories?"

"Yes, if we're not careful, you will end up with a mind that will never be able to distinguish the two. From your perspective, both sets of memories will be equally valid. This will cause a great deal of internal stress, which will affect your ability to perceive reality. You will never be able to trust your memories again."

Avon said, "That would be madness."

Argus asked, "What can be done doctor?"

"There are four ways open to you, Avon. All of which carry inherent risks or negative factors. The first way is the one I referred to before. Working to help the people in this Sector, we've had to develop various therapies for those who have experienced traumatic events. Yours is not the normal case we encounter, but I believe the therapies would still be of use."

Cally asked, "What types of therapies?"

Another doctor with a moustache answered, "For Avon's case, we will most likely start off with regression therapy. In order to circumvent the cascading effect of removing the wrong blocked memories, we will try to go back to a point before there was any tampering done and work forward from there. Dealing with the most recent set of blocks last. We believe that your psi connection to Avon will be of great help in this. Once we are able to resolve the first set of memories, you and Avon should be able to continue the therapies on your own."

Cally said, "That sounds like it will take along time."

The moustached doctor, a man named Dunn, said, "That is the drawback. How long it takes depends on how Avon responds to the treatments. However, it would be our recommended option. Our therapies not only deal with the trauma but also engage the patient in relearning ways to cope with the stress and implications of the memories that are uncovered."

Avon asked, "What are the other options?

Dr. Kendric replied, "The second would be the least desirable but would also be effective."

Avon could guess what this alternative was. "That's out of the question."

Dr. Kendric nodded. "Of course. I only mention it as a last resort."

Avon's eyes were hard. "Not even as that." It was clear that he would prefer death to this last resort.

Vila wondered if he had missed something or if the others were as perplexed as he was. The first option sounded good to him. "What's this last resort?"

A snarl twisted Avon's lips and he spit out the name like a poison he was trying to remove. "_Servalan_."

Vila had the same feeling, without the snarl. He said, "That would be worse than…well whatever the worst could be times ten."

Argus had a flash of guilt and hoped no one was looking at him. Would _he_ go to Servalan if nothing else worked? He had been contemplating it as a last resort but Avon had just indicated that he preferred death. Argus didn't want to lose this man. He had come to consider him as a friend. He cared about him.

But did that give him the right to force this on Avon? Against his will? From the sounds of it, if nothing worked for Avon, the result would be madness. Argus knew that he could convince himself that Avon was too stubborn to know what was good for him. Did that give him the right to take the choice away from him? Would that make him no better than Servalan? Even if she could heal Avon, would Avon never recover from having to turn to her for help? Argus was wracked with indecision and guilt. He had already compromised himself. The agreement he made with Servalan to protect Avon was one he regretted every day. But he was trapped. He wished he wasn't a man of his word but he had to honour the commitment he had made.

Dr. Kendric went on, "The next way would be to resolve them externally."

Avon asked, "You mean, find out what really happened to me?"

"Yes. That may be a sufficient bridge to your original memories that your mind will be able to find a way to get past the blocks and eventually break them. But it's a haphazard way of doing it. At the moment, your mind is like an activated time bomb with an unpredictable detonator. There is a possibility that a cascading effect might still occur if the wrong blocks are removed."

Avon asked, "It's a possibility. But there is also a possibility that it will work?"

"Yes. As I had indicated, it is an unpredictable way of doing it because there is no knowing what is out there to be discovered. That's a factor you cannot control."

Cally asked, "What's the last option?"

Dr. Kendric paused again. "The last one is something we can do that the Federation has never been able to. We can remove the memories."

Argus asked, "But isn't that what the Federation already does by placing memory blocks?"

"No. They are forced to use blocks because they do not have the knowledge or ability to permanently remove the memories."

This interested Avon. "But you can?"

"Yes. We do have that ability."

It sounded too simple. Avon knew there had to be a catch. "Without affecting the functioning of my mind?"

"Yes. You will still remain you. There would be no negative impact on your mind's ability to function or with any skills or information that you possess. The only impact would be the memories and the learned behaviours associated with those memories."

Avon asked, "How long would this take?"

"The result will be permanent gaps in your memory. This would cause other types of stress. Therapy is still your best option, Avon."

Avon repeated, "How long?"

Kendric looked another of her colleagues, a tanned man who seemed to like short capes. "Dr. Tees?"

The man thought aloud, "We'll have to map out all the zones of memory and find the connected threads. That might take weeks because of the extent of tampering done to your mind and the number of instances of trauma. It has to be very detailed so that we will not damage anything else. Depending on the range and complexity of the memories, the surgery could take four to eight hours. Then you'll need recovery time for your mind to stabilize to the new configurations. That will require therapy. I'd say four to six weeks as a conservative estimate. We will try to leave as many of your memories intact as we can but I'm afraid that almost all of the ones associated with the traumas will have to be removed as well. If we leave any strong connections behind, your mind might be able to find a way to rebuild the memories. Then you'd be back to where you started."

Cally asked, "What does that mean, doctor?"

The tanned man looked around at all of them before replying, "I suspect that if we were to remove the memories of the years Avon spent under Servalan's custody, he would most likely have to lose everything from the time he was captured up to his most recent memories."

"Why?" Cally asked in shock.

"The relationships and experiences he has had since then are intricately tied together. The nature of how he relates with you, for example, has changed because of what happened to him. That would have to be removed along with the memories of the traumas. That would apply to his relationship with all of you."

"No." Avon's voice was quiet and subdued. "That is not an option."

Vila didn't think it was too bad an option. True they might have to go back to where they were before, but they could start over. If they could do it this time, why couldn't they do it again?

He didn't even want to try to imagine the things Avon might want to forget. His own memories of what happened after Avon was rescued were more than enough for him. He remembered only too clearly the sight of Avon trying to kill himself when he came back. The shock of seeing the desperation and tears on the face of a man who he never thought could be defeated. And Avon's agony when he struggled with the simple task of choosing his own clothing. "Avon, think about it."

He was also thinking about other memories that might be useful to lose. Ones he wished he could forget as well. It would be an easy solution to many things.

Avon was being stressed again and he said forcefully, "No! That is not an option." There was unexplained anguish in his eyes that he was trying to suppress. Cally put her hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her. He repeated in a softer but firm voice, "No."

His eyes narrowed as he looked beyond her and saw Sester leaning against the wall near the doorway. The compassion in the man's eyes made him angry. There was no knowing how long he had been standing there.

_What does he know?_

_Chapter_ Twelve

Avon stood up and moved threateningly forwards as Sester came towards the gathered group. Cally placed a gentle hand on Avon's shoulder and he stopped, his head angling towards her. *_ He may know something. _*

Cally projected to him, * _I know. _*

There was a fleeting grin on Sester's face as he came closer. His eyes connected with Avon's and the two men stared at each other. Argus stepped between them. His glare and his protective posture caused Sester to smile with amusement.

The Tellarans watched this interaction with cautious interest. They weren't used to such open hostility. Alyce stepped forward. "Welcome, Sester. You've come to see how Avon is?"

Sester glanced at Avon and then Argus before he said pleasantly, "That was my intent."

"It is a good intent."

"I thought so." His manner was warm, sincere and full of light humour. "And before you ask, Avon, I don't know what was done to you by Servalan and I don't know what was done to you in the past. That knowledge was kept from me."

A cynical snarl appeared on Avon's face. "You expect me to believe that?"

Before either man could escalate this further, Reya's earnest voice asked, "Could you find out?"

Sester gave a nervous, wondering laugh. Reya always knew more about him than was comfortable. Asking him this in front of the others meant that it was very important to her. In addition, it avoided any personal games he might play. However, that didn't mean that he didn't have other options. He looked at Argus, and with a trace of mischievous in his eyes asked, "Do _you_ want me to?"

Argus avoided the snarl from appearing his own face but his right fist clenched in frustration. He was about to respond when Avon stepped up beside him and said with a menacing growl, "We don't need your help."

Cambrin, the man from the Impact Analysis Department, had come into the room and had been watching this exchange quietly. He heard that Sester had arrived on the planet and was headed to the medical facility that was treating Avon.

There was sympathy and interest in Cambrin's eyes as he observed the barely veiled hostility directed towards Sester. When he spoke, it was with deliberateness. "But he wants to help."

Sester's back straightened as he recognized the voice. For a second, his expression did not change and then a smile stretched his face. He turned around to face Cambrin. He knew what this man was now. When their eyes met, they both knew that he knew.

Cambrin smiled in return, "I'm surprised it took you that long."

"I didn't expect a fellow practitioner to be here of all places," said Sester with studied amusement. "What would a psychostrategist be doing in this paradise?"

The crew were frozen in shock. Like Sester, this was also the last thing they expected. Avon's eyes narrowed as he looked at Sester and Cambrin. He could feel Argus tensing beside him.

Cambrin said, "You should know why."

Sester thought for a moment and then a knowing grin appeared on his face, "Of course. I should have realized. It had to have been."

Vila remarked under his breath, "Well he's definitely a psychostrategist then. I don't understand a word either one of them are saying."

Argus tried to keep the suspicion out of his voice when he asked Alyce, "You employ psychostrategists from the Federation?"

Alyce turned friendly eyes towards him, "We have our own."

Argus wasn't expecting that response.

Alyce said, "You're concerned? In your experience of psychostrategists, you cannot think of a use for such skills here?"

Argus admitted, "No." He did not want to offend but he was cautious. His knowledge and experience of psychostrategists in the Federation made him instantly wary of any society that would use them.

Alyce said, "Cambrin, why don't you explain?"

Cambrin nodded. He did not have the casual affability of Sester or the warm friendliness of Alyce but he had a studied but light pleasantness in his manner. "In the Federation, the skills of a psychostrategist are used as a weapon. They are employed to manipulate individuals or groups of individuals in order to meet the purposes of the Federation."

He looked briefly at Sester. No objection was forthcoming from his counterpart but there was a wary watchfulness about him.

Reya asked, "How are they different here?"

Cambrin turned his head towards her; there was a look of respect on his eyes. "In the Tellar Union, the same skills are used with the full consent of our people, in order to meet the needs of our society. All societies must change and adapt in order to survive. Particularly in the hostile environment which surrounds us. As psychostrategists, we are responsible for determining possible short and long-term effects and dangers of various key actions, changes and influences and how it fits into the goals of our society. We make recommendations on optimal paths and build strategies to meet those goals. Whether the strategies are followed is determined by our own people."

Argus said, "That's why Alyce referred to you as her Impact Analysis Department?"

"Yes. That is our primary role."

Avon was highly sceptical. Manipulation of any kind had never been positive for him. The idea of consensual manipulation seemed less than likely. "What you describe sounds like human engineering."

Cambrin smiled pleasantly, "Informed human engineering. We shape our society according to our goals rather than leaving it to random forces based on chance or momentary whims. We are here to serve the needs of our people."

Even though Avon found it hard to believe, he could not deny that he was fascinated by this idea. "A society based on intelligent principles and focused on pre-determined goals?"

"Determined by our own people. Yes."

Alyce said, "I assure you that it works. The psychostrategists were key to changing our society to what it is now."

Cambrin shook his head, "The people of Tellar were the key. We wanted this to happen. The psychostrategists just provided the necessary social tools and strategies to do it."

There was a great deal of respect between Alyce and Cambrin. She said teasingly, "They are also extremely modest."

A look of wry irritation appeared on Cambrin's face and then he grinned.

Vila turned to Sester, "Why don't you do that?"

Sester had not made any comments or added anything to what Cambrin was saying. He knew what they were all thinking so Vila's question came as no surprise.

Everyone looked towards him, making him feel like something under a microscanner. He said, "You wouldn't understand."

In a gentle voice, Reya said, "You're right, we don't understand. But we would like to."

Sester remembered that he had discussed this topic with her before. Obviously, she didn't accept his reasoning then. Sometimes, he had to admit, he wasn't so sure himself these days.

He had felt increasingly uneasy as Cambrin describe the way psychostrategy worked in the Tellar Union. Fear touched him. He had to get away from here; he knew why Cambrin had been so interested in seeing him. He could not allow this man to influence him.

Sester's psychostrategist instincts screamed the danger. He was starting to get a headache. The longer he listened, the worse it was getting.

He had already allowed too much to influence him.

Being intimately involved in destroying Avon, someone he had come to respect, had slowly stripped away his detached objectivity. It had shaken him to the point where he became personally involved; risking his own life to save someone whom he could no longer view as a puppet.

In many ways, he had Servalan to thank, or to blame for that. She had used him in a way that psychostrategists were not meant to be used.

His decision to become involved with Reya had destroyed that detachment further. He could see it very clearly. His own mistakes that had brought him to this point.

Too many people on the ship had become human to him. It wasn't just these two anymore. If the Guild Council knew, they would have him removed immediately. A psychostrategist who developed a personal agenda was too dangerous.

He was a psychostrategist. That was his identity. Without it, he was nothing. He could not allow this deterioration to go further.

Reya's eyes were full of compassion. He could almost swear that she knew the struggle that was going on inside him. He had to escape this oppressive atmosphere but her eyes held him still. To reverse the deterioration, he had to lose her. He couldn't do that.

Sester could almost 'feel' Avon's eyes boring into him, seeking out the places that activated the feelings of guilt he always carried. He knew he couldn't leave. There was a debt to repay.

The pain in his head had continued building until it was almost unbearable. He turned to Cambrin and said with a voice dripping with cold menace. "Don't try to manipulate me, Cambrin. It won't work." All pleasantness had disappeared from his manner.

**********

Avon and Cally were in their cabin sharing an embrace; their arms wrapped around each other, Cally's head resting against his chest, enjoying a rare moment of warmth.

"Avon, do you want to discuss what the specialists told us today?"

"Not particularly. But I imagine that you do?"

"Would you mind?"

Avon hesitated. His first instinct was to say yes. With anyone else, he would have but he had made a commitment to this relationship. "I would be lying if I said no."

Cally rested her head against his chest again in disappointment. "Alright."

Avon pulled back and lifted her chin up to look at her face. "But that doesn't mean that I won't. What would you like to talk about?"

"You don't like the first option, do you? Even though it is the best one."

Avon knew what the next question would be before he answered her first one. "The idea of exposing myself is almost as bad as the other options. The only viable one for me is to find out what really happened."

Cally pressed the flat of her hand against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart and the warmth of life that radiated from him. "But you know that option is dangerous. I don't want to lose you. None of us do."

"It's only a possibility, Cally. It may not happen. Eventually we will have to find out the truth regardless of the option."

She rubbed her palm against his chest lightly. "Why won't you consider the last option, Avon?"

Avon didn't have to think about it. "No." His eyes followed the movement of her hand on his chest.

"But it would solve..."

"I can't do it. Don't ask me to." The tone in his voice told her that he had closed this topic. Cally knew that to pursue it further would not produce any results and would only make him stubborn.

She sighed inwardly. It was always difficult to get him to discuss anything personal. It usually took him awhile to open up. Each time was a slow, patient struggle on her part.

Her instinct told her that now was not the time to broach it further. There would be time, when he was more ready. Instead she said, "Avon, you've been able to communicate with me using your mind. Something I didn't think was possible for a human."

Avon's head tilted with curiosity, wondering why she would make so obvious a remark. He gave a cautious acknowledgement. "Yes."

"Avon, do you trust me?"

Even curiouser. This was a question they had already dealt with quite adequately before. She must have a reason for asking it again.

Avon was aware that some women required constant reassurances, though usually it was in the nature of love. It appeared that Auronar women may be no different. "I'm afraid that I do."

"Enough to allow me more access to your mind?"

Ahh. This was where the conversation was going. Ever cautious, Avon asked, "Why don't you tell me what you have in mind?"

"Always careful."

He would deny her nothing. But… "I like to know what to prepare for."

Cally lifted her head from his chest and met his eyes. "On Auron, when we share physical intimacy, it is much deeper than what we have been sharing."

He was aware of a slight increase in his own metabolism as the other half of the conversation revealed itself. And also a feeling of…

Cally continued, "It is almost entirely with the mind. The physical aspects are incidental and only add another sensation of pleasure but usually it is not required."

This was interesting. Though they had shared both the physical and mental aspects of sex before, he had been too preoccupied to ask for any details about Auronar practices. "Then how do you reproduce?"

"Those of the psi generations are clones, remember? Normal biological reproduction is not an imperative for us. And as the mental experience is very intense, the physical aspects are usually not as important."

This was troubling. The mental aspects she had shared with him had been a revelation and extremely pleasurable but she seemed to be suggesting that there was a whole level of experience that was still missing. It was a blow to discover that what he had shared with her was lacking in some way and that it had to do with his own inabilities. "Are you saying that our sexual...experiences have been unsatisfying?"

Her hand rubbed his chest again. "No. It has been very enjoyable."

"Just not very intense." A self-mocking quality crept into his tone.

"The physical pleasure you have shown me has been…"

He cut her off, "As strong as the mental? Which is not that strong from what you've just expressed."

Cally's eyes held light amusement. "Avon, have I hurt your pride?"

His denial was just a little too quick. "I'm only trying to establish a relational comparison. To see what…"

"You _are_ hurt. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to take it like that. Sex with you has been beyond anything I could imagine possible."

There was a petulant quality in Avon's voice now. "Now, you're just patronizing me."

Cally refrained from sighing. Male pride was a difficult thing to handle once it was hurt. She would have to fix this somehow. But how to do it without prickling that sensitive male pride further was a challenge; especially with someone who had suffered many blows to his self-esteem.

What she had originally intended to do with him might not be a wise idea. It had been in the nature of an experiment, something she had thought he might appreciate. Nevertheless, she realized that it touched an area that was very sensitive to a male. If the experiment failed, he would take it very personally.

Avon's next words surprised her. "You brought this up because you think that I'm capable of this increased level of mental activity? Even though I am not an Auronar?" It was almost as if he had read her mind.

"From what you've been able to achieve so far, I thought it might be possible."

Avon realized that he had misjudged the situation and overreacted. "You wanted to experiment?"

Cally wasn't sure now. She didn't want to run the risk of hurting him. "I know it's a silly idea. Forget I mentioned it." The last thing she wanted was that he would approach their future moments of intimacy with the idea that he was inadequate in some way.

There was awkwardness between them. Avon knew it was his fault. A flash of irrational pride on his part had brought up a barrier between them. He had already shut her down in their discussion about the options that the Tellarans had presented. There were too many barriers of his own making. He did not want another one.

He lightened the tone in his voice and said with a deadpan face, "In the interest of science and alien diplomacy, I think we _must_ undertake this experiment."

Cally's eyes searched his and said with hesitation, "Are you sure, Avon?"

"All knowledge is useful."

His eyes were dark and mysterious but she could almost swear there was a faint twinkle in them.

Cally began to remove her clothing. Avon stared at her for a moment as she slid her top down over her shoulders and the soft light of the cabin played over her bare skin.

He asked, "Do we need to remove our clothes if the sex is to be mental in nature?"

Seeing that he had not made a start yet, Cally decided to help him. She unsnapped the top button of his jacket. "I am _not_ losing the physical aspects of our joining. You've shown me that it is possible to experience great pleasure even without the touching of minds."

"You wish to experiment with both?" His voice was full of light amusement.

"If you're up for it."

Avon pressed his body lightly against hers and smiled. "What do you think?"

Her eyes widened at the contact. "I think that you have far too much clothing on."

"How inefficient of me."

He began to help her take his clothes off.

As Cally stripped of his outer jacket, she asked a question she had always wanted the answer to. "Avon, why do you wear all these layers? Is your metabolism suited to warmer climates?"

"I've never thought about it."

It did not take long to shed the rest of their clothing. Avon tilted her head up and brought their lips close. Cally's lips parted in anticipation. He came closer, teasing her but not touching. They could feel the heat from each other's bodies, their mutual desires warming them into an overwhelming hunger. His voice was husky as he asked in a whisper, "What do you want me to do?"

Cally used her mind. * _Are you sure you want to do this, Avon? _*

Avon's gaze was steady on hers and a smile played on his lips, * _For the advancement of science, I think we must. _*

Gently and deliberately, Cally's mental presence brushed lightly along his barriers. Avon drew in a quick hiss of breath at the erotic nature of her invisible touch.

Cally's voice was soft and enticing, loving and encouraging as she continued to play lightly and teasingly along his psychological barriers. * _Let me in, Avon. _*

Avon closed his eyes and concentrated on the touch of Cally's mind. Each time they attempted to achieve greater intimacy with their minds, they would have to wait for him.

The putting up of barriers was instinctive. It required no thought. He had no mechanisms for bringing them down. In fact, he had automatic reactions to prevent them from coming down. It was called fear. Not the kind that he imagined Vila felt; that heart-pounding fear that dried ones mouth and threatened to scramble the mind. His was the opposite response; offense masking any hint of fear. Prickly barriers that warned off anyone daring to get close. It had made for a lonely and isolating existence, but for him it had been better than the alternative.

Avon trusted Cally. He trusted her more than anyone he had ever known, including Anna. For her, he would do anything. Even this.

Slowly, he relaxed. With Cally touching his mind, he was aware of his own mental barriers as if they were a physical object. Thick calloused walls. Like layers upon layers of hard scabs; wounds that had healed over without benefit of a tissue regenerator.

She brushed gently along his barriers again; a loving and enticing presence. He could feel her desire for him; it fuelled and intensified his own. Their bodies were more than ready but the goal was something potentially more powerful.

Avon was aware of the stirring of old apprehensions. Fears of allowing Cally close enough to hurt him if she wanted; the fear of exposing himself and having her reject him. Fear that she would be fascinated by his usefulness and forget the man that was inside. A lifetime of fears camouflaged under a layer of hostile indifference and arrogance.

No. What was he thinking? Cally was not like that.

For him, love was the ultimate act of irrationality because it meant willingly putting your trust in someone without the benefit of assurances.

_Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it. _He had told that to Anna even as he put his trust in her. She must have found him such a fool.

There was a stab of pain and guilt. Anna had betrayed him but she had also loved him enough to let him go. And he had killed her. She may not have meant to shoot him in the back. Had he made another mistake? Another fatal…

His heart began racing. He did not want any more surprises.

*_ Avon. _* Cally's soft presence brushed against him in concern.

*_ Cally. _* Her name came out as a choked response and he opened tortured eyes to look at her.

Except, it wasn't his eyes. Not the eyes that could discern colour, textures and needed light for vision; that imperfect sense that could be blinded by so many things. This was a different seeing. With shock, Avon realized that he was inside Cally's mind.

Avon gasped and his knees buckled at the rush of knowing. He felt Cally's arms wrapping around him in support. He clung onto her even as he 'saw' her for the first time with his mind. There was an overwhelming rush of sensations of another being's mind. It was an ability he had always wanted; to be able to pierce the illusions and see someone for who they truly were.

She was breathtaking. The multi-layered personality. Perfect and imperfect at the same time. And her imperfections only added to her attraction. _How is this possible?_

Cally told him_, You needed it._

Avon's mind reacted in surprise. _You heard that?_

_Yes. You're inside my mind. You do not need to project your thoughts for me to hear them._

Avon fought an immediate rising apprehension born of years of mistrust. It was as if someone had suddenly had stripped him bare.

Cally must have felt his uneasiness because she reassured him; _I cannot read your innermost thoughts, Avon. Only the ones that are near the surface. I cannot unless you allow me to._

Avon asked, _Like _y_ou are allowing me to with your thoughts?_

Her naked mind-self was even more beautiful than her physical one.

When Cally answered, it was with a whisper of yielding_, Yes._

Avon's breath caught in his throat. This was a raw truth beyond that of machines. The truth of a machine lay in its inability to do anything except what it was designed for. What Cally was offering was something much more valuable. She was willingly laying herself bare because she loved him.

He had finally found what he had not thought possible with a living being.

_Touch me, Avon. _It was an offer and an imperative.

He knew she wasn't referring to using his hands or the pressing together of their bodies.

Hesitantly, haltingly, clumsily, Avon's mind flowed into hers like a child trying to crawl for the first time; unsure of what he was capable of. He sensed her as a living presence all around him. He was filled with wonder. Her presence was a landscape of dynamically flowing consciousness that he was experiencing as vivid colours and harmonies.

In his mind's eye, he registered a grey area that seemed to darken a corner of her mind; like a gravitational anomaly that would swallow the brightness around it. He approached it with curiosity. Avon felt her immediate discomfort and he mentally backed away.

Cally's mind spoke to him, _No, Avon. I want you to touch it. I want you to know me._

Tendrils of his consciousness reached forward gently and carefully, like slender fingers.

A cry of agony escaped both of their lips as he touched the darkness and it echoed in his own pain.

A crashing, aching, painful, unbearable loneliness. The isolation of an Auronar without her own people. The terror of reaching out with your mind and finding that you were completely and utterly alone.

With shock, Avon opened his eyes and looked down into Cally's face. Her physical eyes were still closed, but silent tears of loneliness had welled up at the corner of her lids and flowed down over her cheeks. He had known the tearing loneliness of forced isolation at the Detention Centre but it was nothing compared to this.

Avon held her close, lending her the comfort of his body, and with his mind, he touched the painful darkness again, sharing it with her; reminding her that she was not alone. He knew that he was a poor substitute; he was not an Auronar, he could not possibly fill the void that had been left in her heart. But he gave her what he could.

After what seemed to be a long while, Cally became calm again and she told him, _Avon, I want you to continue._

His mental presence gave the impression of shaking his head. _This is too painful for you. We should stop._

Cally's mind told him,_ For an Auronar, life is not about avoiding pain. At least, for me it didn't used to be. _

He asked,_ What changed?_

_Some truths are too painful to be faced alone and there was no longer any to help me through it._

Avon remembered a day in Cally's cabin. In retrospect, he had said a very foolish and useless thing. Especially in light of what she was saying now. For him, emotional pain had always been dealt with by keeping it a small part of his life. It was ironic that he barely had that ability now himself; it had been taken away from him. He had failed her that day. He had been blind to what she truly needed.

He said, _Do you remember that day in your cabin when…_

_We had our conversation about regrets? I have never forgotten. _He could feel a soft, affectionate smile flowing from her.

A shard of guilt passed through him. _I failed you that day. I should not have told you to keep regret a small part of your life. That wasn't what you needed to hear._

Cally's presence brushed his gently, sending a tremor of comfort and desire through him. _You gave me what I needed. Even if you didn't have the knowledge of what I needed. Caring is not about knowing what to do. It is about doing._

_Is that an Auron saying?_

He experienced her answer as light laughter. _It is adapted from something you said and an Auron saying. This version fits you._

He said with amusement, Y_ou mean because it reflects my inability to express how I feel in a way other people would recognize?_

Cally's mental voice chuckled.

Avon hugged her closer, feeling the softness of her body rubbing against his. _Is this what sex with an Auronar is like? _He felt closer to her and more comfortable than he had ever felt with another being.

Cally's eyes turned serious again. _It is only a prelude. Baring yourself to your partner is required for a deeper joining._

Avon experienced a fragment of dread. _I will have to do this as well? _He already knew the answer.

_One day__. When you're ready. But for now, it's enough for me to do it._

He said, _I'm sorry._

_Don't be, Avon. I know that you have given me all that you are capable of giving and much more. It is all that I have ever hoped that anyone would do for me._

He asked in a teasing tone, _It's the thought that counts? That hardly sounds adequate._

Cally said, _Avon! You gave up two years of your life for me. Suffered things that I could only imagine. That is more than adequate for several lifetimes._

Avon continued in a light teasing manner, _You're going to keep holding that over me, aren't you?_

_Only if you insist on being unreasonable._

A grin touched Avon's lips and his mind.

_Avon. We are not done yet. I want you to continue._

Avon wavered. He didn't know if it was his own fear that stopped him or hers. They were so intricately tied together that it was hard to tell.

When he didn't say anything, Cally encouraged him. _It has been a long time since I've shared these things with anyone_. She paused in sad reflection. _I have never shared these things with anyone. I need to._

Her eyes were filled with pain and sorrow. She needed him.

Avon bent his head and kissed her lightly on the lips; a gesture of affection and not desire. _Alright._

They both closed their eyes in order to facilitate the joining of their minds again. This time, Avon felt that it was not his own mind that was moving past her barriers. She was moving forward to meet him; opening herself up, allowing him to flow into her.

The ability always resided with her, not him.

_That's true, _Cally's mind told him.

Avon nearly jumped. It was still disconcerting to have her hear thoughts that he was not deliberately sending her way.

He felt her amusement. _You're not used to it yet?_

Avon thought wryly, _I'm not sure I ever will be._

He willed his mind to relax and opened up his awareness. The grey area was still there. He wasn't sure but it didn't appear as dark anymore.

Avon continued. It was like moving through an unexpected landscape of living shapes and colours and flashes of memories and impressions.

Something up ahead. Powerful. He could feel it drawing him. Painful. He almost recoiled from it. It was impossible to describe its shape, it seethed and moved like a living being. He had an impression of bright red like the trickling of fresh blood flowing from it. His mental presence stopped its advance.

He could sense the undercurrent of pain in Cally's voice. _I need you to get closer, Avon. It is the other thing I want you to see._

Avon pushed himself forward, ignoring his own instinct to withdraw. He reached out with his mind and touched the seething red mass.

They both screamed as they felt the dying of a world. Overwhelming feelings of guilt, loss and horror crashed through their barriers. The horrible sense that they should not be alive when so many were dead. They both fell to their knees, holding onto each other, their legs no longer able to stand up in the face of overpowering grief and desolation.

Avon's mind struggled to maintain coherence even as he felt the feelings continue to overwhelm Cally. There were so many points of connection with his own experiences that he should have been swept up too. For some reason he was just barely able to stay in control. For Cally's sake, he was glad. For once, he would be able to help _her_.

Avon held her tightly in his arms and opened up his internal awareness, straining past his own reactions to the emotions that were too painful to bear. He couldn't think about it now. He had to help Cally.

With shock, Avon sensed that Cally wasn't just being overwhelmed with emotions, she was allowing them to. She was letting them engulf her in their devastating power. She _wanted_ this; wanted them to hurt her, to tear at her, to bury her and to punish her for still being alive.

Avon felt a sharp echo of familiar pain; it was a state he understood very well.

What Cally was experiencing was the death of Auron. The feeling of helplessness paralyzed her. She could not, would not fight the onslaught of the guilt at having survived when most of her people had not. The sorrow and aching loneliness ate at her as the voices faded away, one by one until there was nothing left except the horrifying isolation of her own thoughts.

Avon felt the tears slowly trickle down Cally's face, building up until it became a torrent of grief as Cally began sobbing, her body heaving and her mind wracked with inconsolable grief and guilt. Avon encircled her with his arms as her head dropped to his shoulder.

To feel another person's essence on this profound a level, to experience the depth of their sorrows and the devastation of their souls, touched Avon in a way nothing else had before. They were connected in their pains. Avon's mind touched hers in comfort and love. An instinct from one suffering being to another.

Avon continued to hold her tightly, allowing her to grieve and listening as she began sharing about all the things that weighed her down; a burden of living that was so heavy that at times it threatened to cut off her ability to breathe. As Cally's sobs began to die down, Avon kissed the top of her head and then lifted her up gently in his arms. He could feel his back strain and it was an effort not to drop her but he managed to get them both onto the bed. He cradled her in his arms as she leaned back against his shoulder.

This was an intimacy beyond anything either of them had ever known. Cally turned tear-stained eyes towards him. and asked, _Did I hurt you? I thought I could shield you from most of it but…_

_It's alright, Cally. I'm fine. I think you did help. I was able to maintain control. The more important question is, how are you feeling?_

The warmth and affection in his mental voice was raw and unvarnished. She marvelled at the gentleness and unguarded love she saw in his eyes. He would probably retreat behind his tough protective shell as the pressures of their lives made their demands on him again, but for tonight, he was giving this to her.

She shared, _It still hurts. It probably always will but I can face it now. The healing has begun. Thank you, Avon_. She kissed him in affection.

Avon said, _You asked me before why I would not consider the last option. I did not give you an answer. I would like to now._

He could 'feel' her conscious attention.

_If I lose the last four years. I may lose one pain, but I would be returning to another. I may hate Servalan for what she did to me. __Nevertheless, there is something that I am grateful to her for. She gave me you. I was too protected in myself to be able to reach out to you. Even when I wanted to. Especially after Anna. Perhaps we might have eventually but it would have taken along time. Too much time lost. What Servalan did was to force me to look at what I had been doing to myself and to destroy the control I had_. _If she had not, what we just did would not have been possible now. I will not lose this. I will not lose you. Or Vila. Even Argus and Reya. I thought once that I could survive alone. That it was the only way I could survive. I was wrong. _

As Avon 'talked' to her, they were also exploring each others bodies and minds. They were relaxed and at ease with each other, not in a hurry. It was enough that they were together, their minds touching.

Cally said, _But at what cost, Avon? If your memories are erased, you can start over again. We could still have this again._

_But there is no guarantee. The person I am now is one of the possibilities of who I could be. I will not lose it. For your sake. For Vila's. And for mine. If I have to live without this…_He leaned towards her and brushed his lips against hers while he lowered his barriers a little to allow her more access to his mind. Her presence was like a gentle, comforting tide as it flowed in to fill the areas he had left for her. It fuelled what they were already doing.

…_And risk the chance that we may never regain it again, then I would rather not go through with the surgery that will erase my memories. I would rather be broken and have you than to be whole and risk the chance of never having this again_.

Cally said, _But, Avon_…

Avon lifted his head to look at her. His face was flushed and his pupils were large. _I will try the therapy but I would also like to find the truth._

Cally sighed with relief_. We will find it together._Their desires slowly increased as physical and mental expressions fed each other. Cally touched a place in Avon's mind that she knew would sent ripples of pleasure through his consciousness. He gasped and unconsciously held her tighter. He breathed deeply as the sensation made its way through his awareness. She touched him again and this time, she gasped in surprise and arched towards him as a wave of desire swept over her. Her eyes widened in amazement and she looked at him. There was a smile on his lips.

She asked, _That was you?_

_Yes. I wasn't sure it was possible. When you touched me again, I reached out with my mind._ He seemed hesitant, almost shy, at his own newfound ability to give her pleasure. _The experiment was a success._

Cally grinned.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Thirteen

When an Auronar wakes, it's with their minds first. The stirring consciousness reaches outwards, expanding from a place where the self has withdrawn in order to be a separate entity at rest. They instinctively reach for their partner first.

Avon's walls were thick and high. When she travelled along them with her mind, touching them, searching for the illusive cracks that might let her through, she could see the scars. The thick, calloused scabs that felt hard to the touch of her mind. She would press against it and be repulsed, but not before she could feel the pain that lurked just beneath. When he was asleep, there was no active defence, only the wall. In a conscious state, his defences became dynamic, pushing people away, presenting a prickly exterior, barbs that darted out to attack those who dared to threaten him.

He controlled himself when he was with her. He trusted her; enough to let her enter occasionally. With her, he had become a man who had not conquered his fear of sentiment, but loved despite the fear.

Cally glanced over at the chronometer. It was time. She had to apply the stimulant before the nightmares could have a chance to take hold. The injector was in the drawer by the bed. She took it out and pressed it against Avon's neck. With a sigh, she depressed it and heard the hiss as the drugs entered his system. It would take a few moments.

Which Avon would wake up to greet her? Was it the one last night? The one who deliberately left himself open so that she could clearly see his love and not as through a puzzling maze of action and occasional clumsy sentiment? Would their mutual pain be enough to connect them as they had last night?

Today was an important day. Avon had promised that he would give the therapies a chance. She knew that he would keep his word.

Cally propped her head up on one hand and waited for him to wake. With her other hand she caressed his body, gentle and affectionately. Tiredness and the ease of their interaction last night had not made it necessary for them to redress. They had shared great intimacy and immense pleasure. The 'knowing' of each other had made the experience even deeper and enabled higher levels of sensation.

She felt more relaxed and free of tensions than she had in a long time.

The last time she felt this free of tension was on Auron. Before she had decided to take up the fight against the Federation. When she left her own people, it had been a frightening and isolating experience. Even in the midst of a group of Terrans, she was always alone. She had felt like a person who was both deaf and dumb. Seeing people but unable to engage with them in the way she wanted to; a hunger that would always go unfulfilled.

She'd never realized how precious it was to be part of the whole; to be able to hear the background music of minds; to know that you were never alone. What she shared with Avon last night had filled a deep need within her.

Avon's eyes opened and saw her. Some of the openness was still there. He had not lost all of it yet. His voice was a husky whisper as he asked, "Are we going to carry on from where we left off?" He touched her lips and traced his fingers gently along them.

Cally's hand ran its way sensually up his chest, carefully avoiding the scars. Her voice was full of a yearning that belonged to the world of dreams. "I would like to. I wish that this time would never end. I wish that we would never have to go back to the real world. I wish…"

"You wish that what we shared last night, the openness I was able to achieve would become permanent?"

Her eyes searched his, wondering what decisions they held. "I know that to do so would not be you. It's not something that is natural for you."

Avon gathered her up in his arms, pressing the warmth of their bodies together. Something profound had changed inside him last night. How he perceived her had been altered. He didn't know it until he heard the longing in her voice.

She was no longer just a person he loved outside of himself. He had felt her pain and her deep sorrows, her aching loneliness and terrible guilt as if they were his own. He had experienced her strength and also her vulnerability and brokenness. She did not have the defences he had; he knew she did not want them. She had become a part of him and him a part of her. He knew that when she hurt, he would feel it.

"No, Cally. You're wrong. It _is_ a part of me. This will always be a part of me. It is a me that could be; one possibility that we know is real because we've both experienced it. But you're right in saying that it is not natural for me. It will never be the dominant part. I think we both know that too. But it is there now and it will never go away. I will not let it."

**********

Vila and Corinne were sharing a meal together at an outdoor café on the planet. It was a restful place where your favourite tea did not come with a side of suppressants. People sat here in comfort with no other purpose other than to watch people go by, to read a data-novel or chat with friends.

It was a relaxed and cheerful place with no dark shadows of security people threatening or the spying cameras that watched everything. It was clean here but without the artificial sterility of most worlds. The natural world blended seamlessly with the artificial one of technology. Real flowers and plants added a sweet fragrance and energy that no machine could reproduce.

Vila loved it here. It was a place he wished he had been born in rather than the slums of the Delta grids. He'd told someone once that he'd picked the wrong parents. He hadn't really meant it. It was just one of those defensive smart-mouthed things he used to say when he felt inadequate. But he wished now that he had had the ability to pick the right planet.

At first, he hadn't appreciated Tellaran society. He didn't think it would be a place he would feel comfortable in. His skills as a thief didn't belong here. The one thing that defined who he was, that made him valuable, didn't mean anything here.

As he got to know the people of Tellar, he realized that it didn't matter. They valued him for who he was here.

He had been absently staring at Corinne, his eyes resting on her as they invariably did. She made him feel good about himself too. There was a way she had of making him feel special, as if he was the most wonderful person she had ever known. But she hadn't met many people who were very nice so it wasn't surprising.

It made him nervous. He knew he wasn't as great as she felt he was. She thought of him as a brave hero, someone who did things for everyone else and wasn't selfish. If only she knew. He was like that sometimes but there were too many times that he hadn't been.

It made him very protective of her. He wanted to shield her from the things about himself that he didn't like. And it made him want to change even more.

"Vila?" Corinne was looking at him with a puzzled look on her face.

How long had he been staring at her but thinking about something else? He hoped it wasn't too long. "Yes?"

"Can I ask you a question?" They had both finished their meals and were lingering over their second cups of tea.

"What is it?" He picked up his cup and brought it to his lips to drink.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I know it's none of my business."

Corinne always tried not to offend anyone. Vila knew that if he let her go on, she'd probably convince herself not to ask what she wanted to.

"It's alright. Ask away," Vila encouraged her.

"It has to do with Avon and Sester."

"Oh." Vila could see why she was nervous about asking him.

Noticing his reaction, Corinne said, "I don't have to ask it if you think it's none of my business."

"No. That's fine. I'll try to answer if I can."

"When we were back at the medical facility, Avon seemed very hostile towards Sester."

Vila chuckled, "That's putting it mildly." No one had told Corinne about the relational mines on the ship. He was surprised she hadn't asked him much earlier.

"Can you tell me why?"

Vila's face became serious as he wondered what he should tell her. "Avon was a prisoner of Servalan for three years."

Corinne was horrified. "That's terrible."

Vila grimaced as he tried to imagine what it must have been like. "Yes. Very terrible." There was a lump in his throat as his mind brought up images of the ugly marks he had seen on Avon's body when he helped Cally tend to him in the medical unit. Vila felt a chill in his bones. He said again, "Very terrible."

"How does Sester fit into all this? I know he's a psychostrategist and he works for the Federation."

"He worked for Servalan. She used him to torture Avon." Vila's stomach was churning as he remembered that she had used him as well. She had conditioned him to do it but it didn't make him feel any better. "Servalan used Sester to break Avon."

"Oh." Corinne became very quiet. He could tell that she was thinking about this. "I can see why Avon would hate him." She stopped to think some more. "But he's on the ship now? Helping all of you?"

"Yes. But he's still working for Servalan."

Corinne was perplexed. "I don't understand. If he's working for Servalan, then why do you let him on the ship?"

"It's complicated," said Vila. And getting more complicated by the minute. "We have a temporary truce with Servalan because of the alien threat."

"You're working together like during the invasion?"

"Yes. Until the aliens are removed from our galaxy, we're working together. That's why Sester is here. He represents the Federation."

Corinne didn't seem to like this idea. "But isn't that cruel? Sester tortured Avon. Why would they send _him_ to be the representative? Wouldn't they know what that would do to Avon?"

Vila hadn't really thought about it like that before. He'd just accepted it as something Servalan would do. "Yes, Servalan knows. That's why she sent him."

Corinne's forehead was crinkled in puzzlement. "Sester doesn't seem like a cruel man. It's hard to believe that he could torture someone. And he acted like he cared about Avon in the medical facility."

"It's complicated," said Vila. He wasn't sure he understood it all himself. "You have to be careful of Sester. He's very nice on the outside but you never know what's going on on the inside."

"You mean he was just acting?"

"No. I think…" Trying to understand Sester was as hard as trying to understand Avon a lot of the times. "He _is_ sorry for what he did to Avon and he has been trying to help him recover. It was Sester who gave us the information so that we could rescue Avon from Servalan. He did it at great risk to his own life."

"So he's a good man now?"

"It's hard to say," said Vila cautiously. He did like Sester despite everything and he believed he was sincere about wanting to help Avon, but he didn't trust him entirely. "I think part of him _is_ good but not all of him. _And_ he still works for Servalan."

"I still don't understand. If he feels sorry for what he did then why doesn't he stop working for Servalan? "

That was a good question. He wondered if Sester would tell them the truth one day. "I don't understand it myself. I'm not sure he does."

Beep. Beep. / Excuse me please. / A small polite voice called for their attention from somewhere near their feet.

Vila and Corinne looked down in surprise. A robot in the vague shape of a dog with ears that rotated was the source of the polite request. It had brushes and other implements attached to in various place. A small brush extended from its side and gently tapped Vila's leg, causing him to lift both feet.

The little robot said brightly, / Thank you. / It extended various devices and began cleaning underneath the table. Corinne lifted her feet too. They both stared in amazement at the little machine.

"Sorry, it's not supposed to bother customers." A blond man in a white jacket came up to them. He said firmly, "Spot. Come out of there."

The little robot back out from underneath the table and tilted its head up to look at the man. It gave a little beep of query.

The man said, "You know you're not supposed to bother customers."

/ I'm sorry. / The little robot hung its head in apology.

Corinne said with a delighted, "Oh that's cute."

The man grinned. "I'm still trying to work out the courtesy sub-routines. And its learning circuits seem to be malfunctioning." He bent down and patted the robot dog on the head. The little thing's ears rotated in pleasure and it gave a few little happy beeps. "Now go and clean over there and remember about not bothering the customers. Alright?"

/ Alright / its little voice acknowledged as it moved away.

The man introduced himself warmly and extended his hand, "The name's Rubris. I'm a sanitation engineer."

They both got up to greet him. Vila said, "I'm Vila and this is Corinne."

"I thought I recognized you."

Vila asked, "You're a sanitation engineer?" He didn't want to say but in the Federation, that was just a fancy name for a garbage man. Not exactly a job that everyone wanted. It was always one that was strictly assigned to the lower grades and the lower the better.

"That's right," said Rubris. The man didn't have the automatic resentment and defensiveness that characterized some 'sanitation engineers' he knew back in the domes.

Vila said cautiously, "You seem to like your work."

"Oh, I love it. It's an important job and I get to exercise my creativity."

Vila blinked at that, wondering how creative you could be with garbage. He asked, "Creativity?"

"Yes. I helped to design the new cleaner-bot." He waved his hand towards the happily cleaning robot several tables away. It was working on a piece of cake that someone had just dropped on the ground. "I improved the interaction sub-routines. Spot is my first prototype with the new one."

"So you're an engineer who designs robots that do cleaning?"

"I help. I work in the Waste and Resource Management Department." Rubris said with humour, "I believe you would call us 'garbage people'."

"You…seem to like what you're doing. It's not that I don't think it's important but back on Earth, garbage disposal isn't a 'glamorous' job. You're usually stuck with it or you were unlucky." Vila couldn't believe he was talking about garbage.

"Oh, no. Not here. Sanitation engineers have an important role in the functioning of our society. And it's not an unpleasant job. It's only one if you make it one." Rubris seemed to be sincere in what he was saying and his voice was warming to the subject. If Vila didn't know the subject matter, he'd say the man was passionate about it.

"How do you make garbage _pleasant_?" Vila's nose almost wrinkled as he remembered some nasty reminders of how _unpleasant_ garbage could be when you lived in the packed lower-grade grids of the domes.

"Why does garbage have such a bad reputation in most societies?"

Vila wondered what kind of world this was. Did they condition everyone to _like_ their jobs? It was the only way he could think that someone would like dealing with something as smelly as garbage. "Well, I suppose because it smells, it's messy and there's so much of it. In the Federation, a lot of the garbage is shipped to waste planets or moons."

Rubris sighed sadly and shook his head. "Such a waste. I couldn't believe it at first when I read about it in school. People gather resources to make things, use a small fraction of it and then most of it ends up on these waste dumps. Then they gather more resources and do it all over again. So all you're left with are planets that have been plundered of all resources or are choked with pollution and ones that are full of waste. And then you move onto the next planet to start over again or you live in domes because everywhere else is has been destroyed."

Corinne said, "The way you describe it, makes people sound like parasites. Or a virus."

Rubris tugged on his ear nervously. "I didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's just…the way it seems to work in other places."

Despite his 'prejudice' about the subject of garbage, Vila was starting to find this discussion interesting. "So what do they do here?"

"We try to live in harmony with our environment. That's the main task of the sanitation engineers. We don't just deal with waste, we coordinate with all departments to make sure that there is a responsible use of resources and that there is maximum reuse of all materials. We have no need for dumping planets."

The little cleaner-bot came back and reported happily with a wag of its tail, / All done! /

Rubris patted it on the head, sending it into a frenzy of tail wagging and ear rotating. "Why don't you go and bring the garbage to the Reprocessing unit?"

The little robot said cheerfully and wagged its tail, / Alright! / It trundled off.

Rubris said apologetically, "I'm afraid it's a bit too enthusiastic. I'll have to work on it a bit more."

Corinne said, "I like it."

Vila glanced mischievously at Corinne and said with an exaggerated sigh, "Yes, I'm afraid Corinne can a bit too enthusiastic at times too. I'm not sure if anything can be done about her."

"Hey!" said Corinne.

He grinned at her.

Corinne said with mock outrage, "Wait 'til we get back to the ship!"

"Then I think I'll stay here," said Vila, still grinning.

Rubris said, "If you need a place to stay, I have an extra room."

Corinne said, "Don't encourage him. He just wants to get out of shoe shopping."

Vila sighed, "I'm not getting out of it, am I?"

"Not a chance. But if you're good, you can get one gadget."

"Just one?" Vila was trying to look forlorn but he couldn't help it, he started laughing. "Alright, I give up."

Corinne chuckled. "Alright, you can get as many as you want. But you might want to clean up your cabin a bit. Last time I nearly tripped over one of your gadgets."

"Hmm." Vila looked speculatively after the quickly disappearing robot. He asked Rubris, "Do you have any bots that pick up stuff and put them away?"

Rubris smiled.

**********

Sester was pacing in his cabin. He was almost frantic in his movements. The confrontation in the medical unit had made him snap out out at someone, something he rarely did unless he was pushed too far. Cambrin made him feel threatened and defensive.

He was toying with the idea of asking Servalan to remove him from his position here. Not just toying, he was thinking of manipulating her. Sester knew that Servalan had many reasons for him to be here. She was not about to do him any favours unless he gave her some.

The buzzer to his cabin chimed. Sester, who rarely snarled, did now. He was not in the mood for visits of any kind.

With irritation in every step, he went to open the door. He started on his message of unwelcome, "Leave me…" Sester stepped back in surprise. "Reya."

The irritation disappeared. She was a rare and beautiful sight framed in his doorway.

Reya looked much better now and there was colour in her cheeks rather than the pale pallor she still sported a few days ago. "Can I come in?"

Sester looked just outside his door to the left and right. The corridor was empty. He asked with hesitant and bewildered hope, "Alone?"

There was an earnest quality on her face that told him what she wanted to talk about. "You can see that there's no one here with me."

"I think you'd better go. I know what you want to talk about. You're only going to waste your time." Even as he said this, he stepped aside and she entered.

Reya may normally be hard and professional in her manner, the Commander that everyone was respectful of, but her voice today was gentle, "You're not a waste of my time. You never have been. You may think that I regret ever having met you…"

Sester had lost any trace of casual affability. He said bitterly, "Don't you?"

"I will never regret knowing you. I know that you're capable of great good."

"Then you don't know me very well, Reya. You should ask Avon and Argus. They'll set you straight." He started pacing.

"I don't need to ask anyone. I _know_. I think Cambrin knows too. Though I'm not sure how. That's why you had that confrontation on the planet."

Sester's voice was tight with tension, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do." She touched him gently on the arm.

Sester whirled around and pinned her to the wall. Reya was still not recovered sufficiently to react fast enough. His face was very close to her. She could feel the heat of his body fuelled by the passion of the tangle of emotions reflected in his eyes. She could tell that he wanted to kiss her, that he still desired her, but she could see him struggling to control himself.

Reya decided to trust him and stayed passive, waiting for him to do something.

Sester let her go and stepped back. There was torment in his voice. "I'm sorry. You'd…better go."

Reya looked at him with compassion, "Not until I say one thing."

Sester said in a harsh and anguished voice, "Say it and go."

Reya looked down as she tried to determine what she wanted to say that would reach him. She looked up and took a deep breath before she said, "I love you."

Sester's mouth opened in shock.

"But not in the way you want. We both know that will never happen."

Sester closed his mouth and nodded. His eyes did not meet hers again.

Reya continued. "I don't know why you're still working with Servalan. I know you have your own reasons but I don't think that you're sure of them anymore. I know that you believe your whole identity is tied up in being a psychostrategist. And for you that can only mean one thing. You may not like it, but Cambrin has shown you that a different way is possible. You can be a psychostrategist and not be a tool to harm others."

"Not harm." There was sarcasm in his voice, "Just a tool for a different set of masters."

Reya shook her head. "No. You know it wouldn't be like that with us. Or with the Tellarans. I get the impression that they would welcome you with open arms."

"But not you?"

Reya grimaced. "You know I would but…"

"The others never will." Sester lifted his head to look at her. It almost seemed like there was pain in his eyes.

Reya wanted to reach out to him but she knew he had reached a difficult crossroads. He was the only one who could decide which path he wanted. She asked gently, "Do you want them to?"

Sester became very still and then he laughed. It was a sound full of self-mocking and cynicism, not his normal light, pleasant laugher. "Don't fool yourself, Reya. That is another thing that we both know is not possible."

"You do want it, don't you? You hope one day, that you will be able to do enough that they'll both forgive you?"

Sester's tortured eyes met hers and he asked, "Do you think I deserve it?"

"That isn't what you want to know. Because you already know my answer. The question is, do _you_ think you deserve it?"

Sester gave a short laugh and stepped back. "I think you'd better leave."

Reya said, "Alright." She headed for the exit. The door slid open but she lingered for a moment at the threshold. Reya turned around and asked, "You will think about it?"

"I can't guarantee anything."

Reya nodded and left.

Sester stood staring at the closed door for a long time.

Chapter Fourteen

Avon was back on the examination bed, his head surrounded by instruments at a discreet distance, bathing him in soft rays. It was a safe place. It was an effect that was being encouraged by the machines. The Tellaran specialists had said that they were interfering with negative emotions.

Avon did not like an overabundance of unknowns. It made calculations next to impossible if you couldn't fill in at least some variables. When the unknowns involved his own life…

He liked being an enigma to other people. He actively encouraged it. It gave him a measure of control if no one could guess what he would do in any given situation.

He always knew. He had an internal logic, a personal code of conduct that he followed; an orderly, rational set of rules by which he lived his life. In a life that had been controlled by others, it was the only way he could wrestle a measure of control for himself.

When the enigma was himself, it meant that he was no longer in control. It produced a situation that was untenable for him.

Cally had been right. It did make a difference. He needed to know about the past that had been taken away from him.

The loss of control over his own life should be producing a host of negative emotions: fear, helplessness, feeling of being trapped, and all of it overlaid with an angry, defensive aggression. His normal coping mechanism.

Because of the Tellaran machines, he was feeling none of these now. It was as if he was only processing the fact of it with his logical mind. An acceptable state to be in considering what they were trying to do.

Dr. Kendric's voice spoke to him, "Avon. Are you ready?"

Avon's impassive voice said, "I'm ready."

"Using the machines, we are going to encourage your mind to go into a hypnotic state. Do you understand?"

"I understand," said Avon.

"If at any time, you wish to stop, you can tell us and we will stop. Is that acceptable?"

Kendric was being careful to give him as much control over the process as possible. In a situation where loss of control was the key subject, anything they could give him was greatly appreciated. "It is."

"Let's begin."

Avon had the impression that this last bit was being said as much to the specialists controlling the machines as to him. He waited with clinical curiosity, trying to retain an impression of his own current mental and emotional state and wondering at what point the hypnotic state would begin.

Dr. Kendric's voice spoke again. She had a calming manner and deliberateness in her speech. "Avon, how do you feel?"

_They must be trying to establish a baseline. _"I feel nothing."

There was a pause and then Dr. Kendric's voice asked, "Is it an absence of emotion? Or are you experiencing calm?"

Avon thought about this. "I feel calm. In control. I am experiencing no strong emotions."

"Good. Where are you right now, Avon?"

_Another baseline question. _"I'm in the medical examination room."

"Good. In a moment, I am going to ask you to go back into you past. Going steadily further back until we reach a point before any tampering was done to your mind."

"I understand." _When will the hypnotic state begin?_

"We will first try to access some memories that are real in order to obtain some comparison readings. When you begin going back with your mind, I want you to view the memories as if you were watching a vid-drama."

"You want me to observe but to remain detached?" This would be useful.

Kendric said, "Yes. Be aware of the emotions but as if they were happening to someone else. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Good. Avon, we will begin now. I want you to go back in your mind to yesterday."

Avon began thinking back.

_Cally. And himself. Naked. On the bed. They were…_ He could feel vague feelings of arousal. He was not completely detached. The state was within his control. _It felt…_

"Avon, I want you to go back further."

_No. _He wanted to stay with the memory but his mind obediently followed the suggestion. The next memory was of…

Argus's voice saying, _Avon, we should investigate this further. There's no knowing what the Federation did to you._

"Further back, Avon."

_Darkness. "Kerr!"_

With a gasp, Avon recalled having this memory. Or was he remembering the actual event?

Dr. Kendric's voice was professional, "Avon, remember that this is only a memory. I want you to detach yourself from it. Where are you, Avon?"

He was aware that his heart had started beating faster. Keep it a memory. Remain detached. "I'm in my cabin. Asleep."

"What else is happening, Avon?"

"I'm having a nightmare…no…I think it's a memory." He strained to remember. It was hard. "I'm…a child…in the memory. I…can't…see anything. It's dark."

Avon was unaware of it but his voice was becoming different. It was still his voice but he sounded much younger.

_Strong small hands were shaking his shoulders. "Kerr, wake up!"_

Kendric's voice interrupted the feeling of the hands. "Avon, remember you are watching this memory. Tell me what's happening."

Yes. Detach. Must remember. His voice became normal again. Calm. Impassive. "I can hear a voice. A young boy. He knows my name. He calls me Kerr."

Kendric asked, "What is the boy doing, Avon?"

The memory was starting to elude him. "He's…shaking me. I must be asleep. Or unconscious."

Avon struggled to remember. The young boy's voice again. _What did they do to him?_

"Something…must have happened to me. He's asking…" The memory was gone. "I…can't remember." Avon was frustrated.

Kendric's calm, soothing voice told him, "It's alright, Avon. Let go of it. We can come back to it later."

"Yes," replied Avon as the frustration melted away.

"Where are you now, Avon?"

In the memory, his eyes opened. "I'm back in my cabin, I've just woken up. Cally is here."

"That's fine, Avon. Now I want you to make a large jump back. Nine years. Do you understand?"

Avon said, "Yes."

"I want you to find a happy memory."

_She has no idea_, thought Avon wryly as his mind rushed back, searching shadows of memories that seemed indistinct. Back. Trying to touch on a moment of happiness. Nothing. There was none. Further back.

There was one. A brief moment. "I've found one."

"Good, Avon. I want you to replay this memory."

"Vila and I were on the ship. The others had gone down to check out something. We were orbiting over Freedom City. There was a roulette wheel there. I was interested in knowing if ORAC could control the computers."

"You wished to beat the casino that way?" There was no recrimination in Kendric's voice. Only a curiosity.

"Yes. It was a test."

"Did it work?"

Avon smiled. "Yes. It was very satisfying." His smile became a frown as the memory continued. "Vila didn't want to stop. I told him just one more and then I was walking out."

Kendric's voice sounded curious. "You weren't interested in gaining more money? Even though you knew that you could easily obtain more with ORAC?"

"The money was important but it was a secondary priority. I had satisfied my curiosity."

"About ORAC's capabilities?"

"Yes."

Kendric said, "Go on."

Avon was aware of the rise of other emotions as the memories continued. He stayed detached. "Vila was invited for a drink by the casino manager, Krantor. Krantor…" Avon reminded himself to stay detached. "When Vila came back. He was drunk. And he had agreed to play a deadly game of chess for a prize of ten million credits."

"Deadly?" asked Kendric.

"If the player loses, he receives a fatal electric shock."

"Vila agreed to this?"

"I thought he was crazy. I told him he was out of his skull. Vila…appeared disoriented."

"Disoriented?"

"Yes. He was drunken one second and then he was sober and afraid. He didn't remember what happened. I…realized something was wrong. He must have been drugged."

"Then what happened?"

"I was angry. They had tricked Vila. He didn't want to play anymore." For some reason, he kept remembering Vila's face. The fear. Helplessness.

"Then…Krantor said the money we had already won at the roulette table would be forfeit." Avon's voice became hard. "I knew then. They had set it all up. Drugging Vila. They wanted to kill him using the chess game. I…became angrier. They could not do that to Vila and get away with it. I would not let them. I told Vila to play."

Vila's face came into view again. The same one. The look on Vila's face. It was haunting him. Krantor drugged Vila. Tricked him. Tricked us. He couldn't get away with it. Avon registered anger again.

Kendric's voice was gentle but insistent, "But wasn't that dangerous for Vila? ORAC could control other computers. Vila's opponent was not a computer."

"That made it even easier. ORAC can trace a line through the pattern of infinity. No human being can beat ORAC. Besides, we had the teleport bracelets. With ORAC we could have teleported out of there at any time." Avon's voice became hard again. "I was not going to let them get away with doing that to Vila. Or to me."

Vila's face. The same one. The fear on his face had turned to accusation.

Avon looked around. He could see the crowd, the powder-faced Krantor in the silly wig, the chairs…it was as if he was back in the casino. He was standing by Vila's chair again as the thief looked at him with troubled eyes and said, _I don't want to play._

A different Avon looked into those eyes. _Vila doesn't want to do it. He's afraid._

It was easy to fool himself that Vila could have refused at anytime. But he knew it wouldn't have been the truth.

He had explained it to Cally once when Tarrant had forced Vila to go with him on a mission. Cally hadn't understood. Vila always felt pressured. He never felt he had a choice with any of them. Cally had not understood but he had. Of all of them, Avon understood the pressures that someone could place on you that made you feel you had no choice except to do what they wanted, even against your will. That someone…

Avon's stomach twisted in pain. An involuntary groan escaped his lips.

Kendric's voice said immediately, "Avon, I want you to let go of this memory. We are finished for today. You can rest."

A sense of calm and relaxation came over Avon and his eyes closed.

**********

Cally looked on anxiously as the technicians removed the machines from around Avon's head. Vila was staring at at him, his eyes in deep thought.

Cally asked, "Dr. Kendric, what happened?"

Kendric replied, "Avon was remembering an event from his past. It started out as something pleasant but it became something else. The readings from the monitors registered that he was trying to reprocess the memory. He wanted to relive it because something happened. That is why we didn't stop him. As long as he retained control, we wanted to give him the opportunity to resolve it on his own."

"But he experienced pain."

"Yes, something appeared to have gone wrong that is why I stopped it."

Cally turned to Vila, "Is that what you and Avon did when we were at Freedom City? You went down to the casino? I always suspected that the two of you had been up to something. I think we all did."

Vila looked embarrassed, "Well, I suppose we did." These regression therapy sessions were supposed to be private but Vila had snuck in because he was concerned about Avon. He suspected that Cally might have asked him to give Avon his privacy and leave but then Avon had started remembering about Freedom City.

Dr. Kendric asked, "So the memories Avon experienced, those are the same as yours?"

Vila said, "Yes. Except for the last bit. Avon never got hurt. We won and we grabbed the money and got out of there. No one got hurt."

Kendric tapped her fingers on the panel in front of her and said thoughtfully, "For that we're going to have to ask Avon. But this has been a useful session. Since this was a real memory, we now have a good baseline for comparisons."

Cally asked, "And what was the earlier memory? It seemed as if Avon was remembering something from his childhood."

Kendric said, "Yes and it appears that a dynamic block was at work to prevent him from remembering anything further."

Avon came towards them. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and he was moving slowly. He said, "Dr. Kendric."

"Avon, how are you feeling?" she asked with concern.

"Tired. Drained."

"Yes, even with the help of the machines, it can still be an emotionally exhausting experience. It depends on the memories and the ability of your body to handle the stress. It appears that the ones you accessed fall into this stressful category. I have a suggestion."

Avon asked, "What is the suggestion?"

"Our first attempt at regression therapy has achieved some positive results. I would like to continue but I think it would be better if you were physically stronger."

Cally asked, "What do you mean?"

Dr. Kendric said, "Our next sets of examinations were going to focus on your physical condition. We believe that there are many things we can do for you in this area. We would like to do this first before attempting the regression therapy again."

This was something Avon didn't have to think on too much. Any improvements in his physical condition would be welcome. It would make him feel less of a burden. "Agreed."

"Very well. We will have the tests set up for tomorrow morning."

**********

Vila entered Avon's cabin apprehensively. Avon was leaning back against a pillow on his bunk, his eyes closed and his face strained. Cally had said that that Avon wanted to see him.

Vila had been full of thoughts of that day down on Freedom City. It had started out so well. He and Avon had gotten along better than they had before. And then… He had never known what to think of how it had ended.

He looked around for a chair and pulled it up as silently as possible in case Avon was asleep. Vila sat watching him. He had never known what to think of Avon in those days. He seemed like such a bastard sometimes and then he would surprise you. Avon had a tendency to do that. Do what you least expect you.

Sometimes they seemed to get along, without any snark or nastiness. Those times had been nice. He wished there had been more like that but both of them had been too caught up in surviving and protecting themselves.

"How long have you been here?"

Vila nearly fell out of his chair at the unexpected voice.

Avon's opened eyes stared at him. He had sat up while Vila was preoccupied.

Vila said, "Just a few minutes. I thought you were asleep."

"You could have woken me."

"Yeah, well, you could try staying awake if you wanted to talk to someone."

Avon leaned back tiredly. "I want to talk about what happened on Freedom City."

"I was thinking about that too." Vila sat forward in his seat a little.

Avon turned his head to look at him. "Let me say this."

"Alright."

Avon stared forward again as if his eyes could not meet Vila's when he was talking. "I enjoyed our time on Freedom City. We were a good team." He glanced at Vila for a moment. The other man was looking at him earnestly and didn't say anything.

Avon continued, "I enjoyed everything until the last part."

Vila muttered, "The chess game."

"Yes." Avon's jaw tightened briefly. "I should never have forced you to play when you clearly didn't want to. Even if I thought there was no chance of losing. I hate people not giving me a choice. I should have given you one." Avon turned his head towards Vila and stared at him for a moment. "I'm sorry."

Vila was nearly taken aback. "Well…I suppose…" He wanted to say that he accepted the apology. It made him feel better about what happened but there was still something he wanted to know. "Avon, why did you do it? Was it because of the money?"

"No. It was never about the money." Avon looked away from him again. "It was about my own pride. When I found out that Krantor had drugged you and set you up, I was angry. I knew he intended to kill you and take everything back. I couldn't let him get away with doing that to you. Or to me." Vila's face at the chess match floated into his mind's eyes again. "I was doing it for you. Or so I convinced myself. I refused to lose. I couldn't let anyone get the best of me. Or someone…I cared about. It was wrong of me. Even if I had the right intentions."

Avon had a quick flash of thought. He wondered if his memories about Vila and Freedom City were a side effect of his experience with Cally last night and being able to feel her pain. Otherwise why would Vila's face keep bothering him during the memories? Why was he concerned about Vila's fear this time? He did...care about how he felt this time. It was still such an unnatural thing for him to admit. He'd always been a person who did practical things in order to care about people. He rarely took other's feelings seriously.

Avon looked at Vila. The other man was staring down at the surface of the bunk. He seemed deep in thought.

Vila looked up and met Avon's eyes. "Would you do it again?"

Avon's eyes didn't flinch. "No. I wouldn't."

Vila said, "Then, I forgive you."

He studied the other man for a moment and then he said, "We got Krantor back, didn't we? And we won." Vila grinned. "I liked doing that."

Avon looked at him in surprise.

Vila said, "If it hadn't been for you, we'd have both lost everything and Krantor would have gotten away with it."

"Possibly."

"There's no possibly about it. He was out to get us, one way or the other. We couldn't let him get away with that, could we? Not us."

Avon was perplexed, it sounded as if Vila hadn't liked what he had done on Freedom City but now he did. "What are you trying to say, Vila?"

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I appreciated _what _you did. I just didn't like the _way _you did it."

Avon pointed out, "You were afraid. Would you have done what was required to get Krantor?"

"I don't know. Maybe I would have if you explained it."

"But I never gave you the chance to find out."

Vila said, "Yes, well, you apologized for that. I just wanted you to know that I _do_ appreciate what you did. We got Krantor back." A sly look appeared in his eyes. "You know Avon, we could go down to Freedom City again. Once you fix ORAC that is. We could wear disguises. Maybe dress as women. We'd be a lot more careful this time."

"You're not serious?" asked Avon incredulously. "What about Marlena?"

Vila was perplexed. "Marlena? What's she got to do with this?"

"I imagine she trusts you with her daughter," said Avon with dry amusement.

"Oh. You've noticed?"

"I think this entire Sector has noticed."

"Well, you've been so busy and there's been so much going on…" Vila had thought that Avon was too preoccupied with his own concerns to notice much of anything else. "I suppose she'd stop thinking I was a good influence on Corinne?"

Avon was about to say, "When did you _start_ being one?" But he knew that wouldn't have been the truth. He had noticed Vila with Corinne. He knew that Vila was being very careful with her. Instead he said, "Guess."

"You know, Avon. I'm not sure if I can get used to this side of you."

"What are you talking about?"

Vila smirked. "Avon the Guidance Counsellor."

Avon had an irritated look on his face.

Chapter Fifteen

Trying to move an immovable object was just slightly easier than trying to convince Avon that watching a magic show might be something he would enjoy. Of course bearding Avon in his inner sanctum, that being his lab, was not exactly the best place to present your case. There were too many reminders for Avon that he had infinitely more interesting and important things to do.

Avon had both hands inside the workings of a piece of equipment on the table. It gave off sparks occasionally as he poked a long instrument of some sort further inside. Cally kept glancing over at him with a concerned look, half wanting to say something but refraining because she wanted to give him his independence.

Avon was trying to concentrate on what he was doing and listen to the costumed pair of Vila and Corinne.

"Come on, Avon. It'll be fun," said a cape-sporting Vila. "Corinne and I've put together a great show! Haven't we, Corinne?" He was also wearing a short-plumed purple fedora and a dark purple velvety jacket that seemed to absorb light.

Corinne said enthusiastically, "Yes, we have. We'd love it if you and Cally came." She had on the beautiful shimmering burgundy dress with gold accents and now sported a pair of flat gold sandals whose straps ran delicately up her calf.

Avon said absently, "Fun is a matter of opinion." He poked the probe at another node and yelped as a much larger spark was given off and nearly singed his eyebrows. He pulled back quickly and grimaced, studying the large red mark that was appearing on his hand.

Cally immediately came over from her terminal. She had a tissue regenerator held tightly in one hand and a very determined look on her face. Avon stared at her a moment and then gave her the hand that was developing the red mark.

Cally began applying the tissue regenerator to the burn. She didn't say anything to him; she didn't have to. Her long-suffering attitude was very clear. After she was done, she put down the regenerator but kept hold of Avon's hand. She examined the regenerated area and then without warning bent his wrist. He clenched his teeth in order to suppress a grimace at this unexpected movement.

Cally said with a sigh, * _Why didn't you tell me this was bothering you? _* She kept their communication private to spare him embarrassment. Though a little embarrassment might not have been a bad thing considering he insisted on ignoring her requests to take better care of himself.

*_ It's not_ * said Avon.

Cally looked at his truthful eyes and her eyes narrowed. She knew that Avon could tell the literal truth without telling her what she wanted to know. * _When did you start experiencing pain in your wrist? _*

There was a rebellious look on Avon's face but he answered reluctantly, * _Last week._ *

Cally gave a very loud audible sigh. * _And you didn't think I needed to know this? _*

* _It's a minor inconvenience. Nothing more. _*

Cally knew that Avon had a high threshold of pain and after his experiences the last four years, this would have seemed insignificant. Not to mention his stubbornness when it came to admitting weakness.

Cally said gently, * _Your level of unacceptable physical discomfort has been artificially raised because of your experiences. You need to let me determine if there is a physical problem. _*

Avon said petulantly, *_ You think that everything's a problem. I will not be handled like an invalid. _*

Cally abstained from pointing out that he was one. It would not have helped matters and it would hurt his already fragile ego.

As she went to the medicine cabinets to get a pain blocker and an anti-inflammatory, Cally said aloud, "I think it would be a good idea for you to take Vila up on his offer of having fun." She began, "If you keep working like this, I'm going to have to put a brace on that wrist and it will restrict your movements."

Avon did not like that option. "I can do work which does not involve my wrist."

Vila said with disappointment, "Come on, Corinne. Avon doesn't want to watch us."

As she injected the drugs, Cally projected, *_ Avon. You should considering going to the magic show. _*

Avon looked up at her. *_ Did you want to go? _*

*_ That's not the point. Vila and Corinne are looking for support. _*

Avon glanced at the disappointed faces of the costumed duo. * _Why didn't they say so? _* His mental tone reflected some irritation.

*_ Would it have made a difference? _* Cally took hold of Avon's hand again, extended it out and began doing stretching exercises that would relieve the stress on his affected areas.

Avon bore all of this therapeutic exercise with resignation as he said, * _Of course, it would have. Magic does not interest me. I know how the illusions are achieved. It would not be 'fun' for me to watch. That would be the same as trying to solve a mystery I already know the answer to. _*

*_ So you wouldn't go to have fun that you know you won't have, but you would do it to support Vila and Corinne? _*

*_ Yes. If they believe they need my support, then my giving it would serve some purpose. _* Avon said to Vila, "I will come to the magic show." He glanced at Cally. "Cally and I will both come."

Vila's voice was reflecting his rising anger. "Well, I wouldn't want to put you out. Like you said, why would you want to do something that wasn't fun?"

After what they had shared earlier about Freedom City, Vila had thought that Avon might want to support him in this. He realized that he had been hoping too much. He tried to keep the disappointment from showing on his face but it was difficult.

It hurt that Avon didn't seem interested. Vila realized he should have known better; Avon wasn't the kind of person who would give that kind of support to people. He wasn't sure Avon even knew how.

Vila wished he had been able to ask him for help with the show. That might have given him some incentive to come. It was too late now and Avon wasn't remotely interested in what he had to offer.

Despite his best efforts, Vila was getting angrier. It was almost like old times again. The two of them squaring off against each other, weapons of words drawn to hurt and maim. The old defensive walls firmly in place and their pride directed towards each other.

Their newly developing relationship was a fragile thing, the healing too new to cover over or defuse the pain they had inflicted on each other over the years. They were filled with the confusion of wanting the new bonds they had formed; and the hope from feelings that were not marred by ambiguity and defensiveness.

Perhaps they expected too much of each other too soon. It was something both of them were aware of on a subconscious level but neither of them understood it. So in that understanding, there was a lack of understanding. Which made any situation between them tenuous and charged; with the ability for the healing that had been possible earlier but also the defensive antagonism that was occurring now. In such confrontations they instinctively turned to the familiar defensive mechanisms they had used against each other before, the ones that had always caused more problems.

Vila's look told Avon that his earlier response was having a negative impact beyond a simple refusal to attend the magic show. Sometimes relational interactions contained too many unknowns until it was too late. It was the kind of thing he found very irritating; something he could not predict.

Avon kept his voice neutral and impassive, trying to defuse the situation; sticking with the truth. "That's true. It would not be 'fun' for me because I know how the illusions work. There would be no mystery for me. But I would enjoy your performance."

It was Vila's turn to sport a rebellious look. He had worked hard on the magic. To have it dismissed outright as something that would not produce the effect of wonder he had hoped for was very disheartening. "Well, I wouldn't want you to do something that you wouldn't enjoy. Like you said, there isn't any _mystery_ in it for you. Just one of those lower grade entertainments you call sop for the masses."

Avon voice acquired an affronted tone, "I did _not_ say that."

Corinne looked between the two men with a puzzled expression on her face. "Vila, I think what Avon's trying to say is that he wants to come _for us_. He would enjoy it because we're the ones doing the magic even if he already knows how all the illusions work."

Cally said, "Corinne's right."

Vila said, "But I want him to _enjoy_ the show."

Avon was bewildered as well as angry. He was thinking of Vila's needs now but it was not producing the desired effect. "I assure you that I will."

Vila said snidely, "Yeah. But just not the magic part."

Avon asked, "Do you want me to lie and say that I will enjoy that part of it?"

"I never asked you to lie." Vila was getting hot under the velvety collar. "But it wouldn't hurt if you did just a little."

Avon did not understand Vila's reaction nor did he understand his logic. "You don't want me to lie but you also don't want me to tell the truth? That's a subtle distinction that escapes me for the moment."

Cally tried not to roll her eyes. * _Avon, you're not helping the situation. _*

Avon looked at her. *_ He's being unreasonable. Not to mention completely irrational. _*

*_ I don't think he's the only one here. _*

Vila said angrily, "And stop talking about me when I can't hear you!"

Cally said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Vila. I was trying to tell Avon that he was being unreasonable."

Avon glowered at her but didn't say anything.

Corinne said, "I think they're both being unreasonable."

Cally told her, "I think you're right."

The two men turned to Cally and Corinne with mutinous looks in their eyes and then they looked at each other. Neither man was willing to give quarter.

Cally said, "I'm tempted to lock you in here until you both grow up or sort it out."

Corinne said worriedly, "Do you really think that's necessary? Wouldn't it be cruel?"

"As opposed to what they do to each other?" asked Cally, regarding the two unrepentant men with an icy look in her eyes.

Corinne said with a sad resigned sigh, "Maybe you're right, Cally. But maybe sorting it out would take shorter time. We wouldn't want them to starve."

"It is tempting," said Cally. She looked pointedly at the two men. "What do you think? Are you both going to grow up?"

Under her glare, Avon looked uncomfortable. He said to Vila, "I will be glad to come to your show. I will…try to enjoy the illusions."

Vila snapped back, "That's not…" It still wasn't what Vila wished to hear but he could tell that Avon was trying. He knew Avon did have a problem with telling a direct lie. Not to mention that under Corinne's worried face, Vila was also feeling bad. He tried to let go of his anger and disappointment and take what Avon was trying to offer him. "I might surprise you, Avon. I could have a few new things up my sleeves."

A subdued Avon looked at Vila's snugly fitting velvet jacket and the sleeves that didn't look like they could conceal much. With raised eyebrows he said, "I would enjoy being surprised."

Vila challenged him, "How about a bet?"

Avon asked warily, "What kind of bet?"

Vila said, "I bet that I _will_ be able to surprise you."

"That's highly unlikely."

"Then it would be a safe bet for you, wouldn't it?"

Avon asked, "What would the stakes be?"

Vila said immediately, "One favour. Determined by the winner."

Avon's eyes narrowed. Vila had said that just a little too quickly.

Vila said, "Of course, if you think you're going to lose..."

Avon said, "I would save your manipulation skills for your audience. But it might be amusing to take your bet. I could use an _unconditional_ favour."

Vila wasn't sure he liked that. "I meant one within reason, of course."

"Then you should have specified earlier." There was a clear challenge in Avon's eyes but it was an amused one. "Perhaps you are revising your odds on winning the bet? Because you think you might lose?"

Vila said, "Who says? I'll take that bet!" Vila nearly kicked himself at the grin on Avon's face.

"Then I will be there and I guarantee you that I will enjoy the performance."

Cally rolled her eyes again and wondered if it might still be a good idea to lock them up until they grew up.

**********

The crowd was enormous. Vila gulped repeatedly and tried to straighten his jacket as he peeked outside. "I had no idea…," he said nervously. He tugged at the object that seemed to be strangling his neck and wondered why anyone would want to wear something reminiscent of a noose.

Corinne looked over his shoulder through the slit in the heavy curtain. "That _is_ a lot of people. That's good, isn't it?" she asked with an innocent voice.

Vila wondered if she was just kidding him. She was proving to have an unexpected sense of humour. He closed the curtain and looked back at her.

Corinne gave him a quick grin. "I'm nervous too."

Vila put a reassuring arm around her shoulders and tried to sound more confident than he felt, "It won't be too bad. We've practiced with a real audience and they loved it."

"But those were the soldiers on the ship. They would have loved it even if we were naked and did all the tricks wrong."

Vila swallowed hard at that image and tried not to look at her. "Yeah…I suppose they would."

Corinne giggled. "You're a lot of fun, Vila."

Vila had tried explaining to her why her largely revealing outfit on the ship was not a good choice of attire, except in very private circumstances. He staunchly refused to elaborate any further. Unknown to Vila, Corinne had gone to her mother for a better clarification on what those situations were. Her mother had been very detailed and forthcoming with all of the information she felt her daughter needed to know.

Vila's looked sideways at her. "You're having fun with me?"

Corinne kissed him on the cheek unexpectedly. "You're very sweet trying to protect me. But you don't need to. My mother explained everything to me."

That made Vila even more anxious than the growing crowds outside. He asked nervously, "What did she explain?"

"I'll tell you later," said Corinne. "We have a show to give now."

Vila swallowed very hard.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Sixteen

"Fellow citizens of Tellar! Children young and old! Welcome to a unique magical experience!" Sienna (the elderly shopkeeper)'s voice boomed across the crowded open square. She wore a shimmering pink blouse over dark wine-red pants.

The bright lights seemed to cause the crowd to glimmer as rays picked out shiny materials. The air was electric with anticipation and excitement. The colourfully dressed gathering fell silent as she made the introductions.

Avon, Cally, Argus and Reya were sitting in the front row along with most of the soldiers. Alyce and Marlena, along with some of the members of the Council were seated near them.

Sienna said, "I have the pleasure to present to you two wonderful visitors to our world. We already know their names, we know who they are and doubtless, we've all heard of their amazing exploits. It is the honour of Tellar to have them here with us. They want to give us a gift of a performance, the likes of which we have never witnessed before. I present to you Vila the Magnificent and Corinne the Beautiful in an Evening of Magic."

Most of the lights of the square turned off, leaving only the ones on the stage. There were whispers of anticipation when the stage suddenly burst into flame. Everyone gasped in shock and several people stood up and moved forward in alarm. The flames abruptly disappeared and in their places stood Vila and Corinne with their arms raised and welcome smiles on their faces.

The crowd roared with delight and everyone stood up and cheered. Vila and Corinne bowed their appreciation. Behind them, on a large vid-screen, the stage was magnified so that those further back could see them.

Vila and Corinne stepped forwards and stood a distance away from each other. Vila said, "What is magic? And what is reality? This evening we will try to challenge the way you see what's in front of your eyes. Consider this object." He brought out the small flat disk that he used for keeping his fingers nimble and held it up so the audience could see it. The disk seemed very large on the screen behind them.

"A simple flat disk. Not very exciting." He turned it around so that the audience could see all sides of it. Opening up his hands, he showed that he was not holding anything other than the disk. With small, deft movements he began running it back and forth across his knuckles.

"Of course, the magic isn't here. It's there…" With that, Vila threw the disk towards Corinne. The object almost seemed to be moving in slow motion as it flipped end on end through the air, the light catching it at various angles. The audience watched it intently until Corinne caught it and closed her hand over it. She held up her closed fist.

Vila asked, "Or is it?" At that, Corinne opened up her closed fist. There was nothing in it.

The audience took in a breath of surprise.

Vila held up his own closed fist. "Could it still be here?" He opened up his palm and revealed the elusive disk.

There were smiles of puzzlement and wonder all around.

**********

As Vila did more tricks onstage, Avon, who was sitting between Cally and Argus, also had a smile on his face, but not one of wonderment. He kept up a running commentary to Cally as each act was performed, *_ Simple slight of hand and an optical illusion using... _*

After awhile Cally said with irritation, * _Avon, I would like to enjoy the performance. _*

He asked, *_ You're not? _*

*_ Not your part of it. _*

Avon angled his head towards her, *_ Don't you want to know how the illusions are achieved? _*

*_ Yes, I do. But not like this. The way you're doing it, takes all the fun out of it. Sometimes, people like a mystery because it is a mystery. They want to wonder. And they like to find their own solutions. _*

*_ I like mysteries as well. _* He couldn't believe Cally would say that after their experience together solving the murder on the _Ortega_.

*_ Yes, but you only like them as problems for your mind to solve. It's an intellectual exercise for you. _*

*_ What else is there? _*

Cally turned her head to look at him. Avon's eyes were earnest on an otherwise impassive face. *_ Avon, you promised Vila that you would try to enjoy the performance. _*

Avon said, *_ I am enjoying it. _*

*_ You're not enjoying the performance. You're enjoying the anticipation of winning the bet and showing Vila that he was wrong. Is that showing support to Vila? _*

Avon grimaced and looked towards the stage. *_ You're right. _*

**********

Sester sat at the far right edge of the crowd away from the others. He did not want them to see him and he wanted to keep well away from the prying eyes of Cambrin.

The Tellarans were an enthusiastic and curious people. There was very little artifice in their characters, unlike for him. Sester had a self-mocking smile on his lips. There was not one thing about him that was not carefully controlled and calculated, even when he was not acting. He could barely remember a time when he acted naturally and without measured deliberation.

There were many more things he could observe about the Tellarans and their society, but that was not the reason why he was here. The objects of his attentions were on the stage. He had come because of Vila.

Vila currently had Corinne lying on her back and floating in midair, seemingly with no visible support. Sester could see people in the audience straining to look for anything to indicate how she was being held up.

Vila and Corinne seemed to be enjoying themselves. At the beginning of the show, it was clear that Vila had been nervous. His movements were jerky and hesitant and his eyes didn't seem to know where to look. When the introductory flames had died down, Sester could see the telltale signs of anxiousness in the smile that was just a little too wide.

With the continued enthusiasm and appreciation of the audience, Vila had settled down. With each successful trick performed, he had become more confident. Now Vila was thoroughly enjoying himself, all thoughts of nervousness forgotten. He had established a close rapport with the audience. They hung on his every word and watched his movements with fascination. He clearly delighted in their reactions.

Sester guessed that not even his greatest achievements as a thief made Vila as happy as he was now.

_You're a thief because that was what you thought you had to make yourself in order to survive. In order to be someone of value_. Sester smiled_. You were really born to give people pleasure. To fill them with wonder and laughter._

**********

On the stage, Vila held out two thinly bladed panels and held them aloft. "Who would like to come up and test that the edges are sharp?" All of the lights of the square turned on so that he could see the audience clearer. His eyes swept the crowd, a sea of raised arms made it difficult to choose. Vila's eyes widened. At the edge of the crowd, on the right, he recognized familiar watchful eyes. Somehow, he wasn't surprised that Sester was there. He gave him a brief smile and then continued on to pick a volunteer.

As the woman came up and carefully touched the edges of the panels, Vila was almost regretful. This was the last act of his performance but he wanted this moment to continue. He was on a stage with his beloved magic tricks and a sea of people who appreciated him. All of his friends were here to support him. His beautiful Corinne was with him. They had delighted the audience, not only with their magic but also with their sense of humour.

If heaven was real and not just an ancient fantasy, then he imagined that it would be something like this. A place where dreams did come true.

The woman volunteer completed her test by slicing a big thick-skinned fruit with the edges of one of the panels.

**********

In the audience, Avon tried hard to appreciate the show. At first, he found it difficult. His mind only seemed interested in dissecting the performance into its component parts.

After awhile, his restless mind began to look around him at the audience. They were all enjoying Vila's performance. It was hardly surprising since he doubted if any of them knew how the illusions worked.

Nevertheless, there was one curious thing. He knew that the Athol engineers had helped Vila build some of the illusions. They could hardly find any mystery in what they were watching but they were all acting with as much enjoyment and wonder as the audience. Avon was prepared to dismiss it as pretence. They must be pretending to enjoy it in order to support Vila and Corinne.

But were they? Did they see something that he couldn't? It bothered him.

Avon looked on the stage again. Vila was doing the woman in a box trick. Not much mystery there for him. He knew it was all done using reflective surfaces, a nimble assistant and blades that were sharp but bent easily. Avon decided to take his attentions off what he knew and focused on Vila.

Vila moved with a confidence that he had not observed before. He was relaxed and enjoying himself. His humour was easy and sharp and interacted well with Corinne's. Everyone laughed with them. Avon rubbed the wrist that was still bothering him.

Vila seemed connected with his audience. Breaths of amazement and smiles greeted his every movement. Vila was enjoying the performance as much as the audience was. They were very responsive to each other.

This was the kind of 'magic' Avon did not understand. It was one he was not capable of.

These people loved Vila. He doubted if they would see him the same way. His value was in his brain and what he could do. It had never been in presenting himself as someone to be liked. Avon doubted if he could ever be likeable.

Avon watched the rest of the performance by studying Vila's ability to entertain. He was surprised to find himself caught up in the show; caught up in the illusion and not the facts behind it. Vila made it easy, his infectious joy and his clear love of the illusion helped Avon to see the 'magic' of what he was doing.

An ironic smile touched Avon's lips. Vila won his bet after all.

**********

"Corinne, are you ready?" Vila asked with a flourish.

"I am," she said with exaggerated nervousness. "I suppose. Are you sure this isn't going to hurt?" She was currently in the tall black box with the holes for her head, hand and foot.

Vila said confidently, "I'm sixty percent sure."

Corinne's face in the hole turned towards him. "What was that?"

Vila went up to the box. "Seventy-five percent?"

Corinne looked anxious. "How many times have you done this before?"

"You mean including this time?" Vila asked innocently.

"I don't think I want to know," said Corinne. "Alright. Let's do this before I suggest that we switch places." She thought for a moment as Vila placed a sharp-edged blade at one of the slits in the box. Before he pushed it in, Corinne asked, "Is that an option?"

Vila paused in what he was doing and asked, "Is what an option?"

"Switching places?" she asked hopefully.

"I think it's a little late now. Maybe we can discuss it for next time?"

Corinne sighed resignedly. "If there is a next time. Assuming you don't slice me in half and can't put me back together again that is."

Vila asked with a slightly affronted tone as he slid the blade in, "Would I do that to you?"

Corinne grimaced and looked down. "I think you just did."

Vila looked down as if in surprise at the blade that now separated the lower third of the box from the rest of it. "Oh. Sorry about that. It must have slipped."

Corinne could roll her eyes with the best of them. "That's what they all say."

"Do you want me to pull it back out?"

Corinne looked hard at him. Either there was a slight twinkle in her eyes or she was finding it hard to keep a straight face at their banter. Vila wasn't sure he wanted to know the exact reason.

Corinne sighed and said, "No. Just be careful with the next one."

"Alright." Vila slowly slid the other blade in. This one seemed a lot harder and he had to push to get it all the way through.

When he was finished, Vila slowly turned the box around to show the audience that it was a self-contained unit. Corinne waved her hand and foot at everyone as he did this.

As he turned her facing front again, Vila asked, "How are you feeling in there?"

"You mean apart from being split into three? I'm doing just great," said Corinne.

"Are you sure?" Vila asked with concern.

"I could scream a bit if you want," offered Corinne helpfully.

"No…that's alright." Vila detached several clips that held the sections of the box together. He got ready. "Now…"

Corinne asked, "Can I have some water?"

"What?"

"It's getting hot in here," said Corinne.

Vila's eyebrows raised in query. "Are you sure you can drink something?" He tapped the box.

Corinne looked down and seemed to remember that she was supposed to be cut in three. "Oh. I suppose it would be sort of difficult."

"Wet would be more like it," remarked Vila.

"Then can you make it fast?"

Vila smiled, "Your wish is my command." He unexpectedly pushed the sections of the box so that they swung away from each other.

The audience gasped. It looked as if Vila really had separated Corinne into three parts.

By the end of the performance, the audience was cheering and on their feet. As the pair gave their final bows, Corinne put her arms around Vila and kissed him. Not an affectionate peck on the cheek, a full kiss that left him breathless.

"You're wonderful!" she told him as she let him go.

Vila was stunned and for a moment, he forgot where he was. "You were too." He reached towards her.

The crowd roared with approval causing Vila to turn a deep shade of pink. He put one arm around Corinne's waist and waved to the crowd with the other. "Thank you everyone. I hope you liked the show."

That caused the audience to cheer again to show how much they loved it.

Vila wondered how much redder he could turn. "Thank you for giving us the chance to show our appreciation for your hospitality. We've had great fun entertaining you as well."

As the curtain closed for the last time, Corinne whispered in Vila's ear, "Do you want me to tell you what my mother explained to me?"

Vila tried to swallow but his throat seemed to have trouble cooperating.

**********

Later that night, in Vila's cabin, the two magical performers were sharing another kiss. Vila asked, "Are you sure you're ready for this, Corinne?"

"I am. But…I _am_ a bit nervous. I've…never done this before." She seemed shy and nervous under the soft lights that had been turned low. Vila held her gently, trying to make this as non-threatening an experience as he could. He imagined that on Chandar, willing female partners weren't required for what they were about to do. Vila wouldn't be surprised if Corinne was scared but she didn't seem it. Just a bit tense.

Vila said, "We don't have to do this now."

Corinne had a soft appreciative smile on her face. "I know we don't have to. But I'd like to. It's something I've been wanting to do with you since that day on the flight deck."

Vila asked with shocked remembrance. "On the flight deck? You mean, when you kissed me the first time?"

"Yes. When I asked you whether you liked me. I'd been having the impression you wanted to do that."

"Well, yes...but…"

"I thought I'd give you the chance but you seemed so nervous. I didn't want to scare you."

"You didn't want to scare _me_?" Vila wondered how he could have missed all the signals. He wondered if this was how Avon felt most of the times with people, or even Argus for that matter.

Corinne said, "Then afterwards, when you didn't do anything. I wasn't sure if you liked me that way or if you just liked me a little."

"Oh. I do like you…uh…that way. I definitely do. I just didn't want to scare you because… you know."

"Oh, you mean because I'm not experienced?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose you'd call it that." Vila was turning red with embarrassment. He remembered his flippant remark to Avon once about... He didn't really want to think about what he'd been thinking then. It was too embarrassing.

"I know all about it. My mother is a physician after all and she taught me."

"But Corinne, it's not like that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not so…um…not quite that…I suppose it's…"

"I don't understand."

"It's not like a biology lesson."

"Oh. You mean it's not just about putting…"

Vila put his fingers to her lips. He didn't want to die of embarrassment. "Corinne, what _exactly_ did your mother tell you?"

Corinne looked earnestly into his eyes and then a chuckle escape her lips. "She said that you seemed very easy to tease."

"What? Are you telling me that…"

"I'm just putting you on. Yes."

"Oh, you're terrible." He hugged her.

Corinne grinned, "I could be."

With their bodies held close, Vila found that all of the vid-romances might not all be wrong. Not that he'd ever admit to watching any, of course. At least not on a regular basis. Or maybe he'd only confess to glancing at a few, just for a few seconds, as he was flipping channels to watch something more appropriate.

As they talked and held each other, whenever Corinne laughed, he could feel the vibrations in her body; the joy of being together magnified by the touch of their bodies.

Vila touched her chin and tilted her head up. For the first time, he initiated the kiss. It was something that was uniquely them; tender, full of life, lightly teasing and then finally with a charged sensuality that immediately made them pull back and look into each other's eyes.

They were both ready.

Chapter Seventeen

Darkness. Pain. Head feels like its being split open. Groan.

"Kerr!" A familiar young boy's voice. Another shake of the shoulders by small strong hands.

_I__ must be in the dream again. _Can barely concentrate. _The pain wasn't as bad the last time. _Still can't open my eyes. _Why can't my mind manage a memory where my eyes are open?_

"You can't get him up like that," said the considered voice of the other boy. "They did something to him again."

"But why?" the strong young boy's voice was angry. Avon could hear the underlying fear that was almost masked by the anger. This boy was afraid for him.

"Well it wasn't my fault this time. I didn't do anything. So don't look at me like that."

There was a pause and then the strong young boy said, "Why do they keep him locked up? Why won't they let us see him?"

There was a long pause this time.

"I think…" Even though Avon couldn't open his eyes and see this considered young boy, he could almost envision the thoughtful look on his face.

_I know who this is._ Avon groaned as he struggled to bring up the knowledge he knew that he possessed. Was the pain his own or that of his young self? He couldn't tell.

The considered young boy. Avon remembered blond. The boy had blond hair. He groaned at the increasing pain in his head. It felt like his brain was being squeezed. Any knowledge he had was being wrung out of him so that he could not remember it.

"I think we should get out of here," said the considered young voice finally.

"You're just thinking about yourself! Like always," the strong boy's voice was full of accusation. "He's our friend!"

"He's mine too! I was the one who got us in here!" Avon got the impression that even at this young age, the considered boy was normally too controlled to get angry but he was starting to. He clearly did not like the accusation. "If I didn't persuade the nurse, we'd have never gotten in."

The strong boy said snidely, "You're getting good at that. Making people do what you want."

"She felt sorry for us. It was easy. But she won't risk her job to cover for us if someone comes to check. They'll know we're missing so we'd better get out of here."

Avon realized something else this time. From their voices, these boys were young, probably no more than eight but they were speaking as if they were much older. Especially the one with the considered voice.

The strong young boy said, "You go! I'm staying. Someone has to be with him."

"You're an idiot. Do you think they'll let you stay just because you want to?"

The strong boy's voice said in a pleading tone, "We have to do something for him. Let him know he's not alone."

The considered young boy said, "There's nothing we can do."

"Think of something!"

Avon heard the sound of a door sliding open and feet rushing in. There was a brief scuffle and then a harsh adult voice asked, "What are you two doing in here?"

The considered young boy's voice contained anger, "We know what you're doing and you can't get away with it! Our parents won't let you do this. They'll find out! We'll tell them!"

Another adult with a cold, superior woman's voice said, "This is surprising. It's not like you to oppose us so directly. You're usually much more subtle." There was a pause. Avon could almost feel clinical eyes resting on his young unconscious form. When the woman spoke again, it must have been to the other adult. "It looks like we didn't removed him soon enough. They deceived us. They've already formed strong bonds."

The harsh adult said, "We'll have to do something about that."

"And his attitude seems to have infected this one."

The considered young voice had developed the same coldness as the woman, "Stop talking about us like we're not here."

The superior woman said, "This one has an exceptional mind as well, it would be a shame to have to do to him what we're doing to the other one."

"It'd make him useless for what we want him for if we had to do that."

"True. Bring them."

Avon could hear sounds of people moving and then another scuffle.

The considered young voice shouted in warning, "Jack, don't!"

_Jack__!_

Pain exploded in Avon's head. He groaned and jerked up to a sitting position. Both hands cradled his head as beads of sweat rolled down his face. The memories were starting to fade. Avon cried out in anguish, "No!" He held his head tight in a desperate gesture, trying to retain memories that someone didn't want him to remember.

"Avon!" Avon's confused mind registered Cally putting her arms around him in support.

_Can't__ let them win. Have to remember this. _It was a desperate battle. He was starting to lose everything, just as he had then. He refused to lose the name of his young friend.

"Jack!" Avon cried out the name.

"Avon, who is Jack?" Cally asked with alarm.

Avon grabbed onto her arm as if it was a lifeline and said frantically, "Cally, remember Jack. He's one of the boys. They did something to me…it hurt…I can't…can't remember anymore." Avon collapsed against her as he panted for breath. The memories were gone. As his mind returned, he sat up and looked at her. His voice was calm and impassive again, "What happened?"

**********

Avon and Cally were back in the examination room again, ready for the physical tests. Different machines were set up this time and several trays of equipment. The specialists greeted them warmly as they came in. Avon expected to be directed to the bed again but Dr. Kendric approached them first.

"Good morning." Her welcoming professional voice greeted them. "How are you feeling, Avon?"

Avon hesitated before answering. His mind was still preoccupied by what happened earlier. "More dreams about the past. The memories disappear shortly after I wake up."

Dr. Kendric nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. That's been happening with greater frequency?"

"Yes."

"With the regression therapy, we should be able to unravel your past. Before we begin the physical exams, we have completed the analysis on your genetic profile."

Avon listened with an impassive look on his face but his eyes betrayed his sharpened interest. "What have you found, Doctor?"

"You must understand that this is only our analysis of your genetic profile. It cannot be considered as proof but we are fairly certain of our analysis."

"I understand."

Dr. Kendric seemed to gather her thoughts for a moment. "You were most likely part of a eugenics program. Whether it was a widespread one is undetermined but…"

"It would make sense if it were."

"Yes. To achieve the best results, it would most likely have been a large-scale program."

Cally asked, "So Avon may not the only one?"

Dr. Kendrick said, "Likely not. But I imagine that Avon would have been one of their desired results. The quality of his genetic makeup is too high to have been a result of natural random breeding. Both physically and especially mentally, his profile predisposes him towards exceptional development."

Avon's face was blank as he digested this information. For as long as he could remember, he had the feeling that he was special. People treated him as if he was, at least his mind. Sometimes he wished he wasn't but it was only a fleeting thought during moments of insanity.

His mind was the only thing he had. Without it, he was nothing, he had nothing, he would be lost if he did not have his mind. Everyone coveted his brain, even himself; even as he realized that it made him little more than a tool for others, an object to be used. He had never thought much about himself; but his mind was a different matter. No one could insult his intelligence or his mental abilities and get away with it. They could insult anything else, but that was out of bounds.

Dr. Kendric added, "That's not all. Normally, even with selective breeding, a complete gene profile carries deleterious elements. There are virtually none in Avon's genetic makeup, except for a few that confer a heterozygous advantage."

From her studies, Cally knew that people normally carried two copies of a gene, one from either parent. Two copies of a harmful gene would cause problems but a single copy might give advantages that aid in immunity to certain types of diseases. "Are you saying that Avon's genetic makeup was altered?"

Dr. Kendric looked at Avon, "Yes, that is what we have determined. That is most likely why the Ultras considered your genetic material to be of such high calibre. To be almost free of harmful genetic elements is virtually impossible."

Avon asked, "And the things done to my mind? Are those the results of genetic alteration?"

"No. Those were done afterwards. It gave them a great advantage. The degree of tampering done would not have been possible with a weaker mind."

Avon's fist tightened and he wanted to shut his eyes to the idea that he had been someone else's genetic experiment. A mind like his should have been an asset. _It should not have been a curse! _But they made it into one.

Dr. Kendric continued, "There was also one other very surprising thing that we found. It appears that your brain has the precursors for psi abilities."

Cally asked with shock, "You mean that he's part Auron?"

"No, we don't think so. From Earth history, there have been stories of people who appear to have psi abilities of some kind. They were usually dismissed as hoaxes or fantastical tales. But it may be that some of these people did have limited psi abilities of some sort. It is like your own people, Cally. Such abilities were extremely rare until Franton developed the cloning technology that produced consistent psi capabilities in your people."

Cally asked with trepidation, "The Federation is trying to produce their own psi-enabled humans?"

"It's possible."

Cally looked at the silent Avon. She could feel the anguish radiating from him. "It would explain many things."

Dr. Kendric asked, "You're referring to your connection with Avon?"

"Yes. I've never run across a human who could do what he's been able to. I can sense humans to some extent. Especially ones I'm close with. But I've always been aware of Avon on a level that I am not with the others. I am able to sense him even from a far distance. I've always thought it was because of our…feelings towards each other. But now…"

Kendric said, "It may still be because of your close connection. Avon only has a precursor to a psi ability. He is not psi enabled. He has no abilities on his own."

Cally asked, "You're saying that because of our mutual affinity, I enable Avon to access his own abilities?"

"That is a possible explanation," said Kendric.

Avon's mind was in a whirl, he could barely hear what the others were saying anymore.

One thought occupied him, it's implications cascading like a tide of destruction through his very existence. They made him. The Federation had made him. Was he even normal? Or human? Or like one of the banned texts he had surreptitiously read, was he someone's Frankenstein's monster? Was that what had led him to say that Cally was more human than he was? Did he know on a subconscious level that he _wasn't_ human? Had he been put together like a puzzle for someone else's amusement and then they had played with him? Had his life been full of Servalan's? The thought made him ill. He swayed on his feet.

No matter how much they had made him to take, he couldn't take this.

"Avon!" Cally's caring and concerned voice was always the first one to reach him. Avon felt her comforting hands holding him up on one side. It filled him with anxiety that she was worried for him. She shouldn't have to keep worrying about him. She deserved more. Someone she didn't have to worry about. Someone who could take care of her.

Avon's barely focussed eyes recognized that Dr. Kendric was holding up his other side. Her voice seemed vague as she said, "Let's lie him down on the bed. He'll be alright once we get the machines working."

Avon felt other hands lift him up. The surface of the bed formed around his body, hugging him in its support. The hum of the machines greeted his ears and seemed to enter his mind; clearing it, soothing it and giving him a sense of calm again.

His first thought when he came to himself was always, * _Cally? _*

Her mental voice projected her relief. *_ Avon. It's alright. _*

There was faint distress overlaid by calm. * _I lost control again? _*

*_ Yes. Do you remember what happened? _*

*_ I do remember. _* It was not like this morning. He could clearly remember what Dr. Kendric had said; the idea that he had been the product of someone else's project of genetic manipulation. To produce the perfect mind. Like a biological computer.

The Tellaran machines whispered to him. Humming sounds of calm and reassurance before the thoughts could take him beyond his control.

In a voice that expected the worse, Avon asked, "Am I human?" It was almost the voice of a child.

Chapter Eighteen

"Am I human?" Avon's voice sounded lost. In pain. It was as if all of his greatest fears had been concentrated in that single question.

Cally could barely breathe. Everyone in the room may have heard Avon's words but she was the only who felt his agony. She wanted to go to him, to surround him both physically and mentally with her comforting presence.

She was only peripherally aware as the specialists at the panels worked frantically. She knew that they were trying to compensate for the great increase in stress Avon was feeling. He was taxing their machines.

She could feel his distress. His calm state was difficult to maintain under the onslaught of feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.

The Tellaran methods did not artificially force different states, they were gentler and used the body's own natural mechanisms to heal and maintain control.

She sent her presence to him, surrounding him in a mental embrace. In a calm voice, she told him, *_ Yes, you are, Avon. You have always been human. Whatever they did to you, they could not remove that. _*

Avon was trying to analyze his way out of the situation but seemed besieged by what his logical mind was trying to tell him.

Cally turned beseeching eyes to Dr. Kendric. "Avon needs help. He's afraid that he isn't human."

Sad compassion overlaid Dr. Kendric's professional manner. She nodded. "We will help him." She moved closer to the bed and the man whose eyes seemed to be closed tightly. "Avon, can you hear me?"

Avon's turned to look at her. The question reflected in his eyes was so loud that he didn't have to say anything.

Kendric's calm voice was tinged with compassion and understanding. "Your mind can rest, Avon. Genetically you are very human. There is no doubt of that. Your profile proves it."

Avon asked, "But what they did..." His voice trailed off.

"On a biological level, your profile contains some of the best gene sequences that humanity is capable of. It predisposes you to exceptional development. Especially on the mental level. They tried to produce the best mind."

"Then they failed. I am not perfect."

Those words brought up a bittersweet memory for Cally.

Avon's voice from the past. _It's a pity we're not all as reliable as Zen. _

And her own teasing voice as she leaned back against him. _But I thought you were._

Cally remembered his annoyed face then. She always knew how to get to him; knew how to touch his greatest insecurities that were always hidden beneath a veil of hard arrogance. It was no longer a light teasing matter. It was a fear that was making Avon question his own worth. The one thing he had always been sure of, he was no longer.

It was a frightening thing. What did they do to him? How could they so easily tear out the foundations on which his life was based?

With another jolt of reminiscence, Cally recognized the look on his face and the sense of loss in his voice. It was the face he had that day in the dark cellar; when he confronted the woman he had loved more than his own life, and found out that she was nothing more than the illusion of a fool.

Anna had nearly destroyed him that day. For a while, he had been lost, unable to go on; a man without a reason to live. A man who had not wanted to let go of a shattered illusion, even if it meant his own life. But life had been cruel again that day and he survived, against his will as so many things had been in his life.

Dr. Kendric's voice continued, "Yes. They failed. But not in the way you think, Avon. No one is perfect, not even a machine. Nothing is ever infallible. What they achieved in you was not infallibility but a mind that could achieve things no one else could. Your ability to learn and absorb information is incredible. You have knowledge and expertise in many unrelated disciplines. Did you not find that unusual? You solve problems. You overcome obstacles. You create and build whatever is needed. You are able to fail and overcome that failure."

Avon's expressionless voice said, "You are describing a machine. A very sophisticated one."

Kendric said, "Yes, what they made in you was the ultimate biological computer, with all of the creativity and intuition that makes you superior to a real computer. But they failed because you are not a computer. You are still human."

"Many people would disagree with you," said Avon bitterly.

Cally said fiercely, "They would be wrong."

Kendric agreed, "Yes, they would be wrong. You are very much human, Avon. A flawed human. As are we all. Where most of us struggle with our baser instincts, you have had the additional struggle between that which makes you a machine, and that, which makes you human. In that flawed humanity, you have saved many lives. That is your natural instinct; one they were never able to remove even though you tried to convince yourself and everyone else that they have. That is why we have followed your actions with great interest. You are a man with many weaknesses but it is your human strengths that usually win out; even if you have to wrestle with yourself to do it. Despite your flaws, you have saved far more people and harmed far fewer people than those who have a reputation for caring."

"Not everyone," said Avon with sudden anger.

"Yes, you are flawed," Dr. Kendric's eyes were filled with compassion. "And you have to pay the price of those flaws even as others reap the benefits of your struggle to be human."

Cally could feel Avon's anguish. "He has been paying." Her eyes widened as she understood something for the first time. In a voice that was barely a whisper, she asked, "Avon, do you want to get better?"

**********

Vila felt a soft, warm female body snuggled up against his. Was he dreaming? Usually in his dreams, he could see something, not just feel it. He opened his eyes and smiled. Corinne's head was resting against his chest. It was a dream and he hoped never to wake up from it.

For a change, everything was going well for him. He was happier than he had been in a long time.

Sienna said that the Tellarans would welcome him to stay. He would have to learn all of the duties of being a citizen and attend the required education, of course. Something about biweekly civics hours where he'd have to vote on things and add his input. That didn't sound too exciting. But she said he should have no problems getting a charter to set up as an entertainer.

It was very tempting. He was afraid to admit to himself that he was considering it. Not just for him, but for Corinne as well. She belonged here. These were her people. She had already seen enough of human cruelty and ugliness on Chandar. He did not want her to have to face more of it.

It wasn't as if he hadn't already done enough for freedom. He'd faced death more times than most people had in several lifetimes. It was time to let someone else take their turns. There was a whole ship of people who were much better at it than he was.

He and Corinne had just found each other. Vila didn't know if he could bear to let her go.

But he couldn't let the others go either. Avon, Cally, Argus, Reya and the soldiers. He couldn't let them go on without him. He knew he would feel horrible if anything happened to them and he wasn't there.

And he had promised the children.

Vila was torn as he looked down at Corinne. He knew what he wanted to do, and what he had to do. Both decisions would tear him up inside. Why did it have to be so hard?

Vila hugged Corinne.

She stirred and her eyes opened. "Good morning."

When she said it, with a sparkle in her eyes, Vila could believe that every morning could be happy from now on.

He grinned, "You're cheerful this morning."

"I can't think of a reason why." Corinne grinned mischievously.

"I can't either." Vila hugged her a little closer to emphasize how _much_ he couldn't think of it either.

"Oh." Corinne blushed.

**********

"Servalan." Sester's voice was smooth; deliberately calculated to charm the dangerous woman who appeared on his viewscreen.

"Is this a social call?" The Federation President was a cold and unassailable statue of ice.

Sester said, "I do miss your voice sometimes."

"Did you also miss my last orders?" asked Servalan with icy warning.

Sester brushed his fingers along the edge of the flight control panel and asked casually, "You mean about Avon?"

His attitude instantly made Servalan's eyes narrow, as he knew it would. Servalan asked, "What are you hiding from me?"

Sester gave a light sarcastic grin, "You know me so well, Madame President."

The warning was like a thin blade reaching out towards him. "Sester."

Sester looked up at the screen with unflinching eyes. "I've failed."

There was a flash of anger in Servalan's eyes. Her words were like daggers. "What happened to Avon?"

"The deterioration of his mind has reached a critical stage. Even with the help of the people here, they cannot stop his mind blocks from breaking down and plunging his mind into chaos."

"Why has Argus not contacted me?"

"For the same reason why Avon never will."

"The fools!" said Servalan with annoyance.

"For once Servalan, stop playing games with Avon's life. Help him without any conditions, before it's too late. Now is not the time to play games."

Servalan looked at him with interest. "It is the perfect time to play games."

"Servalan."

"Why are you trying to do this for him? What do you get out of this?" she asked with suspicious eyes.

"My life?" A self-mocking smile formed on Sester's lips. "As I recall, you don't react well to failure."

Servalan returned his smile with a cold one. "I also do not react well to people who have their own agendas."

"Then send me back to the Guild and tell them what I've done."

"What makes you think that I haven't told them? How do you know that I haven't already informed them that you disobeyed orders and helped Avon to escape?"

Sester said cynically, "If you had, I would not still be here, playing games with you."

"I wouldn't presume too much if I were you. I would replace you without a second thought if I no longer found you amusing."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. But you would have one less advantage over my replacement. You would have nothing to hold over him."

Servalan laughed. It was the kind of sound that would send chills down a lesser spine. Sester was made of sterner stuff. He knew that he had achieved what he wanted.

Servalan asked, "What do you want for Avon?"

Sester had thought this out carefully. He knew that he could not push Servalan too far. Anymore and he would be the one to pay the consequences as well. "The reason why he is in this condition now is because the crew ignored my warning about the drugs and destroyed them."

"You want a new supply?"

"That's not enough. Avon will see it as more control on your part. He will never agree to be dependent on your…good graces."

"Of which I have none."

Sester said, "I want the synthesis machines, with the appropriate codes."

"You're not in a position to make demands." Servalan was almost smiling.

"But as your psychostrategist, I _am_ in a position to tell you that if you don't do this, then Avon will be lost to you. What good is a shell if the mind is gone? I have done all that I can for him. If you want him to die, then now is the perfect opportunity. If not, then you are the only one who can save him."

Servalan's eyes were unyielding, but so were Sester's. After awhile, Servalan said, "Very well. You will have them."

After the communications had ended, Sester sat thinking. It had been ridiculously easy to manipulate Servalan. Her obsession with Avon made it easy. He should have been congratulating himself but instead he was caught in a dilemma. Every day he spent on this ship, he was losing his objectivity as a psychostrategist. Not only were these people no longer puppets to him, there was something even more dangerous to him on this planet.

Sester knew that Cambrin had repeatedly tried to see him. It was very obvious what the man wanted to do.

He could not lose his identity. The Guild was his life. They were his family; the only one he had ever known. What they did was essential, if not always pleasant. He had always been dedicated to his duty; with a little free interpretation in order to do his job.

Sester knew that he had stepped past the line; he had acted for personal interests, to the detriment of his duty. He knew that he should have arranged to have himself removed from this job.

But he couldn't. Sester made his hand into a fist and hit the edge of the panel, causing several of the switches to activate. He quickly turned them off.

If Servalan had told the Guild what he had already done, they would order him back. A shiver ran up his spine at the thought.

This should be an easy decision for him. He had a great deal to lose by continuing to help Avon. Then why couldn't he do it? Why did he stay? Why was he risking everything that had always been important to him?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Nineteen

"Avon, do you want to get better?"

Cally's whispered question echoed through both their minds as Avon turned to look at her. His face was expressionless but there was a tightness of the muscles that betrayed what was going on inside.

For a brief while, they had shared Cally's deepest feelings the previous night. The sorrow, pain and anguish. It had bound them together; one pain touching another. It wasn't just that Avon was able to feel her greatest emotions; he understood and shared them because they mirrored his own. The misery of guilt and a deep sense of responsibility, the kind that seeks pain.

They were both similar characters in that respect. Cally's guilt over surviving when all of her Saurian Major friends had died, had driven her to want to destroy until she was destroyed. Seeking in that destruction and self-destruction a way to pay the debt of surviving.

She knew that it was what Avon had tried to do with Anna. Of all the ways he could have chosen to find Shrinker, Avon had chosen the most painful and self-destructive way. She had felt then that he was punishing himself for her death; trying to drown out the guilt and agony of going on alone.

Avon had worried her in his obsession over Anna. Guilt could do terrible things to people; making you lose all perspective and engage in self-destructive behaviour. They both knew it only too well.

Cally knew that Avon was wracked by another guilt now. Until Dr. Kendric had mentioned that Avon had to pay for his flaws, Cally hadn't realized how much guilt had been driving him. Avon was a man who paid his debts.

She wondered about those three years that Avon had spent at the Detention Centre. Servalan had tortured him to the breaking point; destroyed his mind and body, tormented and humiliated him and made him into a helpless puppet. Had part of him wanted it?

Cally asked again, "Avon, do you want to get better?"

The pain in Avon's eyes deepened. Slowly and agonizingly, he shook his head.

**********

"You know, we really should be getting out of bed," said Corinne.

"Oh, I don't know. I could stay here for a couple of more hours." Vila as he ran his fingers down her arm, feeling the silky skin.

"I'm hungry."

That did it. At that moment, an embarrassing rumble came from Vila's stomach.

Corinne smiled. "I think part of you agrees."

Vila looked down at the offending area and said, "Traitor."

"We could come back here after we eat," offered Corinne generously.

Vila put his arms around her and held her close. "How did I get to be so lucky?"

"You deserve it," said Corinne as she rested her head on his shoulder.

The simple confidence and trust in her voice pierced him and filled him with guilt. "I don't. Not really. There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"It doesn't matter."

Vila pulled back and looked at her. "It does to me. I want you to know who I am, Corinne. I'm not the person you think I am. I'm not brave. I'm not like the others. I don't rush in when I see danger; I tend to run the other way. Sometimes the danger gets to me and I want to run from it, even if it means leaving people behind. Sometimes even my friends. It's not something I'm proud of. I've never done it. Sometimes I can be brave but sometimes...I don't know. I have thought of leaving people behind and I've told others to do it. Sometimes I wonder if I ever would. I honestly don't know."

Corinne's eyes studied his. "It's hard for me to believe. But even if it were true, it doesn't matter. You're brave now and you help people, even when you're scared. You grow and learn. You make mistakes but you want to become a better person and you try to. To me, that is perfect. That's why I love you."

Vila hugged her again. "I love you too."

This time it was Corinne's turn to pull back. "I'm not perfect either. Sometimes, I get very angry and I find it hard to believe in people. I know my mother doesn't like it. She wanted me to understand the Chandarans but…sometimes it was very hard. She's very patient with me."

"That's understandable," said Vila. "I lived as a Delta most of my life. I know how hard it can be to believe in anyone. Or to forget."

"It's not the Tellaran way."

"Well, not many ways are."

"Sometimes, I don't think like I'm one of them. Sometimes I find it hard to want to help people who hurt me."

"You're not the only one," said Vila. "But I think the Tellarans wouldn't mind. They'd understand. Besides Alyce said that they didn't start out like this. They learned too. Just like we can."

"Do you think so?"

"We can try."

Corinne gazed into his eyes for a moment, as if trying to read something. "Vila, do you want to stay here?"

Vila was troubled. The question he wanted to avoid thinking about for a few more days was staring him in the face and demanding an answer.

**********

Sester always liked to know where the key people on the ship were; those he cared about and especially those who could take him apart and had very good incentive to. That's why he knew that Argus was on the flight deck and Reya was down on the planet.

As was his habit, he paused at the top of the flight deck steps and took in the situation. Argus was at Avon's station, looking intently at one of the monitors screens. The man had a strong and professional profile. His back was straight, reflecting a lifetime of service in the military. Calm energy radiated from him but there was also something very dangerous about this man; a hint of violence contained. Sester doubted if most people saw that quality until it was too late.

The man was like a bulwark against the solar storms. Sester knew that people normally gravitated to him for leadership and reassurance. There was an indestructible quality about him. This man was prepared for everything. Sester smiled. But only when it came to physical danger. Argus had very few defences against someone like him.

He could see Argus's back stiffen and could imagine the displeased look on the man's face before he turned around. Argus snapped, "What are you doing here?"

Sester adopted a friendly smile and came down the steps towards him. "Not spying on you if that's what you're wondering."

Argus's eyes were trained on him like a security camera that wanted to pick out any suspicious behaviour. Sester knew that he would be watched carefully every second he was here.

Argus almost growled, "Then what are you doing here?"

"It's not a social visit either, if that worries you at all." There was an almost-smirk on Sester's face. For some reason, he liked needling this man. He noticed that one of the other man's hands had become taut on the panel in front of him. Not quite ready to form a fist, but definitely tense.

Argus said, "I'm in no mood for your games, Sester."

"Are you ever?" Sester asked pleasantly, as if they were discussing a friendly chess match instead of squaring off against each other as rivals.

Argus said irritably, "I'm busy. I don't have time for this."

"Oh, but you will make time," said Sester smoothly.

The tone in Sester's voice immediately made Argus's senses go into high alert. He looked at him warily. He demanded, "Explain."

"Have you talked to Servalan?"

Argus stiffened. "I told you that I won't unless I've exhausted all other options."

"Then you're a fool and you're going to kill Avon."

Argus asked angrily, "What are you talking about? Avon's fine. He's on the planet receiving treatment."

"I didn't realize that you have such a high capacity for self-delusion," said Sester with detached sarcasm. "The Tellarans methods of therapy only work if they have time to work. Even if all emotions are removed or dampened, his mind will not be able to handle the rate at which the mind-blocks have been breaking down. Not to mention the breakdown is not controlled. It is chaotic and fragmentary. It is impossible for him to separate out truth from implanted memories or even the nightmares. If they all collapse, then you will lose Avon. His mind will forever be trapped. I have seen it happen. I…have seen it done deliberately. I don't want it to happen to Avon."

Argus's voice was like a sharpened blade, cutting into him. "You've ordered it done?"

Sester felt the accusation like a hot slice of guilt that lay bare all of his previous actions. Why did he feel guilty now? He had never before. It was a job, nothing more. The people were puppets.

He had never ordered it personally, but it didn't mean that he didn't know what would happen to people that he manipulated. Other people always did the dirty work after him. It was his job to trap them, to guide them, to make them do what they were supposed to do and when they didn't, to neutralize them.

It was his job. He should not be feeling guilty and definitely not at the hands of his greatest rival. But he did feel it. The shock of the inexplicable feeling caused him to become angry and defensive. He said heatedly, "Of course I did. That's what I do. I destroy people."

Argus could no longer hold back a snarl from showing on his face. "It's good to know that I wasn't wrong about you."

"It must be refreshing being right about something." Sester could see the fist now. He smiled sarcastically, "But only half-right. I am here to stop it from happening to Avon."

"How can we trust you? How can Avon?"

Sester was disturbed by his own lack of control. He should never have lost his cool when he needed the other man to trust him. For some reason Argus always brought out the worst in him.

In a subdued and sincere voice, Sester said, "You're right; it's hard for any of you to trust me. But for Avon's sake, you need to."

Argus said in warning, "Don't try to manipulate me."

"I'm not. I want to help Avon. How many times do I have to prove it to you?"

Argus said coldly, "Ask Avon."

Sester had a self-mocking smile on his face. "Of course. Are you at least willing to listen to what I have to say?"

"I can listen."

"The reason why Avon is in the dangerous condition he is in now is because you ignored my warning about the drugs. I told you that Avon needs them all in order to function. Removing one or two, especially the ones for his mind, upsets a very carefully balanced system of controls." Sester noted the anger in Argus's eyes as he said this. "I have asked Servalan for the synthesis machines and the codes that produce the drugs. She has agreed to provide them."

The anger was no longer confined to Argus's eyes. "_You_ went to _her_ without telling me?"

"Someone had to. By the time you decided you had no choice, it would have been too late. Besides, it's already too late. The equipment is on its way here. I will give you the rendezvous coordinates. I didn't think you would want Servalan to know your exact location."

Argus's voice was tight with anger, "You had no right to go to her without asking us!"

"Someone had to," Sester said reasonably.

With unbelievable speed, Argus had come around his flight station and stood toe-to-toe with Sester. "Not you!"

It was so quick that Sester barely had time to suppress a reaction of shock. He stood his ground and said sarcastically, "It definitely wouldn't have been you. Your delay could have cost Avon his life."

Argus grabbed Sester's collar in an iron-tight grip. He said in a low, menacing growl, "That's the point! Do you think that Avon would want to continue living under Servalan's control? He would rather die first!"

Sester grabbed Argus's hands, trying to loosen the grip that was making it hard to breathe. He gasped, "You were going to let him die?!"

Argus's entire body seemed to stiffen and his eyes reflected deep pain. He pushed Sester away from him, causing him to stagger back and fall onto one of the couches. "Do you think I want him to?! I can't force him to live when living is worse than dying. No matter how much I don't want to lose him." Argus sat down heavily on the couch opposite, his head hung down and his whole body reflected his anguish.

Sester said in a quiet voice, "You care a great deal about him, don't you?" There was something about this man that had just touched him.

Without lifting his head, Argus said harshly, "It's none of your business."

"I know it's not. What are you going to do? The equipment is on its way here."

Argus did not respond.

Sester said, "Look, Argus. You're not the one who approached Servalan. There are no conditions in accepting the machines. It does not give Servalan any advantage. I made sure of that."

Argus looked up at him. There was both interest and wariness reflected in his eyes.

Sester continued, "I did not tell her that the Tellarans are trying to remove the memory blocks and may be able to fix whatever damage was done to his mind. These drugs are a temporary measure to give them time to do that. Servalan never need know when Avon has recovered until you decide to tell her. Think about it, Argus. It gives you an advantage if she thinks that Avon is in worse condition than he is."

"These are highly classified drugs. No one knows about them. We used the last samples on Avon. What if these synthesis machines produce ones that are designed to make his condition even worse? We won't know until it's too late. Servalan is capable of anything. And so are you."

Sester said, "Alright. I will take the drugs first. Will that satisfy you? Then the Tellarans can study their effects on my mind. If they're confident that they won't harm Avon then you can give them to him."

Argus asked suspiciously, "What effect would they have on a healthy mind?"

"I suppose we'll find out."

"Do you trust Servalan that much? Are you sure that she won't try to do something to Avon without telling you?"

Sester stared at him. They both knew the answer. "That's why I have to do this, don't I?"

Chapter Twenty

Cally helped Avon to sit up on the bed after the Tellarans turned off the various medical equipment and left them alone. There had been no examinations done.

Dark expressive eyes searched hers but he didn't say anything.

Cally told him, "Avon, I understand."

"Do you?"

"After what we shared last night, you know I do. But I don't think you need to do it this way."

"I have to."

Cally sighed. She recognized that stubborn tone in his voice; the obsessive quality he had when he took something upon himself. He would be blind to anything else until the full cost had been paid. A cost determined by him. She was afraid that it would never be reached. Cally knew him; she knew that he would set it so high that he would never achieve it.

She put a gentle hand on his arm, "At least let them fix the damage to your mind. Give them the opportunity to remove the mind blocks."

Avon slid off the bed. "I was planning to. That's one thing we cannot do without. We need my mind to be functional."

Cally didn't like the sounds of that. "Avon, you're not a machine. I do not want you to treat yourself as one."

For a moment, the impassive look on his face softened, just a bit, and Avon touched her face. "It's enough that you don't."

**********

Vila was spreading some marmalade on a piece of toast as he looked surreptitiously at Corinne. She was over at the beverage dispenser, scrolling through the choice of teas.

It was still quiet, even in the usually crowded dining area. Most of the soldiers were still amusing themselves down on Tellar. Now was the perfect time to broach her about something but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

Corinne came back with a nice cup of something that had a lightly lemony smell to it. She smiled at him and took a sip of the lightly brownish liquid. "What are you thinking?"

"You're very beautiful."

Corinne laughed. "You always say that."

"But it's true."

Corinne put the cup down on the saucer and in a serious voice asked him, "Vila, do you want to have children?"

Vila choked on his piece of toast.

**********

Argus and a team of soldiers came back with a silver case, about the size of ORAC's carry container. The drug synthesis machine was laid out on a table in the medical unit. It was a box with several rows of input symbols, a slot for a bio-injector in the front and various square slots in the back. The case also contained various cartridges containing the chemical ingredients required.

Sester set it up under Argus's watchful eyes when Vila came in. "Oh. Didn't know you were in here. I'm just getting something for Corinne. Don't mind me." He went to rummage through one of the medicine cabinets.

Sester picked out several of the cartridges and began putting them into place in the machine.

Over at the medical supplies cabinets, Vila really wished Cally had come back. He had no idea what he was looking for, what it would look like or even if the ship had any. Instead, he went over to where Sester was setting up. "Is that the synthesis machine? It doesn't look like much."

Sester said, "It may not look like much but it's a sophisticated instrument for producing certain types of very specialized drugs." He looked at Argus, "I would not recommend trying to open it up or tampering with it in any way. Servalan has assured me that the unit is protected. Any attempt to expose the internal controls will cause errors. She will not guarantee what effect that will have on the effectiveness of the drugs produced."

"She's very thorough," said Argus.

"Not to mention devious," said Vila. "How do we know if she hasn't done her own tampering?"

"That's what I'm here for." Sester picked up a bio-injector from the table and slid it into place. He picked up a plastic data sheet from a sleeve inside the case and entered the appropriate codes. They could hear the machine coming active. "These codes must be entered exactly and in the correct sequence. Any deviations may have unfortunate consequences. I've loaded the injector with the five mind drugs." He held out the filled injector to Argus.

Argus took it and examined the readings on the side, scrolling through to see the type of drugs and the amount.

Sester said, "There's enough there for three days."

Argus handed it back to him.

"You want me to do it myself?" asked Sester.

Argus just stared at him.

"Of course you do."

Vila looked perplexed, "What's going on? What are we doing?"

Sester smiled pleasantly, "Someone doesn't trust Servalan."

Vila said, "Well who would?"

"Someone also doesn't trust me. So we're going to test the drugs first before giving it to Avon." Sester adjusted the controls on the injector.

"You mean you're going to inject yourself? That's crazy."

Sester looked at the stony-faced Argus. The man did not look like he was going to give him a reprieve. "Well, Vila, haven't you done a few crazy things in your life?"

"Yeah, and lived to regret most of them. My motto now is, don't do crazy things. That way you won't have anything to regret."

"Wise words, if you can afford them," said Sester as he touched the injector to his neck.

Vila said, "Argus, you're not going to let him go through with it, are you? I mean, we don't know what they'd do to a mind that's healthy, do we? Isn't this cruel?"

Argus said, "It's not cruel if it _is_ a trap."

Vila was flabbergasted. "And what if it's not?"

Argus didn't reply.

Sester was about to depress the control that would send the first drug coursing through his system when he paused and said, "You realize that if you want to find out if the drugs will harm Avon, all you need to do is to get the Tellarans to analyze the drugs produced? With their advanced medical technology, they should be able to model the probable effects."

Argus said, "I know."

"But you still want me to do this?"

"That was our agreement."

Sester sighed resignedly. "So it was."

Vila protested, "This is crazy. We shouldn't be doing this."

Sester depressed the button; he could feel a slight pressure against his neck as the drugs penetrated the skin. A cool, slightly pinching feeling. Suddenly Argus's hand struck out and hit the injector. It flew out of Sester's hand and landed with a clang on the floor.

Argus said, "That's enough."

Vila breathed a sigh of relief, "You had me worried there for a second."

Sester rubbed his neck where a bit of the drug had entered his system. "Are you satisfied?"

Argus snarled, "What do you think? You could have easily anticipated my actions. You must have guessed that I would never let you inject the drugs."

Sester smiled wryly, "Of course. I'm surprised you realized that." He knelt down to pick up the injector.

Vila asked with consternation, "You mean this whole thing was a game between the two of you?"

Sester chuckled and stood up. "It's always a game, Vila." He checked the injector and made a few adjustments. "Or rather, it's a contest of wills. Isn't it?" Sester brought the injector up to look at the readings again and before the other two could react, he quickly applied it to his neck and depressed the activation button.

Argus knocked the injector out of his hands but it was too late. "You fool!"

With clinical detachment, Sester noted the effects as the drugs took effect. There was a bemused look on his face as he stood waiting for them to work.

Disorientation. Dizziness. His mind was fuzzy. Something was happening. His mind was… Sester collapsed as Argus caught him. He lifted him up and deposited him onto a bio-bed.

Vila turned on the bio-monitors. The readings were erratic. He asked worriedly, "This doesn't look good. Should we get Cally?"

Argus went to retrieve the injector from where it had rolled into a corner. He grimaced as saw the indicator screen on the side. "The idiot. He gave himself a full dose. It was a mixture of all five."

Vila asked with alarm, "Why would he do that?"

Argus looked at the man on the bed. Sester was breathing rapidly and there was a lot of eye movement under closed lids. "It's my fault."

Vila had a sudden troubling thought, "Do you think…would Servalan try to trick us?"

They both looked at Sester. Argus said, "For his sake I hope not. Go and get Cally. I'll stay with him."

"Alright." Before he exited Vila said, "You know, you might want to give him a break once in a while. He is trying to help Avon and you don't make it easy for him."

"I'm not here to make life easy for him. He deserves what he gets."

"Does he deserve this? You pushed him into doing this. Do you think this will help Avon? If something happens to Sester, who'll run interference with Servalan? You? He can get her to do things none of us can. Do you want to lose that?"

Vila left without waiting for an answer and Argus stared after him. He knew that Vila was right even though he rebelled at the thought.

Sester began shaking his head from side to side as if he was trying to throw off something. A groan escaped his lips.

Everything about this man set Argus off. There were too many things to hold against him. The last thing he wanted to do was to have any kind of positive impressions about him but Vila was right. He could not deny that Sester had consistently tried to help Avon. In addition, they did need him with Servalan. He'd also saved his life down on Chandar. Though he wasn't sure if Sester would have if Reya hadn't been there too.

Argus said to the unconscious man, "Hang on. Vila's getting help."

Chapter Twenty-One

"Argus, what happened?" There was no accusation in Reya's voice, just a request for information. However, her eyes told him that she needed to understand. There was colour in her cheeks now but Argus wasn't sure that it was all from her increased health.

Avon, Cally and Vila were in the room too. They were all waiting. In the next room, the Tellarans were trying to stabilize the effect of the drugs on Sester's brain.

Argus and Reya barely registered they were there. They were focused solely on each other.

Argus could barely meet her eyes as he said in a voice heavy with guilt, "It was my fault. I pushed him into it. I'm..." He could not hold her eyes anymore. His head bowed. "I'm sorry."

Reya's face seemed to be frozen, as if she was afraid that if she did react, it would not be something that either of them would want.

Her voice came out harsher than she had intended, "I'm not the one you have to apologize to."

She hoped it was not too late to prevent any permanent damage. Reya could not understand why Sester would do this dangerous thing. If they had wanted to test if the drugs were safe, all they had to do was give it to the Tellarans for analysis.

Sester would have known this. Argus definitely did. There was only one reason she could think of that would make Sester do this. There had been a power struggle between the two men; two Alpha males seeking dominance over the other. However, Sester had one weakness; he had proven repeatedly that he would risk a great deal to repay his debt to Avon. Argus must have made it a condition of trust and Sester had relented because he wanted them to believe he was sincere in his help. He wanted Argus to believe him and placed his life in his hands.

Vila couldn't keep silent even though this was a private scene. He had been a witness to what happened on the ship too and wanted to help.

"It wasn't all Argus's fault. I suppose some of it was but not all of it. He didn't know Sester was going to inject himself again. He tried to stop him."

Reya turned to him. "Again?" Under that interrogating gaze, Vila swallowed hard. It was always daunting facing the Commander when she was like this.

Argus held up his hand to stop him answering, "No, Vila. It _was_ my fault. Both times."

Reya's voice was professional and detached. It was like ice-cold water that chilled him to the very bone. Argus wished she would get angry with him. Or at least hit him with something. Anything would be better than this cold disappointment. She asked, "Tell me what happened."

Argus could barely express himself under her cold gaze. "I…"

Seeing that he couldn't answer, Vila said, "They got the synthesis machines but they were afraid that Servalan might have done something to them. So…Sester decided to test them on himself."

Cally said, "That's completely unnecessary. The Tellarans could have analyzed them."

There was a flash of anger in Reya's eyes but when she spoke, it was in the cold professional tone that made Argus blanch. "It wasn't about the drugs or Servalan, was it?"

Argus faced her. "No. I never meant for him to take the drugs. It was a test."

Reya's voice was becoming heated, "It was a game!"

"I needed to know how serious he was," said Argus defensively.

Reya was becoming flushed. "You wanted to make sure he knew who was in control. You forced him to accept it because you knew he would do it for Avon."

Reya was angry and hurt. Argus had promised not to hurt Sester. After Sester had saved their lives on Chandar, she thought that Argus might learn to be less hostile towards him. For a while, it seemed to have worked. But now…

"It wasn't…" Argus wanted to say that it wasn't like that. But he knew that he would have been lying. "You're right. He wanted me to trust him. It was the only way I could."

Avon stepped in. "It was about control."

Argus nodded at his understanding. "Yes."

Avon understood very well the games that Alphas played, especially Alpha males. "He would have known this of course."

Argus said, "We both knew. It was a condition of trust. He accepted it."

Avon said dryly, "You do realize he was playing you?"

Argus asked questioningly, "What do you mean?"

"The first test was yours to win. The second one, when he took the drugs, was his. It was designed to put you in a weaker position." He looked pointedly at Reya. "It appears to have worked."

Vila wasn't sure why but he felt a need to defend Sester. "Or he could have just wanted you to know that he was serious. He was willing to accept your conditions."

Avon's eyes were hard. "Don't be a fool, Vila! He's extremely good at manipulating people to his advantage." A wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth. "It looks as if he's succeeded with you as well."

It had been along time since Avon had called him a fool, or at least come close to it. Vila said in denial, "He hasn't."

"He already has your sympathy."

Vila said, "You told me to watch him and I did. I know what he is but I don't think you're seeing clearly because of what he did to you. He's not as bad as you think he is."

Avon said, "Then you _are_ a fool. A human one."

Vila found it was much easier standing up to people now. He didn't know if it was because he had changed or because the others were different. It was probably a mixture of both. He stood his ground, "And you're blind! Both of you! You want him to pay for what he did to you. And fair enough. He owes you both. But you don't care if it destroys him."

Avon and Argus looked at each other. Avon said, "You're right, we don't."

Reya said angrily, "Men!"

Vila said, "Hang on a minute. I'm one too."

Reya revised. "I mean Alpha males. You two want to crush him because you think it'll make you feel better. You both want to punish him and continue punishing him."

Avon said, "That's the general idea."

There was a dangerous tone in her voice when Reya asked Argus, "Is it?"

Argus coughed. He really wished she would ask someone else these questions. He knew that he wasn't going to be sleeping on a nice bed tonight. "I…well…"

Cally said, "I don't see a problem with it."

They all looked at her in astonishment.

Vila wondered if he had wandered onto a set of the latest vid-drama. "Not you too, Cally."

"You forget, Vila. Sester used information he obtained from me in order to torture Avon. I cannot forgive him for that."

Vila said, "But he's changed. Don't you see? He's not the same person he was before."

Cally asked, "How would you know?"

At that, Vila fell silent. It was true; he had only known Sester on the ship.

Reya said, "Avon, Sester risked his life to save you from Servalan. Doesn't it count for anything? He had nothing to gain and everything to lose and he almost did."

Argus asked, "What are you talking about, Reya? Sester didn't lose anything."

"That's where you're wrong. Servalan found out what he did. He tried to run but she caught him."

Avon never hid his scepticism. "He told you that?"

"Yes, he did."

Avon's sarcasm couldn't have been clearer if he wore a sign on his forehead. "If Servalan _had_ found out, he would be dead. He was obviously lying to you."

Reya knew that it was hard convincing Avon without any physical evidence. "But you can't deny that he risked everything to rescue you."

Avon said, "Perhaps."

At that moment, one of the technicians came in and said, "He's stabilized now."

**********

The room was large, like a huge empty cave whose walls were lost in the shadows. To a child, it seemed impossibly large and seemed to stretch forever. But he was no ordinary boy. He knew the purpose of this room the moment they brought him here and left him alone to wait in near darkness.

This room was meant to scare him and to make him feel small. He could almost feel them watching him and waiting. Until the appropriate time. When they thought he was ready. He guessed there would be a blinding light and a voice that would echo off the walls. They wanted to inspire awe.

He wasn't impressed so quickly or manipulated so easily. The boy stood straighter and told himself to relax. His eyes were already alive with curiosity and alertness. When they came, whoever they were, they would find him hard to influence or control.

The Counsellors had said he was being sent to a unique place. It was time for his next phase of education. A specialization beyond what the Academy could offer.

Most of the others had already been placed. Not that he felt much for them. Bonds were never encouraged at the Academy, only competition. It was meant to make them stronger and encourage even greater achievement.

All that mattered was that they were highly valued, the best of the best. The Federation had spent a great deal training them and protecting their investment.

The Counsellors hadn't told him what this place was. He could make a few guesses but he liked having more information first.

He put his hand to his temple and rubbed it. He was used to the dull pain in his head but sometimes it could be annoying. The doctors said that it was nothing. It was just a minor reaction to the learning machines. It would go away eventually when his mind was adjusted to them or when he got older. It never had. It made it difficult to concentrate sometimes, especially when he wanted to remember something. At times, it felt like someone had plunged a hot knife inside his head.

He couldn't let it bother him. His hand fell back to his sides and his eyes roamed the room. He couldn't see the entrance they had brought him through. It seemed to have disappeared. A brief smiled appeared on his face. It was another way to instil fear. He could not come in or leave without their permission. It was a method that would have worked on most people but not on someone who knew what they were trying to do.

A bright blinding light hit the spot where he stood, transfixing him.

_Just like I thought. _The boy noted with satisfaction. He stood his ground, ready and unafraid.

A calm, superior female voice said, "Excellent." There was a tone of pronouncement her voice. The sound didn't just vibrate along the walls as he had expected, it enveloped him and surrounded him, almost as if it was trying to take him over; echoing inside of him right to his very bones. The female voice asked him, "You are not afraid?"

The boy's voice was measured and sounded older and more assured than his years would indicate. "Is there a reason why I should be?"

The voice seemed to be delighted. "You are either too clever or not clever enough."

The light was still blinding him.

The boy asked in challenge, "Which one are you?"

Laughter erupted all around him, male and female voices, like waves of liquid sound.

A low rumbling male voice said, "This one is mine." The sound was as smooth as fine gravel and for the first time since entering the room, the boy was afraid. The room had been calculated to separate out people like him.

**********

Sester's body shivered and he opened his eyes. He immediately closed them tight as the light aggravated the pain in his head. "Ahh." His hand went to his temple and he rubbed it.

"He's awake." It was a male voice he didn't recognize.

"Good, his vitals are stabilizing." This was Dr. Kendric. "Turn the lights down."

"There's still a lot of activity in the brain waves," said the male voice.

"It might not be unusual for him."

"It would be for anyone else. Except…" The male voice paused. "Do you know what these look like?"

"I know." Dr. Kendric's voice sounded concerned. She asked, "Sester, how are you feeling?"

Sester risked opening his eyes a sliver. The lights had been turned down to a gentle glow. He opened his eyes the rest of the way. His head still hurt but at least it didn't feel like someone was boring into his brain.

He said lightly, "You mean apart from the sensation of having a hot knife in my head?" Behind Dr. Kendric, he could see Reya coming towards him. His spirits lifted instantly. Behind her, with a shuffling gait and a look of dejection on his face, followed Argus.

Yes, he was feeling much better. A smile almost touched the corners of Sester's lips but he controlled himself. It would not do to have Reya see his amusement. The others were there too. Avon, Cally and Vila.

Dr. Kendric applied an applicator to his neck. "This will help with the pain." There was a slight hiss as she depressed the button.

The pain immediately began to fade. Sester took in a deep breath and let it out. "Thank you, Doctor."

Kendric said, "Your mind has received a great shock. There may be lingering effects that will last from a few days to several weeks but there should be no permanent damage. We have given you several stabilizing drugs but your mind is capable of doing the rest."

"Can I get up?"

"You can but I recommend that you take it easy for a few days."

Kendric helped him sit up and gave him some water.

Sester addressed Argus, "Did you get what you wanted?"

Avon snarled, "It's not going to work."

Sester sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Avon. I only want to know if you found out what you needed to know about the drugs."

Avon's eyes narrowed. "What are you playing at?"

It was difficult but Sester avoided using all of the tools at his disposal. The things that would make him sound sincere, just because he wanted to sound sincere. There was a raw honesty in his voice that he didn't know he was capable of. He filed this information away. "For once, Avon. I am not playing any games. Not with you. I only want to know if what I did worked. Were you able to determine if Servalan tampered with the drugs?"

Avon said, "There were no tests done."

"What? You mean I did it for nothing?" There was surprise on Sester's face but it quickly turned to ironic laughter. He asked Argus, "Was it because you didn't trust me? Or you didn't trust yourself?"

When Argus didn't answer, Sester asked, "It was both?"

Argus said suddenly, "Tell me what happened with Servalan after you gave us the information to rescue Avon."

Sester looked sharply at him. "Why do you want to know?"

"Answer the question."

Sester glanced over at Reya, wondering what she had told the others. He'd never used the information before. It was too obvious a sympathy card. Sester did not do obvious. "You're not going to believe me."

Reya said softly, "Tell them what you told me."

Sester hesitated and then he nodded. "Alright. After…"

Avon said, "I want to know everything."

"Very well. After they rescued you. I knew the game was up. Servalan would know it was me. I tried to escape but they shut down the Central Spaceport. I didn't have a chance. I was taken to a cell. Your cell."

Avon said dispassionately, "Poetic."

"Yes, Servalan seemed to think so when she came to visit. For a moment, I thought she was going to do to me, what she had done to you. But…" Sester smiled ironically and touched his hand to his chest. "She had me shot instead."

Avon's brows lifted, "Shot?"

Sester absently rubbed his chest. He could almost feel a dull pain where the shots had hit. "Yes. Several times. I do seem to manage quite well for a dead man, don't I?"

Avon guessed, "They were stun shots? Designed to produce fear?"

Sester chuckled. "They were very effective. I thought I had died. I never expected to wake up again."

"Go on."

"Imagine my surprise when I woke up. My chest felt like someone had kicked it in. Stun shots might not kill but they do hurt. Especially if you receive more than one or two."

Despite how the others felt about Sester, Vila couldn't keep the sympathy out of his face. "What did Servalan do to you?"

As Sester spoke, his voice became tight with memory and his eyes saw the past; and the cell. "The standard disorientation treatments. Isolation. Bright lights and sounds so that I couldn't sleep. Not much food or water. Questions over and over again until I could hear them even when they weren't there. Drugs that…well, you know some of them. I used them enough on you, Avon. After awhile I thought I was going mad."

Avon asked, "They didn't hurt you in any other way?"

Sester's eyes focused on Avon, as if he just remembered that he was not alone. "No. I was never removed from the cell. Sometimes, the torture of the mind is much more effective than that of the body."

Avon's lips pulled back, baring his teeth. "Poetic justice?"

For Sester, the guilt was only as far as the next accusation. "One day the door opened and Servalan came in. She made it very clear that she was in control and that she could kill me at any time. Or worse."

Avon pressed for more. "And?"

"I agreed with her. Then she let me out."

Vila asked, "That's it?"

"She kept me on a short leash for awhile. I was watched carefully but she didn't need to. The lesson had been very effective."

Vila was perplexed. "So she kept you a prisoner and threatened you. But you're not a prisoner now. Why didn't you change sides when you had the chance? You're not being watched now. What hold does she have over you?"

Sester said, "You wouldn't understand."

Reya said, "I want to understand."

Sester grimaced. "Don't ask me, Reya. There are some things about being a psychostrategist none of you would ever understand."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Twenty-Two

Argus looked thoughtful as Sester reluctantly accompanied some of the medical specialists to another room. His instincts were telling him one thing but his feelings were telling him another. He wanted to believe his feelings.

There was a distinct lack of conversation going on. Everyone seemed buried in their own thoughts as they waited.

Argus had a real aversion to believing Sester but he couldn't shake the feeling that the man had been telling the truth this time. Not to mention, Argus felt guilty. The man had saved his life and regardless of Sester's motivations, Argus did owe him.

It was hard to separate out instinct from feeling. The feelings were seductive, taking the instinct and warping it. It was very easy to see everything that Sester did as manipulative and suspicious. Part of him wanted to.

Even if Avon was right about Sester playing games with the drugs, which would not be beneath him, he was taking a great risk just to gain an advantage. Would Sester take that kind of risk?

Or was Vila right and Sester was being sincere? Vila did seem to have good instincts about people. He didn't have a reason to be automatically biased against Sester. That was the reason why they had him watch Sester.

A good commander does not let feelings stand in the way. Having Sester on their side, did give them an advantage against Servalan.

In addition, if Sester were playing a dominance game, reacting negatively would be playing into his hands. He could see that Reya was still angry with him. Could he afford to play into Sester's hands even more?

Argus was getting a headache as his instincts and his feelings warred with each other. He was not cut out for deviousness. He missed the days when things were much simpler, when there had seemed to be a right and wrong. But of course, he had been fooled and what he thought was wrong was really right and what he thought was right had been wrong.

He had been told that some things had to be done so that order could be maintained. Without order, there was chaos and death. Some had to be sacrificed to maintain order. It was for the good of the Federation. He had believed. He had been a fool.

But now, on the other side, sometimes he had the same questions. It bothered him that some of these rebels wanted to do the same things, but for a different reason. Was right and wrong solely determined by motivations? Sometimes it made him ill to think of it. He wasn't trained to think of such things. But it did bother him. It used to be so much simpler.

Now he was faced with his own decision about doing what was right.

He sighed and asked Avon, "What do you think?"

"You believed him?" Avon's brows knitted in disbelief.

"He seemed sincere."

Avon asked, "Have you forgotten what he is?"

Hoping to call on Cally's psi perceptions, Argus asked, "Cally, what do you think?"

Cally had received impressions of sincerity from Sester. She had been struggling with her own feelings and what her psi abilities told her. "He seems sincere but of course, he did on the prison planet too. He was able to fool my psi abilities."

This was not very helpful.

"But what does your gut tell you?"

Avon said, "We should only rely on proven fact. And the fact is…"

Argus said, "The fact is, we don't know."

Avon snarled, "You're allowing yourself to be taken in because of your capacity for misplaced guilt."

Avon's voice was also starting to take on a stress that Argus recognized.

"It's not misplaced. I forced this situation. If something had happened to him, it would have been my responsibility."

Avon said, "He took advantage of your mistake and you're letting him. Don't be a fool, man!"

The underlying stress in Avon's voice told Argus that he would have to handle this carefully. But he was beginning to see a way out of the confusion in his mind. Avon was right; he could not afford another mistake. He'd already made too many mistakes. What if he was wrong?

Argus said with determination, "That's what I'm trying to do. Avoid another mistake. We will give him the benefit of the doubt, for now."

Avon couldn't believe his ears. He grabbed Argus by the arm. "You're making a mistake!"

"Perhaps." He looked down at Avon's arm. Usually he would never allow anyone to grab him like this but he had been expecting it. Avon was starting to become frantic; his underlying fears covered by a familiar aggression.

Argus knew what drove him. The three years at the Detention Centre were never far below the surface with Avon. His experience with Sester must still haunt him. Argus wondered what happened between them to inspire such hatred and fear in one and such guilt in the other.

Avon had even more compelling reasons to be against Sester. He would have to be convinced.

Argus said calmly, "I didn't say that we won't be watching him carefully. If he makes one wrong move, I will take him down personally. Vila made a good point. Sester can influence Servalan in a way that we can't. Eventually we are going to go against Servalan. We know it's inevitable. We are going to _make_ it inevitable. If there is any possibility that we can use Sester as a weapon against her, then it would be foolish to waste this chance just because of our own personal agendas."

Avon said, "We can't trust him."

"You're right. We can't trust him completely. But we know the conditions under which we can trust him. The only fact we can be certain of with Sester is that he risked his life in order to save you from Servalan. We don't know his true motivations in doing it but the fact is there. He had nothing to gain and everything to lose."

Argus could see that Avon was trying to find his way around what he had said but couldn't yet. So far, he had not gone beyond the verifiable facts.

He continued, "Whatever reasons motivated him to rescue you may still be influencing his behaviour now."

Avon said with sarcasm, "Guilt?"

"I am not saying that it is. But you cannot deny that it is one possibility."

"You're an optimist." The way Avon said the word, it was plainly not a compliment. To him it must have been synonymous with fool.

Argus noticed that the underlying tension had lessened a bit. He was appealing to Avon's logic; getting him to think objectively and giving Avon the chance to air his concerns.

"I'm an opportunist. Both of us are extremely wary of him. But we also want Servalan. If there is any chance that Sester can be used against her, can we afford to lose this opportunity? He would be a powerful weapon."

Avon was still sceptical, "But a weapon for whom?"

"You're right. That is why he must be watched and managed carefully. We cannot allow him an advantage that can be used against us. For that, I'm going to rely on you. You know that I'm no match against his tricks. But you are _and_ you know him."

"And if he makes a wrong move?"

"You have my word. Are we agreed?"

Avon fell silent but continued staring at him; his eyes boring into his as if he were trying to determine what Argus's motivations were and how far he could trust him. Argus was not concerned. He met Avon's eyes with confidence. Argus could imagine the other man calculating and weighing everything carefully.

Avon finally said, "Agreed. As long as he is watched carefully."

"I will leave that to you." Argus looked to Cally and Vila.

Vila said, "You already know what I think."

"Cally?"

"I will also be watching him." Argus got the impression that she didn't just mean Sester.

With trepidation Argus turned to Reya, he wondered if she would say that she would be watching him instead.

Reya didn't say anything, she just nodded. Argus wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. He suspected it wasn't.

**********

Sester followed Dr. Kendric and the other Tellarans apprehensively. They had indicated that there was something they wanted to discuss with him but hadn't said what it was. It was clear that something had come up on the brain monitors while they were trying to stabilize him; otherwise, he would never have agreed to follow them. He had overlooked this possibility. It made him ill at ease. Sester did not like overlooking anything.

He did not trust the motivations of the Tellarans. He knew they had an ulterior motive concerning him.

Sester was brought to a small office adjacent the examination room. Dr. Kendric and three of the specialists accompanied him like an honour guard; or some other type of guard perhaps?

He took a few steps inside and stopped when he saw Cambrin waiting. "What is this?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion. He could feel the other Tellarans crowding the door behind him, blocking any exit.

Sester stood warily. It was obviously a trap of some kind. The door hadn't closed and he was barely inside. He could yell out. Would the others come to rescue him if it were a trap? Would they care? Alternatively, were they complicit in what was happening?

There was only one way to find out.

Sester's mind sharpened even more and every sense was alert. Mentally he was more than a match for any or all of them, even Cambrin. Sester smiled disarmingly. "Is this a trap?"

Cambrin waved the others away from the door. "No. You are free to leave whenever you wish. The door will remain open. We only want to talk to you."

Sester glanced back at the doorway. Sure enough, his path was clear. It appeared that he could leave at any time. Or was this like one of Vila's tricks, an illusion that would disappear if he took the bait?

He looked back at the man who was waiting for his decision. Cambrin stood easily and his intelligent eyes reflected his alertness.

Sester wasn't concerned yet but he was ready and he was curious. He still wanted to know what the Tellaran medical specialists had found out about him.

Sester suppressed an urge to rub his temple. An old pain was bothering him again. It was almost like an old, annoying friend coming to call. The drugs must have aggravated something in his brain and brought it back. He was determined to dismiss it and focus on this confrontation.

Sester said, "I'm listening."

Cambrin indicated a chair. "Please, sit down."

"I don't plan to stay that long."

Cambrin said, "I know you don't trust us. Me in particular. But I assure you, we mean you no harm."

The specialists had moved within Sester's sight range. It was as if they didn't want him to feel threatened by standing behind him. He could see their serious but friendly looks.

It was a game. "Harm is a relative term."

Sester could tell that Cambrin was trying not to sound confrontational. This man was as aware of cause and effect as he was. Every word, inflection, expression and movement produced an effect.

Cambrin said, "You know our meaning." It was not a question. Just recognition of the abilities of an equal.

Sester's lips curled slightly in amusement. "I've a fairly good idea."

That meant that Sester knew that Cambrin was sincere in his intent but both of them understood where the harm was.

"Then I'll get down to business."

"By all means." Sester sat down facing Cambrin, his arms rested comfortably on the armrests.

Cambrin smiled at the timing and the gesture. Sester was making a statement and not being very subtle about it. He sat down.

The others seemed to pause for a moment and then they sat as well. One of them crossed over to the glass and chrome desk and sat behind the computer.

Cambrin asked, "You're aware that doctors had the brain scanners on you during their efforts to stabilize your brain?"

"That's why I'm here."

"Of course. We wish you to see something." Cambrin nodded to the man behind the computer. The man pressed a few keystrokes and a graph of some kind was splashed onto one of the walls.

Cambrin said, "This is one of the scans of your brain. It measures various types of brain wave activity."

Sester nodded. He was familiar with these. But there was something unusual. "These are mine?"

"Yes. You notice something…"

Sester finished for him, "Different. There is increased activity in the four-five through four-eight regions."

"Yes." Cambrin was looking expectantly at him.

"There's something missing." Sester was starting to feel uneasy.

Cambrin nodded to the man behind the computer again. "Not missing." The upper and lower ends of the graph expanded. "Increased. These waves now register above even the highest expected normal range." Sester could see an additional erratic wave pattern now.

Sester said, "This is not normal." The old pain in his head was becoming a current headache. He rubbed the side of his temple.

"No. Not common certainly."

Sester looked sharply at Cambrin. "What aren't you telling me?"

Cambrin directed the man at the computer. "Show him the other one."

A second graph appeared beside the other one. The anomalous wave patterns were similar.

Before he asked the question, Sester already knew the answer. "Whose are these?"

Cambrin looked him squarely in the eyes. "They are the last scans we made of Avon's brain. The unusual activity reflects his mind's efforts to break through the mind blocks and the chaos resulting from it."

Sester sat frozen for a moment as he digested this information. His head was really starting to hurt. Was this… No. It couldn't be.

However, there was something. A whisper. He had to ask, "Are you saying that I have mind blocks that I'm not aware of? Just like Avon?"

"Yes. You would never have been aware of them because Federation blocks are maintained by a healthy mind. Taking the mind drugs caused enough chaos in your mind that the blocks started breaking down."

"You mean that what is happening to Avon will happen to me?"

"No. You have a healthy mind. The instability was a temporary effect of the drugs. Your mind is in the process of healing itself already."

Sester stood up and started pacing. He could not sit still. "You're saying that once that happens, I will no longer be able to access whatever memories are being blocked off?"

Dr. Kendric spoke up, "Not exactly. Once the blocks started breaking down, your mind began finding ways to the memories. Even with the barriers back up, those paths, once opened, will remain open. As long as you wish them to."

Sester was aware of his own stress level rising. The Academy, the pain in his head, the…there was something else. He could not think of it. Sester rubbed his temple.

Dr. Kendric asked, "Are you alright?"

Sester stared at her and then at the other concerned faces in the room, finally resting on Cambrin. "You know I'm not."

Cambrin asked, "You know who did this to you?"

There were several possibilities. All of them began with the Federation. He had been taught to view others as puppets. He had never known that he was someone else's. Sester had a sick feeling in his stomach along with the pain in his head.

Sester said, "I have a good idea." He had to get out of here. He needed to think. "I would like to go back to the ship."

Cambrin's face was full of sympathy. "Of course. We understand. You are free to go."

Sester turned to leave and then he paused. "You knew that I was telling the truth earlier? When I was talking to the others?"

Cambrin responded. "Yes. The scanners told us that."

"Why didn't you tell them?"

"Would you like us to?"

Sester shook his head. "No. They still wouldn't believe me."

"You're a man with some very difficult choices to make."

"Are they?"

**********

Sester sat in the dark in his cabin. He was bent over and he had his head in his hands, wondering if decapitation might help. The pain in his head was unbearable. He couldn't feel the rest of his body, just one big sore head. He'd been hearing groaning for several minutes before he realized that it was him.

The Tellarans said that the pathways to the blocked memories, once opened, would remain open, as long as he wished them to. He was determined to reach them. To peel back the layers of the blocks until he could reach the truth that was being concealed from him. The more he tried to think, the worse the pain got.

There was a fresh explosion of agony in his head as the buzzer sounded. He was panting as he put his hand on the table and tried to get up. The buzzer sounded again. Sester groaned and fell back. The pain was almost paralyzing.

He could barely form the words in his head. _Need…to get...help._

The buzzer sounded again, causing him to cry out in pain but it was barely a whisper. Not enough for anyone to hear him. Help was just beyond the door but no one could hear him. _Don't go away!_

There was silence. Whoever it was had given up and left. _No!_

_Chapter_ Twenty-Three

Through a haze of pain, Sester tried to think. Whoever had been at his door before had obviously given up. Either the person thought he was not in his cabin or…

It was too hard to think coherently for any length of time.

_Need to relax. Stop thinking about...ahhh. _He clutched his head._ Have to stop thinking about…ahhh. _Sester struck the heel of his hand against head. He would have laughed if it didn't hurt so much. _Need something stronger to occupy my head._

_Reya. _Lips stretched in pain, twitched. _Yes, Reya. The way she looks. _The pain in his head was starting to ease. _Her laughter. The annoyed look she gets. Yes, think about Reya. The feel of her… _He had a body now. Not just a head. Nothing but thoughts of Reya. Her honesty. The way she made him feel. He was aware of his breathing again. Muscles clenched tight in his neck and shoulders began to loosen. He slowly tried to straighten up.

At that moment the door to his cabin slid open announcing he was no longer alone. The person at his door before must have been Vila. Sester brought his hands to his eyes to block out the light. He couldn't see who it was.

"Sester, are you alright?" Vila's concerned voice reached him from the doorway. "Why is it so dark in here?" For some reason, the darkness of the cabin encouraged low voices.

Sester tried to keep his voice even and light. "Just thinking."

"You do your thinking in the dark?" Vila stayed in the doorway.

Sester chuckled and nearly grimaced. The pain hadn't entirely gone away. It was a good thing it was still dark enough that Vila couldn't see his face. "I thought I'd try something new."

"Is it working?" Vila asked. There were equal parts of curiosity and worry in his voice.

"The verdict is still out. Did you unlock my door?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. You weren't answering your door. I got worried. Didn't you hear me call you?"

Sester hadn't. The pain must have blocked out everything else. "I suppose I didn't. I was too busy…trying to think." _That part of it is true enough_.

There was silence and then Vila offered, "Do you want me to turn the light on but real low?"

It was Sester's turn to be curious. "Why do you think I'd want that?" He was definitely feeling much better.

"Because you left in a hurry. Didn't even come back out. I thought something might be wrong."

"So you came up to check on me?"

"You make it sound like I'm spying on you," protested Vila.

Sester smiled into the darkness. "We both know that's what you've been doing. Why deny it? I don't mind that you've been spying on me."

"You don't? If it were me, I'd be mad," said Vila.

"In my line of work, you become used to many things. Besides, you've been good company. It's not often I can say that about people and mean it."

"Thank you. I think."

Sester chuckled. "It was meant to be a compliment."

"Good."

Sester could envision Vila trying to decide what to do. His head was definitely feeling much better. This interaction with Vila was helping the rest of the pain to disappear.

Vila said, "You were wrong."

Sester found this interesting. He said with amusement, "It's not often people say that to me."

"You were wrong before when you thought I was spying on you."

"Oh?" Eyebrows lifted in the darkness. Sester wondered what game the others were playing now.

"I'm not sure Avon wants me to watch you anymore. I told them they were wrong about you."

There was a long pause. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I think they are. Wrong I mean."

Sester sat slowly back in his seat. It was time to see faces. "You can turn on the lights. But keep it low."

"Oh. Right." Vila stepped inside, letting the door slide closed behind him. Knowledgeable fingers felt for the familiar panel to the right of the door. Light seemed to steal into the room as Vila slid the light switch slowly until it was bright enough to see shapes and shadows. Then a little more to reveal Sester sitting back casually on a chair with one hand resting on the table. A light, friendly expression was on his face. Not much different from other times Vila had seen him. He could almost convince himself that nothing could be wrong. Except that he knew there was.

Sester asked, "Why are you here, Vila?"

"I thought you might need a friend."

**********

Argus was amazed how someone could convey so much disapproval without saying anything. It was in the stony silence and the unassailable way Reya stood, with her back to him, her arms crossed like a barrier over her chest. Their cabin had become a battlefield.

Argus asked anxiously, "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

He was afraid that she might not answer him. Instead, without turning around, Reya said acidly, "What gave you that idea?"

It was never pleasant feeling as if someone had just shut the door on your face. Argus said, "Because you won't even look at me."

"I don't think you would want me to right now."

Argus swallowed hard. He hated having fights with Reya. He wished that he were better at relationships. "Can we talk about it?"

Reya said with sharp sarcasm, "You? Want to talk? Have you run out of other options?"

Argus winced. He hadn't heard this tone from her since before they finally decided they liked each other. Her remarks could cut like a knife. "You're right. I'm an insensitive idiot."

"It's too bad that you never realize until _afterwards_."

"I'll try harder." He wondered if falling on his knees or perhaps a knife would help at this point.

"You always promise that afterwards too." Reya headed towards the door.

Argus asked with trepidation, "Are you going to him?"

Reya turned around and stared at him with disbelief and anger on her face. "_Why_ would you say that? Don't you have any faith in me?"

Argus's face fell and his shoulders slumped. He'd made another mistake. Why did he keep doing this?

"I'm sorry. I…didn't mean it that way. Of course I have faith in you." He wanted to hug her, to let her know how he felt about her but he was afraid that she wouldn't let him. His hand felt useless at his sides. "I just thought that you might want to…help him. He didn't look very well. And I was being terrible to him."

"Yes, you were."

"I could go and apologize."

"Would you mean it? Or would you just be doing it for me?"

Argus felt a stab of guilt. She always knew how to reach inside him. "Both. I did mean it before. I am willing to give him a chance and I do owe him for saving our lives. If he is being sincere in helping Avon then I…will be nicer to him."

Reya said accusingly, "You want to use him against Servalan. You said so."

"Yes, that's true. It's an opportunity we can't pass up. But I promise you, Reya I will not take advantage of him."

"You will try being nicer to him?"

"Yes. I promise. I will go and apologize to him now."

**********

Argus stopped just outside Sester's door and gathered himself. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out before he pressed the door buzzer. There was no response. He knew that Sester was in his cabin. He'd checked with Zen.

His hand reached for the buzzer again when the door slid open revealing Vila. "Oh. I wasn't expecting…" A look into the room showed Sester sitting by a table. "I can come back later."

Sester said, "Let him in, Vila."

Argus stepped into the room apprehensively. He wasn't expecting an audience for this apology.

Vila said, "I'd better leave then. You probably want to talk."

Sester said immediately, "No, Vila. I'd like you to stay." From the way Argus was standing, he could tell the man was about to do something that made him uncomfortable. He was in no mood to make him feel one bit less uncomfortable.

Vila looked between Sester and Argus and asked uncertainly, "Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure."

"Alright." Vila sat down again, leaving Argus the only one standing.

Sester smiled at Argus. "You don't mind do you?"

Argus glared at him but he was resolved to do this. He had promised and Sester did have every reason to be wary of him. He forced himself to stop glaring and said, "I came to apologize."

Sester casually ran his fingers along the side of the table. "Did Reya tell you to come and say that?"

Argus took a deep breath. He tried to push down that part of him that was a jealous idiot. He wanted to be sincere in this apology. "No. It was my idea. I'm sorry for playing such a dangerous game with your life. It was wrong of me. You saved my life and Reya's. You did not deserve to be treated like that."

Sester looked at him but didn't say anything. There was a way that the body had to communicate even without benefit of words. In its shape and movements, a psychostrategist could read a lot about a person. It was something they practiced until it became instinctive, a part of their unconscious perceptions. Some people were harder to read than others were. It depended on how internal their thinking was or if they were trying to deceive. Argus was being sincere. Not to mention, the man tended to be transparent.

Sester knew that he could play some not very nice games. Argus was making himself vulnerable to all kinds of possibilities but for some reason, Sester didn't feel like it. "Apology accepted. Was there anything else?"

Argus seemed to think about this. "I will try to be nicer to you."

"I wouldn't want you to force yourself," Sester said with amused sarcasm.

Argus was committed. "I…can't say that it won't be hard. But I want to do this. We both want Avon to get better. I can put aside my differences for him."

Sester regarded him curiously. Argus had said the one thing that meant a great deal to him. Despite their antagonism towards each other, they could agree on this one thing. He stood up and held out his hand. "We both can."

Argus looked down at the gesture and then he grasped Sester's offered hand in a firm shake.

**********

Sester and Vila continued looking at the door after Argus left. Sester asked, "What do you think, Vila? Do you believe him?"

Vila said, "It doesn't matter what I think, does it? The apology wasn't to me."

Sester laughed. "True. But I'd like to know what you think."

"Well, he seems sincere," Vila said hesitantly. It was hard to tell what was on Sester's mind.

"But what does your instinct tell you?"

Vila wasn't sure if Sester wanted to hear this. "I believe him. I think he wants to do it for Avon."

Sester grinned. "Yes, I do believe that too."

Vila asked, "Are you going to?"

Sester turned questioningly towards him. "Going to do what?"

"Try to be nicer to him too."

Sester laughed. "That wasn't the agreement."

Vila asked again, "But are you?"

Sester was full of curiosity at Vila's boldness. "Would you like me to be?"

"Do you need an excuse to?"

Sester burst into laughter. "Very well, Vila. I accept your excuse. I will try to be nicer to him."

Chapter Twenty-Four

Reya was putting on a blue tunic when she asked, "Why don't you have breakfast with Sester this morning? Cally and I are going down to the planet."

Argus couldn't believe his ears but he bit back an immediate response. Reya obviously wanted him to do this as part of his promise to be nicer to Sester. He didn't think that eating with the man was called for though; he hadn't agreed to become friends.

Reya was looking at him expectantly. Argus sighed and tried not to sound too reluctant. "Alright."

Reya smiled and brushed her hand through his hair affectionately. "Thank you. I know that was hard for you."

Argus smiled wryly and took her hand in his. "The hard part is still to come."

"I have every confidence in you."

"I wish _I_ did. I'll try to leave him alive," he said jokingly.

Right before she left the cabin, Reya said, "Remember not to go too early."

"Don't worry, I won't."

**********

The children stood huddled together waiting. Whispered conversations were being carried out among them.

"I'm Jack." A friendly open-faced child introduced himself.

"I'm Charles," he told him.

"Charles or Chuck?"

"Charles if you want to be friends," he told him.

Jack laughed. "I'll call you Charles. Do you know what this place is?"

Another child said in a knowledgeable voice, "That's obvious."

Charles had noticed this child before; a solitary child with dark eyes who didn't stand with the others. The boy's eyes were intelligent and seeking and had been exploring their surroundings while the other children sought the security of being with each other. Charles had already identified the children as Alphas. But this one was different.

The boy said, "The name's…"

The sound of a buzzer cut off the rest of the sentence. Pain exploded inside Sester's head. He jerked up to a sitting position and held his head in agony. He remembered the room from his childhood but there was something wrong with it. The memory was fading quickly, as if someone was drawing a thick veil across it. No matter how hard he tried, he could no longer remember some of the faces. Each attempt produced more pain.

Another buzzer. He gripped his head tightly as he recognized the sound. It was the door. Someone was trying to get in. _Vila?_

He could use his help. Sester staggered off the bed and grabbed a robe.

**********

Argus straightened his already straight back and took a deep breath before pressing on the buzzer to Sester's cabin. Reya had said not to go too early. He'd waited an hour. That should be long enough.

There was no response to the buzzer. He waited for a few seconds and pressed it again. Still no response. Maybe he'd be lucky and Sester wasn't in his cabin. Though he suspected that Reya would expect him to go and find the man. He sighed and pressed the buzzer again. After a few more times, he decided it might be faster to check with Zen. He didn't want to use his command override to open the door. It wouldn't have been nice. He was about to do that when the door slid open and a bleary-eyed Sester in a hastily thrown on grey robe answered the door.

Sester said in a scratchy voice, "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here?"

Now that it came time to say it, Argus felt awkward. "I was wondering…" Did he really have to do this? "…if you'd like some breakfast."

Sester's forehead furrowed. "Do you know what time it is?"

"It's 0730," Argus informed him.

Sester sighed. He could see that Argus didn't seem to think there was a problem. "Whose idea was this?"

Argus tried not to sound irritated. "Reya thought it might be a good idea."

"I thought so. Did she also tell you to wake me up this early?"

"Early?" Argus asked perplexed. _But I waited a whole hour._

"Yes. As in too early for _me_ to get up?"

"Aren't you feeling well?"

Sester pulled the robe around him tighter. Mornings always felt colder. "I never feel well this early in the morning. I normally wake up at nine." He remembered that Reya woke up at an indecent hour too. It figured that Argus would be the same way.

"Nine?" Argus asked incredulously. He remembered that he was trying to be nice. "I can come back."

"You're serious about having breakfast? You could tell Reya that we did already and let me go back to sleep."

Argus said, "I can't lie to her."

Sester sighed again. "I suppose I couldn't either. Alright, give me some time to get ready."

**********

Vila and Corinne were in the dining area getting breakfast. It was much too early for Vila. Like Sester, he preferred a more humane hour for waking up. Unfortunately, Corinne was used to starting the day earlier. Vila insisted on waking up with her so they had compromised. Though this morning they had woken up earlier than normal because they had wanted to see something down on the planet.

He was regretting his decision as he began on his third cup of coffee and had his sleepy head propped on a hand. There was a lazy smile on his face as he watched Corinne eat a bowl of three-flavoured ice cream. Ever since he had introduced her to his favourite Earth treat, she had developed a real taste for it and ate a bowl every morning. There was nothing like this on Chandar.

Corinne asked, "Did you want some?"

Vila loved the sound of her voice. "Hmm?"

"Did you want me to get you some ice cream too?"

Vila sighed happily. "No. I just love watching you eat. You do it very well."

Corinne blushed. "Is...that supposed to have another meaning?"

Vila grinned mischievously and drew his finger suggestively along her ice cream bowl. "Would you like it to?"

"Is this where you introduce me to another one of the things on your list?"

Vila's grin got wider.

At that moment, Argus and Sester came in together.

**********

Argus was trying not to be irritated. Sester's "some time to get ready" had stretched into almost an hour. He was almost sure the man was taking advantage of the situation and was deliberately trying his patience. Argus was determined not to let Sester rattle him. He remained scrupulously polite.

Argus nodded to Vila and Corinne and went to the food dispensers.

Sester stopped and greeted them with a friendly smile, "Good morning. You're up early."

Vila said, "Tell me about it." He picked up his half-eaten piece of toast.

Sester grinned and headed for one of the beverage dispensers.

Sester called over to Argus, "Do you want me to get you some coffee? Black, right?"

Argus wasn't quite sure how to take this offer. He looked confused for a moment, "Yes, black." He entered his normal "breakfast of champions" choice but paused before pressing the activation button. Sester was coming over to him carrying a tray with two cups. Argus asked, "What do you want?" He had meant to sound pleasant but old habits around Sester made it sound like something else. He added, "I meant for breakfast."

Sester had a faintly amused look on his face. "A bran muffin and some butter." Argus ordered up breakfast for both of them and Sester went over to a table and set the cups down.

Vila whispered to Corinne, "It's started."

Corinne wondered what all the whispering was about but decided to play along. "What's started?"

"Them trying to be nice to each other." Vila wondered if it felt as strange and uncomfortable to the two men as it was for him watching them. It was definitely abnormal. "I wonder how long it'll last."

"Are we going down to the planet yet?" asked Corinne.

"Not yet. I'd like to stay and watch a bit if you don't mind. This might be interesting."

Argus came over with a tray bursting with food and put it down. As he set the items up on the table, he wondered if having breakfast together really meant they had to sit at the same table and talk to each other. Somehow, he knew that Reya would expect it. Resignedly, he sat down.

Sester looked far too amused when he said, "If you want, I could move to the next table. Or I could go eat with Vila and Corinne."

Argus barely suppressed an irritated snarl. "No. We're going to do this." It was annoying that Sester could read him so well.

"I did offer," said Sester as he spread butter on his muffin.

Argus picked up a knife and fork and attacked his mound of food. Trying to make an effort at polite conversation, he asked, "How did you sleep?"

"Fairly well until you woke me up." Sester avoided a grin as he bit into his warm muffin.

Argus glared at him for a second. "I shouldn't have woken you up that early."

Sester said, "I don't mind it once in awhile. Just don't do it too often. And I _would_ like prior warning."

Argus really hoped that Sester didn't expect this to become a normal routine. There were limits. "I'll try to remember that."

Sester rubbed his temple absently as he ate. To his annoyance, the dull aching pain of his childhood had returned. He had been feeling weak and dizzy since waking up. The time he had taken to get ready this morning was not normal for him. He almost had to drag himself out of the shower. He knew that Argus must have thought it was intentional on his part but that couldn't be helped. The bran muffin was not sitting well in his stomach.

This movement was not lost on Argus. He glanced over. "You alright?"

Sester said nonchalantly, "Just a bit of a headache." The food was making his stomach ill. The details from the dream this morning had gone, only leaving a vague impression of a childhood memory. He wished he could remember more of it but every time he thought about it, it brought more pain to his head and more unconscious rubbing of his temple.

For the first time, Argus took a good look at him. "You look pale. You should have Cally examine you. The drugs might still be having an effect."

"You don't have to pretend to care," said Sester. "You've met all the requirements of being inanely polite." He picked up his cup of tea, hoping that it would warm the cold that was spreading inside him.

"I will determine what's required or not," said Argus. He stared at Sester's hand; it was shaking as it held the tea cup. Argus immediately took it from him. Sester was as white as a sheet now and there was a fevered brightness in his eyes. Argus felt his head. "You're burning up," he said in alarm. "Vila, call Cally! I'll get him to the medical unit."

Vila immediately sprang up from his seat and rushed out. Corinne was a step behind him.

"This isn't necessary," Sester protested as Argus took his arm and pulled him up from his seat. It would have been more convincing if his voice wasn't a whisper now and he staggered back against Argus because his legs were too weak to hold him up. Even with help, he could barely stand.

"I'll be the judge of that." Ignoring his protests, Argus lifted Sester up in his arms and carried him bodily to the medical unit.

**********

At the urgent summons, Cally and Reya immediately came back up to the ship. By now, Sester was barely coherent even though he still made faint attempts to get up.

Argus put his hand on Sester's chest to keep him down. He said gently, "It's alright. Lie still." Despite his antagonism towards this man, he could not ignore a person in pain.

Argus's voice seemed to calm the fevered man. Sester stopped struggling and closed his eyes.

Reya, Vila and Corinne stood by with worried looks on their faces. Vila said, "This doesn't look good. I thought there might be something wrong with him last night."

Reya asked in a concerned voice, "What was wrong?"

"Well, I went to see him in his cabin. This was before you got there, Argus. I tried the buzzer several times but he didn't answer. I'd checked with Zen so I knew he was in there so I opened the door. He was sitting in the dark."

Argus said, "He didn't answer this morning either when I went to get him for breakfast. It took him along time to open the door."

"Why wouldn't he say anything?" asked Vila.

"I suppose he didn't want anyone to know." Argus found that he had to keep his hand on Sester's chest else, the man became restless and moved around. Argus found it hard to have suspicious and antagonistic feelings about someone who was clearly suffering; especially when he was partially responsible for his pain. For now at least, Sester was no longer a rival, he was someone who needed his help.

Reya had a worried expression on her face as she watched but she took Argus's free hand in hers. "Thank you for helping him."

"I had to do something," said Argus.

"I know you did." She knew it was in his character to help those in trouble no matter who they were. It was one of the reasons why she loved him. She knew it set him apart from most of the military leaders that were trained by the Federation. Reya often wondered how he had managed to stay human.

When Cally finished her examination, there was a worried look on her face. "We have to get him down to the Tellarans. His brain is fevered and the readings are erratic. If we don't do something soon, I'm afraid of the consequences."

"He might suffer brain damage?" asked Argus.

Vila said, "Oh that definitely doesn't sound good."

Cally replied, "That might be a possibility. I don't have enough knowledge in this area."

Argus was all action now. "Vila, get to the flight deck and contact the Tellarans. Tell them the situation." He was already lifting Sester up from the bed. "We need their medical specialists. I'll get Sester to the teleport room."

"Right." Vila raced out with Corinne in tow.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Twenty-Five

Everyone watched with a mixture of concern, curiosity or suspicion as Sester was tended to by the Tellaran medical personnel.

Dr. Kendric approached them.

Argus was still struggling with the confusion of concern and a desire towards antagonism as he asked, "How is he, Doctor?"

"We've been able to stabilize him."

For now the concern won out. "Did the drugs do this?"

"Yes. The drugs have a potent combined effect. His mind is in the process of healing itself but it will take time. Normally, with the treatments and drugs we've given him, the healing should have progressed normally without further aids. But we did not anticipate the strength of his mind or we would have kept him here for further observation."

Cally was full of professional, not to mention personal curiosity. "I don't understand. What does the strength of his mind have to do with what happened?"

Dr. Kendric hesitated as if she was uncertain what she could reveal to them. "Unfortunately, that is something I can't tell you without Sester's permission. It's a matter of professional ethics and privacy. I hope you understand."

Avon said speculatively, "Are you saying that there is something about his mind which is causing this?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

Vila said, "That's not vague at all, is it? Couldn't you give us a clue?"

Dr. Kendric turned to him, "You would have to ask him when he wakes up."

Cally wanted to know. "When will that be, Dr. Kendric?"

"We've given him a mild sedative to encourage him to sleep and we will be monitoring him carefully. Like Avon, we recommend that he stay under observation. That way we can deal with any problems which come up."

**********

Avon readjusted the bed in the observation room for a sitting position. Plumping up the pillow for his back, he carefully climbed up onto it, stretched out his legs comfortably and crossing his arms over his chest. He watched impassively as the medical personnel wheeled Sester over to a place next to him. Several hours in the examination room under the machines had assured the medical specialists that he would not suffer another relapse.

Having company might have been an annoyance at any other time but having the psychostrategist where he could keep an eye on him was very useful. He won't have to feel useless even though he was stuck here under observation.

The Tellarans had provided a computer terminal that gave Avon access to anything he had a mind to explore. He'd amassed a large amount of information on various Tellaran scientific and technological advances. They had made great strides in many areas that he was eager to explore and see firsthand. He couldn't wait to see how compatible some of it would be with the _Justice's_ technology.

After setting up the various monitors for Sester, the medical personnel left. They were relatively alone now, except for the discreet observers at the other end of the room. Avon looked over at the man he considered his second greatest enemy.

Sester's face still reflected faint tension and at times, his breathing was laboured. In this state, he looked vulnerable; not like the devious, cold-blooded psychostrategist who had broken him with clinical precision.

When Avon looked at this man, it was hard to hold back the burning anger. At times, there were other feelings; things he refused to acknowledge in the daytime but which haunted his nightmares. An underlying fear and panic. This man had pushed him to the point where he no longer wanted to live.

Sester seemed to know him better than he knew himself. He knew the things that haunted him, that drove him and the things that would ultimately destroy him.

Avon hated this man almost as much as he hated Servalan. If he had the opportunity, he would destroy him. Unfortunately, they were both being carefully monitored in the observation room.

Vila and Corinne came in through the open doorway. The corner of Avon's lips twitched briefly. It was the only indication of welcome on an otherwise inexpressive face. It seemed a long time since he'd had the opportunity to talk to Vila.

Vila glanced at Sester before saying, "Corinne and I thought it must be boring for you so we thought we'd come keep you company for awhile."

Corinne gave him a shy friendly smile.

Avon asked, "More magic tricks?"

Vila found them some chairs and they sat down next to Avon's bed. "No. We know how you feel about those so we thought…"

Avon interrupted, "I enjoyed your show."

Vila was taken aback. "You did?"

"You won your bet," said Avon.

Vila still couldn't quite believe he had heard correctly. "Oh. There was a trick that you didn't know?"

Avon looked at Vila and Corinne for a moment. Even to his uninformed eyes, it was clear that they were joined together already. "No."

Vila sounded disappointed. "Then I didn't win the bet."

"You did."

"But if you knew how all the tricks were done, that means _you_ won the bet."

Avon repositioned the pillow behind his back and explained, "You achieved something that I've never been able to."

"I did?"

"The affect you accomplished with the audience was more potent than simple tricks."

A ragged voice from the other bed broke into the conversation. "What he means is that you are the magic, Vila. You and Corinne. You were able to achieve something that Avon is not capable of doing or understanding. You make people laugh and you lift them from the commonplace to a place of magic. You even made _him_ enjoy the show. That is a wonderful magic ability."

Avon glared over at the psychostrategist. Sester had turned towards them and had been listening to their conversation. Avon said in a voice that could freeze the coldest of hearts, "This is a private conversation."

"My mistake. Pretend I'm not here." Sester smiled and rolled onto his back, but then he rolled towards them again. "Oh, before I mind my own business and none of yours, what am I doing here?"

Vila asked, "Don't you remember?"

Sester said, "The last thing I recall was…" He appeared to think for a moment. "…getting some coffee. Argus and I were…attempting to be nice to each other." An amused grin curved his lips. "I don't suppose he tried to poison me in his effort to be nice?"

Vila said, "He'd never do that. Not Argus."

Avon said, "I might."

Sester grinned at him. "And I bet you wouldn't bother being nice first."

Avon had an aggressive smile on his face. "I'll let you know."

Sester grinned, "Right before you poison me no doubt."

Vila asked Sester, "You don't remember Argus carrying you to the medical unit?"

Sester had a teasing look on his face. "Are you sure it wasn't to the airlock?"

Avon said expressionlessly, "Obviously an oversight."

Sester grinned at him again and said, "Like you, he could never ignore someone who was vulnerable or hurt."

Avon snarled and said with tight anger, "Don't presume to know me."

There was a flash of guilt on Sester's face. It was because of his understanding of Avon that he had been able to break him. "I'm sorry, Avon. It was insensitive of me."

Avon leaned towards him and punctuated each word with hostility, "Your apologies mean nothing to me."

"Of course. I'm….I'll shut up now." He faced the ceiling.

Vila tried to defuse the situation. He said jokingly to Avon, "So you owe me a favour now?"

Avon directed a long gaze at him. "It appears that I do."

Vila grinned impishly, "An unconditional one? It was your idea, remember?"

"So it was. What would you like me to do?"

Vila glanced slyly at Corinne before saying, "Can I tell you it later?"

Avon's eyes narrowed, "What are you up to, Vila?"

"Oh, nothing you have to worry about." He added hastily, "Or anyone."

"Now why does _that_ worry me?" asked Avon.

Corinne had been very curious about the interactions between the people in the room. She asked, "Avon, why would that make you worried?"

Avon stared at her for a few seconds and then a with something resembling a twinkle in his eyes said, "You have no idea. Perhaps it's time you learned. I wouldn't want you to be uninformed."

"Hey!" said Vila in mock protest. "Don't listen to him, Corinne. He likes to make trouble."

"I believe that's your province. I seem to remember Space City and…"

"That's not fair! I was…I…I…"

Corinne was very curious now. She hadn't seen Vila this flustered since she had brought up the topic of having children. He had raced out of the room in record time on his way to get some birth control meds. "What happened on Space City?"

Vila sputtered, "I just…well…it was like this…"

Avon said helpfully, "Vila likes having fun." There was a hint of a mischievous grin on his face.

Corinne said with a smile, "Oh, I do too. We both do."

Avon said, "Not this kind of fun."

Vila had a near-panicked look on his face, "Avon…"

"He…" Avon had a roguish grin on his face. "Spent the entire time…playing games with a computer."

Vila's mouth dropped open and then he quickly said, "Yes. I like computer games." He gave Avon pointed look, "Especially the funny ones."

Avon chuckled. "As do I."

Corinne said, "Do you think I might enjoy them?"

Vila said with a grin. It had been a long time since he and Avon had played games with each other. "Maybe we can get Avon to program us some."

Avon glanced shrewdly at him, "Would this be in the nature of a _favour_?"

"Oh, no. You're not getting off that easy, Avon. You could do it as a nice gesture for Corinne. To show what a nice person you can be _sometimes_. You know, start off on the right foot?" Vila had a wide challenging grin.

Avon stared at Vila and then the friendly young woman next to him. Corinne had an innocent quality to her that was rare these days considering what she must have gone through on her home planet. She had intelligent eyes and like her mother, had an underlying strength of character. "I will do it as a welcome for Corinne."

**********

After Vila and Corinne left, Avon stared a long while at Sester before going back to his researches on the computer terminal.

Sester asked jokingly, "Have you decided to let me live for now?"

Without looking up, Avon said, "Don't get too confident."

Sester chuckled good-naturedly. He watched Avon work for a while, studying the way he was totally focused on the screen in front of him. "I don't suppose I said anything incriminating while I was out?"

Avon looked up slowly and fixed him with a hard look. "The Tellarans found out something about your mind."

Sester's easy manner did not disappear but his finger traced an invisible circle on the surface of his bed. "Did they tell you that?"

The tension in the air was palpable as each opponent tested the field.

"Yes."

Sester glanced at him briefly. Avon was still fixing him with an impenetrable stare. Sester gave him a calculated grin. "I doubt if they told you anything. That is not the Tellaran way." Invisible circles overlapped each other.

"Then there is something."

Sester's grin turned into an amused smile. "I could hardly deny something we both seem to know."

"What are you trying to hide?"

Sester shook his head lightly. "Avon, do you expect me to answer that?"

Each thrust of words was met with a sharp response. "If you want me to believe you."

Sester's finger stopped tracing the endless circles. "We both know that will never be possible."

"There are differing levels of trust."

"And you are offering the least trustworthy level of trust? In return for what the Tellarans discovered about my mind? That's hardly a fair trade."

An aggressive smile appeared on Avon's face. "Then it must be something substantial."

"Or something I don't think you would believe."

"Or both."

Sester's eyes met Avon's. "I want to tell you the truth, Avon; if there was any chance that you would believe me."

Without a further word, Avon turned his attentions back to the computer.

Sester sighed and went back to contemplating the ceiling and applying his skills to the mystery of his mind.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Corinne snuggled against Vila's shoulder as they looked up at the Tellaran night sky. The moon was like a bright saucer that they could almost reach out and touch. A plush blanket made a nice cushion on the lush grass.

With his arm curled around her shoulders, Vila felt at comfortable and happy. It was an odd but good feeling for him. He had a restless nature; he always needed something to do or people to talk to. It wasn't often that he just sat unless he was in trouble.

Corinne sighed contentedly. "I like it here."

"I do too."

"The moon is beautiful."

Vila looked up at it. It did seem very beautiful tonight but that might have been because of the company he was keeping. "It's reflecting your beauty."

Corinne squirmed around to look at him. "You say the nicest things."

"It's true." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

A little later, Corinne said, "The moon here is different than on Chandar."

"How's that?" asked Vila puzzled.

"It reflects the light of the sun."

"But Corinne, that's what a moon does. That's why we can see it."

"I know but here, it's like a promise. The light is a reflection of something brighter that's coming. On Chandar, what comes is another day and that doesn't mean a whole lot. At least it didn't to me. But here, a new day on Tellar means something good."

Vila looked up at the full moon again. It seemed brighter somehow and even more beautiful against the night sky. Its silvery glint made their surroundings seem just as magical as their stage had been. He hadn't noticed that before.

He'd been fighting the Federation for so long. It seemed to be a dream that kept moving farther away every time they thought they were getting closer. It was hard to have hope sometimes. It would be nice to have a victory that wasn't temporary.

He said, "I think you're right. It is special here. When I'm here, it feels like there is hope. It's good to know that somewhere, what I've been fighting for can become real."

He brushed a wisp of hair from her face. "It feels real when I'm with you too."

There was a gentle smile on Corinne's face, "That was my thought when first I saw you."

"It was?"

"Yes." She leaned towards him.

**********

"The name's Kerr," said young Avon. He was walking towards two boys. They both looked to be about four or five years of age and Alphas from the assured way they carried themselves. All of the boys and girls in the room had that same look of privilege.

_Finally, a memory where I'm awake. _It was time to find some answers. As he looked at each of the two boys, Avon tried to reach for the information that refused to be known. He gasped as a stab of pain lanced through his head. The faces became indistinct as he pushed against the pain. Avon realized it wasn't his young self feeling pain in the memory. It was him.

Another lance of pain split his head and the vision began to splinter, making faces impossible to recognize. _No!_

A vague voice reached him. "Avon, relax. Let the memory come to you. Don't try to control it." Avon could barely identify it as the calming, reassuring voice of Dr. Kendric.

Something was preventing him from identifying the boys. But if he let the vision continue, perhaps he might find some clues. Avon relaxed his mind. The pain slowly faded.

The young Kerr was standing in front of the two boys he had been talking to earlier.

One of the boys asked, "You know what's going on?" Avon recognized the voice. This was the child that kept shaking him in the other memories, the one with the strong hands who had shown concern for him. Avon studied him carefully even as his young self answered. "I don't know for certain but I have a pretty good guess."

The strong boy had short brown hair and was tall and large. Even at this age, he reflected strength and solidity in the way he moved. At times he almost seemed embarrassed by his own size.

The second boy was smaller and had a shock of blond hair and a friendly expression on his face. He always seemed to have a ready smile. His eyes were sharp and intelligent.

The blond boy said, "Well don't keep us in suspense." It was the other boy, the persuasive one who would land him into trouble later on. Avon regarded him warily. He wished that someone would say the blond boy's name. They must have introduced themselves already and he'd missed it.

His young self said, "They're gathering the top Alpha children."

The blond boy smiled, "I already knew. But how did you? I didn't see you talk to anyone."

Kerr said, "I have ears. You only have to listen to know that most of the boys have a vocabulary and grammar far above their ages. I would guess that most of us have been placed years higher at our schools."

The blond boy said proudly, "I'm eight years higher."

Kerr said quickly, "So am I."

They both looked at the strong, brown-haired boy. He seemed almost embarrassed. "I'm only four years."

Kerr said encouragingly, "That still means that you've advanced faster than normal expectations."

"I suppose so." The brown-haired boy sounded relieved.

With a movement of his head, Kerr indicated some of the other smaller gatherings of children. "Some of _them_ clearly aren't but they might have something else special about them that's not apparent."

The brown-haired boy said, "I don't like that loud one. He seemed nice at first but he's a bully. He didn't like it when some of the others didn't agree with what he was saying. He tried to push me."

The blond boy laughed. "I saw that. You pushed him back and he fell down. He must be one of those ones you were talking about, Kerr. He'd have to be to even consider pushing someone of your size, Jack. Or maybe he's one of…what do people call them?"

The Avon inside the young Kerr's mind thought,_ So the strong boy's name is Jack._ This was a good start. Now he just needed the other one.

Young Kerr said, "Regressives?"

"Yes, one of those. Born an Alpha but doesn't grade as one."

Young Kerr said sarcastically, "Yes, either that, or he's blind."

The brown-haired boy said, "I hope I didn't hurt him. I tried not to push him too hard."

Kerr said, "Well, I wouldn't worry about it. He's still standing."

Jack looked over at the loud-mouthed bully. "I guess he is. Do you think I should have pushed him harder?"

Young Kerr and the blond boy stared at him. Jack looked innocently back at them; there was an open and earnest quality to him and then the corners of his mouth twitched and he started laughing.

Young Kerr said, "You had me worried there."

Jack said with a grin, "I'd never do that unless he tried pushing me again."

The blond boy said, "He'd be stupid to do that." He grinned. "Of course, he hasn't shown much in the way of brains yet, has he? Just look at him trying to act nice now."

Most of the other children were standing warily away from him now, not taken in by his smiles and warm manner. Once a bully shows his colours, it's hard to convince anyone you're nice and sincere, especially when your audience is a group of dominant Alphas who are not easily pushed around.

A small group of them were gathered around him though. They seemed to hang on his every word.

Young Kerr observed this and said derisively, "Bullies don't usually come with an abundance of brains. My parents say that violence is a common substitute for lack of intelligence. They say you should never have to resort to violence except in self-defence or if someone is in immediate danger. And even then, you should try to use your brains and only descend to using force if you have no other choice."

Jack said, "I like your parents."

Young Kerr turned to look at him. "You've never even met them."

"I mean, they sound better than…" Jack looked uncomfortable and stuffed both his hands into his pockets, almost as if he was trying to make himself smaller. "…never mind."

Avon was surprised that he could feel his young self's feelings of sympathy for this boy. The young Avon was similar to himself as an adult, but he was also different.

Had he been capable of greater empathy when he was younger and not just on rare occasions? To this young self, it seemed natural, not something he had to work at and remind himself to do. Young Kerr asked, "You mean different than your parents?"

Jack took his hands out of his pocket and he pulled his shoulders back, making him seem even larger. His face had become grim. "I don't want to talk about it."

Young Kerr put an open palm up. "It's alright. I won't talk about it. Let's talk about something more useful. This place must be a special training center of some kind. They want to train exceptional Alphas."

Jack asked, "Why?"

The blond boy said, "It must be the Federation. They want to select the top Alphas for special training. They want to make sure we get the best."

Young Kerr had a cynicism far beyond his years and he wasn't afraid to express it. "You mean they want to make sure that we only work for them. They're taking us young so that we won't have a choice."

"Shhh." The blond boy had a finger to his lips and his eyes darted nervously left and right. "Don't say that too loud. Are you trying to get us in trouble?"

Kerr did not let up on his cynicism but he did lower his tone. "I don't like being used. People took me from my school. They said my parents had put me in a special program. They lied. My parents would never do that without discussing it with me first."

Jack asked, "They wouldn't?"

Kerr said, "My parents are good that way."

The Avon inside the young mind thought, _Why don't I remember that?_ The memories he had of his parents were vague and tinged with negative associations.

Jack said emphatically, "I _really_ _like_ your parents. My…" Avon noticed the young boy seemed uncomfortable again. "Never mind."

The blond boy said jokingly, "Do you plan to say 'never mind' every time you get to an interesting part?"

Jack glared at him.

Young Kerr said, "Leave him alone. How about you?"

The blond boy said, "My parents were glad when I'd been selected for a special program. I was too. They said I'd get much better education. Something that suited my intelligence and abilities. My parents aren't one of the really rich or powerful Alphas. So this is a great opportunity for me. Who wouldn't want that?"

Kerr asked, "It doesn't matter to you that you don't have a choice?"

"But we did."

Kerr's laughter had a sharp edge. "_They_ would have known that you'd want it. It's why they didn't force you or your parents. What do you think would have happened if you'd refused?"

The young blond boy looked thoughtful, "You mean they might have done the same thing to me that they did to you?"

"I don't doubt it."

The blond boy glanced sharply at him, "Kerr, do you think your parents know where you are?"

Kerr said, "I highly doubt it." He looked around to make sure none of the others was close enough to hear and lowered his voice to the barest of whispers. "I'm going to try to find a way to contact them."

The blond boy seemed to find all of this difficult to believe but he whispered, "Are you crazy? What if you're found out? Look what they did to you already."

Jack whispered, "But it sounds like he's a prisoner. He has to contact his parents."

The blond boy said, "This all sounds too fantastic. We're not like some of the lawless border worlds. This is the Federation."

Kerr looked piercingly at him. "Exactly. It's just the type of thing they would do."

The blond boy glanced around anxiously again, his eyes were taking on the look of someone who suddenly found himself surrounded by crazy people. "You sound like one of those rebels. You're not, are you? Because if you are, I don't think my parents would like me talking to you. You're going to get me in trouble and probably kicked out of this program."

Jack's voice was still in a whisper but it had risen slightly, "Is that all you care about? Doesn't it matter to you that Kerr is a prisoner?"

The blond boy snapped back at him, "Of course I do! It's just that…"

Avon could feel that the young Kerr wanted to break up the tension. Kerr said, "I know it's hard to find out the truth about something you've always believed in. My parents say that the Federation is very good at covering things up."

The blond boy said sceptically, "If it is the truth."

Jack said, "Are you saying that Kerr is lying?"

The blond boy was defensive. "I didn't say that. It's what Kerr said, it's hard for me to believe it."

Jack said snidely, "Not to mention you don't want to lose your place in this _special_ program that makes some of us prisoners."

The blond boy's voice rose above a whisper and he said angrily, "Shut up! You're not the only one who's worried about Kerr."

Young Kerr stepped between them. "Stop it. Both of you." He turned his head towards Jack and asked in a low whisper, "Jack, are you a prisoner too?"

Jack grimaced. "Not really. Not like you. My…father put me in this program. I…didn't want to come." His shoulders slowly slumped.

Young Kerr put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "Why didn't you want to? Like he said, it is a good opportunity."

Jack looked up. There was misery in his eyes. "You wouldn't understand. I know why I'm here."

"Why?" asked Kerr.

Jack shook his head slowly. "I don't want to talk about it."

The blond boy said, "Kerr, you didn't answer my question. Are your parents rebels? That might explain why you were taken away from them. The Federation might have thought they would be bad influences on you."

Kerr said cynically, "Yes the Federation would call the truth a bad influence. But you might have a point, that may be why they took me."

Jack asked with concern, "Do you think they might hurt your parents?"

Avon could feel his young self's concern, "I don't know. My parents aren't rebels. They don't like them much either. They call them ignorant and violent. My parents respect their intentions but don't agree with most of the things they do. They say the rebels harm more people than they help and their actions make the Federation act even more brutal and oppressive. My parents said we should oppose the Federation but use your brains and try not to get people hurt in the process."

Avon was confused by what young Kerr was saying. He did not remember this about his parents. It was as if Kerr was describing someone else's parents. He needed to find out what happened. Which memories about his parents were real?

Who were these two boys? A tickle of memory touched the back of his mind. Avon felt that he should know who these boys were They seemed so familiar, as if he'd seen them before. Of course he had, they existed in his childhood memories. But there was something else...

There was an explosion of pain in his head. Avon cried out even as the dream receded back into the depths of his mind.

Dr. Kendric's voice told him, "It's alright, Avon. You'll feel better in a minute."

Avon's eyes opened. He recognized the muted mint green hue of the examination room ceiling. The pain in his head was fading, replaced by a feeling of calm. The memories were gone; he couldn't even remember what they had been about. A faint feeling of frustration filled him as he turned his head to look around.

Some of the doctors were at the control panels, stabilizing his condition presumably; making observations and taking readings. There was someone standing behind them. Avon blinked his eyes several times. For a few disturbing moments, his confused mind didn't recognize him.

_Sester. _A frown darkened Avon's face. How could he forget one of his greatest enemies?

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Cally repositioned the pillow for maximum support as Avon lay tiredly back on the inclined bed in the observation room. He said, "I can't remember anything."

Cally poured a glass of water for him from the pitcher beside the bed. Even though he didn't show it, she could sense Avon's frustration. What he needed was a diversion, something to occupy his mind. "Avon, when we were back on the ship, after one of your dreams, you woke up and asked me to remember something."

Avon's brows lifted in question, "Did I? I don't recall."

"Yes, you asked me to remember the name Jack. You said that it was one of the boys and that they had done something to you that hurt."

Avon crossed his arms over his chest as he contemplated this. "Did I say anything else?"

"No. I'd almost forgotten it. I meant to bring it up but you didn't seem to remember it later. Avon, do you know anyone named Jack?"

"None in my conscious memory."

A voice came from the other bed, "There's nothing in your files about a Jack either."

Avon shot an unfriendly look at his unwelcome neighbour.

Sester grinned at him, "Yes, I know. I should mind my own business. Just doing that now." He rolled so that his back faced them.

Avon asked, "How long does he have to be here?"

"I heard that," mumbled Sester.

Cally handed Avon the glass of water. "Until the doctors feel that the drugs are no longer affecting his mind."

Avon's lips pulled back in a snarl as he looked over at Sester. "When will that be?"

"It's hard to say."

Avon said dryly, "They must have other rooms they can put him in. I believe there's a storage closet just down the corridor."

With his back still facing them, Sester said, "If you want to get rid of me..."

Avon had a death's head grin, "There are more permanent ways. Unfortunately the majority of them would be illegal on Tellar."

Sester finally rolled to face them. "Lucky me."

Avon said with a grim smile, "You won't always be on Tellar."

Sester flashed him a grin. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Avon."

"But I can always try."

Sester asked, "Cally, you said that Avon was able to retain some memories about his dreams for a few seconds after they end?"

Cally regarded him warily, wondering what he was up to. "That's right."

"It might be useful to have a recording device of some kind or have someone ask Avon questions about what he remembers before he forgets."

Even though she hated to admit it, it sounded like a good idea. "That might be useful. What do you think, Avon?"

Avon asked, "Can you arrange it with the Tellarans?"

"I will speak to them now." Cally went to talk to one of the observers at the other end of the room.

Sester sighed. He wanted to offer to help further but he doubted if they would accept it. He rolled around again and tried to get some rest.

"What do you get out of this?" asked Avon.

Sester sighed again and said without turning around, "Nothing that you would want to understand, Avon."

"You will not gain an advantage from helping me."

"I know."

**********

Young Charles didn't know what to believe anymore. Sester could feel his confusion and fear as the boy turned on the shower overhead and cold water splashed over his body.

He shivered but clenched his teeth as he quickly washed himself. There was nothing warm in this place. He'd better get used to it.

Sester smiled to himself. This was the beginning of his love of luxury and creature comforts. He could remember hating the austere conditions they were forced to endure at first. For a young Alpha child, it was a rude awakening. Things got much better later, but not until after the first year. And only if they learned what they were supposed to learn.

For as long as Charles could remember, his parent had always wanted more. For themselves and for him. They felt very keenly their lack of position in Alpha society. Not all Alphas were equal and dominance was a strong part of Alpha culture.

They were all born to lead, not to be led. But not everyone can lead. It made Alpha society a cutthroat one, with each interaction a jostling for power and position.

His parents had always told him that you had to take whatever advantage you could get. No one will give it to you; they will only try to take it away from you.

Young Charles stepped out of the shower stall and quickly towelled himself dry. He picked up the neatly folded pants, shook them out and began pulling them on.

Despite what he said, he was inclined to believe that the Federation was what Kerr said it was.

_Kerr_? Sester reacted in shock at the familiar name.

Charles was highly intelligent and observant as a child. He had always been suspicious about some of the things his parents told him about the Federation. There were too many inconsistencies in the way things worked around him.

Sester was only half-paying attention to his young self ever since the mention of the familiar name. He didn't remember anyone named Kerr at the Academy.

There was a blinding stab of pain in his head. Sester could barely manage a thought of laughter amidst a groan. _Well, that serves as a verification of sorts._

_So __I knew someone named Kerr but someone doesn't want me to remember him. Kerr is not a common name. It would be a great, and not very funny, coincidence if it were Avon. Could it be?_

Pain split his head.

Charles fell to the ground. It felt as if he'd been hit by a hard object. He put his hand to the back of his head, something felt warm and sticky to the touch. His hand was wet with blood. He felt ill.

A rush of feet surrounded him. He looked up as the bully said, "Get him up!"

Hands grabbed his arms and pulled him to his feet. Sester could feel his young self's anger as he saw the face of the bully. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't heard them come up behind him. The other boys in the shower hall left quickly. There would be no witnesses or accidental victims. Or anyone to help him.

Sester started with shock at the face of the bully. He recognized this boy. It was the…

Oomph. Young Charles bent over in pain as the bully punched him in the stomach. The bully said with a cruel sneer, "Someone told me that you've been saying things about me behind my back."

Charles gasped out, "Well, if that someone said that you had a brain the size of a pea and an ego the size of…"

The bully punched him in the face. Charles could feel blood escaping from his nose. Even though Charles knew that he should be afraid and not say things to make the situation worse, he refused to be cowed by an ignorant bully. He smiled impudently. "It's good to know I was right."

The bully knocked him hard against the side of the head. Charles felt dizzy. The young bully said, "I think it's time to teach you a lesson."

"I wouldn't recommend it," an ice-cold voice sent chills down the spines of the boys. Even the bully hesitated in mid-punch.

They all turned to stare at the intruder.

Charles gasped out, "Kerr!"

Sester's breath caught in his throat as he saw the face of the figure coming towards him.

_Avon? _Pain exploded in Sester's head. The memory began to fade away from him. He brought his mind to bear; he refused to let go of this memory.

The pain increased. Sester could hear himself groaning. _Avon! _He could not let go of this memory.

The young Avon walked into the shower room. There was no fear in his dark eyes, only an icy warning. Each word he spoke was like a sharpened edge. "Leave…him...alone."

Sester cried out in pain. It felt as if something was trying to rip the memories from his mind. "No!" He was straining to breathe. _Must…not… let go of this memory. _It was no good. There were only fragments now. Young Avon kneeling down beside him, reassuring him. Avon helping him up. Himself joking.

The pain was unbearable. Sester groaned and cried out, "Avon!"

They had been friends and Avon had saved him.

The face of the young Avon blended into the cold, angry older one who hated him.

"No!"

Images of Avon rushed towards him accusingly: Avon lying on the floor, bleeding and biting back a moan as the interrogators continued beating him; Avon screaming as drugs raced through his body like a burning fire; Avon hanging limp in exhaustion as blood dripped down from the angry red marks on his body and Avon huddled small in the dark of the isolation cell, shivering and longing for death. All because of him.

"No!" Sester felt sick. Avon was his friend. He had tortured his friend. "I'm sorry, Avon! I'm…"

Sester screamed in agony. His final thought before his mind mercifully descended into darkness was one last angry and horrified, _Did they know?!_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"No!" A shout disturbed the night, waking those who preferred to be asleep.

Avon's eyes snapped open. He sat up quickly and looked around warily. Restless sounds came from his unwanted roommate. Sester's breathing was strained and he was tossing and turning. The two observers had already rushed over to examine him.

One of them immediately sent out a call for help while the other one undocked Sester's bed and steered it towards the examination room. Avon got up and followed.

Sester groaned in agony and cried out, "Avon!" There was a stricken look on the man's face.

_He's dreaming about me?_ Avon did not like that idea. He hung back as several of the medical specialists rushed into the room just as Sester was transferred to the examination bed.

"No!" Sester shouted again. Something horrible was happening to him inside whatever dream he was trapped in.

Avon had no sympathies for his enemy. The man deserved whatever he was experiencing. It was the least that Sester could suffer for what he had done to him. He hoped that the dream Avon was torturing him in the same way he had been tortured.

It was unfortunate that the Tellaran doctors were working to relieve the dreaming man's suffering. The rays of the various machines for the mind were already bathing Sester's head in comforting light. The medical specialists and technicians were working frantically. They seemed to be experiencing some difficulties. Avon wondered if they had the same problems when they worked with him during one of his nightmares.

Sester almost screamed the next, "No!" It was a heart-rending sound, for those who had a heart for him. His face had turned pale. The next words pierced the room; they were laden with guilt, horror and anguish. "I'm sorry, Avon! I'm…"

Sester cried out in agony. Avon grimaced. There was pain in that sound, something deep and inescapable. Just like Cally's and his own. It was the sound of a soul in torment.

He heard one of the medical specialists say, "His mind is too strong. It's overriding our efforts. He will not let go of the memory."

A woman's voice said, "We have to use stronger measures then. I'll give him a dose of…" The rest of her words trailed off as she picked up something and moved towards Sester. She injected something into his neck. The screaming stopped abruptly.

**********

Avon returned to his bed in the observation room. He needed to think.

The doctors were still with Sester in the next room, watching to make sure that he did not suffer a relapse. Avon could not watch any longer. He had to escape back to the tranquillity of the observation room.

The place seemed bare without Sester in the next bed. The observers at the far end were too unobtrusive to make much of an impression. Having them there provided an underlying sense of peace and security but Sester had been a much stronger presence; an irritating and hated one, but he gave Avon something to focus on.

Empathy was something that Avon had to work at. Sometimes it came naturally, but most times, it was a conscious exercise to do something that seemed alien to him. He considered it in very bad taste that this rare natural impulse should come at this time; for someone he had every reason to hate.

_I'm sorry, Avon! _Avon tried to shake the sound of the words from his head. It wasn't just the words; it was what lay beneath it that he did not want to hear. The sounds of guilt and horror. A man who had done something that he deeply regretted. A man who hated himself because of his own actions.

Empathy for a man he hated. Because he was also such a man.

_No! _It was hard to tell if the explosion of anguish was his memory of Sester's or his own. In an uncharacteristic display of emotion, Avon's fist came crashing down on the surface of the table beside the bed, sending a half-full cup of water tottering perilously close to the edge. Avon grabbed it before it fell, causing the remainder of the water to splash over himself. _Wonderful. _He put the glass back down.

Sester was steered back into the room by a doctor and one of the assistants. They placed him back into place next to Avon. The psychostrategist was still unconscious but he was breathing easier and he was no longer as pale.

Avon asked, "How is he?"

The doctor replied, "He's resting easy now. His brain activity has decreased to within normal ranges. We will continue to monitor him carefully."

"Has he regained consciousness?"

"Not yet. There is no reason why he can't, but we suspect that his mind doesn't want to yet. Whatever memories he experienced earlier may have something to do with it. You might try talking to him, if you're up to it."

Avon did not like the idea of having to talk to Sester with anything other than hostility. "Is that necessary?"

The doctor studied him for a moment. There was compassion in his eyes that made Avon uncomfortable. "The memories Sester had dealt with you."

Avon grimaced.

The doctor continued, "Despite your unwillingness to admit it, what happened in the other room has also affected you. That is why you left."

Avon bristled, "You're mistaken. There was no reason for me to remain. That is why I left."

The man nodded slowly, more in understanding than in agreement with what Avon was saying. "Perhaps." His eyes searched Avon's as if he was trying to ascertain a deeper comprehension of this complex and difficult man. The doctor nodded again, this time as if he had decided on something. "He may not remember anything when he wakes."

Avon said, "That would not be surprising. Not everyone remembers dreams."

"This was not an ordinary dream."

Avon waited for the doctor to explain further but the man only gave him a brief friendly smile. "If you wish to discuss it further, I recommend that you ask him." The doctor and the assistant left the room.

An annoyed frown darkened Avon's face. People had far too many mysterious attentions concerning him. He liked being an unsolvable riddle to others, but only when he was the one holding all the answers.

**********

The normally calm and controlled Argus was bursting with happy energy when he ran into Vila and Corinne in the corridor near the makeshift gym.

"Vila! I was going to come and find you and Corinne." He had a big grin that spread from ear to ear. "How'd you like to come and see how the Tellarans fight? They've agreed to let us go on one of their patrols."

Vila could see that Argus was looking forward to this. He didn't have the heart to tell Argus that watching more space battles was seven hundred and twenty-six on his list of favourite things to do, just after having all his teeth pulled out without anaesthetic or dancing backwards off a cliff.

They were on Tellar to enjoy the peace. He really liked peace. "That sounds _very_ interesting. But Corinne and I…" He looked at his partner-in-crime for a little help.

Corinne had an interested look on her face. "I don't mind, Vila. You don't have to say no because of me."

Vila tried to make obscure eye signals. Corinne only looked at him curiously, perhaps wondering what was wrong with his eyes. He sighed. "I was afraid that you wouldn't want to see it. But if you want to…" He tried a little stronger eye signal.

Argus asked, "Vila, is something wrong with your eyes?"

"Who me?" Vila asked innocently, finally giving up. "Nothing at all. We'd both love to come with you. Watching space battles is…"

Argus said enthusiastically, "I know! It's going to be fascinating to see how a civilization devoted to peace handles itself in a hostile environment."

Vila pointed out, "Didn't we already have a taste of that when we first got here?"

Argus said with a smile, "That was just a taste. I want to get the whole experience! I'm going to get Reya!" He bounded off.

Corinne said, "I think we made him very happy."

Vila looked sharply at her. "You're doing this for him?"

Corinne had a puzzled expression on her face. "I thought that's what you were trying to tell me. Argus has been so unhappy lately, I thought you wanted to support him. And you were making funny shapes with your eyes. I knew you were trying to tell me something. Did I get it wrong?"

Vila felt embarrassed. He had been so happy lately with Corinne and being on Tellar, that he tended not to notice too much else.

It came as a shock to him that Corinne noticed Argus was unhappy. Of course, even if he had, he may not have done much about it. Men didn't tend to be aware of each other's emotional states unless there was conflict or something more interesting.

He loved that Corinne was concerned about things like that. Together they made a good team. "You're right; we should do something to cheer him up. But I think we need to work on our signals."

**********

Argus almost seemed to burst through the door as Reya put the finishing touches on a drawing. "Reya! Are you busy?"

Reya put the drawing pad down and stood up. "I suppose not. What's the big rush?"

"Alyce has arranged for us to join one of their patrols." He had a big enthusiastic smile on his face.

"Oh? She's finally had time to do that?"

"You knew?" Argus asked in astonishment.

She shrugged on a jacket and joined him. "I asked Alyce if she could arrange it. I knew it was something you'd enjoy. I know you've tried very hard to be nice to Sester and that you've been unhappy. I wanted to do something to cheer you up and I wanted to thank you for trying."

"You didn't have to do that. I was only doing what I should have done in the first place. You were right. I was acting like an ass before."

Reya smiled warmly and ran her finger lightly along the edge of his jaw. "I still want to cheer you up. I know you get out of sorts unless you have some kind of outlet."

Argus grinned and put his arms around her. "You gave me enough of an _outlet_ last night."

"I thought that I might give you another one."

Argus suddenly realized something. He asked with concern, "I didn't…wear you out last night, did I? I wasn't thinking. You seemed…so energetic. It was hard to remember that you just got better."

Reya shook her head with amusement. "It takes more than a couple of shots to keep me down. Shall we go?"

**********

It may have been a bright morning, but there seemed to be a dark cloud hanging over Avon's bed as his dark eyes kept watch over Sester. He had washed up and eaten a light breakfast but the man was still asleep.

The doctor had said that Sester might not want to wake up because of what he experienced in the dream. It must be a way to protect himself from emotional trauma.

Avon's lips formed an unpleasant snarl. He was very familiar with the subject. Much of it because of Sester. This was poetic justice.

But the doctor had also indicated that the dream that Sester had was not an ordinary one. It was a mystery Avon could not let go of.

If the dream had something to do with him, then perhaps Sester might respond to his voice.

Avon tried to sound at least non-hostile. "Wake up."

He observed the other man carefully, watching for any sign of returning consciousness. No reaction. Avon thought for a moment. "You had a dream last night. Do you want to talk about it?" Still no reaction. "I know the dream had something to do with me." Sester remained unmoved by his attempts.

This was ludicrous. He was talking to an unconscious man. He should be using a stimulant instead. Avon slid open the drawer next to his bed and took out the stimulant that was used to wake him up in the morning. He set the dosage a little higher and said grimly, "You _will_ wake up and talk to me."

Sester's eyes opened. He said, "K…" There was a stab of pain and he brought both hands up to cradle his head. "Stop it! That hurts!"

Avon slid off the bed and approached Sester's bed as the observers rushed over.

Sester saw him and said, "Avon, I'm…" He groaned and closed his eyes as another stab of pain pierced his head. One of the observers injected something into his neck. The agony in his head slowly decreased. The observer said, "Just relax and let it work. Allow your mind to sort itself out."

Sester thought, _Sort itself out? There was something. _Pain again. _Something to be remembered. But what was it?_

"You must let it go for now," directed the observer.

"Not yet. Not until…have to tell someone before it goes." _What was it?_ "Avon!"

Avon stepped up so that Sester could see him.

Sester reached out and grabbed his arm. He blinked several times, trying to focus on Avon. There was confusion on Sester's face, as if he wasn't sure who he was looking at. "There was something important I had to tell you."

Avon said calmly, "I'm here."

"I'm…" Sester put his other hand to his head as another stab of pain interfered with his concentration. A veil was drawn across his mind. "I'm…I don't remember." He put his hand down. The pain was gone, along with whatever he had been trying to remember. "What happened?" Sester looked around in bewilderment at the observers and Avon gathered around his bed.

Avon said, "You're supposed to tell me."

One of the observers said, "You had a memory last night. It was a very strong one. We had to put you under."

Sester's eyes widened. "An effect of the mind drugs?"

"Yes."

Sester looked at Avon. "I suppose you want to know what's going on?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

Sester said to the observers. "I'm alright. Can you give us some space? We need to talk."

The observers returned to the other end of the room as the two men watched.

Sester adjusted his bed to a sitting position and leaned back against it. "I don't remember anything about the dream."

"Then this is a pointless exercise," said Avon as he climbed back up to his own bed.

All Sester had were vague impressions. "It had something to do with you."

"I already know that."

"You do?"

"You spoke my name during the dream."

"Oh. Anything specific?"

"You are here to give _me_ information."

Sester said, "I just told you that I don't remember anything."

Avon could give lessons on sarcasm. "How convenient."

Sester knew that something had changed. Something was making him ill inside but he didn't know what it was. He wanted this man to believe him; he did not want Avon to hate him. "The Tellarans told you that they found something in my mind."

Avon said warily, "Yes. They did indicate that."

"What they found was that I also have mind blocks. I know you won't take my word for it. So I will instruct the Tellarans to give you all information pertaining to me. Would that satisfy you?"

"Do not think that this will change anything between us."

"I never thought it would. And the dream that I had earlier, the one where I called out your name, it was a memory. The Tellarans said that because of the mind drugs that I took, some of the blocks have started deteriorating."

"What are you trying to say?" Avon asked suspiciously.

Sester said, "I'm saying that some of the mind blocks in my head were placed there to prevent me from remembering something about you."

"Something happened between us at the Detention Centre that Servalan doesn't want us to know?"

Sester tried to search his mind for any clue as to what had happened but it was useless. "I…don't know. I suppose it is possible. She kept me locked up for months after I helped you escape. If something did happen between us but Servalan wanted to continue using me, then she would have to block those memories. But that doesn't make sense. Servalan sent me here to work with you. She may have blocked my memories but you had already escaped. It doesn't work if only one of us has our memories blocked. Eventually we would find out."

"True. Then it must be something else."

"Avon, does that mean that you believe me about the mind blocks?" Sester knew that there was little hope that Avon would believe him about anything, but because of the Tellarans, there was a slight one.

Avon needed the truth from this man who was waiting for his answer. He had finally heard some last night. In a memory of him, Sester had finally given Avon some truth. But if Sester did not remember, Avon was not about to tell him. "I believe the Tellarans."

"I suppose that's better than nothing. At least you accept that my mind has been tampered with as well."

"That still remains to be seen." Avon was not about to give him any quarter. Because of last night, Avon believed Sester's guilt and desire to help him. He wasn't ready to concede anything else yet.

"Oh, come on, Avon. What else could it be?"

"There is one other possibility. You could have had false mind blocks placed in order to trick us into believing you."

"I would not play such games with my own mind."

"You would do anything to achieve your goals."

Sester said dejectedly, "I suppose I deserve that."

Guilt was a powerful weapon against anyone. It could also be a two-edged sword. Avon said, "I will not rule out that your mind was tampered with."

Sester nodded. "I appreciate that."

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The _Justice_ crew were given seats to one side of the Captain of the patrol ship. Captain Tarija was a commanding, dark-complexioned woman who lent calm to the rush of activity around her. The room was full of industrious activity as blue and white uniformed Tellarans made preparations to depart. The air seemed electric with excitement.

Vila mumbled to himself, "Chairs. Comfortable chairs." He was enjoying the feel of his chair. It had moulded around his frame as he sat down, giving an odd sensation at first. The chair gave the right support where his body needed support. He felt ready for anything.

Vila had never liked the Altan's poor excuse for flight deck furniture. They could do with chairs like these on the _Justice_. He imagined that he could do a double-shift without falling asleep on one of these. Not that he'd volunteer to test that theory, of course. He liked to think of himself as the ideas man. Like Avon. Though Avon didn't seem to get the idea. He tended to like doing things himself. Well, one couldn't be perfect.

Argus looked over at him. "Did you say something, Vila?"

"It can wait."

Argus, Reya, Vila, Corinne, Cally and Lt. Dain were in attendance.

Captain Tarija said to them, "Feel free to ask any questions." The crew was bursting with curiosity but had refrained from disturbing the Tellaran crew. Now that they had an invitation to ask questions, they were not going to pass up the opportunity.

Cally started, "What do you do on these patrols?"

"We have many different types ranging from border defence to the one we are on currently. A search and rescue patrol."

Vila asked, "You help people?"

"In its simplest form, yes."

Argus asked, "And at its most complex?"

Tarija smiled. "Situations in this sector are invariably complex. Search and rescue missions are amongst the most dangerous we engage in."

Reya asked, "Dangerous in what way?"

"We cannot prevent our neighbours in this sector from engaging in acts of violence against each other. We wished we could but it would be useless. Even if we stop one, the moment we leave, they would start over again."

Argus asked, "What do you do then?"

"We go in after a conflict and help whoever is still alive."

Argus was sitting forward in his seat. This subject fascinated him. "That is the danger."

"Yes. Unfortunately, there are those who prey on the weak. Salvagers and pirates. They are not there to help and often they hinder our efforts. At times, we are attacked by the winning side. They don't always like leaving the enemy alive."

Cally asked, "What do you do in those cases?"

"We disable them."

Argus asked, "You attack them?"

"We don't attack."

Vila was puzzled, "How do you disable them without attacking?"

Captain Tarija said, "We have one weapon on this ship that will destroy but it is not used except as a last resort. I've never had to use it in fifteen years of patrolling and I hope I will never have to. We have other weapons. Ones that do not destroy."

Argus said, "We have seen the speed of your ships and your energy-absorbing shields."

"Yes, those are an important part of our defence. But we have other ones which you will see later."

A Tellaran, with a double stripe across his left shoulder, approached them. "Captain, we're about to leave Tellar space."

"Thank you, lieutenant." She turned to Argus, "If you will excuse me, I have a few things to do."

"Of course."

**********

Avon stared into the faces of his two young friends. He was back in the dream again. His mind kept coming back here, there had to be a reason for it.

Jack said eagerly, "We'll help you."

Young Kerr shook his head. "I don't want to get you in trouble. I can handle the computers myself."

Jack pointed out, "We're friends, Kerr. We're in this together. Besides, you need someone to watch the door."

Avon could feel Kerr smiling, "You only want to get kicked out of this program."

Jack returned Kerr's smile with a shy one of his own. "Do you think it'll work?"

"I don't plan to get caught."

"I'll have to try something else then." Jack grinned. "But let's help you first. Right, Charles?"

_Charles_. Avon now had the name of the other boy. It satisfied his curiosity but little else. The only Charles he knew could not be his young friend. Avon tried to concentrate on the blond boy's face. The pain came right away and the face became indistinct.

His mind might be able to put him in this memory but something else was preventing him from identifying the boys.

_This is annoying. There must be a way around it. Hopefully the Tellaran's regression therapy will avoid this problem_. Avon stopped struggling and allowed the vision to continue.

Charles had not been looking enthusiastic about the whole idea. "I don't know…"

Jack said, "He'd help us if we needed him."

For some reason Charles seemed to look guilty. He said defensively, "I didn't say I wasn't going to."

Avon could tell from what Kerr was feeling that something had happened between his young self and the blond boy. He could not tell what it was. Kerr said, "It's alright. You don't have to come. I just need Jack to watch the door."

"I said I'll go with you. When are we doing this?"

Kerr said, "After lights out tonight. We'll wait an hour."

"Tonight?" Charles swallowed nervously.

"There's no reason to wait," said Kerr.

Jack said, "I'll be ready."

Charles said reluctantly, "I'll be ready too."

**********

The boys snuck into the dark room and let the door slide closed behind them. The lights of the terminals played shadow games along the stark grey walls as they felt their way along, waiting for their eyes to adjust.

_I remember this room, _thought Avon. _It's the computer lab._ He had no other recollections of the Academy or any of these boys but he remembered this room. It was good to be able to remember something; Avon finally felt some connection to these memories.

Jack said, "I'll go watch the corridor, you do what you need to, Kerr."

Kerr went over to the instructor's desk and sat down behind the computer. This computer was the only one with links to the networks outside of the building. Kerr quickly made his way along the public systems and gained access to a communications distribution node.

Even at this young age, simple password-protected security systems were no challenge for him. Avon smiled as young Kerr easily broke in.

After watching with Jack for awhile, Charles came back inside, pulled over a chair and joined his friend by the computer. He ran his fingers along the edge of the table nervously. "How long is this going to take?"

Kerr said absently, "Longer if you keep interrupting me."

"Sorry."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Avon saw Charles picking things up from the desk and putting them down again. It was clear the boy was nervous. "You don't have to be here, Charles. I can do this alone."

"I…want to be here. I'm just…never mind. Just make it quick, will you?"

Kerr said, "As quick as I can." His fingers seemed to work even faster. Avon could feel his young self's appreciation. He knew that Charles was afraid. Being at the Academy was very important for him but he was willing to risk it for friendship.

Charles couldn't seem to sit still. He asked, "Kerr, what do you think your parents will do when they get your message?"

"They'll try to find me."

"Yes, but what can they do? If the Federation wants you, there's nothing they can do about it."

"That won't stop them," said Kerr confidently. His parents loved him. He knew they would never give up until they rescued him.

Charles asked, "Are you done?"

"The message is sent."

With a relieved look on his face, Charles stood up. "Let's go."

"Not yet. I have to do one more thing." Kerr continued working on the computer.

"But, Kerr, if we stay any longer we're going to get in trouble."

Kerr looked up at him. "I'm already in trouble." Avon was surprised by how young the voice sounded suddenly. It was no longer the self-assured voice of someone far beyond his years.  
It was the voice of a scared young child who had lost his parents.

There was a look of understanding in the blond boy's eyes. "Do what you need to, Kerr. I'll wait for you."

Kerr turned to the computer again. Screen after screen of menus replaced each other in rapid succession until he stopped at:

AVON, KERR

Grade Type: Triple-Alpha

EU Grouping: EN-RA, Group 008

Born…

There were many other groupings of letters that Kerr did not understand.

Charles exclaimed, "You broke into your own record!"

"I need to find out something." Kerr quickly scrolled through the files. Avon wished he could direct him. There were many things he wanted to see in this file.

_This file must still exist. _Avon wondered if he could find it.

Charles said, "This doesn't look like a normal school record."

"It's not. This is not a normal school." He continued scrolling through the detailed screens.

Charles pointed to a menu item, "They have genetic data on you. Why would they have that?"

"I can't worry about it now. I have to find something."

Charles pointed to something red flashing at the top right corner of the screen. "What do you think that is?"

Kerr hesitated in what he was doing. Something flashing and red was never a good sign. It was like a flag of danger. His finger reached for the ominous blinking symbol.

"You're not going to touch it, are you?"

"It might be important." Kerr touched the flag. Another file immediately opened up. Both Kerr and Avon gasped in shock as they saw pictures of Kerr's parents. They read the file quickly. Shock turned quickly to horror and disbelief.

_They betrayed me, _thought Avon angrily. His young self was too shocked and hurt to think anything.

Avon remembered the feelings of betrayal quite strongly but he didn't remember finding out this way. His brother had told him. The brother he loved.

Something was wrong with this memory. Pain lanced through his head. Avon groaned.

Charles's voice seemed far away. "I'm sorry, Kerr." Avon could feel the blond boy place his hand on Kerr's shoulder in support. "We should get out of here."

Kerr's voice was filled with anguish and denial as he shrugged off Charles's hand. "No! I'm not leaving! They're lying. My parents would never leave me."

Charles tried to reason with him, "You saw the file. The Federation picked them up the day they took you from your school."

"No!" Kerr shook his head violently. "They would never give me up to save themselves. They'd die first!"

Charles said sadly, "Sometimes we don't know what people will do until they do it."

"You don't know my parents! They would never…" His words trailed off. Avon could feel young Kerr trying to deny his own fear and the hurt that seemed to be like a deep open wound. He stubbornly held onto his faith in his parents' love for him.

Avon wanted to tell his young self that things were going to be alright, but even if it were possible, he would be lying. He knew the boy's future; his own past.

Jack came rushing over, "There's someone coming this way! We have to get out of here." He stopped and stared at them. "What's wrong?"

Charles stood up. "His parents sold him to the Federation so they wouldn't get sent to a penal colony."

Jack looked at his friend in shock. "I'm sorry, Kerr."

Kerr stood up, "No. You're all wrong!"

Charles shut off the computer.

Kerr tried to stop him, "No! I have to find out the truth!"

Jack took him firmly by the elbow but his voice was gentle, "We have to leave now, Kerr. We can come back another day."

Kerr was unresisting when Jack steered him towards the door.

Avon woke up covered in sweat. His head was aching and the memories were already fading. He barely registered the ceiling of the examination room. His voice was scratchy, "My parents…" His voice choked. The pain of the child still ran deep.

"What happened with your parents, Avon?" the calm voice of one of the doctor's asked him.

"I…" Avon stopped. It was an important memory but it was not one he wanted. The vague impressions he had always had of his parents were already bad enough. Some facts were harder to handle than the regrets that plagued his life. Avon waited as the mind blocks mercifully closed over the nightmare. For once, they were not an enemy. "I don't remember."

Chapter Thirty

The two Tellaran patrol ships dropped out of stealth mode as the battle between the Gitarans and the Dellars came to an end. It would be a race to save as many as they could while still staying alive themselves.

The Tellarans' shields were up; more to avoid being hit by the maze of random space debris all around them than as a defence against enemies. They each moved towards a ship that needed help.

**********

The Gitaran on the screen was a frantic man with a cut above his right temple. All of the officers on the deck had been killed in the final run on their ship.

"You're not going to get us alive! We'll blow the ship first!" The injured man on the viewscreen said as he avoided a piece of the ceiling that came crashing down.

Captain Tarija was a patient woman. Her voice radiated calm and compassion. "We are not here to harm you. We are only here to help."

The Gitaran shouted above the crackles of fires, shorting panels and people moaning or screaming in pain, "You're helping the Dellars! You must be working with them."

"We help those who are in need regardless of who they are. Let us come onboard. We will render medical assistance and assess the condition of your ship. We will also provide safe escort back to your home territory."

The man shouted, "This must be a trick!"

"Have your people meet my team at your shuttle bay. If you do not trust them, you can hold weapons on them while they work. They will not be armed."

Either there was more noise over on the Gitaran ship than was being conveyed over the speakers or the man only knew how to shout. "I still don't trust you!"

"You don't need to trust us in order to use our help. From the rate your ship is deteriorating, you don't have many options left."

The Gitaran looked around at his dying ship. He said grudgingly, "Alright. We'll meet you at the shuttle bay. But no weapons."

"No weapons."

As the screen became blank, Captain Tarija stood up. "Lieutenant, take the teams over. You'll have to concentrate on getting their primary reactor under control first before the whole thing blows."

As Tarija gave further instructions, Cally said to Argus, "I could help their medical team. I'd like to go over."

"That's a good idea but be careful, they're going over unarmed."

Vila and Corinne looked at each other. Vila said, "We'd like to help too."

Reya said, "I would also like to render assistance."

Argus nodded. "Alright." He stood up and went over to where Tarija was giving last minute orders. "Captain, my crew would like to offer their help."

Tarija thought for a moment, "We would welcome your aid but they need to follow the lead of my people."

"That won't be a problem. I'd like to stay onboard to see how you handle things on this end."

"You are anticipating trouble?"

"As you said, there are always people who prey on the weak."

**********

Once you've seen the space battles to end all space battles, you would expect that everything else would pale by comparison. There was nothing new to see. At least, that was what Vila thought.

They'd never stayed around long enough to see the real end.

Vila had operated the neutron blaster controls on the _Liberator _for years. It didn't seem real sometimes, more like old vid-games he used to play. He was always very good at those games and he had been very good at the neutron blasters. One didn't seem that much different from the other. You aimed, pressed a few buttons and you won. That was the goal of any game.

He'd never thought of the people working on the ships he had to destroy. In games, they were just ships. No people involved. When it had become real, it was easier to continue thinking of them that way.

As he worked with the Tellarans who dealt with the aftermath of other people's battles, the human cost became very real to him. After all the shooting stops, there were no enemies anymore, no more personal agendas, just people dying or trying not to die.

He had never thought of the poor maintenance worker stuck in a shaft while sealing foam suffocated him because the ship had been holed. Vila shivered. He still remembered poor Nova.

He'd never imagined the other people sitting on the flight deck one minute and then sucked out into space the next. How many seconds did a person survive while they came face-to-face with their own death? Did their lives flash before them, like it did in the vid-dramas? What were their last thoughts as they realized that they would not survive to go home? That their children would no longer have a father?

It was hard not to think of them as people now when his hands were covered in their blood or when he cradled them in his arms as they lay dying.

As Vila placed a sealing pad over a large leg gash in the man he was helping, he glanced around him at his crewmates. Corinne was helping Cally to close up a serious chest wound. Reya was half-carrying someone else as the less critically injured made their way to the shuttle bay. The ship was being abandoned. Its engines were damaged beyond repair.

This was the fifth ship they had helped so far. Even though it was terrible seeing all the death and destruction close up, Vila felt good because he was helping. He wondered if the others felt the same way.

His mother had told him once, those who lived by the phaser died by the cannon. It didn't matter who started the wrong, the violence would never end until someone stopped. Then she'd say sadly that usually it meant that both sides had all killed each other. Violence never solved anything. It only fooled you into thinking it did.

As Vila grew older, he found that what his mother had taught him was usually right. Even this. Vila didn't want to kill anymore but he wouldn't mind doing what the Tellarans were doing.

**********

"Captain, there are five ships headed this way. Two minutes out."

Captain Tarija leaned forward in her seat, "Put them onscreen."

The main view screen showed five Gitaran ships in attack formation.

She asked, "Are their weapons charged?"

"Yes, Captain and their shields are up."

"Is everyone back onboard?"

"No. The medical teams report there are several people who can't be moved until they've been stabilized."

Tarija sighed. "Bring our shields up once they get into firing range. Launch the remote shield. Argus, you may see our weapons after all."

**********

Vila looked nervously at the malfunctioning screen of the dying ship. There was no mistaking the five ships in attack formation coming towards them. He looked behind him at Cally and Corinne. They were frantically trying to save the man with a chest and abdominal wound. He knew there were other Tellarans on the ship helping others. None of them would leave until they could get their charges safely back on the ship.

He used the comm unit he had been given, "Lieutenant, there are five ships in attack formation coming this way."

"Acknowledged. I am sending the first shuttle back to the ship. How is the status of the people on the command deck?"

The lieutenant didn't sound concerned that five attack ships were going to be knocking at their door any minute now. Vila hoped that meant that the Tellarans had a few tricks up their sleeves.

They still had three seriously injured people on the command deck; people who couldn't be moved yet. Corinne's patient and one of the others didn't look like they were going to make it. "They're still working on them. We're going to need more time."

"Understood. Let me know when they're ready. I'll send more people to help you when I can."

Vila saw something racing out from the Tellaran patrol ship. It was a round object the size of several life pods. _What is that_? He hoped it was one of the Tellaran weapons they hadn't seen yet. They could sure use one now.

The object came close and slowed down. Vila lost sight of it until he could hear a slight clang. The thing had attached itself to the ship. _I hope this is good._

All of a sudden, the screen turned green. Vila looked down at the control panel in front of him. With so many things broken, it was hard to tell what was wrong. He looked up at the screen again. A sheen of green extended out from the ship until it formed a coloured barrier several meters out in front of them. It seemed to surround the entire ship.

"It's a shield!" Vila was really starting to love the Tellarans.

**********

"A portable shield generator?" asked Argus as he saw a green screen extend around the disabled ship.

Captain Tarija replied distractedly as she looked down at her command panel, "Yes. It has limited capacity but it will keep them safe until we deal with the attackers."

"Captain, shields are up."

"Alright, open up a comm channel," directed Tarija.

"Channel open."

"This is Captain Tarija of the Tellar Union. We have no hostile intentions. We only wish to save the people from the ship. Once we do, you can destroy it if you wish."

It almost seemed as if a snarl appeared on the view screen first before the rest of the Gitaran leader. "And we are here to kill everyone." The Gitaran leader was a heavy-set man with a scar along the side of his nose.

Captain Tarija maintained a calm and pleasant, but firm manner, "You have already won this battle. You have defeated the Dellars. You do not need to kill all of them."

"We don't need to." A cruel smile twisted the man's lips. "But we want to." The communications cut off abruptly as phaser cannon blasts raced towards them from three of the Gitaran ships. Two headed for the disabled ship. The other four hit the patrol ship. There was no damage to either one but the damaged ship was visibly shaken when the shots hit the shield.

Tarija contacted the Gitaran leader. "As you can see, your weapons have no impact on this ship."

The Gitaran said, "Maybe not yours." The communications cut off again. The Gitaran ships moved to surround them on every side. More phaser blasts raced towards them. This time they were all headed for the damaged ship.

The Tellaran ship moved to intercept one of the shots while the others harmlessly impacted the shields. The damaged Dellar ship was visibly rocked again.

Argus remained as calm as the Tellaran captain but he was very aware that his own people and the Tellarans were helpless on the damaged ship. He wished he had the _Justice_ with him. A few well-placed shots and the problem would disappear. "How limited are the portable shields?"

Tarija had a hard determined look on her face. "At this rate, they can stand another ten minutes."

**********

Vila clung to the flight station as another blast hit the shields. "Does anyone know how long those shields last?" No one answered. Either no one knew or they were afraid to tell him.

He ran over to where Cally and Corinne were still working on their injured man. "How's he doing? Can we move him yet?"

Cally lifted blood soaked hands from the man's chest. "We're ready." She picked up a cloth and tried to wipe as much of it off as she could. "Are the others?"

Vila had been keeping track of the other medical teams. He responded, "Yes, most of the teams are headed for the shuttles now. One of them will need another five minutes."

The lieutenant in charge of the boarding party and Reya raced in carrying makeshift stretchers. The lieutenant went to help the other remaining injured man while Reya asked, "Cally, can we move your patient?"

"Yes, he's ready."

Vila helped roll the man carefully onto the stretcher. They carried him quickly to the shuttle bay even as more shots hit the shields, nearly causing them to drop the injured man.

**********

The leader of the Gitarans had refused further contact with them. The blasts racing across from the ships were like sheets of deadly fire.

Captain Tarija said, "The teams are taking too long. We're going to have to employ stronger measures. Ready the DC-wave. Open the comm channel."

"DC-wave ready."

Captain Tarija's voice was grim but regretful. "This is Captain Tarija. This is your final warning. If you do not desist in your attacks, I will be forced to respond with stronger measures. Your ships will be disabled."

The leader of the Gitarans finally appeared on the screen again. "Try it." The screen went blank.

Tarija sighed. "Weapons officer, whenever you're ready. I want all the ships disabled except their command ship."

"Yes, Captain."

Argus watched the screen with fascination. It was hard to know what to expect. He was familiar with all forms of ship weapons from lasers, phaser cannons, torpedoes and blasters.

The Tellaran weapons were none of these. He heard the weapon before he saw it; a sudden rumble of sound, like a thunderstorm. Then more rumbles in quick succession. Argus couldn't see anything; no tracers, no torpedoes, not even lights racing out towards the other ships. But they all suddenly stopped firing, except for the command ship.

"What happened?" asked Argus in surprise.

Captain Tarija explained, "It was a directed compression wave."

The command ship had stopped firing as well. The Gitaran leader appeared on the screen and demanded, "What did you do to my ships?"

"I did warn you. If you did not desist, I would disable your ships. Or in this case, your crew. Don't worry. They are still alive but they will be unconscious for two hours. Do not fire your weapons again until we leave. If you do, I will also disable your ship and you will be completely defenceless."

The Gitaran leader was angry but even he was not that stupid. He backed down and let them continue evacuating people. After the Tellarans were finished and heading away, their scanners registered the Gitarans destroying the damaged ship that was left behind.

Vila said, "A spiteful lot, aren't they?"

Cally asked Captain Tarija, "Are any of these people influenced by what you do for them? Do they change?"

Tarija shook her head sadly, "Some, but not enough. There have been people who come to us because they are sick of the fighting and violence. They know we will provide a refuge for them. Some of the people on this ship come from other worlds."

Reya said, "Then you are doing a good thing. You are making a difference."

"A little. We will not give up though. We will continue trying."

Corinne had been silent but she spoke up, "You've made a difference on Chandar. My mother was on one of your patrols when she was captured. She never forgot what she was trying to do even though she was alone and hurt. It was why my father learned to love her."

**********

After a full day, everyone was tired but happy. They had saved many lives today and shepherded others back to their home territories. Now it was time to go home.

Everyone leaned back against their seats on the command deck and passed around trays of refreshing beverages, fruits and cheeses.

Vila asked, "Argus, could we go on missions like this? I mean with our ship."

Argus had been very quiet since the others came back. He had also been affected by the events of today. "We can discuss it when we're all together. I can't see why we can't do something like this as well."

**********

Kerr wanted to be alone. He'd found a crawlspace that led along one of the classroom corridors. Ventilation shafts where only small children could hide. They'd be trying to find him soon enough. The people in the school had been keeping a close eye on him lately.

He brought his hand up to his head and rubbed it. It always hurt these days. He didn't know why. All he knew was that he wanted to hide. Sometimes, he wished he could be just a brain; like a machine that couldn't feel anything.

His brother had come to visit him the other day. Not his parents. Just the brother with a warm smile and a painful message. His parents had put him in this special program. He was lucky to have been chosen. He should be grateful.

Why didn't his parents come to tell him themselves? Questions of why were met with evasion.

Why was his brother being nice to him? He never had before. Even though Kerr loved his brother, he knew that his brother had always been jealous of him. He'd never said anything but Kerr knew from the looks that his brother gave him behind his parents' backs.

Kerr had tried to be nice to him and to help him but it must have been galling to have a much younger sibling being placed years higher than you are in the same school. People guessed sometimes if they had the same parents or if one of them was adopted. Or they whispered the dreaded "R" word. Sometimes Kerr felt guilty because his brother had a hard time and it was all because of him.

But his brother was the only one who came to see him.

Kerr heard a sound. His ears strained. There it was again. Something or someone was coming. Kerr wasn't worried, only a child could fit into these tunnels. It could have been Charles or Jack, though it would have been a tough fit for Jack.

He peered around the corner. There was the shape of a shadow coming towards him. Kerr didn't want company but he was curious who else might be hiding.

The shape came around the corner and bumped into him. "Ouch! Oh…" The shape was afraid and backed away the way it came.

Kerr said, "It's alright. I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm hiding too."

"Oh…" The shape seemed indecisive and then it came forward and sat beside him. "You're hiding too?"

"I already told you I am." In the shadows, Kerr could make out a slender young boy around his age, perhaps a bit younger. "You're not from the school, are you?"

"How do you know I'm not?" asked the boy defensively.

"I know all the boys here and you're not one of them. Besides, you don't act like an Alpha."

"You mean I'm not stuck up."

Kerr was always amused by the attitude of the other grades. They all wanted to be Alphas but they didn't like them. "Well, an Alpha wouldn't be crawling around in dark tunnels for one."

"Does that mean you're not one?" the boy challenged.

Kerr chuckled. He liked this boy. He might not be an Alpha but he was no idiot. "What are you doing here?"

"You're not going to tell anyone?"

"No, I promise."

"Well, my mother works here. She's one of the nurses. Nurse Re…." At that moment, an alarm began to sound and pain exploded in Avon's head.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Thirty-One

Argus was on his way to retire for the night when Vila went looking for him. Vila said, "Argus, I'm serious."

Argus took a deep breath and tried not to sound impatient. He wondered if it was really necessary for his crew to always find last minute things they had to tell him right before he was supposed to see Reya. He considered putting some reasonable hours on his 'open-door' policy.

Vila did seem serious about something and he was nervous. Argus wondered if something was else bothering Vila but he just wasn't sure how to bring it up.

In his most understanding voice, Argus said, "I know you are, Vila. And I understand your desire to pursue a more peaceful way. After what we witnessed today, it's natural. But you know our mission and our enemy. The Andromedans nearly destroyed humanity once. We can't give them a second chance. We can't afford it. Why do you think I've agreed to this temporary alliance with the Federation? I want peace, Vila. I really do. I have been killing people for as long as I can remember. Sometimes…"

This conversation had taken an unexpected turn for Argus. He had never expected to share this and definitely not out in the corridor. A deep familiar melancholy came over Argus; an old depression that was always beneath the surface but he hadn't thought about in a long time. It returned along with the faces that were always in his head; and with them the screams and cries that threatened to drive him mad.

"…sometimes I can still see the face of the first person I killed and there have been many, many more since. I can't get them out of my head. I want it to stop, Vila. I need to stop killing people. But I can't. Not until it's over. It's the greatest gift I have and my greatest curse."

Vila was shocked at the pain in the man's eyes as Argus told him how he felt. He had never seen Argus like this before. It seemed that today's patrol with the Tellarans had also affected him as well. Vila had always viewed Argus as a strong man; someone who was not troubled by anything, someone they could always depend on to protect them and someone whom they could all lean on. Their own super-soldier to fight their enemies. Vila had never realized what it cost him. To see Argus like this, made him more human. "I never knew."

Argus coughed and looked embarrassed. "I've never told anyone before except Reya. I'm…not sure why I did now. Perhaps you're right. Seeing what the Tellarans were able to do today gave me hope. Sometimes when we fight, it's hard to see an end to it all. But today…"

Vila said, "It's good to know that somewhere, what we've been fighting for can become real?"

"Yes. It is real here."

Vila said wistfully, "It would be nice if everywhere was like this."

"Yes, it would be. You know what Avon would say?"

"It's a hopeless dream?" Sometimes Vila thought that Avon must have lost everything a long time ago. Everything that was important to him. He seemed to be a man who had little hope about anything but sometimes Vila would catch a look in his eyes. In those deep penetrating eyes, always alive with thought, there would be something different. Then he would surprise everyone by taking a chance. Maybe it was just a desperate grasp because he wanted to believe, even though he couldn't. Maybe that was why he stayed with Blake for as long as he did, risking his life for a hopeless dream.

Then later when he fought against the Federation without Blake, he'd said that it was the only security but they all knew. Fighting the Federation in the rust bucket they called a ship, with almost no weapons or shields to speak of, was suicide, it was not security. Vila said, "I think that Avon would love to see a dream come true. He just can't believe it's possible."

"I think you're right."

There was a look of earnestness on Vila's face as he asked, "Do _you_ think it's possible?"

"The Tellarans think it is. They've staked their entire civilization on it."

"Yes, but what do _you_ think?"

Argus knew what Vila wanted to hear but all he could give him was what he believed. "We can't afford the time it would take to do it their way. Not against the Andromedans."

Vila thought for a moment. "But against the Federation?"

"I'm not sure we're capable of it." This was always something that troubled Argus about the rebel movement. After decades of defiance, they had nothing to show for it other than a growing list of people who had died because of them.

"We're very good at killing and destroying. It's about all we are good at, other than fighting amongst each other. In the end, it's all been for nothing. All we have is motive. There is no overall plan or purpose. Everyone dies and we console ourselves that at least it was for a good cause. But looking at the people today, all those bleeding and dying people on both sides, it makes me wonder if it really is enough just to have a good cause. I want real change but I don't think we have anyone who can make it happen. I know I can't."

Vila was struck with an idea. "The Tellarans have their own psychostrategists."

Argus tightened his jaw at the sound of the word. He already knew where Vila was going with this. "Yes."

"Alyce said that they were the ones who helped change their society. And you know that they've been interested in Sester. I think…that _they_ think that he _is_ capable of doing what you want."

Argus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I was afraid you were going to say that."

"He does want to help."

Despite his promise to be nicer to Sester, Argus still could not let go of his mistrust of the man. "He wants to help Avon. He feels guilty for what he did to him."

"Doesn't that mean anything?"

"Vila, he's not one of the Tellaran psychostrategists. He's a Federation one. They view us all as puppets. We can't trust him. Everything he does is a game."

"I think you're wrong. I don't think he sees us as puppets anymore. He's changed."

"I know you want to believe that."

"And I know you don't want to. You won't give him a chance."

"I've promised that I would."

"Yes, but not a real chance. You believe him about wanting to help Avon but you won't believe that he can change. If he could fight for us, we might be able to achieve the change you want."

"You're right, I can't believe that."

"What if I find a way to show you? Would you believe in him then?"

Argus was sceptical. He doubted if there was anything that could convince him. "What do you think you can find?"

"You let me worry about that. But if I do, will you give him a chance? This is important, Argus."

Argus studied Vila carefully. There was no sign of the clown in Vila's manner, no light unobtrusiveness, only a man who believed in something. "Alright, Vila. If it's important to you."

**********

Vila had no idea how he was going to do what he had promised Argus. He didn't know the full story behind the two men but he knew that it had something to do with the Commander. Vila knew that Sester was in love with her even though she loved Argus. It wasn't a situation that a man could easily accept. Vila suspected that it was even more complicated than that.

What he needed was help. He went down to talk to Avon and found him taking an evening walk outside in the gardens. "Avon, do you remember that _unconditional_ favour you owe me?"

Avon eyed him with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. "I remember. Have you decided on something?"

"I want you to help me find a way to convince Argus that Sester can change and work with us against the Federation."

Avon's eyes narrowed even further. "I hope this isn't your idea of a joke, Vila, because I'm not laughing."

"I'm serious." Vila did look very serious.

"Are you're out of your mind?"

"I know it's a lot to ask, Avon. And I wouldn't if it weren't important."

They stopped by a bench and sat down. Avon leaned back tiredly. "Why is it important?"

Vila turned to face him. "Argus and I were talking. I suppose we were both affected by what the Tellarans were doing. He was saying that sometimes he felt that what he and the rebels were doing was useless. He doesn't think that having the right motivations is a good enough reason to get people killed anymore. Not unless there is real change. He doesn't think any of the rebels are capable of changing things. They only know how to kill and destroy."

Avon looked off into the far distance. "And you think that Sester is capable of it."

"I think we have a better chance with him than without him. I think that the Tellarans think so too. That's why they've been so interested in him. The psychostrategists made it possible here. They helped change the Tellarans to what they are today. We need people like Sester. It was his plan that made it possible for us to win on Chandar. His strategy gave the Chandarans the chance to change their entire society. None of us could have done that. Even the Tellaran psychostrategists were surprised by what he was able to do. But he couldn't have done it alone. We needed each other."

"Perhaps."

"Avon, you know it's not enough just to bring down the Federation. Society has to change otherwise things will always go back to the way they were. Blake never understood that. The Tellarans do. And Argus is beginning to too."

"And you?"

"I like the Tellarans. They have a good thing here."

Avon continued to look at the trees in the distance. They swayed gently in the wind. It was peaceful. "The Tellar Union is an intelligent society."

Vila was surprised. "I thought you'd call them fools."

"Tellaran society runs along rational principles. They have emotions but they use them intelligently. Their society does not run on the capricious whims of base human needs or desires."

"Avon, do you believe Sester?"

If Vila had asked that several days ago, Avon would have immediately said no. However, he could not shake the voice of the man crying out in anguish and guilt. Nightmares stripped a person bare and exposed his deepest fears and emotions. Sester had preyed on his often enough. "I believe he feels guilty."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"It's the only answer I can give you if you want the truth."

"Are you going to do it?"

Avon turned to look at him. "I promised I would but I can give no guarantees that it will work."

"That's all I ask."

Avon pointed out, "This is a waste of an unconditional favour."

"But _I'm_ the one wasting it."

"You may never have this opportunity again."

"Avon, are you trying to talk me out of it? Because it's not working."

Avon smiled. "Very well."

**********

Sester leaned back, laced his fingers together and cushioned them behind his head.

Avon had been staring at him ever since Vila dropped him off earlier. Sester found this quite funny. "You and Vila had a good talk?"

Avon's arms were crossed like barriers across his chest. "It's none of your business."

Sester smiled with amusement, "From the way you've been glaring at me for the past hour, I would say that it is _very_ much my business."

For Avon to fulfil his promise to Vila, he needed to understand Sester. He was not about to influence Argus unless he could determine what he could safely convince him of. "You indicated before that you have mind blocks?"

"Yes. The Tellarans found them."

"And they have something to do with me?"

"You would know more about that than I do. I don't remember the dream."

"You still claim to not remember anything?"

Sester sighed at the familiar mistrust. "That's right."

"These blocks could not have been placed after I escaped."

Sester sat up a bit and crossed his arms over his chest. "That's obvious."

"So they had to have been placed while we were at the Detention Centre."

"You're thinking that you may have revealed something under torture that Servalan doesn't want us to remember?"

"It's the only possibility I can think of."

"There are other ones. I did help you to escape."

Avon scoffed, "You can't possibly be suggesting that we became friends."

"Yes, I know. You don't need anyone, least of all me. But I risked my life and my career to help you. If you asked me, I couldn't tell you why. I don't understand it myself other than…I felt I had to. We may not have been friends but…"

Avon sat up and fixed him with an unforgiving glare. His voice was tight with anger. "You tortured me for over two years! You helped Servalan to condition me until I was little more than a slave. You nearly destroyed my mind. You did destroy my body. You've made me dependent on drugs that I will never be free of. Do you seriously think that we could become friends?!"

Sester's head bowed. His voice was subdued. "You're right. It was stupid of me to think that."

The two men fell into an angry and anguished silence. Avon tried to bring his seething anger under control. Sester was afraid to look at him.

Avon finally asked, "What are the other possibilities?"

Sester hesitated before answering. "You won't like it either."

"I will decide that."

"We're assuming that the mind blocks were placed during our time at the Detention Centre. What if they were placed earlier?"

"You're implying that we knew each other before the Detention Centre?"

"It's a possibility."

"An unlikely one. Our paths have never had occasion to cross."

"Not that we remember," said Sester.

Avon was sceptical, "We worked in completely different fields. If we met during my time on the _Liberator_ or the _Scorpio_, the others would remember you."

"Unless they were mind-blocked as well."

"That would be assuming a level of control that would be highly disturbing."

"Oh, I agree. But Cally told me once that Blake had prior conditioning that allowed him to be used later on. I found that very curious considering they had wiped his memory and he was supposed to be a model citizen. And it was not the Federation who triggered Blake. Didn't you find that even more curious?"

Avon's eyes flashed with anger. "You will not use Blake's name again!"

Sester grimaced. Blake was still a sore subject between them. He had twisted Avon's guilt over Blake in order to torture him. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"This conversation is finished."

**********

Charles was trying to concentrate on one of his assignments when the bully and his friends came into the common room. "I'm surprised he wasn't kicked out weeks ago with all the other regressives."

"They wouldn't dare. He has connections." Kerr was bent over his own data pad, working on a difficult algorithm.

"You're right," said a chagrined Charles.

"What connections?" Jack looked up from his boring statistics homework.

Charles lowered his voice and leaned in closer, "Don't you know who he is?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "No."

"His grandfather was the last Federation President."

"Oh. That explains a lot," said Jack. He grinned. "Now I wish I did push him harder."

Kerr whispered, "You might get your chance, he's coming this way."

**********

The two observers were puzzled as they looked from one sleeping man to the other. They had come over because Sester was experiencing another memory. Now it appeared that both of them were.

The sleeping Avon said, "They wouldn't dare. He has connections."

The sleeping man next to him said, "You're right."

The tall observer said, "This is odd. They almost seem to be talking to each other."

Sester said, "Don't you know who he is?"

There was a pause then Sester said, "His grandfather was the last Federation President."

Avon said next, "You might get your chance, he's coming this way."

The female observer said, "It must be just a coincidence. They seem to be in control for the moment. The stress level is fairly constant."

The tall observer replied, "Yes. The recorders are on. We'll keep an eye on them for awhile."

Sester's whispered a low warning and he rolled restlessly, "Jack, don't."

Avon's voice was also in a whisper, "Jack, don't be a fool. It's not worth it."

Sester's voice was an emphatic whisper, "Jack, you don't have to do it for me. He hasn't touched me since that day. Kerr warned him off." Sester's voice became louder, "Kerr, stop him!"

Avon's voice was familiarly cold, "Jack, sit down."

The tall observer said, "This cannot be a coincidence."

Chapter Thirty-Two

If a pin dropped, it would have been heard in the next room. That tended to happen if the room was empty or if a revelation of staggering proportions had just been announced.

The room was not empty. Avon and Sester had been left alone to talk after hearing the recordings that had been made of their night dreams.

If a scientist had just been told that the laws of physics no longer applied then he would have sounded like Avon, highly sceptical and wondering if the speaker had wandered into the wrong asylum. "That's impossible." He began pacing the room as Sester watched him.

Sester said, "The recordings sound convincing. We were reliving the same memory. The doctors said that it might have been triggered because of our 'conversation' earlier. Our minds were focused on each other plus both our minds have been trying to find their ways past the mind blocks. In a way, we are helping each other. Your subconscious mind must have identified the same memory and matched it to mine. Avon, we must have known each other when we were children. I called you Kerr."

Avon stopped abruptly in front of him. He stood so close that Sester could feel the heat of the anger that would consumed him. Avon said, "You will not call me that. We _did not_ know each other as children." He started pacing again.

Sester didn't know what to make of what they had heard. The idea that they had known each other a long time ago was a fantastic one. He had no recollection at all. "You don't want to believe it because it sounded as if we were…"

Avon rounded on him. His voice was colder than the deep of space. "We were NOT friends."

"Then how do you explain the recordings?"

"There must be another explanation." Avon's mind was desperately trying to find one; any rationalization other than the one that was most obvious.

Sester was in two minds. Part of him was as desperate to find proof of this childhood connection as Avon was trying to deny it. The other part of him dreaded the implications. Which one was worse?

Sester asked, "Avon, do you know someone named Jack?"

Avon hesitated. "I don't remember one but…" He would prefer not to give any credence to what they had just heard but he remembered what Cally had said. It was a clue from his hidden past. "…once, after I woke up from a memory, I asked Cally to remember the name Jack. I said that he was one of the boys and that they had tried to hurt me."

Sester tried to fit this information with what they had heard on the recordings. He wished that they could remember what happened rather than relying on imperfect fragments.

He rubbed his temple absently. The old nagging pain was bothering him again. His mind ignored it and tried to push its way to the memories that refused to be known. "The recordings only showed our side of a particular incident. It sounds as if Jack was also our friend and he was trying to protect me. The people you said who hurt you, may have been the ones who hurt me. Or it may have been someone else."

Avon had his hands clasped behind his back as he evaluated what Sester said. "The logic sounds plausible. Assuming the memories are connected."

"You still don't want to believe that we could have known each other as children?"

Avon's eyes were dark and seemed to penetrate to where guilt and fear could not hide. When Avon looked at him, it hurt. Avon challenged him, "_Do you_?"

Sester wanted to tear his eyes away, to look anywhere except into those accusing ones; but he couldn't. He thought that this information might make things better. But he was fooling himself. He should have known. The knowledge that they may have been friends only made it worse.

The pain was so sharp that he could hardly breathe. The guilt was like a living creature that was eating him alive.

His words were full of self-recrimination. "I'm sorry, Avon."

Avon's lips formed a cruel snarl as his hands grabbed Sester by the collar. For some reason the anger he felt when he looked at this man had grown to the point where it threatened to choke him. The knowledge that they may have known each other made it even worse. He pushed Sester against a cabinet.

He wanted this man to hurt as much as he had been hurt. He needed to see him broken. Avon twisted the material like a constricting band around the other man's throat. Sester grimaced and he could scarcely breathe but he did not resist nor did his eyes look away.

In a harsh menacing voice, Avon asked, "How does it feel to know that you tortured a friend?"

Sester gasped, "I…" Something was obscuring his vision. He didn't know if it was from the lack of oxygen or if there was a film of something covering his eyes. "I…didn't know. I would never have…"

Avon asked angrily, "How many other people have you tortured?"

Sester tried to shake his head, "No. I've never…before. You…were the first. I never get involved in…"

"No. You only _order_ it to be done." Avon shoved him harder against the unyielding surface of the cabinet. "Did you _enjoy it_? Did it make you feel _powerful_? Was it _satisfying_? Tell me!"

Each word slashed through Sester like a tearing blade, leaving deep wounds. He was like a blinded man who had suddenly had his blindfold taken away, only to see his own ugly reflection staring back at him.

The stricken man said, "No, Avon! It was never like that! You were…all puppets. It was…a game. I never saw…" Sester's eyes widened and his mouth dropped opened as the horror of what he was saying struck him.

A psychostrategist never got involved in the lives of those they destroyed. They were above it all, viewing others as little more than objects in a game. Puppets to be manipulated to an end. It made them superior. It allowed them to reduce inhumanity to moves on a chessboard. His superiors had made a mistake when they sent him to work on Avon. There was a reason psychostrategists did not get involved.

Sester felt nauseous; it was as if his own body was repulsed by what he had done. All of the people he had destroyed. The lives he had pushed to the edge until they snapped. The worlds he had manipulated to meet other people's agendas. The people who felt trapped wherever they turned but never knew why.

And the friend he had almost tortured to death. Sester began vomiting.

Avon let go and quickly backed away, missing most of it. Sester slid down the wall as his legs refused to support him. He felt weak and ashamed. "Avon?" In that single hoarse word was a hopeless plea. Silence was his answer. He looked up at the man who was staring at him with unreadable eyes. "Tell me that I wasn't always like this." His voice was that of a lost child.

Avon had a flash of memory. A blond boy with a friendly smile and intelligent eyes. A proud Alpha child who overcame his own fears and ambitions to help a friend. Pain lanced through his head. His eyes shut tight as he grasped his head and groaned but for once, the image did not fade away.

He knew who the boy was now. He may not remember anything else but no one could take him away again.

"Avon!" Sester's concerned voice reached through Avon's pain. Avon could feel a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll get the doctors."

Avon opened his eyes and grabbed Sester's arm. "No." The eyes of the child and those of the man in front of him were the same. How had he not connected that before? "Charles."

Sester's voice held a hesitant hope. "Kerr?"

Avon let go of him. "No. I haven't been Kerr in a long time. That name is dead." He walked away from Sester and looked out of the window.

Sester poured a glass of water from the pitcher beside the bed and cleared the bitter taste of guilt from his mouth. He studied the glass for a moment before he put it down. If only the real guilt could be so easily washed away. What he wouldn't give to be able to wipe everything clean and start over again. To be again the child he had been.

Being a psychostrategist had been beyond his greatest dreams. It had made him one of the rare elite. Someone that others feared and respected. Now it only made him hate himself.

He followed after Avon and stood beside him, staring outside at a world that seemed far away. "I suppose Charles is dead too. Can we never go back?"

"No."

The window was like a barrier between the two men and the bright sun outside. They were lost in separate streams of thoughts. Neither one gave them peace.

Sester hazarded a glance at the man beside him. He dared not hope that the knowledge of their childhood would wipe out any wrongs of the present. Nothing could do that.

He doubted if friendship could ever be possible again between them. He wasn't sure he could accept it even if Avon would give it to him. All he could hope was that Avon would not always hate him. And perhaps they could work together.

Avon was filled with conflicting thoughts and feelings. The identification of the boy was pulling up feelings without context. Charles had been his friend. Even though he remembered no other details about him, he was certain of this.

There was one other thing that he felt sure of, even though he could not remember why. He, Charles and Jack had risked their lives for each other in the place of their dreams. Just as Sester had in order to help him to escape from Servalan.

Someone had played with their lives and had ripped them apart. They had separated friends and made them forget each other.

Avon wasn't sure if he was capable of forgiving this man for what he had done to him. But they could not let other people get away with what they had done to them. Friendship may not be possible again but perhaps they could work together.

Sester asked, "Who do you suppose Jack is?"

"We need to find him. I will not let them win." Avon glanced at the man beside him. "Your hair used to be blond."

Sester touched his ginger-coloured hair. "Yes. They asked me to change it before they sent me to Servalan. I'd heard of her…whims. I didn't think anything of it then but…" His mind made a leap and his voice rose in anger, "They _knew_ when they sent me to you. _Someone_ must have _known_." He felt sick again.

Sester turned to face the man who was still staring out of the window. "I know that our past doesn't undo what I did to you, Avon. I will have to carry that for the rest of my life along with all the lives I had a hand in destroying. But someone tried to turn one friend against the other. They must have had a sick thrill to know what I was doing to you."

Avon said with disgust, "Servalan."

Sester had considered the idea but an instinct told him that there was something else going on. "She is certainly capable of it but something tells me that it's something even more complex than Servalan."

Avon said, "I do not trust instinct. I do trust in Servalan's twisted deviousness and treachery. She watched me being tortured. She enjoyed it."

"I know." Sester felt another twist of guilt. He knew that Servalan had extensive records of Avon's suffering, recorded on trays of vid-crystals. He knew that she still watched them in her twisted obsession and need. "But I still think that something else is going on. Call it a psychostrategist's instinct."

As Avon continued listening and looking outside the window, Vila's voice intruded into his thoughts._ Avon, do you believe Sester?_

For some reason Vila believed in Sester. Avon doubted if Vila could give him a valid reason if he was pressed to explain why. Vila was a creature of instinct. At times he was as perceptive about people as Avon was perceptive about machines.

Avon was uneasy that he had an impression of trust without context. It felt too much like instinct. Or worse yet, it was acting on irrational feelings without any proof. These feelings or impressions did have basis in past experience, but the memories were hidden behind veils that someone had drawn across his past.

Could he trust Sester? Perhaps not the man that he had thought him to be, but he had once trusted Charles. The boy and the man were merging into one. The boy of the past with the sins of the present. He could see it in his eyes every time he looked at him now.

As he continued looking out the window at the brilliant sun, Avon could almost feel the warmth of its rays on his face. He said, "Work with us against the Federation."

"I can't go back now. Not after finding out what they did to us."

Avon finally turned to look at him. "But will you work with us?"

Sester could barely bring himself to answer. This wasn't friendship, but it was more than he had hoped was possible. "I will follow you. Until your battles are over."

For the first time that he could remember, Avon extended his hand to another human being. The former friends shook hands like two strangers greeting each other for the first time.

Chapter Thirty-Three

It was hard for Sester to convince the doctors that there was nothing wrong when all of the evidence was on the floor and stained his clothing. Avon had managed to wipe most of his off and had headed to the shower facilities before anyone noticed. Using all of his persuasive powers Sester finally encouraged the doctors to believe that it was just a nervous stomach brought on by the dreams during the night. They had taken the precaution of leaving him a container in case of future incidents.

After his own foray to the shower facilities, Sester was literally clean but he didn't feel it. He had spent longer than normal trying to scrub himself before he realized that he was unconsciously trying to rid himself of the feelings of guilt that seemed to soak into every fibre of his being. Cheerful smells of breakfast greeted him when he re-entered the observation room. Avon was seated on his bed, already eating and watching the cleaning robot finish up.

Sester adjusted his bed for sitting and climbed back onto it. The tray next to him contained fruits, eggs, crispy meat, toast and a refreshing drink resembling coffee. The smells were enticing but his stomach was not convinced it was a good idea to eat anything yet. He settled for the coffee-like drink and left the remainder untouched.

Avon seemed to be ignoring him, whether deliberately or out of habit was hard to tell. He was turned away from him so that Sester couldn't attempt to glean clues from his inscrutable face.

There was an awkward silence; at least for Sester it was uncomfortable. He doubted if Avon found the lack of conversation something to be concerned about but after what happened earlier, Sester felt _some_ verbal exchange was required. Everything had changed after all.

He absently played with the tracer bracelet on his wrist and thought about what happened. The memories of the dream were gone. All that remained was the knowledge that he and Avon had known each other as children and that they had been friends. He had called him Kerr and Avon had called him Charles. It must have been during his time at the Academy. He'd lost that name when he entered the Guild.

His mind reached back to simpler times. It was hard to believe that they could erase someone's existence from his mind so thoroughly that there was no indication of a problem with his memories. There had to be something. No one was that thorough.

He put his hand to his temple and rubbed it. The old nagging pain was back. Why couldn't that have faded away too? It was annoying; he'd have to learn to ignore it again.

His head tilted in speculation. Why was it recurring now? Was it an effect of the drugs? Or was it something else?

He looked over at Avon and asked, "Avon, when you try to remember what was forgotten in the past, do you experience any pain?"

Avon swallowed what he was chewing. "I've never remembered enough to know where to look. Why all the questions?"

"But you do now. Can you try it?"

Avon eyed him suspiciously. "What is the purpose of this?"

"Let's call it an experiment. You want to find out what happened as much as I do."

Avon could find no fault in the reasoning. His eyes closed and his mind cast back to a past that was obscured; as much by his own desire to leave it behind as in someone else's scheme to deny him his memories.

It had been an isolating time. His strongest impressions were of grey walls and learning computers. Endless tests of mind and body. Adults with questions and demands. The desire to be left alone. He needed something but he couldn't identify what it was. Emptiness.

Avon's hand went to his head. He was getting a headache. An implacable voice invaded his thoughts.

_The mind is the only reality. _Avon repeated automatically, "The mind is the only reality."

_Nothing else is important. _"Nothing else is important."

_Cold logic. Rational thought. Nothing else is important. _Cold against his body. Suffocating. Blinding lights. "Nothing else is important."

A faint voice tried to reach him. It was full of concern. "Avon! Break out of it!" Pain again. Avon groaned.

He knew this voice. It was concerned for him. It was important. It was... "Nothing else is important."

_Sentiment is an illusion. _"Sentiment is…no!"Avon cried out in anguish. Something was being torn away from him. It was hard to breathe. Cold against his body, surrounding him. He was drowning.

The faint voice tried to reach him again, like the sound at the end of a long tunnel whose sides were collapsing inward. A caring voice. "Avon, let go of the memory!"

A sudden vision of a computer lab with many seats. Pain lanced through his head. Avon hissed. A computer lab for many people. He was dizzy. Avon groaned as the pain increased.

The faint voice tried to break through, "Avon, let go of the memory!"

"No." Avon tried to hold onto the slender thread of a room.

The faint voice said, "Avon, you have to let go! It's only going to get worse and…I suspect that...Avon quickly, what do you remember?"

Avon struggled against the pain but the room was already fading back into the shadows. "A room. Full of...computers. A voice…" The memory was gone. "I don't remember."

There was a hiss and the feel of something cold against his neck. The pain eased and he felt calm again. Avon opened his eyes. He was lying on his back. Sester and the observers were nearby with concerned looks on their faces.

The doctors examined him. They were worried but Avon agreed to rest and not attempt to access any more memories until the other specialists were there and they could return him to the examination room. The doctors reluctantly returned to the other end of the room.

Sester was sitting up on his bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to remember."

"Your hypothesis appears to be correct." Avon sat up and readjusted his bed. He leaned back tiredly against the pillow.

"I should have found a different way of testing it."

"It was a valid test," said Avon impassively.

"Not if it hurts you."

"A minor consideration. It was the only way to be certain. Do not let sentiment interfere with our goal."

Sester's face became intent. "And what is our goal?"

"The truth." Avon crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes became brooding. "You asked me what I remembered?"

"Yes."

"What did I say?"

"You said there was a room full of computers. And a voice."

"Nothing else?"

"No."

Avon's lips pursed. "Memories without context are of little value."

"Agreed. But there is one thing we are certain of now. The pain is connected to our minds touching an area of memory that has been hidden from us."

"That will be useful."

"I thought so." Sester glanced worriedly at Avon's pale face. "You can't stand much more of this."

"That is none of your concern."

Like a petitioner trying to be heard, Sester leaned towards him. "Let the Tellarans heal you. At least enough so that you can stand the strain of the memories."

"No."

Sester's expression became exasperated. "Do you think that punishing yourself will serve any purpose? What happened to that rational mind of yours, Avon? The only thing it does is make the guilt more bearable at the expense of punishing others."

Avon snapped harshly, "What are you talking about?"

Sester's voice was like a rush of wind that could not be denied; whipping around Avon, surrounding him, pushing at him and penetrating through him until he could no longer deny its truth. The others had not heard this voice before. "What do you think happens to Cally or the others when they see you suffering? How many collapses have you had? Do you remember the looks on their faces? Have you asked yourself how Cally feels? She is intimately connected to you. Do you know if she feels what you feel? She worries about you all the time. Is that the life you want for her?"

The psychostrategist's words punctured holes into Avon's protective shield, using his own guilt and his concern for the others like weapons against himself. Avon drew in a sharp pained breath. "I never thought…"

Sester's grimaced and stopped himself from going further. He had gone too far. "I'm sorry."

Avon's voice was low. "I underestimated you."

"You were right to be wary of me but it doesn't make what I said any less true. There is nothing more powerful than personal truth."

Personal truth was a powerful thing; it stripped away all pretence and self-delusions. Even Avon's. "I will consider what you've said."

**********

While Avon went for a walk with Cally, Sester entered the examination room and headed straight for the table with the synthesis machine. As he slid a bio-injector into place, he wondered what the Tellarans had found out about it. He pressed the required buttons.

Avon could not bear the stress of more memories. He was consciously trying to access them, but each time he had less control over them. The drugs only worked to a certain extent. They could not stop him from trying to touch the chaos and being overwhelmed by it. They were going to consume his mind.

The only way to stop it was to relieve the need. Sester took up the injector and read the screen on its side. The instrument was full. "You wanted the truth, Avon."

A voice from behind him asked, "What is the truth?"

Sester whirled around in dismay. Avon and Cally stood like accusing spectres in the doorway.

Avon looked pointedly down at the object in Sester's hand. "What are you doing?"

**********

Food on Tellar was an experience to be enjoyed, not an item of nutrition to be wolfed down on your way to more important activities. Whenever Vila and Corinne had the chance, they went down to Tellar to sample the local cuisine from the different continents. Their favourite one so far was the outdoor café where they had run into the cleaning robot, Spot.

At night, the tables were illuminated with dim lights and a band played soft music nearby. People spoke in soft voices to each other. A singer with a mellow voice sang of the struggles of love and trust in a universe that believed in neither.

Vila scrolled through the menu panel at their table. Delicious-looking pictures caused their mouths to water. Enticing aromas drifted over from the tables around them.

Vila's stomach was trying to hurry him along as it rumbled unashamedly. He asked, "What do you feel like today?"

"How about something hot and spicy? This one looks good." She pointed a finger at a dish that looked like a hallowed out fruit stuffed with various meats and vegetables.

"It says…" Vila bent his head down as if to read the fine print. "…that it's so hot that you have to sign a waiver before you eat it."

Corinne bent forward, trying to read around his head. "It does not say that."

Vila grinned, "It should. It has a spicy rating of five. That should be enough to set your pants on fire."

Corinne smiled, "Well, I'm not wearing any pants so that's alright."

Vila winked and tilted his head to the side. He knew she wasn't. Corinne wore a black dress with red accents. He thought she looked elegant and beautiful.

After entering their orders, one of the friendly attendants came by and recommended something called a Blueberry Tea, that didn't have any tea in it. It was based on an old Earth drink that had been introduced to Tellar centuries ago. This stirred their curiosity. They ordered two as an after dinner drink.

They made light conversation as the dishes arrived and they took pleasure in the food. As they enjoyed each other's company, Vila's mind became increasingly preoccupied with a worrying thought.

Towards the end of the last dish, Corinne asked, "Vila, are you worried about something?"

Vila paused as he was about to spear the last elusive red fruit that resembled a small tomato. "Why do you ask that?"

"You just seem lost in thought."

Vila felt guilty. "I suppose I've been. I didn't want to burden you."

Corinne said, "Your problems are my problems. I mean…if you want to share them with me that is. Even if I can't do anything, it might help to talk about it. I want to be here for you."

This was one of the things that Vila had been thinking about. "I know you do."

"If you'll have me that is." She still seemed shy and unsure of herself at times.

This was awkward. Vila had avoided bringing this topic up because it wasn't something he wanted to think about yet. Whenever he did, it always depressed him.

"You don't ever have to worry about that." He reached over and took one of her hands in his. "I will always want you."

"Than what's wrong?"

Vila lightly traced the back of her hand with his fingers. "Corinne, what did you think of the patrol we went on with the Tellarans?"

"I'm glad we were able to help. It was terrible seeing what people can do to each other. I thought it was just on Chandar but it's everywhere, isn't it?"

Sometimes Vila forgot that she had already experienced a great deal of ugliness and cruelty in her own life. In his mind, she was still an innocent who needed to be protected. "I love it here, Corinne."

"I do too."

Vila looked into her eyes. "I would love to spend the rest of my life here with you, but I can't stay." He heaved a heavy sigh. "I can't believe I said that. If this was ten years ago, I would have stayed with you and enjoyed the good life. It's what I've always dreamed of. But things are different now. I'm different. I've been fighting the Federation for a long time. Most times, I believed in what we were doing, but I never liked the killing. And in the end, it was all for nothing. We killed all those people and things are worse now than when I started. Then seeing all those people the other day, the dead and dying on both sides. They were real people. It didn't matter what side they were on. I'm not sure I could kill like that again. If someone came to me today and said let's fight for freedom by killing many people, I don't think I would go with them. But the way the Tellarans fight, _that_ _is_ _me_. That's something I can do and I want to do it. I want my life to mean something. I don't want to leave a trail of blood behind and nothing else. Maybe I want to make up for all the lives I've taken. I've spoken to Argus."

"What did he say?"

Vila remembered the surprising conversation he had with Argus. "He said we can't afford to do it with the Andromedans. The Tellaran way takes too long. But he would think about it in our fight against the Federation. I think he's sick of the killing and violence too."

"But he's a soldier."

"I know. But he's different. I don't think he likes killing, at least, not anymore. I'm trying to convince him and Avon that Sester might be able to help them find a better way. He knows all kinds of tricks with people. Tellarans have their own psychostrategists who work for good. If Sester could be like that…"

"Then the four of you would be a great team against the Federation," Corinne said enthusiastically.

Vila said, "Not me. The three of them. Argus, Avon and Sester."

"And you."

"No. I'm not like them. I'm just a thief."

"No, you're not. You're much more than that. They're all Alphas. You see things differently than they do. You're the one who is trying to put them together. They can't see it themselves but you can. You have an instinct that they don't. They're going to need you. And you can encourage them to be more like the Tellarans. And I'm coming with you."

Vila's breath was taken away. There was nothing he wanted more than to save people with Corinne by his side. But the responsibility of another person weighed heavily on him. He couldn't think of himself. "There is nothing I would like more. But you're young, Corinne. You have your whole life ahead of you. You belong here."

Corinne squeezed his hand, "We belong together and we will watch out for each other. I may be young but I also want my life to mean something. Don't push me away."

Vila stared at her, drinking in her presence, trying to commit every detail of her face to memory. She was a woman who saw something in him that he found hard to see. She believed in him and she wanted to be with him. It was a very good feeling. In some ways, he needed her as much as she needed him. They made a good team.

This was what the Tellar Union was about.

"I will not push you away." Vila smiled and traced his fingers lightly along the back of her hand. "It's not the four of us."

Corinne covered his hand with hers, "But it is. You're just as important as the others."

"It's the seven of us. Not just the men. It's also you, Cally and Reya. You're the ones who keep us honest. You all have special abilities. And if there is one thing that I've learned on Tellar, women are crucial. The psychostrategists may have been important but it was the contribution of the women that changed Tellaran society."

Corinne asked, "Does that mean that we're going to stay together?"

"For better or worse. That's something they used to say in the ancient days."

"No matter what." Corinne grinned, "Even if you lose all your hair and all your teeth fall out."

Vila grinned and ran his fingers over his head. "The first part might be sooner than you think."

A white shirted attendant with a splash of red cloth on his chest pushed a cart over with a flourish. It was time for their special Blueberry Tea. He put two large clear glasses on the dark surface of the cart and poured a shot of something into each one.

Vila took a deep whiff. "Good brandy."

The man smiled. "You have a discerning nose." Next, he picked up a metal container, poured more brandy into it, and lit it on fire. Colourful flames licked over the lip of the container and threw shadows over the faces of the audience.

There were excited ooohs from Vila and Corinne and the people in the tables around them. The attendant took the flaming cup and held it aloft. He picked up a similar cup and held it below. Fire spilled from one container to the other and back again like a stream of liquid flame. The attendant poured the still flaming liquid into each glass and handed one to each of them. The liquid was clear.

Corinne carefully put her nose to the edge of the glass as the dying flames lit up her eyes with gold accents. She exclaimed with delight, "It smells like blueberry tea."

Vila took a careful taste of his when the final trace of flame disappeared. "It tastes like blueberry tea…with a kick."

They clinked their glasses together. The clear sound had a formal quality, like an unspoken promise.

**********

It appeared that the observation room was the place to be if you wanted to hear things to shock the mind. It was Argus's turn and judging from the hardening of his expression, he didn't seem to like it anymore than Avon had liked finding out about his shared memories. Sester had prudently made himself scarce.

Avon waited expectantly.

Argus wondered if this was another obligatory test from his partner. The man seemed to need constant reassurance. "Avon, you're not serious are you? You want to remove Sester's tracer bracelet? Tell me that you have something else up your sleeve? Perhaps one that he has to swallow? Or maybe a device implanted under the skin?"

"I want him to be free of a tracking device."

"Why? Then we can't keep track of him."

"That is the general idea."

"Stop joking with me, Avon."

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

Argus studied Avon's sober and nearly expressionless face. "Actually you look very serious. But then you usually do. You must be joking though. You were the one who insisted that we watch him carefully. You were the one who wouldn't trust him as far as you could throw him. You gave me a hard time about that if I recall. And now you want to remove the tracer bracelet? Our only way to keep him under control? This is either a special brand of Avon-humour that I haven't yet learned to appreciate or you are testing our relationship again."

"Now that's an interesting idea," said Avon.

"So this _is_ a joke? Can we talk about something more serious now?"

"This is not a test. I am quite serious."

"For Terran's sake, why?"

"My trust in him has reached a level where this step is necessary."

"What level? And what step? You're telling me that you _trust_ him?" Argus couldn't believe his ears. "It must be my turn to have dreams because this can't be real and you're not the genuine Avon."

"Would it help if I hit you?" asked Avon dryly.

"Can you tell me why you trust him all of a sudden?"

"You wanted my cooperation in giving him a chance several days ago."

"Yes but you know I didn't mean _this_. This is taking trust to a level that's dangerous. We can't risk it." Argus wondered if he should take Avon by the shoulders and shake him. Maybe Avon was having a crazy waking dream of some kind. Or maybe he was. Argus rubbed his head. He was expecting a headache any minute now.

"I gave you my cooperation."

"Yes, and I gave you my reasons. You haven't given me any yet other than _you trust him_."

Avon's stares could convey a wealth of meaning in a single glance. Or they could still remain mysterious and unsolvable even with a detailed instruction manual.

Argus knew what this one meant. "You want me to trust him because I trust _you_?"

"Do you?"

Argus sighed. It was a test. "Very well. But if he makes a wrong move?"

"I will take care of him personally."

Avon studied Argus for a moment. There was an element of honest simplicity about this man. When Argus trusted, it was real, not empty words only backed up by sentiment.

Avon had never met an honest man before. There were a few who appeared to be but they had all been bitter disappointments. He had long developed a highly cynical attitude about human beings.

He thought he had found truth once in Anna; he had taken a chance on her. What a fool he had been. Despite his well-known pragmatism, he was committing that foolishness again. It made him far more human and irrational than he would have preferred to be but he couldn't help himself.

He had chosen to trust Cally. And now, Avon knew he trusted Argus too. He kept testing the man, expecting to have his cynicism rewarded but Argus appeared to be stubborn.

Avon knew that Argus was not perfect. In fact he was highly imperfect. But there was one thing that was not. His caring was genuine. It was not something easily tossed aside when there were more important agendas to fulfil. There was no element of the hypocrisy that Avon had hated in Blake. Avon bit back a groan as his stomach twisted in pain.

Argus immediately asked with concern, "Avon? You alright?"

"It's nothing." Like Sester, he would never be free of the guilt. It no longer gave him the right to criticize. Avon focused back on the man in front of him.

Argus had a tendency to sacrifice himself which was worrying but he was fierce in protecting his own. He would never view them as tools to be used or soldiers to be sacrificed. Argus had never looked to him as a follower, but as an equal. For that alone, Avon was willing to follow him.

Avon said, "I have reasons for doing this. I have reasons for trusting him but..."

"I trust you, Avon. You don't have to explain."

"Thank you."

**********

Sester waited by the door, expecting to pause there to take in the atmosphere of the observation room before he entered. Unfortunately, Argus noticed him first. There was no point in waiting. Sester entered the room. He had no doubts that the two men had been discussing him but there was no telling what Avon had told Argus about their dreams. He doubted if it had been very much. Avon tended to be a private man, especially about personal matters.

Avon was deliberately being even more expressionless than ever and there was a frown on Argus's face that nearly missed being a snarl. Sester smiled.

Argus said harshly, "Stick out your hand."

Sester looked between the two men. He asked jokingly, "Do I get an anaesthetic first?"

"Now!" said Argus. He added with a troubling smile, "The one _with_ the tracer."

Sester looked at his former childhood friend. "Avon?"

"Do as he says."

Sester lifted up his bracelet-adorned wrist and extended it towards Argus.

Argus immobilized Sester's hand in his strong one. From his inner pocket, he took out a short thin rod.

Sester continued his light banter, "I hope that's sharp."

Argus glared at him and then with a swift movement, thrust one end of the rod towards Sester's wrist.

Despite Sester's confidence in Avon, he flinched involuntarily. The rod slid into a small hole that Sester hadn't noticed before. Argus twisted and there was a click. The bracelet snapped open and Argus removed it from his wrist.

Sester rubbed his suddenly free wrist and gave him a pleasant smile. "Thank you."

"Thank Avon. If it was up to me, you would still be wearing it," said a gruff Argus.

"I have no doubts about that. That's why I wanted to thank you."

Argus snapped the bracelet closed. It seemed to make an ominous sound. "I don't know what you've done to convince Avon that you can be trusted but it won't work with me. I'm only doing this because I trust him."

"You're a good friend."

Argus managed a half snarl, "What do psychostrategists know about friendship?"

Sester looked over at Avon. The man was still staring at him but not saying anything. Avon trusted him enough to set him free but not much else. He was not going to help him with Argus. "Only what I've read."

Argus "We're all puppets to you."

"Not anymore. But I don't expect you to believe that."

"You're right. I don't."

Sester held up his arm. "Then put that thing back on."

Argus extended the bracelet towards him. For a moment, Sester wondered if the man meant for him to put the tracer back on his own wrist. Without taking his eyes off Sester, Argus handed the bracelet and the key to Avon. "You answer to Avon. I would not recommend crossing him."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Thirty-Four

Vila did a double take as he ran into Sester on his way to visit Avon. He stared hard at the man. Or rather, his eyes were focused on an area several feet below his neck and attached to the end of his arm.

Sester grinned with amusement as he looked down at the area of attention. He asked innocently, "Is something wrong?"

Vila looked around nervously. "Where's Avon?"

"I believe he's out on a field trip with Cally."

With a sigh of relief, but still an anxious look on his face Vila said, "Then we have time."

"Time? To do what?" There was a mischievous glint in Sester's eyes. He sounded far too innocent, which was highly unusual for him. Vila was getting a feeling that something else was not right beyond the obvious.

Vila said, "To get you out of sight."

"Why? Is Argus on the rampage?"

"Well, if he's not, he will be once he sees you," warned Vila. He took Sester by the elbow and tried to propel him back towards the observation room. "And I don't give much for your chances if Avon sees you."

"They're both on the rampage? Is there some get-Sester virus I'm not aware of? Are you in danger of catching it or is it confined to people who have a reason for seeing me gone? I _would_ like to know what my risk exposure is."

"This isn't a joke," said Vila as he tried to push the reluctant Sester out of the way of prying eyes. He thought the highly amused look on the man's face was very out of place given the circumstances. "Why did you do it? What are you up to? To think I tried to make your case with Avon and Argus."

Sester stood stock still, causing Vila to barrel into him. "You did what?"

"You heard me. I tried to convince Avon and Argus to give you more of a chance."

Sester said lightly, "I can't imagine that it went over very well."

"Well...if they see you now, they'll never trust you. No matter what they promised. Whatever possessed you to take off the bracelet?"

Sester started chuckling.

There was a suspicious look on Vila's face. "What's going on?"

The chuckling turned to laughter and a barely managed, "I'm sorry, Vila but the look on your face…"

"If you don't tell me what's going on, I might feel like going on a rampage."

Sester controlled himself but there was still a wide grin on his face. "Alright. There's nothing to worry about."

"And why's that?"

"They're the ones who took the tracer off."

Vila was stunned. He couldn't believe he was hearing correctly. "They did…what?"

"Avon asked Argus to take the bracelet off and he agreed."

This was the last thing Vila was expecting. He knew that Avon had promised to give Sester a chance but Vila had never thought in his wildest imagination that he would do this.

Avon's experiences had changed him, but this much? Avon never trusted anyone. Well, not most people. But Sester? And what was going on with Argus? The man would banish Sester to the next galaxy if Reya would let him. Vila felt as if he had missed something important.

Vila asked cautiously, "Did they…give you something else?"

Sester chuckled good naturedly, "You mean a different tracking device? No. I am completely tracer-less. I won't even know where I am."

Vila finally relaxed but his forehead creased in puzzlement. "I can't believe it."

"I'm fairly stunned myself." Sester was his old pleasant self but there was a trace of melancholy in his eyes.

"Did…something happen."

A fleeting but pained smile appeared on Sester's face. "Something." He sighed. "I can't talk about it. I wish I could but…" Sester looked sideways at Vila. "How are things going with Corinne? Have you asked the others if she can join the ship yet?"

"Not yet." Vila did another double take. "How'd you know that we…"

Sester chuckled. "Vila, how do I know most things?"

"You know it's very scary when you do that?"

"It makes you wonder if I can read your mind? Psychostrategists are often accused of that but I assure you that no psi abilities are involved in what I do. Well, have you?"

Vila's face turned a slightly rosy shade. "Not yet. I was going to do it soon."

He said warmly, "Well, you have my support." A melancholy shadow passed across his face. He forced a light grin. "Not that it means anything."

Vila was coming to recognize this look that came over Sester sometimes. It always lay beneath the surface, the depression and self-loathing. He was a man who needed a friend but despite his pleasant sociable manner, he was afraid to have one. Vila said, "It means a lot to me."

**********

Sester had a proposal for Dr. Kendric. Not the kind that leads to festivities and celebrating.

Dr. Kendric shook her head. "This is not advisable. Your mind is still recovering from your original dose of the mind drugs."

Sester said, "The blocks were designed to be maintained by a healthy mind. That means that when my mind recovers, it will be harder to find a way to break them even with your therapy methods."

"Harder but not impossible. There are still ways."

Sester continued pursuing it. "There are no guarantees then and it will take time. Time that Avon can't afford; you know this as well as I do. There is no way to stop the deterioration and his mind is subconsciously trying to break through the blocks on its own. The cascading effect could be dangerous for him. If I take another dose, then my mind will continue to try to unravel the mind blocks. If it works the way it did the other day, we can use my memories to direct Avon's. That will give it a measure of control that he does not have on his own. Combined with your therapies it will be the greatest chance that we have."

Dr. Kendric was troubled. "You are running a risk."

"The risk would be mine. I'm mentally and physically stronger than he is at the moment. I can take much more stress."

The doctor regarded him speculatively. "You're going to take the drugs even if I don't agree?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't have a choice except to help you."

Sester said apologetically, "I'm sorry to force your hand."

"You care about him. It's understandable. We will try our best to help you."

Sester inclined his head in appreciation.

**********

Charles was tired and he was getting increasingly irritated looking at Jack's broad back. They had a rare day off and he was spending it being dragged around by the larger boy.

Charles griped, "He's hiding. We should leave him alone. He'll come out when he wants to."

Jack spun around. He was agitated and worried and Charles knew that this tended to come out in anger. "You know he's going to get in trouble if he doesn't come out soon. They'll take him away and do something to him. The last time he didn't speak to us for a week after he came back. He still won't say what they did to him. We can't let them hurt him. Stop being so selfish."

Charles snapped back defensively, "I am _not_ being selfish. I'm just pointing out that if Kerr doesn't want to be found, no amount of running around will help us find him. We're just wasting our time."

Jack said with angry sarcasm, "How do we know if we don't try? We definitely _won'_t find him if we just stand around telling ourselves that we won't."

[The medical specialists were listening intently to Sester's conversation with the unseen Jack. Avon hadn't participated yet.]

Sester could tell that young Charles didn't want to argue with Jack. They were currently in a classroom corridor, devoid of all life except for the two of them. Their voices seemed to echo in the emptiness. For some reason, students don't like going near any reminders of education when they didn't have to.

"Look, Jack. We're both worried about Kerr, but he needs time. It's been hard for him since finding out about his parents. I would be too if I knew that my parents had abandoned me and weren't going to rescue me. We all do different things to deal with it. You'd probably go find something to hit. I'd go find people to talk to. Kerr's different, he needs to be alone."

Jack had calmed down somewhat under this reasoning. His face was still worried and anxious. "But he's going to get in trouble."

"I know. I'm worried too."

Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He straightened his shoulders. "I'm going to keep looking. You can go back if you want." He headed off down the corridor.

_Jack__ seems so familiar, _thought Sester. _I don't remember a Jack but I feel I should know him. _His head was hurting again. He backed off and let the memory continue.

Charles looked after Jack's retreating back and sighed. He ran after him. "Stop walking so fast. I'm coming with you."

A small panel near the floor popped open in front of them. Jack and Charles stopped moving and looked at it nervously. A head stuck out and looked at them with dark eyes.

[In the observation room. Avon began speaking, "How am I supposed to think with the two of you making so much noise?"]

Charles and Jack blurted out with surprise, "Kerr!"

Kerr said, "Shhh! Do you want to bring everyone here?"

Jack had a relieved smile on his face. "We were worried."

"So I heard. You don't need to be." Kerr climbed out slowly and stretched out cramped limbs.

They heard a scratching sound. Jack bent down warily to look inside the small tunnel. "There's something in there."

Kerr touched Jack on the shoulder to stop him. "Don't worry about it."

Jack kept leaning down, "But there's something in there."

Kerr tightened his grip on Jack's shoulder. "You don't need to worry about it, Jack."

Jack turned his head up to look at his friend and then he straightened up. "Alright."

Kerr closed up the panel. "We should go before they start looking for us."

[There was silence in the examination room as soothing rays bathed Avon and Sester's heads in soft green light.

Someone asked Dr. Kendric, "Should we guide them to the next memory?"

Kendric looked over the readings in front of her. "Not yet. Give Sester's mind some time. He still has a measure of control, even if it's only on a subconscious level. And Avon is responding as we had hoped."

"It hasn't been informative so far."

"It's early yet. There are many memories to be released."]

**********

When Charles entered the common room, Kerr was staring out of the window with his hands clasped behind his back. He seemed like such a solitary figure. There almost seemed to be a physical barrier separating him from the others.

_Sester thought to himself, He looks older than the last memory. __A couple of years at least._

Charles stood at a distance studying him, his own arms crossed over his chest. Kerr wasn't always like this. He did need solitude but he also needed people around him. Kerr was quite sociable at times and could be fun but he had become increasingly isolated and distant. He was still their friend but he wasn't the same one anymore.

Charles knew that it had a great deal to do with Kerr's parents and his brother but there was also something else. Sometimes the counsellors would take him away for days. No one would say where they took him and Kerr never said anything about it. All that his friends knew was that when he came back, he would avoid talking to them for days. It was when he had started hiding from them.

Since that day in the computer lab, Jack and Charles had tried to be Kerr's family but sometimes it didn't seem like it was enough. They couldn't fight what the school was doing to him.

Kerr wasn't the only one acting strangely. Jack had been odd too. Sometimes he would get angry for no reason. At others, he would also disappear for hours, they'd find him covered with sweat, and working out in the gym until his body was bruised and bleeding. Sometimes he would stare off in the distance for hours and not say anything.

Charles felt guilty. Everything was going well for him. He excelled at everything the instructors and counsellors gave him; as he knew he would.

The adults were impressed with all three of them. Between them, they topped all the classes they were placed in. The bully and his entourage had not been pleased and continually tried to give them a rough time. Charles grimaced. It usually meant that they would wait until he was alone. They didn't dare touch Kerr or Jack. The two boys tried to protect him the best they could but they couldn't be with him all the time.

However, Charles was starting to learn to take care of himself. Having a quick mind and clever tongue could confound even the densest of bullies. He was developing his natural gifts into a weapon; one of intelligence, words and an understanding of how people worked.

Charles looked sadly at his solitary friend by the window. He was worried for both his friends. Jack was in the gym. He refused all attempts to engage him in another activity.

He sighed and went over by the window, standing shoulder to shoulder with Kerr.

Kerr didn't bother looking at him. "What do you want?"

"I'm worried about Jack."

"He's at it again?"

"Yes. I think he's really going to hurt himself this time. I…think he wants to."

That caused Kerr's head to turn to look at him. "Why do you say that?"

"It's just the way he acts. He almost attacks the equipment and himself."

"You're guessing." Kerr looked out of the window again.

"Yes. But there's something not right with him. You must have noticed. He didn't used to be like this."

Kerr pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Let's ask him."

**********

Jack's muscles bunched and rippled as he attacked the punching robot with raw fury. In an adult, his physique would have been something to be envied and admired. But Jack was eight years old. Any normal person would have found it troubling.

_Avon tried to concentrate. Jack's identity was at the edge of his mind: the way he moved, his body, his deepening voice and the way he acted. The __details all shouted out to him but it was being drowned out by the pain in Avon's head. _

Charles asked, "Jack, can we talk to you?"

The voice of the blond boy helped Avon to focus._ Must relax. Let the memories happen._

Jack paused in mid-punch and then he hit the robot's chest with a solid thud, causing it to rock back. "I don't want to talk." He hit the robot again even as it tried to duck the next punch.

Kerr said in a firm but concerned voice, "Jack. You're hurting yourself."

Jack brought his trembling fists up; the knuckles were raw and bleeding.

Kerr took one of Jack's hands in his and looked at the abrasions. "Why aren't you wearing gloves?

"I…don't know." Jack's shoulders slumped, almost as if he was trying to make himself smaller.

Kerr led the unresisting boy to a nearby bench and they all sat down.

Charles said, "Jack, did something happen? Why are you acting like this?"

Jack's bruised hands lay on his lap; he was looking at them with unseeing eyes. He held his body like a hard shell, trying to hold back something that threatened to explode.

Kerr's firm and concerned voice asked. "Tell me what's wrong."

Jack silently looked up at him, like someone who had lost the ability to speak.

_Avon was struck by the deep pain in the boy's eyes and his fear._

Kerr was taken aback. Jack was always strong, someone they could all depend on to fight for them. Kerr had never seen this vulnerability before; there was helplessness in his eyes, like that of a trapped animal. Kerr reached out and put his hand on Jack's shoulder. He said in a gentle voice, "Jack, tell us what's wrong. We'll try to help you."

Jack breathed in and let out a trembling breath. "You can't do anything."

Charles said, "How do you know if you don't let us try, Jack? You told me that, remember? Let us try to help you."

Kerr stressed, "Let us try."

Jack's looked at his two friends. His voice was halting. "I never told you anything about myself. My father…" Jack's voice seemed to tighten. "…is an admiral in Space Command. My grandfather is the Fleet Warden General of the Galactic Sixth Fleet. I come from a long line of military leaders."

Kerr hissed with surprise. "People say that Space Command is the real power behind the Federation."

Charles asked, "Why didn't you tell us?"

Jack's eyes were troubled. "Because…I don't want to be in the military. My father is mad at me. And my grandfather. They said I was born for it and they wouldn't accept anything else for me. That's why they sent me here."

Charles said, "Well, I can see their point. Just look at you, Jack. If there was anyone born to…"

Kerr said, "Shut up, Charles."

"But…"

Kerr glared at him, "Charles, shut up. Jack doesn't want to. They shouldn't force him. They're not giving him a choice, just like they're not giving me one. You wouldn't understand. You're the only one of us who has what he wants."

Charles said defensively, "I do understand."

Jack suddenly grabbed Kerr's arm in a hard grip. "Kerr, I don't want to kill anyone. They can't make me kill anyone, can they? I've heard that people can't be made to do something that's against their conscience. Do you think that's true?" There was a painful, desperate hope in the boy's eyes.

[In the examination room, there was an excited buzz.

"Avon is breaking through this mental barrier!"

"So is Sester!"]

Kerr was afraid to tell Jack. It may have been true in the ancient days but not anymore. The Federation could wipe a person's personality and replace them with someone else's. They could do anything to anyone now.

He said urgently, "We have to get you out of here and we're going to need some help."

Avon's eyes widened, he knew who the boy was. Pain lanced through his head at the remembrance of the name. Avon started into wakefulness as he sat up. He held his pained head as he stared over at Sester who was also up.

Avon said one word, "Jack."

A look passed between them. They were both thinking the same thing.

Sester was rubbing his own head as he struggled to retain the memory. He managed a weak smile. "Yes. It has to be him."

"Argus."

Another name had been reclaimed. A victory had been ripped from the past.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Like a man on a mission, Argus walked briskly into the observation room. Avon and Sester were sitting up on their beds talking. Argus's pace slowed, an instinct told him that something had changed in the room. He looked around warily, every sense alert as he continued moving towards them.

When they noticed Argus, both men stopped talking and turned to look at him. There was an intense interest in their eyes, as if they were studying every aspect of him. It made him feel like a junior officer on parade for the first time and he had two left feet.

The last time, Avon had asked him to remove the tracer bracelet. What was it going to be this time? What was going on between these two? What had Sester done to Avon to make Avon believe him? He would not have thought that Avon would fall prey to his tricks but Sester was dangerous. He could even fool Cally's psi abilities.

Argus eyed the psychostrategist warily as he neared the foot of Avon's bed. He was determined to resist whatever tricks the man was going to throw at him. The crew had to be protected from this man. Avon had to be protected. But he would have to do this carefully. Argus knew that Sester could easily turn the situation against him. He wished that he could use his most formidable weapons, he had confidence in those. It would be so much simpler and the victory would be sure. Instead he had to play the game of words.

First he had to understand the situation with Avon. He said lightly, "Avon, if you're going to ask me to give Sester the ship, I'm not going to do it. I don't care what you say. It was already bad enough asking me to remove the tracer."

Sester grinned.

Argus glared at Sester with suspicion. The man always seemed to know what to do or say that would irritate him. "Avon, what's the urgency? Why did you call me down here?"

Avon had an indecipherable look on his face. He said flatly, "You lied to us."

Argus reacted in surprise and looked from one man to the other in bewilderment. "What's going on?" His eyes narrowed as they settled on Sester. "What did Sester tell you?"

As a statement of fact, Avon said, "Your name is not Drel Argus."

"What?!" There was incomprehension on Argus's face. "Of course it is. I never lied to you about that."

Sester said hesitantly, "Jack."

Argus froze and then he turned slowly to face him. "What did you call me?"

Avon said, "Your name is Jack."

"No. It's not. But…" There was confusion on Argus's face. "I used to be called Jack when I was young. I…always hated my own name."

Sester said in a light teasing manner, "Drel…yes, I can see why you would hate it."

Argus stiffened and he said in a tense, almost angry voice, "It was my father's name."

Sester said in immediate apology, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, Jack."

Argus said in a controlled voice, "Don't call me that. No one calls me that. Not since…" A dark shadow seemed to pass across his eyes. His voice became cold. "Jack died a long time ago."

Sester remembered the dream and the strong boy with the desperate question. He said with compassion, "I'm sorry."

Argus said harshly, "Stop saying that. What do you know about it?"

Sester's eyes sought Avon's. "What do you remember?"

Avon's hand went to his head as he tried to recall the dream. The memories still caused pain, but it was a condition he was used to. "Fragments. Nothing coherent." He concentrated on Argus's face. "I do remember Jack. And you."

Argus had an uncomfortable feeling, "Will someone tell me what's going on before _I_ get a headache?"

Avon asked sharply, "Have you been experiencing pain in your head?"

Argus said with exasperation, "Only the ones that the two of you give me. Now will someone _please_ tell me what's going on before I decide that the two of you have gone insane and need some medical assistance?"

Sester said lightly, "You'd better tell him, Avon. He's never going to believe me. Besides which I do want to keep breathing."

Avon fixed a steely gaze on the man that he had once known as Jack. "When Sester took the mind drugs, it opened up certain avenues in his mind. He was able to access memories that were previously closed to him."

Argus asked, "Closed in what way?"

Sester said, "When the Tellarans were examining me, they found mind blocks."

There was scepticism in Argus's eyes but he said, "Go on."

Avon said, "He has been experiencing memories of the past."

Sester added, "We both have."

There was a pause as Avon and Sester looked at Argus closely, making him feel like something under a microscanner. Avon said, "The same memories."

Argus asked with confusion, "What do you mean the same memories?"

Sester said, "Avon and I have some memories in common."

Avon said with significance, "As do you."

Argus looked as if he was facing two crazy people. He started backing away slowly. "You two stay here…I'll go and get the doctors."

Sester said to Avon with amusement, "He doesn't believe you either."

Avon said firmly, "Jack, stay here."

Argus stopped. He looked at Avon uncertainly.

Sester had a curious look on his face. "That's good, Avon. He does remember on some level even if it's not consciously. He has always…listened to you."

Argus eyed Sester warily but came back towards them. "Alright, you both know that I used to be called Jack. And you're saying that we shared a history together, one which I don't remember."

Avon said, "Yes, none of us did."

Sester said carefully, "That means that you have mind blocks as well, Jack."

Argus said sharply, "Don't call me that."

Avon asked, "Jack, do you remember the Academy?"

"Of course I do. I…" Argus stopped in shock. "How did you know about the Academy?"

Avon replied, "All three of us were there."

"But I don't remember any of you."

There was a hard look on Avon's face. "They took those memories from us."

Sester said, "You may not want to know this Argus, but the three of us used to be friends."

Argus said with a trace of antagonism in his voice, "You're right, I don't want to know. Not about you. But…" He turned to Avon. "We used to be friends?"

Avon said, "That is what the memories indicate."

Argus tried to understand the implications of what he was hearing. "I'm glad. It would explain some things. I never understood why…" Now Argus understood why he had given up what he did in order to protect Avon and his willingness to have him as a partner. "…well, let's just say that some things make sense now. So where do we go from here?"

Avon's head tilted in speculation, "You have hidden memories."

Glancing quickly at Argus, Sester said immediately, "That might not be a good idea." He gave a meaningful look to Avon. "At the moment both our minds are unstable, we should not risk a third one."

Argus asked suspiciously, "Are you trying to keep something from me?"

Sester said sincerely, "Of course not. These mind blocks were placed by people who were determined to keep these memories from us. Removing them may be dangerous. My mind and Avon's are already compromised. We should not risk yours as well."

Avon remembered the look in the eyes of the boy who did not want to kill anyone. "Sester's right, Jack. There is no point in risking all three of us. The ship needs you."

Argus said reluctantly, "Alright. You're not going to keep anything from me?"

Avon said, "We will tell you everything that you would want to know."

Sester glanced over at Avon. "Avon, was there someone in that tunnel with you?"

Avon said, "Yes. It was…" He gasped in pain and held his head. "It…I don't remember."

Sester said, "It's alright, Avon. We'll find out. Just leave it for now." His lips pursed in thought. "Don't try to remember the bully either. I suspect you're going to have the same problem."

Avon groaned as pain seemed to explode inside his head.

"Avon! Stop it!"

Argus put his arm around Avon's shoulders. His voice was a low comforting rumble. "It's alright, Avon. Listen to him. We'll get to the bottom of this."

Avon tried to concentrate and put thoughts of the bully away from his mind. The pain faded slowly. "When did you start listening to him?"

Argus said wryly, "I don't plan to make a habit of it."

Sester sighed, "It's amazing how some things never change. It seems that we need to find out the identity of two more people."

Avon straightened up and looked at Argus. Argus let go of him and took a step back.

Avon said, "It appears so."

Sester said, "There is a bigger mystery at play here."

Argus's voice became cold and determined. His voice lowered. "Who wiped our memories? And why? And what is the Academy?"

Sester nodded, "Yes that. But there's an even bigger one."

Avon asked, "What are you thinking?"

A strange smile spread across Sester's face, one that disappeared quickly. "Don't you find it odd that the three of us are together again after all these years?"

Argus had a thoughtful look on his face. "You don't think it was a coincidence?"

Sester asked, "What does your instinct tell you?"

Argus nodded. "You're right. Something doesn't feel right about it."

Sester said with a light grin, "If you're not careful, you _are_ going to make a habit out of it. Listening to me that is."

Argus glared at him.

Sester said with amusement, "Don't look at me like that. There are worse things."

"Not for me."

Sester tried not to smirk.

Avon said, "I do not believe in coincidence. We need to go back to Earth. There is one person who knows."

From the determined and ruthless look in Avon's eyes, Sester already knew what he had in mind. He asked nervously, "You want me to find out from Servalan?"

"She must have files. Ones she keeps from you."

Sester's face paled. "I know she does. But…Avon…I can't go back. Not after all this."

"You are the only one who can."

Sester wished that those dark, penetrating eyes would look anywhere else except at him. He wished that the guilt did not churn in his stomach every time he looked at Avon. Avon didn't have a reason to care about him anymore, not as he once did. Sester knew that it was his own fault.

Kerr had said it. Of the three of them, he was the only one who had received what he wanted. And he had done something terrible with his life. When they turned his friends into what they were today, had he even fought what they did to him? Or had he welcomed it because it had been what he always wanted? He wished he could remember and that the memories would tell him something better about himself. But he was afraid. "You don't know what you're asking me to do."

Avon's stare was merciless.

Sester said reluctantly, "I'll do it. But…only if you let the Tellarans heal you. I'm not going to do this if you're going to die on me."

"No conditions."

Argus said, "Avon, he's…" He stopped for a moment. "Did I used to call you Kerr?"

Avon stared at him. "You did. But as with yours, that name is dead."

"Alright," Argus said with a touch of regret. "Sester's right." He glanced quickly at the man, causing Sester to suppress a smile. "We've just found each other again. We can't let the people who did this to us get away with it. We need you to be strong enough to help us fight them. At least let the Tellarans fix some of the more serious damage."

Sester said, "Avon, I will go to Servalan and find out what we need to know. No conditions. But Argus is right; we need you strong so that we can fight our enemies."

Avon looked at both men. He saw the boys in them very clearly now, the blond boy and the strong one. Even though he only had a few brief memories of them, they felt like his long lost family, even more than the memories of his real family. Someone had tried to take that from them.

There was a nagging thread of feeling, an indistinct thought that there was something missing. The thought produced pain. Avon suppressed a wince. They were right, he had to become stronger. There were too many things to be remembered, too many obstacles to be overcome, and too many enemies to be defeated. And now there was one more.

The enemies were not just in the present, they were in the past.

"Very well."

Chapter Thirty-Six

Cally pulled back breathless from a tight embrace, the dim lights of the cabin touching her skin with a faint glow. It was proving to be a very good 'field trip' with Avon. Walks out in the gardens and short forays into the city were enjoyable but after days of being apart, she and Avon required a form of interaction that was more intimate and physical. They needed to do something that did not welcome observers.

Avon's fingers lightly touched a delicate spot at the base of her throat, her breath caught. She suddenly felt her own vulnerability. With a single squeeze he could assert his control or he could gently caress her as he was doing now, sending tickles of pleasure through her body. Their minds were lightly touching but only in companionship. Each was a comforting presence to the other.

There was a concentration in his gaze that could be disturbing at times, if you didn't know what he was thinking. She could feel his attentions shift, his eyes sought hers. There was desire there, a consuming fire that he allowed to surface from the place where he kept his emotions bottled up, as if he were afraid to allow them see the light of day. His dark penetrating eyes would gleam as they reflected the faint light strips.

Since the day when she had shared her innermost self with him, their intimacy had drawn them even closer. Even if he could not yet share his dark places, he was allowing more of his feelings to surface during their joining.

They had experimented with Avon's limited psi abilities, exploring their range and intensity. He could do very little on his own, but together he was able to achieve much more than either one had thought possible. It had made their sensual experiences even more powerful, almost overwhelming in their intensity. At their most powerful, Cally could feel the wild pounding of his heart; at times, it faltered, necessitating that they both slow down. It was happening with greater frequency. It frustrated Avon and it was a blow to his pride but it made her very worried for him. Humans were not prepared for the potency of an Auron joining. He may have been able to adjust if he had been healthy but he was far from that.

Avon bent his head down to her throat. She could feel the warmth of his breath tickling her skin and then his mouth was like a hot fire as he kissed her. Her pulse jumped and she let out a shivering sigh. His lips followed a line up to her lips, leaving a trail of heated flesh. They shared a deep kiss.

Cally's mind brushed his gently, a sensitive spot that he left open for her. Avon hissed, his breath drawing her deeper inside and then he pressed them together tightly as the sensations echoed in his body. When her mind touched touched his again, he was ready for her. Cally gasped as his mind press back against her, his clumsy efforts making her body and mind shuddered with pleasure. They were joined together in both mind and body; surrounding each other and penetrating each other deeper than any human was capable of.

As the feelings faded, Avon sighed and lifted his head. His energies were spent; he could rarely manage this experience more than once unless drugs were involved. Despite the intense pleasure they had given each other, there was always a feeling of holding back. Avon knew that Cally was keeping some of it from him because of her concern for his health. It was frustrating and a reminder of his current inadequacies.

Cally was a warm and soothing presence as she rested her head on his shoulder. Her voice produced gentle vibrations against his skin as she said, "I'm glad that you've decided to let the Tellarans heal some of your more serious health problems."

Avon reflected that it appeared to be quite a popular decision. "I am looking forward to …" A half-grin shaped his lips. "…having more energy."

"I am as well." She closed her eyes and they both rested. Her gentle breaths matched his deeper ones.

Avon's mind wandered. Sester's words came back to him like a hollow sound inside an empty room.

_/* __What happened to that rational mind of yours, Avon?...What do you think happens to Cally or the others when they see you suffering? Do you remember the looks on their faces?_ */

He could see her worried faces. There were many of them; too many to count.

_/* __Have you asked yourself how Cally feels?...Do you know if she feels what you feel? */_

With their intimate explorations, how could she not feel it? Avon felt a stab of guilt. Why had he not realized this before? The increasingly worried look on her face. The way she came running when she sensed that something was amiss. It was because she _felt_ his pain.

_/* __She worries about you all the time. Is that the life you want for her? */_

This was the last thing Avon wanted for Cally but it seemed as if it was the only thing he had offered her.

_Of all the things I have known myself to be, I never recognized the fool. _

He had said that to Anna once. And now he was being a fool again, but someone else was being hurt.

_I have __chased after an illusion. Now I am giving an illusion to someone I love. It is time to stop being a fool._

Avon said, "I did not consider the impact my decision would have on you."

She twisted her head and looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"It was selfish of me. When I decided to leave myself in this state, I never considered the effect it would have on you or the others."

Cally looked at him intently. Though she knew he was capable of it, it was rare to hear such empathy and self-awareness from him. "It's alright, Avon. I know that it's not natural for you to think of such things. Your mind is focused on the practical."

"I should be able to think of it."

"You have never learned to think with your heart."

"_That_ is a contradiction in terms."

"It is if your logic is based on that of computers and machines."

This was the connection Avon had always avoided. It was incomprehensible to him. It still was but that didn't mean that it wasn't important to him anymore.

"I...would like to learn, for you. But..."

"You're afraid that it will interfere with your logical abilities? But why must it? Have you considered that it might enhance it?"

"Now that _is_ illogical."

"Were your actions tonight purely logical?"

"That's different."

"How is it different? You sought intimacy because your heart wanted it. You applied your logical mind to the task and you gave us both pleasure. That pleasure and your desire to make me happy spurred you to even greater creativity and exploration, which your logical mind processed to its logical conclusion."

"An over-simplified description."

"But I'm right. You don't think with your heart because you've never acknowledged its importance. But it is important to you that I be happy. The impact of your decisions on others bothers you now because you are attaching more importance to these things. You determine whether an action is right, not just because it is an unassailable fact or because that is how it functions, but because of its effect on others. For people you care about, you want certain effects and not other ones."

There was a trace of amusement on Avon's lips. "Are you trying to explain my irrational actions using rational terms?"

"I have never understood why it should be necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care, or why it should be necessary to prove it at all. Do you remember saying that, Avon?"

The trace became a wry smile. "Of course."

Cally held Avon's eyes with hers. "Do you still believe it?"

She always saw through him. But that didn't mean that he couldn't still be evasive. "I still believe that it's irrational."

Her eyes would not let him go. "You know that's not what I'm asking."

A roguish smile crinkled Avon's eyes. "You already know my answer."

"You just won't say it."

"That's very perceptive of you."

Cally sighed and rolled her eyes. She rested her head on his shoulder again. Avon lightly traced his hand down her bare arm. The field trip would be ending soon and he would have to return to the medical facility, but not yet. With the rest, he was feeling more energetic. He wondered if…

"Avon, do you consider the Tellarans advanced?"

This was an unexpected question. "Of course, their level of science and technology is far superior to any that the Federation currently possesses. In some areas they are even more advanced than the _Justice's_ technology."

"But their hearts are in their technology. That is why it is different than any other that we have encountered. It reflects their respect for life and desire for peaceful solutions. That is what drives their creativity and experimentation."

Avon wondered what she was trying to accomplish. "Perhaps."

"In most cultures, scientific and technological advances are driven by the need for military dominance but not in the Tellar Union. I wished you were able to accompany us on the patrol mission. You would be able to see the weapons they use. They do not kill or destroy."

Avon had studied the Tellaran's scientific and technological advances with fascination. What Cally was saying had been evident from the beginning. There was a complex beauty in the logic of their society. It was not one based on the vulgarities of human whims. It was consistent and orderly. There was sentiment but there was an overriding logic to that sentiment. His studies had soon delved into other areas.

They seemed as alien to this galaxy as he was to humanity in general. He would have called them insane dreamers and dismissed them as a quaint oddity. Except that they had made their society work. He could not deny the fact of the Tellar Union; three planets that had undergone an experiment in human engineering and succeeded.

Could it work? The facts suggested that it did.

Avon said, "I know. The Tellarans have given me access to their scientific and technological networks. As you said, a different philosophy drives their research and creativity. They are far more thorough and rigorous in their investigations because they have a need to understand overall implications. It is a rational and far-reaching approach. Their methodology takes into account many factors I would otherwise dismiss."

"It sounds as if you've been spending time thinking about the Tellaran way. Do I detect a note of admiration?"

His tone rose as he warmed to his subject, as if he were revealing the mystery in a murder. "Theirs is a rational society. Perhaps the only one. They have chosen to base their culture on what some classify as positive impulses and they do it in a logical way. Logic and emotion work together in their society. One does not override the other and they gain the advantages of both."

Cally lifted her head again in interest. "Avon, are you saying that both logic and emotions are required?"

Avon chuckled, "Isn't that what you were endeavouring to have me say earlier?"

Cally touched his forehead lightly. Behind a hard barrier was a remarkable but flawed mind. "There is a difference between trying to convince you and convincing you. You can be very stubborn."

A light smile played on Avon's lips, "Perhaps not entirely stubborn. The Tellaran society is a moral one but it is an objective and rational morality. They have created a culture that is based on rational principles."

"You are reducing morality to a rational exercise?"

"No. I am lifting it up to the level of rationality."

Cally smiled and reached out to lay the flat of her palm on his chest. He still felt warm from their earlier exertions. "I understand."

His eyebrows lifted in query. "What do you understand?"

"I understand that you must always convince yourself that you are acting rationally, regardless of whether you are or not."

Avon frowned. There was a look of irritation on his face.

Cally rubbed his chest with affection. He could be very obstinate but even in that obstinacy, he was trying to do the right thing. "You can only accept emotions on logical terms."

"Are you saying that I'm emotionally logical? Or logically emotional?"

A warm smile appeared on Cally's face to match with her increasingly sensual stroking of his body. "Neither. But you are trying to be."

Avon's breathing deepened. Cally's touch was provoking some decidedly non-logical feelings and impulses. He was finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the touch of her hands and his own physical reactions.

There was a playful shimmer in Cally's eyes. She said, "Let's practice some more logic."

Avon opened his mouth to protest the lack of rationality in her statement but she kissed him. He decided that what they were doing could do with a little more logical application on his part. Avon set his mind to work and the rest of him followed. By the time he returned to the medical facility on Tellar, he was satisfyingly tired.

**********

Kerr sought comfort in the darkness of the tunnels that had become his refuge. He rubbed his head in a vain attempt to banish the pain that never seemed to go away. It was becoming very annoying and made thinking difficult at times. The nurses gave him pills for it but they didn't always work.

He knew he was going to be in trouble if he stayed out of sight any longer. The counsellors kept a close eye on him these days. They had to have known that he had broken into the school's computer network and found out about his parents. The sessions with the therapists didn't start until after that. Or the learning machines.

Charles had suggested something troubling. They seemed to have been waiting for him to find out.

Kerr didn't know what to think anymore. His mind was full of confusion. Nothing that he had known before seemed to be real. All the things his parents taught him, everything that shaped who he was…had they all been lies? He didn't want to believe it.

His instructors, counsellors and therapists were teaching him that he could not deny the truth that was in front of his eyes. He could not let his heart deceive him. Kerr didn't want to believe that his parents would leave him and save themselves. But the fact was that they did.

Kerr rested his forehead on his drawn up knees. His head felt too heavy, full of thoughts that were too much for his young mind.

There was pain in his chest sometimes; it hurt so much it made it hard to breathe. The doctors had examined him and said that there was nothing wrong; it was all in his head.

Emotions are disruptive influences. They bring chaos and irrationality.

His instructors were showing him a much better world. One that made sense. One that didn't hurt. It would be very simple.

If his parents who loved him could do this to him then what about everyone else? Were love and goodness like a jacket you could throw off when the weather changed?

That was what the therapists were trying to convince him of even though they didn't come right out and say it. They said they were helping him, but Kerr knew. The things they said and the questions they burdened him with were all leading to the same thing, to question the view of the world his parents had given to him and replace it with the Federation one.

Kerr hated them. His mind and heart rebelled against them.

Sometimes the therapists would send him to the learning machines. The machines didn't seem to be much use because he never remembered anything afterwards, only a vague feeling of cold and he would have a terrible headache afterwards. Maybe the machines didn't work on him. That may explain the headaches and why he didn't remember anything. Kerr wasn't about to tell anyone. If the therapists were any indication, he doubted that he would want to learn what the machines were trying to teach him. As long as they thought it was working, they wouldn't try something else that might work. He would just have to put up with the headaches.

Kerr clung onto the things his heart told him were true. His friends were real. They braved risks for each other. He knew that they were looking for him now because they were worried about him.

A wry smile touched the darkness as he imagined Jack dragging along a reluctant Charles. Charles knew better than to come looking for him if he didn't want to be found. Jack would recognize the logic but his heart would not let him quit. They would both continue looking for him.

Kerr recognized that they were trying to make up for the family he had lost. Jack wasn't very good at it but he tried very hard. Charles helped when he could but often he had to be protected from the bully and his friends. The school was increasingly occupying more of their time, taking his friends away when he needed them most. It was almost as if someone was trying to separate them.

There was a sound approaching in the tunnel.

Kerr smiled. He had another friend, one the others didn't know about yet. He had been waiting for him. The young boy crawled into view; his smile seemed to arrive before he did.

Kerr greeted him with a whispered, "Vila."

Pain lanced through Avon's brain. His shout pierced the silence of the observation room. Sester popped up from beneath the covers and almost fell out of bed as he got up and went to Avon's side. The observers rushed towards them.

Avon was curled up and his hands held his head. He was groaning.

Sester put his hand on Avon's shoulder. "Avon." He put his hand up to stop the observers from advancing closer.

Avon shuddered and shook his head from side to side, as if he were trying to break free from the agony that had him in its grip. Pained eyes opened and looked up at Sester's face. He half sat up and grabbed onto Sester's arm. There was faltering recognition and then Avon said in a weak voice, "Vila."

Sester said gently, "I'm not Vila."

Avon's words seemed to be a struggle. "No. Vila. It was Vila. He was…" Avon stiffened and groaned as another flash of pain seemed to split his head.

Sester gestured to the observers, "Quickly."

They came over and gave Avon an injection. Avon slowly relaxed and fell back onto the bed. The observers began to take readings and examine him.

Avon asked in a ragged voice. "Did anything happen this time? What did we say?"

Sester hovered anxiously by the foot of the bed, trying to keep out of the way of the observers. "It wasn't me this time. You were having an independent memory. You mentioned Vila."

Avon blinked. "It was a recent memory?"

"All you said was, it was Vila." Sester asked the busy observers, "Did Avon say anything else?" They indicated a negative.

Sester leaned against the foot of Avon's bed. "Not very helpful."

Avon mused. "My mind is accessing another set of memories."

"That's likely." Sester looked down at the smooth surface of the bed, his forehead creased in worried thought. "If that's true then it's not a good sign. It means that the cascading effect we were afraid of is becoming more of a possibility."

Avon pondered this in silence as the observers completed their exam and determined that his condition had stabilized enough and returned to their posts at the other end of the room.

Sester ran his fingers along the end of the bed. "There is another possibility."

Avon focused his eyes on him.

Sester looked up. "All of our dreams have focused on one period of our lives. There is a faint possibility that Vila was there with us."

Avon pointed out, "You did not participate in this current dream."

"That's true but it doesn't mean that it isn't possible. The way the dreams have been structured…" Sester's lips pursed in thought. "…there seems to be a purpose to them."

There was scepticism in Avon's eyes. "The possibility is still remote."

"Nevertheless…"

"It's not one we can ignore. Very well. What did you have in mind?"

Sester smiled. "We'll need Vila."

**********

After tearing himself away from Corinne, Vila strolled into the observation room with a ready question on his lips, "Alright. What's the e…"

He skidded to a stop when he saw Avon, Argus and Sester talking together. He approached them nervously. His stomach felt like it had a thousand butterflies in it, all trying to take flight at the same time.

Avon looked fine, if a little pale. Sester seemed his bright friendly self. Argus could use a few lessons on loosening up but that was nothing unusual, especially with his nemesis in the room.

Vila asked anxiously, "Is there an emergency?"

Avon said, "You took your time."

Vila grinned, "Well, some of us have real work to do."

The corner of Avon's lips seemed to twitch slightly. "That's a matter of opinion."

Argus said, "Come in, Vila."

Vila regarded the three Alphas warily. A collection like this usually meant a high incidence of collateral damage was possible. They all stood proud and sure of themselves. It made his insecurities grow insecurities.

Argus looked at him curiously, he recognized Vila's nervousness. It was that of a private summoned before his commanding officers. Argus had thought that Vila would know by now that he didn't think of him that way. He tried to make Vila feel more comfortable. "Vila, we need your help."

Vila looked puzzled. "The Tellarans will give you things if you ask them to. You don't have to steal them."

Avon said, "We are aware of that."

Argus said, "We don't need you to steal anything from them."

Sester said jokingly, "We just want you to steal something from Avon."

Avon frowned. Argus scowled. Sester had a grin on his face.

Vila looked at the three of them as if he had wandered into an amateur comedy night and ended up with the wrong talent. The way the three of them were acting made him suspicious, "What's going on?"

Argus muttered, "I know the feeling."

Avon said, "We have something to tell you."

Vila asked, "Should I sit down?"

Sester said pleasantly, "You might want to."

Argus said, "This might be a bit of a shock."

Vila sat down at a nearby chair. It felt even stranger now because all three men were staring down at him. He got back up. "I'll stand."

Avon, Argus and Sester looked at each other.

Vila asked, "Do you want me to come back?"

Avon said, "You are aware that I have mind blocks and they have been breaking down."

"That's old news," said Vila.

Sester added, "What you don't know is that I have them too."

Vila turned to him in surprise. "You?"

Argus said, "I do as well."

Vila had a very confused look on his face. He was almost sure that he was dreaming and hadn't woken up yet. "I'm going back to my original question. What's going on?"

Avon said, "The memories I have been experiencing appear to stem from my childhood. I have not been able to remember any of them until recently."

"Oh?" Vila was starting to get into this dream. It was almost like watching the old Delta vid-dramas on Earth. He wondered when one of them would say that they were really long lost brothers. Vila wished his dream would oblige with some popcorn.

Sester said, "When I took the mind drugs, my mind blocks began breaking down. I had a strong memory of my own childhood. This in turn triggered a memory for Avon."

"So you both had dreams of when you were children?"

Avon said, "We had the same memory."

"Eh? What do you mean the same memory?"

Argus said, "It seems that Avon and I…and _him_, knew each other when we were children. We were at the same training centre."

"Next you'll be telling me that you're brothers," Vila muttered. He was sure it was a dream now.

Sester grinned with amusement, "Not brothers, but we were friends."

Vila wondered what else his creative mind would come up with next. Maybe a bevy of…well, maybe not. He wouldn't mind if Corinne made an appearance, maybe as his long lost younger sister. No…that would limit the possibilities.

Avon said sharply, "Vila, wake up!"

Vila started from his daydreams. Was it odd having a daydream inside a night dream? "Well, I'm trying to but this is too much fun. Are you going to tell me Servalan is your sister?"

Avon asked suspiciously, "Have you been drinking?"

Argus started, "Avon...you don't think...could Servalan..."

Avon said with fierceness, "Don't even think it.""

Sester had become increasingly amused. "I don't think Vila believes us. He thinks that he's having a dream. Maybe you'd better hit him, Argus."

Sester grinned. Argus looked as if his preferred choice of target was not Vila.

Avon said, "You are not having a dream, Vila."

Vila said, "That's what they all say in my dreams."

Avon turned to Argus and said impassively, "Hit him." He picked up a glass of water from the table.

Vila backed up, "Hey wait a minute." He was sure that even in a dream, being hit by an imaginary Argus would really hurt.

Argus said, "Don't worry, Vila, I am not going to hurt you. Avon was only kidding. Weren't you, Avon?"

Avon raised the glass up and studied the clear liquid inside. He asked absently, "Was I?"

Sester said, "Why don't you kiss him instead?"

Argus glowered at Sester and strongly suggested, "Why don't I hit you instead?"

Sester took a step back and grinned, "I'd like to stay awake thanks."

Avon suddenly threw the contents of the glass into Vila's face.

Vila put his hand up as cold water splashed on him. "Hey that's cold! What's the…" His eyes widened and he wiped his sleeve across his face.

Sester grinned and handed him a cloth. "Now he believes."

Argus said, "Vila you'd better sit down. We have something else to tell you."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Vila asked with astonishment, "We knew each other as children?"

Vila felt like pinching himself but he doubted if it would work. Avon had already doused him with a glass full of liquid reality and it hadn't seemed to make a difference. He was still in this crazy dream.

Three people whom he had thought couldn't possibly have a connection to each other were suddenly childhood friends. They all had memories of being together that barely any of them remembered. And now he may have known them too.

Vila had a fleeting thought. Could he have been one of the friends too? It was a crazy hope. How could he be? Alphas ran in exclusive circles. They didn't see the hired help. Other grades were little more than part of the functional furniture. There to serve and not be seen.

Sester said, "That is a remote possibility that we would like to test. Avon had a dream about you."

Vila said with a jokingly aside, "Something good I hope."

Avon straight-faced, "I don't remember. The likelihood is that it was a recent memory."

Sester was leaning against his bed. "Yes, most likely but as we don't know for certain, we would like to test it."

Vila sat up straighter, "Do you need me to do anything?"

Argus said, "That's why you're here."

Sester said, "It appears that I was able to trigger memories for Avon while I was experiencing my own. I think that the sound of your voice might help facilitate this."

This didn't sound too dangerous. "You want me to talk to him while he's sleeping?"

"Not quite. The Tellaran doctors will guide Avon to a dream state and direct his mind to go back to find a memory with you in it. Your voice may be helpful in this process."

Vila repeated, "So you want me to talk to him while he's sleeping?"

Sester chuckled. "You're right. That is what we want you to do."

"You Alphas like to make things complicated." Vila stood up. "When are we doing this?"

Avon looked at him with amusement, "Well, it appears that you want to do it now."

Looking as if he just realized that he had stood up, Vila was almost on the verge of sitting back down again, "I mean we don't _have_ to do it right now. We could wait."

Argus said decisively, "You're right, Vila. There's no time like the present. We might as well settle this now. If you're ready, Avon?"

"By all means, let's do what Vila suggests."

**********

Avon and Sester were in adjoining beds in the examination room. Green rays bathed their heads as the specialists prepared for the session.

Vila stood by nervously as the medical specialists prepared. He wasn't sure what to think of all this activity or the revelations about childhoods that were hidden.

Despite their numerous conflicts, he'd always felt closer to Avon than anyone else, other than Gan. With Gan, he shared the bond of grade experiences but with Avon, it was different. He liked to think that they were the two smartest people on the ship. They both saw the dangers and the things that the others didn't. But what if there was something else that joined them? It would be like finding out that he still had some family left.

Vila asked, "Avon, do you think we could have known each other as children?"

Avon had been wondering the same thing as he contemplated the ceiling. "That's what we're endeavouring to determine."

"I know but…"

Sester turned his body partially to look at the two of them. "What Vila wants to know is if you want it to be true?"

Avon's eyes narrowed at the unwanted intrusion and then he asked Vila, "Is this true?"

Vila shuffled his feet nervously. "I lost my family a long time ago."

Avon turned to stare at him. This made Vila even more uncomfortable, he could only hazard a brief glance at Avon.

Sester said lightly, "In case you were wondering, Avon, that means yes."

Avon almost growled, "I do not need a translation."

"Well, you certainly need something. Would you like the probabilities of your messing this up?"

Argus asked Dr. Kendric loudly, "Do we really have to have him in there?"

Dr. Kendric smiled with amusement. "Yes, Sester's presence will be helpful if what you suspect is true."

Sester smothered a smirk from his bed on hearing this none-too-subtle exchange. Acting as if he were completely ignoring the lack of welcome for his participation he turned to Avon and said, "Avon, you still haven't answered Vila's question."

Avon directed a dark glare in his direction.

A quiet voice asked, "Avon, don't you want it to be true?"

Avon became very still, there was no expression on his face as he rolled to face Vila. His voice was subdued. "My family was also lost to me."

At that moment Dr Kendric said, "We're ready now."

Avon and Sester settled back down on their respective beds. There was an unspoken question that was shared between the four men.

What would they find inside Avon's mind?

Dr. Kendric's voice was calm. "I am going to begin by putting you both in a state that promotes dreams."

The beams changed colours as they continued to bathe their heads. Avon and Sester's faces relaxed and their eyes closed.

"Avon, can you hear me?"

Avon's voice sounded distant. "Yes."

"Good. Do you know where you are?"

Avon's eyes opened for a moment and then he closed them again. "I am in the examination room."

"Yes. You are in the examination room. I want you to remember that. No matter what happens in your memories, you are still here. Do you understand?"

Avon responded. "I understand."

Vila waited anxiously nearby as he watched.

"Good. Now, Avon, I want you to follow my instructions precisely. Can you do that?"

Avon paused. "It depends on what they are."

Dr. Kendric looked at Argus with amusement.

Argus said, "He's like that."

Kendric nodded. "Alright, Avon. You are aware that you have mind blocks?"

"Of course."

"I do not want you to break through the blocks."

Avon paused. "Then why are we doing this?"

"We are going to find areas in your mind that surround the blocks."

"You are attempting to bypass the obstacles?"

"Yes. Can you do this?"

"I will try."

**********

As Dr. Kendric focused on Avon, Sester's mind was relaxed and suggestion-free. He decided that it was a waste of time to wait for his own instructions and began exploring on his own. His awareness sharpened as he applied his skills to the interaction between Avon and Dr. Kendric.

**********

Dr. Kendric asked, "Where are you now?"

Avon's voice was different; the whisper of a small child who was trying to be discreet. "I'm in a tunnel."

Dr. Kendric had asked him to return to an earlier time when he remembered Vila but was not associated with a memory block. The people at the Academy had never known that it was in the tunnels that Kerr first met Vila.

"Where is this tunnel?"

Avon's small quiet voice replied, "It's in one of the classroom corridors."

"This is in the Academy?"

Avon grimaced and his hand went to his head.

One of the doctors said, "Direct memory of the Academy seems to have been blocked."

Dr. Kendric nodded. "Avon, I want you to stop trying to think about the Academy. Just focus on the tunnel."

Avon relaxed and put his hand down.

Kendric asked, "Why are you in this tunnel?"

Avon turned to his side and curled up. "I…don't want to talk about it."

"Alright, Avon. What is the tunnel like?"

"It's narrow and dark. I'm cramped. I'm waiting…for…I don't know." Avon was panting as he struggled.

Sester had been paying attention to this interaction. He took particular note of Avon's partial change in manner as he became Kerr. Sester decided that they could use some help from him. No one had his skills after all.

In his partial dream state, Sester spoke from his bed, "It may be a partial block, not on the location but on a person. Avon is obviously waiting for someone in the tunnel but that person is being blocked from his mind."

The doctors reacted with surprise. One of them exclaimed, "How is he able to do that?"

Argus asked, "What's the problem?"

Kendrick explained, "They are both in a suggestive state. They should not be able to initiate actions on their own unless directed to. It appears that they both can."

Argus said, "Avon has an unusually strong mind."

"Yes. We expected that, but it looks as if Sester does as well."

Argus scowled at the thought. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Sester had a strong anything.

The doctor asked cautiously, "You don't like him?"

Argus started at this question from a stranger. He was allowing his personal considerations to show. "It has no bearing on the matter. What is Sester suggesting?"

Kendric said speculatively, "If the person Avon is waiting for is being blocked from his mind, then we might be waiting a long time in this tunnel with him. Is that what you're suggesting, Sester?"

Sester smiled dreamily, "Yes. A very long time. Use Vila."

In her calm voice, Dr. Kendrick said slowly, "Yes, of course. He might serve as the trigger. Avon's mind might be able to block his memory of Vila but it cannot block the real Vila. Very good, thank you Sester."

Sester beamed. "My pleasure."

Kendric said, "Vila, do you know what you need to do?"

Vila took a step towards them. "I think so. You want me to speak to Avon. See if I can trigger a memory?"

"Yes. You can stand right by his head but stay out of the range of the beams."

"Right." Vila got closer.

Dr. Kendric said in a gentle voice, "Avon, can you still here me?"

Avon's voice was a child-like whisper, "Yes. I'm here."

"Are you still waiting?"

"Yes. I'm waiting." Even though he was using an adult's voice, in child-mode, he sounded vulnerable.

"That's good, Avon. Keep listening carefully."

"I plan to." Kendric signalled Vila to begin.

Vila cleared his tense throat. He wanted very much for this to be real, that he and Avon had been childhood friends too, just like the others. He said tentatively, "Avon?"

There was no response.

He leaned closer and tried the whisper that Avon had been using, "Avon, its Vila."

Still no response met his attempt. Vila's heart fell. He had wanted this to be real.

Dr. Kendric said, "Try again, Vila."

Vila was reluctant to add another disappointment. His eyes widened as a thought struck him. He bent even closer to Avon's ear, blocking off the green rays, "Kerr?"

Avon took a gasping breath in and then a smile spread across his face. It was the young Kerr who responded, "Vila?"

Vila's mouth dropped and then he swallowed. It was almost as if someone had given him an unexpected present. "Yes, Kerr. It's Vila. Do you remember me?"

"Vila? Of course I re…" Avon's head twisted left and right. He groaned as he put his hand to his head and there was confusion on his face. "What? Why..."

Dr. Kendric said urgently, "Vila, that's enough. Avon is confused now because what you're saying does not match what he remembers. Let him process this on his own. If he has trouble then you can try speaking to him again."

"Right." Vila took a step back.

**********

Kerr shook his head. The shadows seemed to be playing tricks on his eyes. Vila's young face seemed strange, unclear. He rubbed his head and then his eyes, trying to focus. Slowly, like a malfunctioning screen that needed a kick, Vila's face began to clear. The pain faded. Kerr said, "I thought you weren't coming."

Vila said with a smile, "Nothing could keep me away. Not rain or shine or a whole squad of troopers."

"You have rain where you live?" asked Kerr sceptically. He'd only experienced it in special environment domes that approximated the ancient climates and the times he had gone off-planet with his parents. He doubted if his Beta friend would have had the same opportunities.

"Nah. Just read about it. I suppose you have, being an Alpha," said Vila enviously.

"It's nothing special."

"That's easy for you to say."

Kerr was always fascinated by the differences between them. Vila was his first non-level grade friend. "Do you…resent us? I mean, me being an Alpha?"

Vila chewed his lip and looked nervously at Kerr, "Well, that's what we all do. All the grades. We bash the Alphas. Not you, of course, I would never do that to you. You're different. You're not like the others."

"And neither are you," said Kerr. "You're much smarter than the regular Beta."

Kerr could see a bare frown amidst the shadows that played across young Vila's face.

Vila said, "You see? That's why we don't like Alphas. You all think that no one can be smart just because we're not like you."

Kerr felt bad. He had expressed a normal attitude that he had grown up with. It hadn't occurred to him that he might offend a friend. He'd have to be careful now. It was different having a non-Alpha as a friend. He was determined to learn. "I'm sorry."

Vila grinned. Kerr noticed that his friend didn't seem to keep anger for very long.

Vila said, "S'alright. My mum says that's just the way of the Alphas. You can't help it. It's the way you grew up. We have to be charitable in our attitudes."

Kerr laughed. "I like your mother."

Vila smiled. "I do too."

"I wish…" Kerr suddenly felt sick, like there was a heavy weight on his chest. He turned away quickly.

He could feel Vila's hand on his arm and heard a small concerned voice, "It's your parents, isn't it?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You used to want to. What happened?"

Kerr looked down at his drawn up knees. "It never does any good. Talking about it doesn't change anything. My parents…" His voice choked as a stab of pain seemed to pierce his chest. "…are never going to come for me."

"That's terrible."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Vila's hand dropped from his arm. "Alright."

Kerr suddenly had a need to say something. "Vila, what I said earlier, I was serious. You're very smart."

Vila asked, "What about it?"

"Have you…received your first grading tests yet?"

"Nah…that's not 'til next year."

Kerr could hear the pride in his young friend's voice. He could almost imagine Vila's chest puffing up in the darkness. Vila said, "I know I'm gonna do well. They'll re-grade me as an Alpha. I'll be just like you." Kerr could tell that this idea made Vila very happy.

Kerr said quietly, "Vila, don't let them re-grade you."

Vila's head tilted back a bit. "Why? Don't you think I can be one?"

Kerr was careful, after his earlier remark, he didn't want to hurt Vila. "I know you can. But you don't want to, Vila."

"Sure I do."

Kerr shook his head. "You don't. Not like me. You're not just smart, Vila, you're very smart. If you took the tests, they might send you here."

"Oh. That's not good." Vila looked worried. "Do you really think they'd do that?"

"They did to me." Kerr was very aware of the constant pain in his head. His voice no longer sounded like the confident Alpha child. "Vila, I don't know what they're doing to me."

"What do you mean?"

Kerr rubbed his temple. "My…head hurts all the time. The therapists try to twist me around, make me think differently. They don't like it when I won't. Then they use the learning machines and my head hurts even more."

"That's horrible! They can't do that to you!"

"They can and they are. My parents are letting them."

Vila said sympathetically, "I'm sorry, Kerr."

"It doesn't matter. It's too late for me but not for you, Vila. Don't let them send you here." Kerr grabbed Vila's arm in urgency and fixed his eyes with a determined gaze, "No matter what you do, don't let them send you here."

Kerr's ears pricked up. He could hear voices. Charles and Jack. "Vila, you'd better go."

Avon woke up with a start. He was disoriented. His head felt as if someone was using it for laser practice; shot after shot was being fired directly into his brain. He could feel his heart pounding like a drum that was too large for his chest and was threatening to beat free from its tight confines.

Vila's face floated into view. For a moment, two faces seemed to be superimposed on each other, both Vila but not the same one. Avon gasped out a ragged, "Vila?" He tortured mind remembered something about a tunnel. Fighting through the pain he struggled to retain the memory. There was something important he had to say.

His hand went to his head, as if he were trying to hold it together. "You were there…in the tunnel." Avon groaned. No matter how hard he tried the vision was fading from his mind. He continued struggling. "The tunnel. Vila. The tunnel. I ...can't remember." There was anguish and frustration on his face.

Vila put his hand on Avon's shoulder and squeezed it. "It's alright, Avon. Let go of it. I'll remember for us." There was a strange look on his face.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Avon was in a drug-induced sleep. The people in the exam room gathered around him. The monitors above his head showed a man whose body was struggling. Erratic readings made the graphs jump and the various indicator lights beat out irregular rhythms. Slowly, as the medical personnel worked, the life signs became more stable.

Cally had been called down from the ship. She was not happy that she had not been included in something this significant but for now, she had more pressing concerns.

She asked, "How is he, Dr. Kendric?"

The woman responded, "We should not do this again until after we fix some of his physical problems. The stress has put a severe strain on his entire system."

Cally's worried face kept turning towards Avon even as she talked, "What is your recommendation?"

"The first thing we would like to do is to fix the damage to his heart. As you know, that is one of his weakest areas. A great deal of injury has been done to his heart muscle cells. It compounds all of his other problems."

Cally said, "I had considered a transplant."

"That will not be necessary. We have developed a technique that involves far less stress for the body and has greater success." Dr. Kendric directed one of her colleagues to answer, he was a grey-haired man named Speyer.

Dr. Speyer looked down at Avon and lightly touched his arm. "We have made great strides in the area of stem cell differentiation. The process involves taking healthy, undamaged cells from Avon's heart and coaxing them into dividing and forming new cells to replace the damaged ones."

Cally looked down thoughtfully in the area of Avon's chest. "That avoids having to use anti-rejection drugs?"

"Yes. It is completely natural. We will be using Avon's own body to heal itself. In the end, he should have a perfectly healthy heart. In fact it should be stronger as the replacement cells will be new."

Cally said, "Even with current methods of treatment, a person with a severely damaged heart has a shorter life expectancy. It sounds as if your method will avoid this?"

Speyer replied, "Yes. Barring other factors, Avon should be able to live a normal life span with the repaired heart."

Argus asked, "How long will this treatment take and when can you start?"

Dr. Speyer looked up at his colleagues. Several of them nodded to him. "If there are no objections, we can start right away. Depending on the level of damage we find, the process itself will take approximately three days. We will do it in stages. The recovery time should be no more than a week as the heart readjusts."

Cally asked, "Can you give me a few moments with Avon?"

Dr. Kendric responded, "Yes, of course, you need to discuss this with him."

Everyone cleared out of the room.

**********

With everyone gone, the examination room was silent except for faint noises of the machines and Avon's reassuringly regular breaths.

Cally gave Avon a mild stimulant. As she waited for him to regain consciousness, she placed her hand on his head and brushed his dishevelled hair. It was damp from the strain of the last few hours.

Avon stirred and opened his eyes. In a hoarse voice, he said, "You're here."

"Yes, Avon."

"You know then?"

Cally put her hand on his chest, feeling his warmth and the beat of a heart that was severely strained. It was like a vulnerable creature fluttering beneath her fingers. "Yes, some of it. Why didn't you tell me?"

Avon said, "There were too many unanswered questions and too few details."

"You wanted to know more before you told me?"

"Yes, I would have told you then."

Cally said, "Avon, I don't mind the uncertainties. I _do_ mind not being able to share something significant with you. I would like being involved in the process of solving the mystery."

"With my life as the mystery?"

"You are a mystery to many people."

"Including you?" asked Avon as the corner of his lips curled in amusement.

Cally shared his light grin and rubbed his chest gently. "Perhaps less of a mystery to me."

Avon watched her carefully as he said, "Did they tell you that Argus, Sester and I may have known each other as children?"

"They did mention it." She had a sceptical look on her face. "Sester?"

Avon scowled. "Yes. It appears that I called him Charles. Did they also tell you that we may all have been friends?"

"All of you? Argus only mentioned that you and he were."

A corner of Avon's mouth turned up in a sarcastic smile, "Of course he would."

"How do you feel about it?"

"It's a fact that changes nothing."

Cally refrained from sighing. " Do you want me to challenge you on that?"

Avon glanced at her. She stared back at him; there was no indication of backing down. Avon sighed and said, "It changes some things but not the relevant things."

Cally rubbed his chest again. "I suppose that's something. Avon, the Tellarans have a proposal for repairing your heart." She explained the Tellaran procedure to him.

When she was done, Avon asked, "That would avoid the necessity for a transplant?"

"Yes. It is a better alternative to current medical procedures. What do you think, Avon?"

"When can they begin?"

**********

Vila picked up his cup and took a sip of the hot liquid. Steam from the surface of the tea rose up like fog obscuring Sester's face before he put the cup back down again. The psychostrategist was deep in thought, his fingers absently tracing the edge of the table in front of him. Pleasant chattering from people enjoying each other's company, drifted over to where they sat on the patio of Vila's favourite café.

Vila thought that Sester just wanted company and an opportunity to stretch his legs; a chance to get away from the medical facility. From his uncharacteristic silence, it was clear that there must be another reason.

Vila's fingers hovered indecisively between a two pastries as he asked casually, "Is something bothering you?"

Sester's glanced up from his study of the table edge. He stared at Vila for a moment as if he was contemplating a difficult question. "There was actually."

"What is it?" Deciding that he didn't want another pastry, Vila waited.

"I don't want you to undergo the regression therapy."

Vila sat up. "Why?"

Sester rubbed his fingers along the table edge again as he said, "There are some things that are best left unknown."

Vila said, "That's for me to decide, isn't it?"

"It's not you that I'm concerned about."

Vila's brow raised in anxious query. "You're worried about Avon?"

Sester's smile was ironic. "It may be hard for you to believe, but this is about Argus."

"Argus?" Vila sat back in disbelief. "Did I hear that right?"

"I said you wouldn't believe me."

"Well, it's not that I don't believe you…but…I don't believe you."

Sester chuckled. "That's alright, I don't believe me either. But I'm serious."

Vila said in bewilderment, "I don't understand."

"I've already used the pretext that we should not risk someone else's mind with the regression therapy. He's agreed not to attempt it."

"That worked?"

Sester smiled with sarcastic amusement. "He's Argus. Of course it worked. He is bound by his duty."

Vila asked accusingly, "You manipulated him?"

"It wasn't that difficult." The smile slowly faded from Sester's face as he continued playing with the edge of the table. "He's a good man." There was no hint of amusement or sarcasm this time. "It makes him very vulnerable to someone like me."

A gradual look of realization appeared on Vila's face. "You like him, don't you?"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that."

"But you do. Then why…" Vila's forehead creased in confusion. "…do you treat him the way you do?"

"It would confuse him if I didn't."

"I don't get the two of you."

Sester smiled, "Neither does he. I'm serious, Vila."

"What don't you want him to know?"

Sester knew that he could get Vila's cooperation without any further information. It wouldn't be that difficult for him. His fingers paused in its tracing of the table edge. "When Argus was a child, he didn't want to kill anyone. He was terrified that they would be able to turn him into a killer."

Vila's mouth dropped open. "I thought…" There was horror and shock in his eyes. Argus was very good at what he did. Whether as a tactical commander or on a very personal level, he was a superb killing machine. He seemed a natural at it.

"I know. He must never find out."

Vila's face was full of sympathy. "I don't know what I'd do if I found out someone had done that to me. It would…make me sick."

"That's why he must never find out. He's already haunted by too many things."

"You really were friends, weren't you?"

There was tightness in Sester's throat as he picked up his hot cup of tea. "We used to be." He drained the hot liquid, nearly scalding himself but barely noticing. His eyes fixed on Vila's as he put the cup down. His voice was scratchy but had a sudden hardness to it. "We need him to be the way he is now, if we are to succeed against the Andromedans and the Federation."

Vila had a displeased look as he realized what the psychostrategist was saying. "You want us to use him?"

Sester's voice contained an anger that was directed inwards. "We all have to, Vila. The Federation made him into the kind of weapon that we need."

Vila was increasingly unhappy with what he was hearing from this man that he was starting to trust and call a friend. "You're a cold-blooded…"

"You're right. I'm exactly as the Federation made me; the kind of weapon that we all need as well."

Shock about Sester's evaluation of himself dissipated Vila's growing anger. "You don't have to be."

Sester's fingers began its tracing again. "It's too late."

Vila sat forward in his seat. "No, it's not."

Sester sighed. "Vila, you know I'm right. Sometimes we can do the right thing. We can afford the comfort of doing things the Tellaran way. But sometimes we cannot afford to, even when we know it's wrong. The three of us were made for those times."

Vila had a troubled expression on his face. "I don't know…"

"_That_ is why you can't do without us."

"It's wrong not to tell him."

"And what will happen to him if you do?"

"He'll…" Vila's expression became even more troubled.

"You will feel slightly better about doing the right thing at the cost of losing a valuable weapon that humanity will need to survive."

Vila was torn. No matter how much he wanted to tell himself that Sester was wrong, he was afraid. What if he was right? But did that give them the right to do this? Vila wished he were not stuck with having to think about this. He was not ready to make this kind of decision. "It doesn't have to be him."

"So you would feel better if we could use someone else? Would you trust anyone else with his abilities?"

"Why do I feel like you're manipulating me?"

The look on Vila's face told Sester that the other man was finally seeing him clearly. "Because you know I'm right and you don't want to admit it." There was a queasy feeling in his stomach. "I'm sorry, Vila."

Vila asked disbelievingly, "You're thinking of doing this to Argus and you want to apologize to me?"

"You think that I don't feel guilty for what I'm proposing to do to him?"

Vila's voice was full of accusation. "You're a psychostrategist, are you supposed to care? Don't you see everyone as puppets?"

Sester gave a half-choked laugh. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure he'll kill me if he ever finds out."

"No, he won't. He'll want to, but he won't. He's not like you."

There was a grimace in Sester's eyes. "Then tell him."

Vila stared at him for a long while and then a different expression came over him. He said in a slow, quiet voice. "No. I'm going to wait for you to do it."

Sester laughed. "And why do you think I'll do that?"

"Because, even with all the things you've just said to me, you're his friend."

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Without the convenience of an office, Sester had to make do with a quiet corner of the cafe that Vila had introduced him to. He didn't want the atmosphere of the ship which reminded him too much of the fractious relationships he had with key members of the crew. Avon was in the medical facility talking to Cally. Sester felt more like an unwanted intruder there. Vila was taking his shift on the flight deck and Corinne was with him so the café was a safe enough place away from prying eyes.

Uncharacteristically, he was nervous about this next meeting. His fingers played restlessly with a stirring spoon as he nursed a coffee that had a strong, pleasant, almost-burnt aroma. It was quite addictive, for a non-drug-enhanced beverage. He was already on his second cup.

A murky cloud was moving in, darkening everything that its shadow touched; matching his gloomy mood. The other patrons of the patio didn't seem concerned about the impending threat of rain.

He could almost feel all the pieces moving into place.

A smile touched Sester's mouth as he thought about his earlier conversation with Vila. Of all the things Sester had said to him, Vila had picked the one thing that was most important on a personal level.

A female voice intruded into his reveries. "What is this about?"

Sester started and nearly spilled his mug. The gloominess lifted a tad as he looked up and saw Reya. "I wasn't sure if you were going to come."

Reya pulled up a chair and sat down opposite him. "I'm here now. Why did you ask to see me?"

The menu panel lit up as Sester touched it. "What would you like?"

Reya was all business. And from the looks of her, business that she wanted to get over with as quickly as possible so that she could leave. "I'm not staying here that long."

At the rejection of his attempt at civility, Sester gave her a brief half-grin, "Of course. Does he know you're here?"

Reya sat with back straight and her eyes left no room for humour. "I have no secrets from him."

Unfortunately, Reya always brought out a light, fun mood for Sester. Even though he had never intended to play with her, he found it an irresistible temptation. He said teasingly, "I'm surprised that he didn't come with you then."

Reya's voice invoked the image of high walls complete with parapets and defences that could be unleashed at any time. It was clear that she expected some mischief from him and had decided not to give him any opening. "I have no time for your games."

"You never do anymore. We used to enjoy them." He had a smooth, teasing voice, like rough silk.

Reya recognized it only too well. She was determined not to fall into the trap of playing with him. "_You_ used to."

Sester suppressed the urge to smile or to correct her. He knew that she had enjoyed them too, if only for a brief while. "I still do but that's not why I asked you down here."

There was little to separate sarcasm and outright scepticism. "That's hard to believe."

"You're the _second_ person who's said that to me today."

Reya's icy exterior was still intact. "Did that person walk away disappointed?"

Sester had a self-mocking smile. "That still remains to be seen."

Reya voice softened a bit. "Does this have to do with the breaking down of the memory blocks? Yours and Avon's?"

"Argus told you about that? Of course he did. You have no secrets from each other." There was a touch of envy in his voice. "He told you that he had Avon were friends when they were children?"

"Yes." Reya gave him a glance and then she said, "I think I would like a coffee."

Sester grinned. "One coffee coming right up." He touched his mug. "This one is good if you want to try it. I warn you, it can be addictive."

Sester's warm charm caused a sliver of a grin to appear on Reya's lips. Despite her resolve, it was hard not to engage in his games. "If I can resist you, a cup of coffee should present little difficulties."

Sester asked with teasing insinuation, "Are you certain about that? The _coffee_…" A roguish smile spread across his face. "…is very irresistible." He had almost forgotten how much he enjoyed interacting with her.

Reya tried to keep her voice flat. "It's only coffee."

"You can never say that after you've tried it."

His charm was very seductive. Reya was starting to feel very uncomfortable; she knew that she shouldn't be participating in this conversation with him. It wasn't about coffee.

Her voice became professional and distant. "On second thought, I don't want any coffee. Can we get back to the reason why you asked me down here?"

Sester kicked himself for allowing his attentions to wander. He had never intended to play with her but it was hard to behave himself with Reya. He had to remember the serious reason why they were here. With a mollified tone, he asked, "Why don't I order you a plain tea?"

"That would be fine."

As Sester put in the order, he asked, "Did Argus also tell you that I was one of the friends?"

"No, he didn't."

Her manner made Sester feel as if he was traversing an icy landscape and he was woefully underdressed.

He tried to warm up the atmosphere. "Well, at least he's consistent in wanting to deny my existence. I feel like the black sheep of the family that no one wants to acknowledge."

She ignored his attempts. "What is it that you wanted to tell me?"

Sester sighed and leaned back in his chair. "He is going to need you."

Reya became very still. All of her senses were alert and her eyes narrowed. "What are you going to do?"

"I am about to tell him something that…let's just say that it's the last thing he wants to hear."

Reya's tone contained a severe warning, "Leave him alone, Sester. If you attack him, he is very capable of taking you apart and don't think that you can appeal to me to save you."

"You're mistaking my intentions."

"You make it very easy to."

Sester inclined his head in acquiescence. "I suppose it's my own fault. Life is a game."

Reya said, "It's not."

"You're right, not this time. That is why I'm telling you first."

"You still haven't told me anything of note."

"I wish I could but I'm thinking of you. And him. It would not be a good idea if I told you before I told him, but I want you to be outside the door when I do."

The attendant arrived with the piping hot tea and set it down in front of Reya. Reya tested the temperature before taking a sip. "Alright."

**********

Vila hesitated before he entered the medical observation room. After the talk with Sester, he felt that another conversation was needed but it was even more difficult to approach Avon than the psychostrategist. It was hard to tell how Avon would respond in any given situation.

Vila steeled himself and went inside. To his relief, Avon was alone and working intently on a computer unit that swung over his bed. "Avon, can I talk to you?"

Avon looked up at him with irritation. He never liked being interrupted in the middle of something absorbing. "Is this going to take long?"

"That depends on you."

Avon noted the intense look on Vila's face and pushed the swivel arm of the computer away from him. "What is this about?"

"I've just had an interesting talk with Sester."

Avon's eyes narrowed, "Just interesting?"

"Avon, do you believe that we were all friends when we were children?"

"The evidence is suggestive." Avon readjusted the pillow behind his back and leaned back against it.

"Sester said that the way that you, he and Argus are now, make you very useful in the fight against the aliens and the Federation."

"He's right."

"He said that if we told Argus what the Federation did to him, that he might not want to do it anymore."

Avon's head tilted to the side in curiosity. "That's not his concern. He's not afraid that Argus won't want to 'do it anymore', he's afraid that he will."

Vila was perplexed. "I don't get it."

Avon grimaced. "Argus is bound by his duty."

"That's what Sester said."

"Its obvious you didn't understand what he was saying. Argus knows he cannot stop, for the reasons that Sester identified. He knows we need his abilities."

Avon had an unexpected flash of memory. _Zircaster. _That single word invoked an image of haunted eyes on a strong face, tightly clenched fists, and a voice full of anguish and self-loathing; a man who was afraid of himself. Before he realized what he was doing, Avon said, "That was why he left the Federation. He couldn't kill for them anymore. It…made him ill."

It had been hard for Vila to envision Argus as someone who didn't want to kill, but he finally understood.

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Vila's stomach, just like the day he had gone on the Tellaran patrol. It was the same feeling he had when he stood on the command decks of the ruined husks of destroyed ships, surrounded by the bodies of the dead and dying, and realized for the first time that he had been responsible for doing this to others. It made him resolve not to kill like that again.

It was an easy decision for him. There were no expectations that he continue killing. At best, he was an amateur, barely competent to point a weapon and fire without squeezing his eyes closed first. But Argus felt he did not have the same choice. The Federation had made him into a dangerous killer and a leader of other killers. It was that aspect of him, the most terrible part of him, that the rebels needed the most. The rest of them were gifted amateurs at best compared to him. None of them were capable of doing what he was able to do. He was the only one who could control the ex-military rebels.

Vila felt guilty. He had depended on that ability too. Vila could not imagine what it would be like to kill when you no longer wanted to. What was it like to be haunted by all the faces of the people whose lives you had snuffed out? A shiver ran up Vila's spine. He said in a quiet whisper, "Let sentiment get a hold of you and you are dead."

At the familiar phrasing, Avon looked sharply at Vila. He had said something like it often enough, but under very different circumstances.

Vila said, "I never realized how he must have felt every time he had to kill."

"Sentiment breeds weakness. Let it get a hold of you and you are dead."

"I remembered what you said, Avon, but I don't agree with it. That's why I changed it."

"There is little difference between the two. Only a matter of semantics."

Vila fixed his eyes on Avon's. "You're wrong, it's not a weakness. It takes a great deal of courage. Just like you had when you insisted on going to Terminal alone or when you went to rescue Cally. You may see it as weakness, but in my files, it makes you…"

Avon scoffed, "A hero?"

Vila knew how negatively Avon felt about that word. "A brave fool?"

Avon laughed.

Vila looked concerned again. "Avon…I challenged Sester to tell him. Maybe I shouldn't have."

Avon's eyes contemplated the ceiling. "You didn't push him to do anything that he wasn't already prepared to do. You gave him an opportunity to convince himself."

"Well, knowing what it means now, I'm not sure I _could_ tell Argus if it were up to me."

"I would have told him the truth, if he had asked. This takes it out of our hands."

"Do you think…we should tell the Commander? Warn her what's coming?"

"I imagine he already has."

**********

Sester sat back against the pillow, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were contemplating the smooth ceiling.

Avon's voice interrupted his thoughts. "She's prepared?"

Sester replied absently. "Yes." He looked over in surprise. His mouth shaped into a wry smile. "Vila had a talk with you as well?"

"Apparently."

Argus came striding into the room and demanded, "What did you say to Reya?"

Sester resisted making a joke of his automatic assumption. "I don't want to get into a fight."

"That's funny, I do." Argus backed up this sentiment by moving aggressively towards him. He stopped just past the edge of the bed. "_Tell me what you said to her._"

Sester straightened up and faced him. "I needed her to understand."

"No more games! Reya is not a game!"

Sester held a hand up, in a gesture reminiscent of surrender. "Argus, I have no intention of playing games. Not this time. There's something I need to tell you. Something I thought…I could keep from you."

Argus looked at him suspiciously. He was still certain that Sester was playing games but there was something in the other man's tone that made him uneasy. Sester was being sincere. He didn't just sound it.

Avon's calm voice came from behind him. "Listen to him, Jack. I promised that I would tell you everything that you would _want_ to know."

Argus turned around in query. "Not what I needed to know? You were trying to keep something from me?"

Sester said, "It was my fault. I knew what this knowledge would do to you."

Avon said to Argus, "We used to trust each other once without reservation. That much, I do remember. If there had been a time when we could have given our lives to save the other, we would have done it."

Argus took a deep breath and let go of his aggression. He nodded. "I trust you."

Avon said, "Enough to listen to him?"

Argus looked over at Sester. "If you think it's necessary."

"It is."

Argus challenged, "Do you trust him?"

Avon looked from one man to the other. The eyes of the two boys stared back at him. "In this I do."

Argus said, "Fair enough." He turned back to Sester again. "What did you want to tell me?"

Sester suggested, "You might want to sit down."

"I'll stand."

Looking down at the lack of pattern on the bed, Sester said, "Avon and I have been verbalizing some of our dream memories. Recordings were made of these episodes. What I have to tell you occurs during one of these. It was something that you said while you were Jack."

Argus was calm and in control but he was very interested. "Go on."

"I want you to hear the recording, that way it will be easier for you to believe. Of course, you will only hear Avon's voice and mine. I will provide yours. Are you ready?"

Argus was apprehensive, but just for a moment. No matter what was to come, he was used to facing difficulties head on. He did not like running.

He said, "Argus, do you remember the Academy?"

"Yes. I don't remember you."

Sester grinned. "Do you remember the gym with the training dummies?"

Argus fists lightly clenched, as if his body was subconsciously preparing itself. "Yes."

"This memory starts there. Avon…I mean Kerr and I were worried about you so we went looking for you there."

Argus looked to Avon and asked, "Why?"

Avon shrugged. "The memories disappear from my conscious mind shortly after I wake."

"You mean I have to rely on him?"

Sester said, "Unfortunately you do. Can we go on?"

"Keep going."

Sester continued, "Something had been bothering you. When you were bothered, you went to the gym."

Argus's mind returned to the past. "I used to do that when I needed to think or release stress."

"But this time was different. You had been hurting yourself. This is where the memory begins." Sester pressed the recorder unit by his bed.

_Charles asked, "Jack, can we talk to you?"_

_Kerr said in a firm but concerned voice, "Jack. You're hurting yourself."_

Sester said, "Your fists were bleeding."

Argus leaned back and sat on the edge of Avon's bed. The voices of Avon and Sester in the recorder were softer and higher in pitch. Argus listened intently, his face a mixture of wonder and bewilderment.

_Kerr __said, "Why aren't you wearing gloves?_

Sester said, "You said that you didn't know why. Then we sat down on the benches by the wall."

_Charles said, "Jack, did something happen? Why are you acting like this?"_

_Kerr's firm and concerned voice asked. "Tell me what's wrong?"_

Sester said, "You looked terrible."

_Kerr __said in a gentle voice, "Jack, tell us what's wrong. We'll try to help you."_

Sester as Jack also reflected a younger voice, "You can't do anything."

_Charles said, "How do you know if you don't let us try, Jack? You told me that, remember? Let us try to help you."_

_Kerr stressed, "Let us try."_

Sester looked over at Avon. "We are getting to the important part. You told us about your family. You said…" Sester's closed his eyes as his voice became Jack again, "I never told you anything about myself. My father…" Sester tightened his voice as Jack had "…is an admiral in Space Command. My grandfather is the Fleet Warden General of the Galactic Sixth Fleet. I come from a long line of military leaders."

Argus reacted with shock. "I don't remember telling anyone that." His hand went to his head briefly as he tried to remember. He had the beginnings of a headache.

_Kerr hissed with surprise. "People say that Space Command is the real power behind the Federation."_

_Charles asked, "Why didn't you tell us?"_

Sester still had his eyes closed as he said in a Jack-like voice, "Because…I don't want to be in the military. My father is mad at me. And my grandfather. They said I was born for it and they wouldn't accept anything else for me. That's why they sent me here."

Argus looked down at his booted feet. "I never got along with my father or grandfather. That's why I didn't go into Space Command. They…" The recordings continued cutting off the rest of what he was about to say.

_Charles said, "Well, I can see their point. Just look at you, Jack. If there was anyone born to…"_

_Kerr said, "Shut up, Charles."_

"_But…"_

_Kerr said, "Charles, shut up. Jack doesn't want to. They shouldn't force him. They're not giving him a choice, just as they're not giving me one. You wouldn't understand. You're the only one of us who has what he wants."_

_Charles said defensively, "I do understand."_

Sester as Jack said, "Kerr, I don't want to kill anyone. They can't make me kill anyone, can they? I've heard that people can't be made to do something that's against their conscience. Do you think that's true?"

Sester opened his eyes and looked at Argus. The other man had become a motionless statue. A figure that could not lift its head.

_Kerr said urgently, "We have to get you out of here and we're going to need some help." _Sester turned the recording off.

Both Avon and Sester stared at the man who had lost all expression and whose face had become pale. Argus finally broke the silence. His words were stuttered. "I…that…was me?"

Sester said gently, "I'm sorry, Jack."

Argus lifted his head; his eyes were filled with anguish, pain and incomprehension. He was the little boy again. Argus put a hand to his head; he had a terrible headache. His eyes sought the one person he had always listened to. "Avon? Did they…how could …"

Avon was at a loss. It was one thing to tell a man the truth. What did you say to a man who was being buried by it? "You didn't have a choice."

At that moment, Reya came in and went straight for him. Argus's tortured eyes turned to her. Her arms surrounded him. At her touch, it was as if his legs had lost their ability to hold him up. Argus slowly fell to his knees. "Reya…they…I didn't want to…I didn't…want…to kill…I'm not…but I am…" His eyes were filled with anguish and confusion.

Reya said softly, "I know. We're not going to let them get away with it."

Argus groaned and his body stiffened as pain split his head. Sester was ready for this; he slid quickly off the bed and knelt down beside them. He applied an injector to Argus's neck. There was a faint hiss as the drugs penetrated the skin. Argus slumped forward against Reya's shoulder.

Sester said, "I was expecting this. The shock has disrupted the equilibrium of his mind."

As Sester helped Reya lift Argus onto his bed, Avon said, "This is verification."

Sester said, "Yes. His mind has become aware of the blocked memories and was trying to access them."

As they settled Argus on the bed, Sester said to Reya, "I'm sorry it had to be this way."

Reya's eyes were filled with compassion as she placed her hand on Argus's head, touching him gently. "You gave him the truth. He will respect you for that, even if he might be angry with you for awhile."

"That would be nothing new. I'll stay out of his way."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Forty

For a perfectly logical reason, the food preparation area tended to be free of life forms when no cooking or cleaning activities were being engaged in. Mainly because no one in their right minds would try to sneak food that they wouldn't eat even if someone paid them.

Kerr reached behind him, took hold of a reluctant arm and pulled a slender boy forward. "This is Vila. He's going to help us."

Charles's eyes raked Vila from the top of his dishevelled hair and smudged nose to his noticeably lower-grade clothing. He stared at the young boy with a mixture of wariness and amusement. The boy seemed nervous and seemed to want to hide behind Kerr again. "Who is he?"

"I told you, his name is Vila."

Charles said, "That doesn't tell me anything."

"He's a friend."

Charles grinned mischievously, "I'd already guessed that or you wouldn't have said that he's going to help us. Unless…you paid him to help us."

Vila frowned and said, "I don't like him."

Kerr looked at the grinning Charles with annoyance. He said to Vila, "Give him time. He might grow on you."

Vila sniffed. "Not sure I want to stay that long. Is _he_ the one you want me to help? I hope not."

Charles laughed. "I like him."

Kerr brushed off some of the tunnel dust from the back of Vila's shirt. "Vila's mother is one of the nurses in the security ward."

Charles reacted with surprise. "The security ward? Your last name wouldn't be Restal by any chance?"

Vila looked at him suspiciously, "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I think I've met your mother."

"My mother never said anything."

"It doesn't matter. It's just a coincidence." Charles studied the boy carefully again. "So you're a Beta-grade. That's why I've never seen you here before. And it explains your clothes."

Vila looked down at himself and said defensively, "What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Nothing that some credits wouldn't fix. Lots of credits."

Vila looked up at his friend, "Kerr, I _really_ don't like him. He's a snob."

Kerr gave Charles a hard look. "You have to stand up to him, Vila. You may be as smart as he is. Don't let him push you around."

Charles returned Kerr's gaze with amusement. "This is interesting. Could he be one of those Progressives I've heard about? I thought they were a myth."

Vila looked to Kerr with a question, "What's a Progressive?"

Kerr said, "It's someone born in a lower grade but who grades higher."

Vila had a broad grin on his face. "I must be one of those then."

"Most likely," said Kerr.

Vila straightened up as tall as he could, which wasn't very yet, and turned to Charles. "Just because I don't have snazzy clothes doesn't mean I'm not smart."

Charles met the challenge. "I never said that."

Vila emphasized, "I'm here to help _Kerr_ because _he's_ smart. I bet he's ten times smarter than you."

Charles chuckled. "It looks like you have a fan, Kerr. Can I borrow him?"

Kerr said with exasperation, "Stop playing. We're trying to save Jack."

Charles had a flash of guilt. "Sorry. I like your friend. He's fun." He gave Vila a friendly apologetic smile.

Vila smiled back cautiously. "That's alright. You're Kerr's friend." His slight smile became a wide grin. "You can't be _all_ bad."

Charles asked Kerr, "What do you want to do? It might not be easy to get Jack to agree in his own rescue. He'll think he's running away."

Vila was puzzled. "But he is. Isn't he?"

Kerr said, "Jack has some strange notions. You're right, Charles, he won't want to run. He likes facing things head on."

Charles said, "Then it won't be any use helping him. Unless you plan to knock him out and tie him up first. Let me know when you're done. I can send flowers."

Kerr pursed his lips, "Then we'll have to convince him."

"In that case, can I sit and watch? Vila could sell tickets."

Vila couldn't understand what Charles was going on about. He didn't know Jack. "Why would I want to do that?"

Kerr scowled at the blond boy. "Jack's not thick, he's very smart. He just has principles, which is more than I can say for you."

Charles said in jest, "And charitable people would say that he's just stubborn. It's an endearing quality really."

Kerr continued scowling. "Are you going to help or not?"

Charles let up on the humour. "Of course I am. I'm surprised at you, Kerr. Don't you know when I'm joking?"

Kerr said significantly, "Do you?"

"Well, what do you want to do?"

Kerr said, "Vila is very good at sneaking into places around here."

Vila said with embarrassment. "Any very talented person could do it."

Charles said teasingly, "Wow, he's modest too."

"Vila is going to get some Beta clothes for Jack. You and I will provide a distraction while Vila leads Jack past the security area and into the workers' section. Then Jack will go out with the other Grades. Vila has found a place he can stay for awhile."

Vila said, "Yeah, it's an old building that's supposed to be torn down for a new residence building but they haven't got around to it yet. He'll be safe there. I'll bring him food."

Charles look worried. "But what if they look for Jack and find him missing _before_ he escapes?"

Kerr said, "Leave that to me."

The way Kerr said it made Charles ask suspiciously, "What are you going to do?"

"It's better that you don't know."

Charles asked nervously, "It's something to do with the computers isn't it?"

"You don't know anything."

"I won't know if you don't tell me."

"Exactly."

Charles realized Kerr was trying to protect him. "Why don't you go with Jack? You should escape too. It'll be easier to convince him if you go. He'll think he has to protect you."

"I have to handle the computers and the cameras."

Charles offered, "You could…show me."

"The idea is to escape, not get caught."

Charles said reluctantly, "I suppose you're right."

"Are we clear what we need to do?"

"It's easy," said Vila confidently.

Charles nodded.

**********

Kerr found Jack in his favourite place, the gym with the training dummies. Jack's kicks struck the dummy with a solid thud, causing it to rock back violently. With hands up in guard position, he seemed block-like and unyielding. Kerr folded his arms across his chest and watched for a while, admiring the smooth motions and the force behind each kick. It was almost like a dance. Jack's body glistened as each muscle bunched and released with power.

Kerr waited until the boy had finished a round of kicks before saying, "Jack."

Jack let his arms fall to his sides. He smiled, "Hi, Kerr."

"I don't get it."

Picking up a large white towel Jack asked, "What don't you get?" He began towelling himself off.

"If you don't like killing people, why do you practice martial techniques with the dummies?"

"It's not about the killing. Its fun hitting things and it helps release stress. I have a lot of…natural aggression. That's what they said. So I have to work it off."

"Who said that?" Kerr asked suspiciously.

"The therapists. They said it gets worse as I grow older. It's something to do with my genes."

"That doesn't make any sense. I've never heard of anything like that."

Jack draped the towel around his neck. "That's what I said. But they said that I'm a kid, I wouldn't know these things. Besides, I'm not in the advanced bio classes."

"Is anyone in your family like this? Your father or grandfather?"

Jack's brows creased in thought. "I haven't noticed but they're not around much. They're usually off-planet with the fleets. But I didn't feel like this before so they were right about that."

Kerr frowned as a thought came to him. He mused, "Or they've been playing with you too."

"Playing what?"

Kerr asked with abrupt urgency, "Jack, do they send you to the learning machines?"

"Of course. I thought they did that to everyone."

"Not everyone. Do you remember what they teach you?"

"We're not supposed to, are we? It's supposed to be…sub-liminal. Teaches innate abilities. Like me being able to learn fighting techniques faster." Jack went to the training dummy to demonstrate.

"You don't need to show me."

Jack looked disappointed. "Alright." He noticed that Kerr was heavy in thought. "Is there something wrong?"

Kerr looked him directly in the eyes. "I don't think that's all they're doing. Do you experience pain in your head when you have the learning sessions?"

Jack put his hand to his head in a practiced gesture. "Sometimes. But they give me pills for it and it goes away."

"Jack, you need to get away from here."

"Why?"

"Weren't you worried that they'd be able to turn you into a killer?"

"Yes. But I'm not going to let them. I'm going to fight them. They can't make me do what I don't want to."

Kerr shook his head. "Jack, you won't be able to stop them. They're already starting. Don't you see?" He grabbed Jack by the arm; the hard muscles in the forearm were like forged metal. Jack would have immediately reacted and broken the hold, Kerr could feel the quick tensing of the muscles, but there was no movement. There was trust between the two boys that overcame natural instinct.

Kerr said warningly, "You have aggression that is growing. That isn't normal, no matter what they tell you."

Jack looked down at where Kerr was holding him. There was a slight uncertain tremor in his voice. And he almost spoke in a whisper, "I think I always knew that. I tried to fight it by taking it out on the dummies." Pained eyes met his friend's face. "Kerr, what am I going to do?"

Kerr let go of his arm and said decisively, "Escape. I've arranged it all." He proceeded to tell him about Vila and the details of the escape plan.

Afterwards, Jack touched Kerr's arm in gratitude. "Thank you." He seemed to think of something. "Kerr, you should come with me. They're doing the same thing to you. I mean not exactly the same thing but…something. It's just as dangerous for you. I'm not going to go unless you do."

Kerr said, "Jack, don't be silly."

"Who's going to take care of you and Charles?"

"I'll take care of Charles."

"I don't know…"

Kerr said firmly, "Yes, you do. Jack, you have to do this. When you get out, you can help me. I want you to find my parents. I still don't entirely believe that they abandoned me. I…don't want to believe it. If you find them, tell them to come for me. I have to stay here to handle the computers and security so you can escape. I've arranged for a friend to help. His name is Vila. He's the son of one of the nurses."

"Oh. Which one?"

Kerr tilted his head in puzzlement. "Why are you and Charles so interested in a nurse?"

"Well, you don't remember but when they had you locked up in one of the security wards, Charles persuaded one of the nurses to help us get in to see you. They caught us though and we got into trouble. You never woke up. I felt bad that nurse may have been in trouble but nothing happened to her. I'm glad of that. I would've felt really bad. I told Charles he shouldn't have done it. But...we had to make sure they weren't hurting you."

"That's a coincidence. It shouldn't matter though."

"When are we going to do this?"

"I've arranged for tomorrow."

Jack took the towel around his neck and twisted it absently in his hands. "So soon?"

"We shouldn't wait."

Jack looked up into Kerr's face. "I…" He looked embarrassed. What did you say to a friend who was risking everything to help you? "I won't forgive you if you don't escape after I do."

A bare grin appeared on Kerr's face. "Well, we can't have that can we?"

Chapter Forty-One

The four boys looked at each other with a mixture of emotions. Vila glanced apprehensively at the one that Kerr had introduced as Jack. The large boy seemed very intimidating. When Kerr had first told him the size of clothing to provide, Vila thought he was kidding. But looking at Jack now…

Vila swallowed nervously. He hoped that the clothes in his bag would be all right. It might be a tight fit in some places. He didn't know that kids came in this size for his age. Maybe he should have nicked his mum's clothing repair kit, in case some adjustments were needed or Jack managed to rip something while trying to stuff his sizeable frame into the unfortunate clothes.

Jack stuck his hand out towards him. "Thanks for helping me."

Vila extended his own and was almost crushed by Jack's firm grip. "It's nothing. Any friend of Kerr's is a friend of mine." He looked at Charles and grinned, "Well, mostly."

Charles had an amiable smile on his lips.

Kerr asked, "Do you have the clothes?"

Vila handed a large bag to Jack. "These should fit. Don't move around too much."

Jack took the bag and pulled out nondescript dark grey pants, light grey shirt and a large grey vest that was favoured by the technicians.

Charles, who was much more fashion-conscious and rebelled at the tyrannically standardized school uniforms they were required to wear, remarked critically, "It's grey but at least it makes him stand out less."

Kerr scrutinized the clothes with careful eyes. Now that they were standing together, on the brink of the escape, he realized how impossible it might have been to try to pass an eight, nearly going on nine-year-old, as an adult. Jack would just manage to pull it off because of his size. He would come across as a short, bulky technician.

Jack began briskly peeling his clothes off and putting on the unremarkable grey ones.

Vila's mouth nearly dropped open when the boy's physique emerged from the confines of the school clothes. Vila tugged on his friend's sleeve and whispered, "Kerr, do you think I could look like that when I grow up? I bet no one'd dare bully me then."

Kerr said, "You shouldn't need muscles to survive, Vila, just your head. Jack is special. There are very few people like him."

Charles muttered, "And good thing too."

Kerr glowered at him.

Charles grinned impishly back as Jack quickly pulled on the pants and donned the vest. Jack moved around a bit to test the clothes. It stretched complainingly in places.

Vila had visions of splitting seams. Even though these materials were supposed to stretch and never break, there had to be limits, else why'd there be different sizes? He said in nervous warning, "Uh, you might not want to do that."

Charles said jokingly, "Yeah, stop breaking the clothes, Jack. Vila might want them back sometime."

Vila said to Jack, "No, I don't. Those are for you."

Jack took a half-menacing step towards Charles but there was a lightness in his tone when he said, "How would you like me to break something else? Something Vila doesn't want back?"

Charles stepped back and said in a joking whine, "Kerr, Jack's being mean to me."

"Good," said Kerr without a trace of amusement. "What were you saying about flowers yesterday?"

Comprehension settled in Charles's eyes. "Oh, you're all ganging up on me."

Kerr said, "Someone has to."

Now that they were all ready, an awkward atmosphere descended on them. The boys enjoyed their interaction together. Vila fit right in, as if he had always been there. Perhaps because Kerr accepted him. But now, it dawned on them that some of them might not see each other again.

Jack brought his hand up to his mouth and coughed uncomfortably. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. With resolved but hesitant words, he said, "I…don't know what to say…but I need to…Thank you all for helping me. It means a lot to me. I…hope I see all of you again but…"

Charles said, "Don't say it, Jack." All lightness and joking had disappeared from his manner. "We're going to see each other again, nothing can keep us apart. I know that I joke a lot. At your expense most of the time. But you know I don't mean it. We're friends and we always will be. No one can take that away from us."

The other three stared at him in amazement, making Charles flush with embarrassment. He said unapologetically, "It's how I feel."

Jack nodded slowly. It was something he'd been trying to express to Kerr in the gym yesterday but had never found the words or the courage to say it. Even now, the words needed seemed to come from an alien language that made him feel tongue-tied.

Instead, he stretched out his hands to Charles in a gesture of agreement. "Friends."

Charles glanced down at the strong hand and then he gripped it as hard as he could with his own. "Yes, friends."

Kerr looked at the often-quarrelsome pair. There was no hint of contention now between them. Kerr put his hand on theirs. "We are all friends." Kerr looked expectantly at Vila. There was encouragement in his eyes.

Vila seemed perplexed.

Kerr said, "You too."

Vila didn't seem to understand. "Me?"

Jack and Charles looked at Vila, and then at Kerr. They both nodded.

Jack said, "Yes, Vila. You're Kerr's friend, that's good enough for me. And you're helping me even though you don't know who I am. I would be proud to call you my friend. If you're willing."

Charles liked their new young friend. He said warmly, "Me too."

Kerr said, "All four of us. We're in this together."

Vila had never felt that he'd belonged anywhere before. He kept looking among others of his own grade but his quickness and greater intelligence usually made them think that he was trying to show off or act like an Alpha. The only way he could fit in was as a clown. But not with these three.

He was an only child. His father had died when he was still an infant. Vila had always wished he weren't so alone. A brother or sister would have been nice, even if only to argue and fight over toys with.

A smile lit up Vila's face. Hesitantly, he reached up and his smaller hand joined the other three. He knew he should have felt out of place identifying himself with the three Alpha kids, but they were making him feel as if he was one of them.

"Friends."

**********

Vila and Jack were peeking around the corridor at the security station that led to the workers area. The guard was lounging lazily in his chair, almost half-asleep and yawning frequently.

Vila whispered nervously, "They're late. Where are they?" He had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. The little voices that nagged at him when there was danger near were in full force.

Jack pulled at his tightly fitting clothes. "They'll be here."

They heard angered voices down the corridor.

Vila whispered excitedly, "That must be them!"

They saw Kerr and Charles coming around the bend and steaming after them, the bully and his entourage.

The bully was angry and demanded, "Take that back now!"

They saw Kerr say something to Charles but they couldn't hear it. It was clear that the bully did because he was almost livid now. Kerr and Charles continued walking in the direction of the guard station, ignoring the bully. As they neared, Kerr leaned his head towards Charles and whispered something. Charles nodded, turned to look at the bully. Vila and Jack couldn't see the expression on Charles's face but they could imagine it was not something very friendly.

That did it. The bully charged them like a bull seeing red. Kerr and Charles stepped to the side as if they were expecting this. The bully staggered and was confused for a moment until he realized that the two boys were now behind him. Charles was smirking. A fight broke out, with the bully and his friends trying to beat them up and Kerr and Charles trying to defend themselves.

The guard popped out of his seat and went to break up the fight. "Stop it!"

"Let's go." Vila whispered as he kept his head down and slinked towards the now empty station, trying not to be noticed. Partway there, he realized that no one was following him. He looked around. Jack was still looking from behind the corner, his eyes worried and intently focussed on the fight. His body was tense and restless and he looked as if he was about to go and help his friends.

Vila remembered what Kerr and Charles had said about him. He went back towards Jack and whispered, "What are you doing? We have to go before the guard gets back!"

Jack was torn. "I can't leave them. They're outnumbered. I have to help." He took a step towards the fight.

Vila put his hand on Jack's arm to stop him. "I know you want to help, but they're doing this for you. Do you want them to do this for nothing?"

Vila tugged on Jack's muscular arm and began pulling him quickly to the worker's entrance. Jack followed with dragging feet; his face kept turning towards his friends. They made it through just as the guard managed to manhandle the bully off Kerr.

**********

Kerr sat in the empty computer lab, his fingers working quickly. A nice bruise was developing over his left eye but he ignored it. There was too much to do. The first part of the plan worked. Jack and Vila should be on their way out of the building with the next shift of workers. He checked his wrist chronometer. Another fifteen minutes.

Now he had to make sure that no one found out that Jack was missing. The only way to do that was to make them think that he was still there. Kerr pulled up a video file he had recorded. Jack in the gym, hitting a poor defenceless dummy. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

The bored security guards would probably not even give a second glance to it as the images from the security cameras flickered across their screens in succession, showing different parts of the Academy grounds. What would be unusual was if they didn't see Jack in the gym during his off times.

Charles was in the infirmary. Kerr smiled wryly. The boy's performance had been a little too enthusiastic and he had almost been knocked unconscious. He should be all right though. Kerr concentrated on what he was doing.

**********

Charles lay groaning in the infirmary bed. He was hurting but not as much as he let on. He smirked to himself as he remembered the bully and his entourage being dragged off to see the headmaster, complaining bitterly that he was the one who had been wronged.

The nurse came over and gave him a couple of pills and a glass of water. It was Vila's mother.

As Charles popped the pills into his mouth, she said, "You should be more careful."

"Oh, don't worry. I am," he reassured her confidently after he took a few mouthfuls of water and swallowed the medication.

Nurse Restal sighed. "My son's like you. He thinks he can handle anything."

Charles said, "I'm sure he can. You shouldn't worry about him." He handed the glass back to her. His voice lowered. "I forgot to thank you last time. For helping us see our friend."

The nurse said softly, "I wish I could do more. They shouldn't treat you boys like that. It's not right."

The door opened with a crash and several guards came in with a bald man that Charles didn't recognize. The man had a hard, indifferent look on his face that caused a shiver to run up the boy's spine. The imposing stranger wore a long black leather coat, that made him look like a figure of death.

Two guards grabbed Vila's mother by the arms. Charles bolted up in bed as the nurse protested. "You can't do this to me. What am I being charged with?"

The bald man said, "I'll decide that later. Take her out of here."

The guards led her out.

Charles asked angrily, "Where are you taking her?"

The bald man came towards him. Charles almost flinched and wanted to shrink back. "I wouldn't worry about her, if I were you. You've all been very naughty. In a way this is your fault, Charles."

"What do you mean? Who are you?""

"If you hadn't used the nurse to help you see your friend, we would never have started watching her as well."

Charles had a sick feeling in his stomach. That was why nothing had happened to her after they were caught.

The man continued, "And we would never have discovered Kerr's little friend."

Charles started. It was like a horrible nightmare.

"We've been keeping careful eyes on them. He needed an act of defiance and we were prepared to tolerate it as long as they were monitored. However, he's tried to do something that we cannot allow. And he's dragged you into it."

"Who are you? Why are you telling me this?"

"Who I am doesn't matter. You're a smart boy but unfortunately, you've let Kerr influence you. We can't allow that."

Charles asked apprehensively, "What does that mean?"

The cold stranger gestured to the remaining guards. "Take him."

Charles tried to resist but it was no use. They dragged him off the bed.

"I am telling you because I like you. But it won't matter, you won't remember me. You won't remember anything."

A wave of fear washed over Charles. "What are you going to do with me?"

"We have ways." The man walked out of the room with the guards dragging the fearful boy behind them.

"Can I see my friends at least?" Charles pleaded.

The man stopped and turned to look at him. "You will never see them again."

"No!"

**********

Vila and Jack waited until there was a bunch of workers heading for the exit. It was only a few dozen feet away but it seemed like much longer. They stepped out and followed along. In their eyes, the crowd seemed to be inching its way. They tried to crane their heads to see what the hold-up was but there were too many people in the way.

Vila looked sideways at Jack. The boy was trying to look smaller and inconspicuous. Finally, they reach the doorway, another step to freedom. Their feet reached beyond. Their hearts almost stopped in shock. They both backed up. There was a contingent of guards waiting outside and a slim woman dressed in black leather. Her eyes lit up when she saw the two boys. That was what was causing the hold up. The guards went towards them while the woman watched with cold, impassive eyes.

Vila heard Jack taking a deep breath beside him and then without warning, Jack whispered, "Run, Vila!" He launched himself at the guards. As he went down in a tangle of flailing arms and legs, Vila watched in frozen shock. A hand gripped his shoulder from behind. Vila turned around.

**********

As Kerr put the finishing touches on the surveillance feed, the door slid open and there was a rush of booted feet. He blanked the screen and stood up quickly as several guards, and a dark stranger in black leather came purposefully towards him.

Kerr tried to sound innocent. "I was just finishing some work. I'm done now."

The dark man, said clinically, "That's very good, Kerr. You don't like lying, do you? But you manage to tell the truth without really telling the whole truth."

The tone in the man's voice made Kerr realize that something had gone terribly wrong. "I don't know what you're talking about. Who are you?"

"I think you know that your plan has failed. All of your friends have been rounded up. Jack, Charles, your little Beta friend…" The man paused, as if for effect. "And the nurse."

Kerr's face paled. There was pain in his back and he noticed that the man had not answered his question. "I'm the one who planned it. I pushed them into it."

"Oh we know it was your plan, Kerr. And a very good one it was. It's good to know that our high expectations for you were not incorrect. Fortunately for us, you never found out the hidden levels of security that are in this facility."

"You mean…"

"Yes, we've known from the very beginning. We knew when you found your little friend in the tunnels."

Kerr reacted in shocked dismay. "How?"

"We've been watching the nurse ever since your friends used her to see you. We discovered that she sometimes brought her son with her and that he disappears for hours."

Kerr felt sick that his plans had doomed his three friends. He asked, "What's going to happen to us?"

"I don't mind telling you. You won't remember it anyway. I hope you had a proper farewell because you won't be seeing each other again. In fact, you won't remember each other."

Kerr whispered, "No." His legs felt weak and he sat down heavily on a chair.

"Charles will get what he wanted. He's being sent to a place that is perfect for someone of his calibre. Jack. Well, he's already allocated. We'll just have to move him sooner."

"And Vila and his mother?"

"We haven't decided on the mother yet. Most likely a penal colony, if she's lucky. Your little friend will be placed in a facility for wards of the Federation. You haven't asked about yourself."

Kerr's voice was flat, like someone who no longer had any emotions. "Does it matter? I won't remember."

"Yes, you won't."

Kerr tried to resist as the guards dragged him from the chair but it was no use. They followed the dark man out of the room. Kerr suddenly stopped, pulling against the guards. He said in a voice of cold warning , "No matter what you do to me, I'm going to find a way to remember. I will bring you down one day."

There was a cold, unreadable expression on the dark man's face, "I don't think so."

**********

Little Vila sat in the grading hall trying to look busy. He was with a large group of kids who's parents had been victims of unfortunate accidents or wars. The grading test had been easy for him and he'd finished ages ago. He sat surreptitiously watching the others.

He rubbed his head absently. It always seemed to hurt but the pain was getting less. The doctors said it was the result of the accident.

There was a deep pain of loss at the thought of the accident. They'd said his mother died and he was lucky to be alive. He'd suffered some brain damage and that was why he didn't seem to remember some things. He barely recalled the accident, just some scattered images of a shuttle crashing.

_Vila, don't let them re-grade you._

Vila's head jerked up. He looked around nervously; everyone had their heads down, working on their own terminals.

_Vila, don't let them re-grade you. _This time Vila had a flash of fear. He looked down at his own terminal. There was a strong feeling of danger but he didn't know why.

_Vila, don't let them re-grade you. _His heart began pounding so loud he was afraid people would hear it.

He realized the voice was in his head. He was trying to tell himself something? But shouldn't he sound like himself, not someone else? There was an itch of recognition but little else.

Vila always had a good instinct for danger. He was always right. But…

Being an Alpha was what he always wanted. He was sure his test results would get him re-graded but he couldn't ignore the strong feeling of danger. It didn't make any sense. How could there be danger in being re-graded?

Should he listen to the voice?

Chapter Forty-Two

There was a shout of pain and anguish.

Vila's eyes snapped open. For a moment, he was disoriented as visions of childhood were replaced by the warm green ceiling of the examination room. There was another shout of pain and rushed activity.

Vila bolted upright and looked around in alarm. Avon's bed was surrounded by medical personnel. His head was tossing from side-to-side, as if he was trying to escape from some phantom menace but was unable to. Moans of pain escaped his lips. There was a look of anger on his face and sweat formed beads on his forehead.

Cally was by his side. Her eyes were closed in worried concentration as she held onto Avon's hand. Vila imagined that she was trying to reach him with her mind but from the expression on her face, not succeeding.

Someone administered an injection and Avon slowly settled down. Frantic movements became sluggish ones until the only motion remaining was the rapid rise and fall of his chest. The specialists carried on quiet discussions with Cally while she nodded and responded. Vila strained his ears but couldn't hear what they were saying.

A voice came from the other side of his bed. "Vila."

Vila turned to face the speaker. For a few brief seconds, he and Sester stared at one other through the eyes of a fast fading childhood. There was a hesitant, almost shy atmosphere between them.

Vila said with a faint grin, "Snob."

Sester chuckled, "You remember?"

"Yeah." Vila put a hand to his head and groaned complainingly. "My head hurts."

"Yes, mine too. We've broken through the mental blocks, but they're still active. They're trying to prevent our _conscious_ minds from accessing the information. How much do you remember?"

Vila's face scrunched in concentration, trying to grasp at memories that did not want to cooperate. He groaned as more pain tried to block his efforts and both hands held his sore head. "I can't..." He refused to give up, this was too important. "I remember meeting all of you…and the escape…and Jack…" Vila's eyes opened at the recall of the name and realization who it was. "…they were waiting for us…outside the door…we didn't have a chance. We were caught."

"I was too." Sester frowned at the unpleasant memory. "They knew from the beginning."

"Yeah…Jack wouldn't…" Vila and Sester's eyes widened as they realized someone was being very quiet. They both turned to look to the bed next to Avon's bed. Argus was curled up like a ball, with his back facing them.

As one, Vila and Sester slid off their beds and skirting the busy medical personnel, went to check on Argus.

As they neared, they could see that the curled figure was shivering. His arms were wrapped protectively around himself. Faint noises could be heard when they were finally next to his bed. They were almost like whimpers; the sounds of a small, wounded and frightened animal.

A look passed between Vila and Sester. Vila said with concern, "He's still in a dream."

Sester grimaced in sympathy. "Vila, what do you remember after they caught you?"

"I…ahhh…" Pain pierced Vila's head and his eyes shut tight as his hands gripped his head. "Don't…remember much. After we were caught…the next thing I remember was a large hall with other kids….I was being graded…didn't remember any of you…"

"You're lucky. I don't remember much after I was taken either. Only memories of being delivered to the Guild. I don't think Avon and Argus are that fortunate. They appear to remember what happened."

Sester got the attention of one of the medical specialists. "You might want to take a look at Argus too."

Sester and Vila stepped back as the doctors examined the shivering man. There were instant looks of concern as some of them began working on him as well.

Vila asked with anguish, "How could they do that to us? We were just kids!"

"It's the Federation. They can do anything they wish."

With an accusing tone, Vila said, "And you work for them."

Sester turned to Vila. "Not anymore. Vila, I'm sorry about your mother."

The mention of his mother sent Vila into a spiral of sadness as they watched one of the doctors gave Argus an injection. "They told me that she died. We were…in an accident and I was the only one who survived." There was a stricken look in Vila's eyes.

Sester felt guilty. If it weren't for them, neither Vila nor his mother would have… "Your mother was brave."

"You saw her?"

"Yes. After the fight, I was in the infirmary. She was the nurse on duty. We…had a chance to talk a bit. She was worried about you."

A faint bittersweet smile of memory appeared on Vila's face. "She was always like that. Never thought I could take care of myself."

"I'm very sorry, Vila. We should never have…It was my fault." Sester's shoulders sagged.

"How'd you figure that?"

The words came reluctantly. "If…I didn't ask your mother to help us that first time…to see Avon…They were watching her, Vila." His head hung. He couldn't look at Vila without seeing the face of his young friend and the image of his mother being dragged off by the guards. "That's how they found out about you seeing Avon…they knew what we were planning. All…because of me." Sester felt as if his body was weighed down by a heavy burden. He felt Vila put a hand on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault; you were doing it for…" Uncertainly, Vila tried out the name from his childhood memories. "…Kerr." The name produced more pain in his head, but also a feeling of something that was lost long ago, but was now found. It felt good. "My mother wouldn't have regretted helping you. I know, she always did what she could to help people. And don't feel bad about me. It was my choice to help."

"Still…"

"Don't beat yourself up. Don't blame yourself for what the Federation did. We were all in it together."

"I can't help it. If…"

A hoarse voice said, "Vila's right."

They were both surprised to see Argus facing them. His face was tired and strained as he sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "You shouldn't blame yourself." The doctors had finished with him and were helping Avon again.

Sester said wryly, "I would've thought that you would be the first person to hold me responsible. You were right, I should never have used Vila's mother."

Argus opened his mouth to say something but seemed to change his mind. "We were all trying to do the right thing. We were in it together."

Sester was surprised by Argus's attitude towards him. It was not his regular antagonism; there were no recriminations. Had the re-experiencing of their childhood memories changed something between them? "Jack?"

The response was a reflexive, "Don't call me that."

Sester's irrational hope was replaced with an instant sarcasm that was directed at himself. "None of this changes anything, does it?"

Argus looked over at him, his eyes measuring what he saw there. He wondered what difference the reclamation of their memories and the recovery of childhood relationships would make. Could it erase all the things that were wrong between them? Did he want it to? "It does, but not everything."

Sester could guess what things those were. He knew he was lucky to get that concession. "What do you remember?"

Argus tried to recall the fast-fading memories. "All of you. You were trying to help me to escape…but they were waiting for us. I couldn't fight all of them. Then…" Argus gave an involuntary shiver and his hand went to his head. "I was…in something…it surrounded me. Couldn't move…I…" Mercifully, the memories faded, leaving him vague feelings of fear and being trapped. "…can't remember."

Sester said, "Perhaps that's a good thing. It appears that the Tellaran's coordination efforts worked. They were able to match our experiences of the memories. We should listen to the recordings to get a better idea of what happened. I'm able to retain some of mine but not all and it seems that you're losing yours. But the important question is, what are we going to do with this information?"

Argus fixed him with demanding eyes and asked, "Whose side are you on?"

That question seemed to sting as Sester's eyes grimaced. "I'm finished with the Federation." His eyes glanced at the now-resting Avon. "Kerr said it, we're in this together. What we could not finish then, we _will_ finish now. We will make them pay for what they did to us."

Vila's confident voice joined Sester's, "Yes, we're in this together."

In each of their minds came unbidden images of the day they had joined hands together in friendship. Argus nodded and moved decisively off the bed. Unfortunately, he almost ended up flat on his face as his legs refused to hold him up. Sester and Vila grabbed him as the doctors from Avon's side rushed over to help.

Between the four of them, they tried to put a difficult and protesting Argus back onto the bed, which was not very easy. He insisted that he didn't need any help. It was hard to physically move someone who looked like he could lift any one of them with one hand.

Sester shook his head and stepped back. He remarked with dry sarcasm, "They _could_ examine you on the floor. I'm sure the doctors wouldn't mind, they're only trying to help you after all."

Argus glared at him but stopped resisting their efforts. When they finally got him back onto the bed and the doctors were examining him, he asked, "What's wrong with m…?

Argus's words trailed off as he stared at the door. Reya came in and hurried towards him, concern wrinkling her face. Argus flushed with embarrassment and wondered why it was that every time he fell flat on his face, she was there to witness it. "Reya."

She stood by his side and asked in a light teasing manner, "Are you giving the doctors trouble again?"

Argus said with wry resignation, "I seem to do that even without meaning to."

She touched his face affectionately. "You have a rare gift."

"One of many." He grinned and then he took her hand in his and his face turned serious. "I have a lot of things to tell you. I'd like you to hear the recordings."

Vila said, "If you don't mind, I'd like Corinne to as well."

Sester said, "Vila, why don't you ask him?"

Argus sat up, despite still being examined. "Ask me what?"

It was Vila's turn to look uncomfortable. He flashed a look at Sester, wishing the other man hadn't taken it upon himself to push the issue. "Well, I wasn't going to…yet."

Argus said, "Vila, I don't bite."

Sester remarked jokingly, "Biting would be the least of your worries."

Argus glowered at him, just a little.

Argus said encouragingly, "Vila, you might as well tell me. I promise that I won't bite and anything else I feel like doing…" He looked pointedly at Sester. "…I will do to him."

Sester grinned impishly at him.

"Well…" Vila plucked up his courage and said, "…I'd like Corinne to join the crew."

Argus looked suitably grave as he considered this request.

The rest came out in a nervous jumble as Vila tried to list all of Corinne`s abilities. "She can do a lot of things. She can fight and handle weapons. And she's had some medical training. She can help Cally and…"

Argus said, "It's alright, Vila. You don't have to say anymore."

"Wait, there's a lot more…"

"I don't need to hear anymore. I'm surprised at you, Vila."

Vila's heart sank, "But you're not giving her a chance…that's…"

Argus's lips lifted in a grin. "I'm surprised that it's taken you this long to ask."

"You mean…"

"In many ways, we have already accepted Corinne as part of the crew. We were only waiting for you to ask formally."

"Oh."

Argus said with a warm smile, "Once the crew is together, and not falling down, we will make a formal offer to Corinne to join us."

One of the doctors examining Argus said, "Your legs should be fine in a little while. It's only a temporary loss of control that was triggered by the memories you were experiencing prior to waking up. Your mind was confused."

Argus tried to remember what memories would have triggered this but there was instant pain in his head. His jaw tightened.

The doctor said, "Don't try to remember yet. You're still weak from this session."

Argus said with frustration, "They're not having the same problems."

"No. Only you and Avon. As part of your sessions, you both experienced memories of the treatments you received after you were caught."

The pain grew with his continued efforts. He put his hand to his head.

Reya said gently but firmly, "Argus, it's not the time. You're tired and as the doctor has said, your mind is confused."

He looked up at her worried face. "Alright." He let go of his attempt and the pain instantly eased. "It's very annoying."

"I know. You will beat this but not right now. Give it time."

Argus sighed with resignation and nodded.

Sester had refrained from making any comments about Argus`s confused mind or his stubbornness, even though he was sorely tempted to. He asked, "What's our course of action?"

Another voice joined them, "We need to find Vila's mother."

"Avon!" They all turned as one towards him. Cally was adjusting his bed to a comfortable sitting position.

Argus agreed. "You're right, we need to find her. We owe her a great debt and she's Vila's mother, he needs to find her."

Vila said, "I don't know what to say...except…thank you. It means a lot to me."

Avon turned impassive eyes towards Vila. He knew that he could give one of his typical reasons, such as they needed more information about the Academy. But something had changed. He knew the Kerr that he had been would not have said such a thing, not even in jest. Avon inclined his head in silent acknowledgement.

Argus said, "Your mother is important to us, Vila. Once we are done here and finished with what we need to do with the Chandarans, we will find your mother."

There was a tone of resolve in Sester's voice, "We won't rest until we find her."

Chapter Forty-Three

There was a hive of excited activity on the ship after the Chandarans communicated their readiness for the crew to return. Everyone came back from their extended leave on Tellar and were busy making preparations. They were all relaxed and in great spirits.

A contingent of Tellarans was transported up to the ship to help with the mission on Chandar; this included Corinne and her mother. Marlena was to serve as the liaison with her bond-mate's people and would help coordinate the efforts of the three groups.

Corinne was busy helping Cally reorganize the medical unit in order to make room for the additional supplies that the Tellarans had generously provided.

As Vila entered, he heard Corinne remarking to Cally, "With all of this equipment from your ship and from Tellar, you're probably more advanced than most hospital ships."

Vila couldn't see Cally but her distracted-sounding voice seemed to emanate from behind one of the counters. "Yes, we could be with more qualified medical personnel."

Vila grinned at Corinne and said to the invisible Cally, "We will have one once you tear yourself from Avon and graduate already."

Cally's head popped up from the edge of the counter. "What did you say?"

Vila said with mock-seriousness, "I think Avon is a bad influence on you, Cally. You used to want to do other things besides spending time with him."

Cally stood up and put the box she had been holding down on the counter. "My next series of studies require the dissection of a humanoid body. Would you like to volunteer?"

Vila held up his hands, "Nooo. I wouldn't dare. I'm sure Avon wouldn't appreciate anyone else helping you. Besides, I like to keep all of my limbs in one place."

Cally said to Corinne, "Corinne, why don't you take a break? I believe that Vila would like to spend some time with you." Her stern face broke into a smile.

There was a roguish grin on Vila's face.

**********

As Vila led Corinne along the busy corridors of the ship, he reflected that it finally seemed like a proper ship with a full crew running about. In the past, he could walk several corridors without encountering a single soul. The many empty cabins had made it seem more like a ghost ship. It was eerie at times; especially since the original Altan crew on the _Liberator_ seemed to have disappeared without leaving any forwarding address.

Vila had a disturbing thought. The Altans had wanted the _Liberator_ back. What if they wanted the _Justice_ back as well? They'd barely survived the last time; there was no guarantee that they'd survive another attempt. He should check with Avon. Maybe there was something he could do to stop the Altans from taking over the ship? Put in some kind of security or lockout.

Corinne interrupted his random musings, "Vila, where are we going?"

Vila had been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he'd forgotten that he hadn't told her. Not to mention, he _was_ trying not to give away the surprise. "Oh, sorry. Didn't I say? We're going to the flight deck. Argus wanted to see you."

"Did he say why?"

"Uh…it's a surprise."

Corinne looped her arm through his. "You're being awfully mysterious."

He touched his fingers to his brow in a jaunty imitation of a dashing secret agent from the Delta vid-dramas. "That's me. Vila, Galactic Man of Mystery."

Corinne giggled. "What should I be?"

"You could be…the femme fatale that always gets the hero into trouble."

"Oh, I don't I could do that. Couldn't I be…the long-suffering heroine that saves the hero once in a while? We could take turns."

Vila started laughing. "Alright. I suppose we could do that."

They arrived on the flight deck and let go of each other. Corinne paused at the top of the steps. It was an almost full gathering of the crew. Even Avon was there. They all stopped what they were doing and turned to face her.

Argus extended an open arm in greeting. His voice was a rumbling and warm invitation. "Corinne, please join us."

Vila held out a hand for her, and like a princess being escorted into a grand ball, Corinne made her way down the steps. Vila led her to stand in front of the assembled crew. They all seemed very serious, which made Corinne very nervous. She turned as she heard footsteps behind her. Cally had arrived on the flight deck with a friendly smile on her face. She went to stand by Avon.

Argus said, "Now that we're all here, we can do this properly." He had a grave look on his face. "Corinne, the crew has discussed this and we are all agreed. We would like to extend to you a formal invitation to join us as a permanent member of the _Justice_."

Even though she had been expecting this, Corinne was stunned. "I…don't know what to say. Thank you for the invitation." She had been hoping to join Vila but this formal ceremony made her realize what an important step she was taking. It wasn't just about being with Vila, it was about joining a group of people who were trying to do some good in the galaxy. By accepting her as a member of the crew, these men and women were placing their lives into her hands and she was entrusting hers into theirs. She straightened up and said with commitment, "It would be my honour to join you. I will not let you down."

Argus looked to Avon.

Avon's grave voice said, "Zen, record the following voiceprint." He waited expectantly.

The computer's perpetually tired sounding voice said, * Proceed. *

Corinne said, "Corinne Brent."

Avon instructed, "From now on you will obey her requests and commands for level two access."

* Confirmed. *

A plethora of smiles broke out as they all gathered around and congratulated Corinne. Even Avon said a brief but sincere welcome. As the others talked to Corinne and she asked them questions about being part of the ship, Vila went to the side to speak to Avon.

Avon was at his station, inclined on his chair idly checking various readings. Planted himself next to Avon as they both watched the activities, Vila asked casually, "Can I call you Kerr?"

Without turning his head, Avon asked without indication of agreement, "What do you think?"

"Thought I'd try." Vila grinned briefly. "Avon, do you remember much from the dreams? Do you remember me?"

Avon turned his head to look at him for a moment. "No." He returned to watching the group around Corinne before he said, "I don't remember you or the dreams."

Vila frowned disappointingly. "That explains why you don't want me to call you Kerr."

"You thought I would allow you call me Kerr if I remembered?"

"Well, that's what I…I suppose not. I mean, you're Avon now, you're not Kerr anymore."

They watched for a bit while Argus informed Corinne of her possible duties on the ship.

What Avon said next was scarcely audible and it had such a lack of tone that it was hard to know what he was saying, even if Vila had heard it. "I remember the relationship."

Vila looked at him. "What?"

Avon seemed to be trying to understand it himself but was finding it hard to. "I cannot access the memories. Nevertheless,…I know the relationship existed. I can…" His brow knitted in incomprehension at something he could not express.

"You can feel it?"

Avon said in automatic denial, "Don't be a fool."

Vila looked curiously at him. "You do, don't you? You just don't want to believe it."

Avon scoffed, "It's irrational to think that I could be affected by relationships I do not remember."

"Then how do _you_ explain it?"

"There must be another factor at work, perhaps a random memory that wasn't completely suppressed."

"Or the relationships and sentiments that you don't think are rational really are. You just don't understand how they work yet."

Avon eyed Vila suspiciously. "Have you been speaking to Cally?"

There was a soft mental chuckle in Avon's mind. He looked over and saw that Cally had come closer and was smiling in his direction. Avon had a brief irritated look on his face.

Vila asked, "Why? Should I be?"

Avon conceded with ill humour. "Perhaps there is a rationality that I do not recognize." Avon could almost see Cally's smile widen but it was hard to tell because she was speaking to Corinne. "Regardless of the logic, there is no denying that it does have an effect."

Vila asked carefully, "On you?"

Avon tried to keep the annoyance out of his face. Why did everyone insist on making such an issue of him having these kinds of irrational moments? While he recognized their importance to other people and to a limited extent to himself now, he certainly didn't want to call any attention to them. He said with reluctant resignation, "Perhaps."

Vila tried not to grin too obviously. "Well, anyway, thanks for agreeing about Corinne."

"She will be a valuable asset to the ship." An uneven grin appeared on Avon's lips. "If only to keep you out of trouble."

"You mean like what Cally does for you?"

At that moment both Cally and Corinne burst into laughter. Avon and Vila looked at them suspiciously but it was hard to determine what they were laughing about. They did seem to find something very funny.

Avon and Vila looked sheepishly at each other.

Vila said wryly, "You know what they'll say, don't you? That we _both_ need someone to keep us out of trouble."

"I don't see the need."

"Yeah, neither do I."

Cally and Corinne were giggling now. Avon and Vila tried not to look annoyed or feel paranoid.

Avon said, "You may call me Kerr, but keep it a rare occurrence. And only when we're alone."

Vila grinned.

Avon was not finished. "In return, I retain the privilege of calling you a fool when the occasion warrants."

Vila's grin opened into a smile. "I know its crazy but I do miss that sometimes, our old interaction. But only on the rare occurrence." Vila extended his hand towards Avon in agreement. "Deal?"

Avon looked down at the gesture; it was an act that was becoming less alien to him. People had rarely acknowledged him as little more than a tool in the past. You didn't shake hands with an instrument, you only used it. Avon grasped Vila's hand in firm acknowledgement. "Agreed."

**********

Avon and Cally were in the examination room, studied the findings that the Tellarans had concluded in their comprehensive examination of Avon's mind and body. There was an enormous mass of information that was fortunately condensed into an easier to understand summary report, along with a list of recommendations.

Dr. Kendric was again warm and professional. "As you can see, there are various treatments we can provide to deal with your most serious health concerns. The heart being the most urgent, of course. Your body's production of several essential chemicals and hormones has been severely compromised. We have various treatments that will fix this. You will no longer be dependent on some of the drugs you require now."

For Cally and Avon, any reduction in the dependence on artificial aids was greatly appreciated. Cally asked, "How long would all of these treatments take?"

Kendric consulted with her colleagues. "In all it should take approximately six to eight months of intensive treatments and rehabilitation. Assuming that you can stay here. We are aware that you have urgent matters that will not allow you the luxury of that time. To that end, we've devised a modified schedule that allows for maximum flexibility. It will only require periodic visits here for the more complex treatments. We will start with your heart first. Once we are satisfied with your progress, the rest of the recovery can be carried out onboard your ship. We have prepared extensive files for the required therapies. As for your overall physical strength, flexibility and endurance, your current rehabilitation efforts are more than adequate. You will find that your progress will quicken as your basic health increases."

Cally scrolled through the files that had been prepared for her. "This method will take much longer."

"Yes. How long will depend on you but at our best estimates, the minimum time it would take is two years."

"Two years?" This didn't sound good. She was hoping that it would be a lot sooner.

"Or longer if you cannot come back here more frequently."

She projected to him, *_ Avon? _*

*_ We cannot afford the time to stay here. _*

*_ But... _*

Avon could see that she wanted to for his sake. He said firmly, *_ This is a luxury we cannot afford, Cally. _*

Cally was about to respond that she did not consider it a luxury to have him better but she recognized the stubborn resolve that was communicating to her through their mental connection. She nodded imperceptibly.

Avon asked, "What of the mind?"

Dr. Kendric pursed her lips with displeasure. "This is a much trickier area. There are some things we can do for you, but not as much as we had hoped. While our knowledge and skill in this area has advanced further than the Federation's, there are still things we cannot do. The procedures they performed on you are quite complex and highly individualized. Without the original brain prints, we are limited in what we can do to return you to your original state but we will do what we can to fix any damage."

Avon had been expecting the news.

Cally asked, "What did they do?"

Dr. Kendric seemed perplexed. "That is the most puzzling aspect of our findings."

Avon asked immediately, "In what way?"

"As you may have guessed, much of the adjustments to your mind were done to maximize your ability for certain types of thought and creativity and to suppress or minimize any areas that they thought would hinder with this function. To this end, certain areas of your brain were damaged, leaving only basic function."

Cally asked, "Such as the processing of emotional and social inputs?"

"Yes, to an extent. Right brain function is important in the creative process and for making intuitive leaps in logic. What was done was to tie it more strongly to the brain's logic processes and to interfere with its coordination in other areas. A large part of this was achieved through conditioning and the regulation of various hormones."

Avon asked, "You mentioned a puzzling aspect?"

"Yes. Many of the adjustments that were done to your brain and the damage done to the production of various hormones have received partial repairs. We suspect that this occurred during your incarceration."

Cally explained to Dr. Kendric, "We had guessed but we never understood the extent of the tampering."

"We have found evidence that repairs have been made to re-establish normal emotional and social responses. Efforts have also been made to repair your hypothalamus region in order restore the normal production and release of oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones facilitate social bonding and attachment and have a role in forming higher levels of trust."

_It's ironic that you are benefiting from her obsession with you._Avon scowled at the memory of Sester's words. _Servalan. _

He said, "You mentioned that the repairs were partial?"

Dr. Kendric nodded. "Yes. It may have been deliberate or it may be due to a lack in skill or knowledge. There isn't enough information to make that determination. We will finish the repair efforts that were started. But…as for the conditioning, there is nothing we can do on a physical level that will reverse it."

Avon asked, "But on a non-physical level?"

"That will depend a great deal on your strength of will and determination and the support of those around you. You will have to make conscious efforts to relearn basic social skills and interactions and mental thought patterns and beliefs. Now you will have the aid of the hormones that encourage and reward these behaviours, but it depends on you, Avon. It will feel alien to you. Even wrong. You have to want this to happen."

Avon was aware of two different forces warring within him; the rational and what he had always identified as his irrational side. This was the very pattern that Dr. Kendric was referring to.

He knew that part of him didn't want to be fixed. This was the part that the Federation had encouraged and made dominant. But when he saw the look in Cally's eyes and remembered his friends, he very much wanted to be whole again.

Now he was being given a chance to rebuild himself into something he wanted, not according to someone else's agenda or wishes. He would have the freedom to chose what was important to him and what he would believe in. Perhaps he would not entirely give up the highly rational part of himself but to incorporate more of the side that someone had found so inconvenient to his function as a useful tool.

To not do this would be to allow the Federation to win. And the boy he had once been would be gone forever. For the first time in a very long time, Avon knew what he wanted and why. With his eyes fixed on Cally's, he said, "I want this to happen. Will you help me?"

--- The End ---

Next Story: _A Difference of Visions_

**Author's Note:**

_Unexpectedly, I was never able to explore matriarchies in Pursuing Truth. Pursuing Truth looked at another interest of mine which were several Chinese legends which I incorporated into the idea of the Champions. _

_The ideas for the Tellaran matriarchy in this story are taken from various existing matriarchies, with some expansions and additions of my own to flesh out details and bring it into the future of the Federation._

For this story, it was my intention to explore several ideas, one of a matriarchy and the other was criminal statistics when looked at from a gender perspective. The numbers given by Marlena are real statistics that come from various sources and are fairly consistent over the years and between different cultures. The description she gives about how a matriarchy works are mainly taken from how existing matriarchies work, with a few of my own added to flesh out some details.

I've always wondered what a society would be like if women had an equal say and equal power in everything. Not to say that women are better than men or that all men are more violent than women, but generally, each sex has different weaknesses and strengths. What if each one's strengths were used in the right ways? Could we build a much better society?

In terms of matriarchies, there have been about a dozen, some of which still exist. Even in the definition of a matriarchy, it has been done very much in a male-oriented fashion. There are many who say there are no such things. But they only look at it from a male perspective. They assume that since a patriarchy means rulership by men, then a matriarchy means rulership by women. And in honesty, using this definition, it's true, there have been no matriarchies in history. There are no societies ruled soley by women. But as other researchers have pointed out, by nature, a matriarchy would reflect the character of women, not of men. And that would mean that dominance would not be the main characteristic. It would be one where there is balance and equality, where all are equally valued but women would have a larger say in some things, such as the nomination of leaders and removal of leaders. The women are the keepers of tradition and life in these societies. These are all peaceful cultures that do not engage in warlike behavior.

Here's a list of some of them:

Iroquois (Oneida, Onondaga, Cayuga, Mohawk, Seneca);  
Khasis and Garos of Meghalaya;  
the Syilx peoples of Okanagan, Canada;  
the Tygh peoples of the Confederated Tribes of Warm Springs, USA;  
Tauregs of Sub-Saharan Africa;  
the Juchitan of Mexico;  
the Sierra Juarez Zapotecs of Oaxaca;  
the Kuna peoples of Panama;  
the Shipiho of the Upper Amazon;  
the Samoa people of New Zealand;  
the Ashante tribes of Ghana, Africa;  
the Khoekhoe people of South Africa;  
the Mosuo of China;  
the Minangkabau of Sumatra, Indonesia

All of these are either matriarchies, semi-matriarchal or are matrilineal.


End file.
